Thanksgiving is Over....Bummer!

George and I returned Sunday night from Seattle, WA after a wonderful visit with my brother Robbie, his wife Adrienne and baby Robbie! We are so glad that we were able to go. It was just what we needed! Thanks you guys for being hospitable hosts and laying around with us relaxing! It was EXACTLY what George and I were looking for!

The crab legs were delicious although we paid for it! I personally paid dearly sleeping next to George all night! Thanks for everything and we hope you'll take us up on our offer to come to our casa at Christmas! It's going to be a house full and fun, fun, fun! It's good to be home with Kendra and Kolby, but it's always great to be with family. Well, almost always!

We love you guys! Give Baby Robbie a giant kiss from Aunt Bikki and Uncle jooge.

Happy Thanksgiving!

It's beginning to look a lot like.......well, you know!

I LOVE the holidays! Thanksgiving, Christmas! They cheer me up and just make you feel good!

George and I are off to the airport this morning to travel to Seattle to be with my brother, his wife, my nephew and even my mother's there visiting from Orlando! We are so excited! This is our first Thanksgiving together as husband and wife and I am so happy to be spending it with him. The only thing missing will be my girls. Kendra and Kolby are off to Minnesota this morning to freeze their booties off, but I'm sure they'll have fun sledding! My Tawni Bear is in Ohio with her husband, Thad's family. And Teryn is off in N.C with her church friends. Poor Chad is in Europe celebrating alone.

The good news! We'll all be together for Christmas! I CANNOT WAIT!! Even my step children, Cameron and Kelsey will be with us this year! George and I are going full out with decorating the inside and outside of the house! We both LOVE and ADORE Christmas!

With all that's going on in the world, I hope that all of us reflect on the good things in our lives and not focus on the bad that may be happening.

God is still in control. He is still good. And we can all be thankful for something or someone.

Happy Thanksgiving Family and Friends!

My love to all!

Our First Picture!

This is the first picture of my grandchild. Isn't she/he beautiful?!

Be sure and read Kolby's blogs. She wrote two new ones and they're absolutely worth taking the time to read! I am one proud mother. I have four amazing daughters, two fantastic son in laws, a wonderful husband, a grandchild on the way, a great family and true friends! Jeez. Am I blessed or what!?

A Grandmother's Love Is Like No Other

Since our move to Arizona, I sure do miss a lot of people. One such person is my Little Granny. I have so many memories of my Granny growing up. When we'd visit her and she would make her spanish food (which I hated as a kid!) she would sneak me a buck and say, "Jew go git hambooger, Bikki. But, don't tell nobody." Of course I told. I had to rub it in to my siblings and cousins that I was Granny's favorite! I would eat my big bad burger, fries and coke right in front of them with a smile on my face, while they had to stomach whatever she cooked! I even had change left over that Granny never asked back for.

Yes, I miss my Granny. I called her the other day. She misses me too. I will be able to see her soon because I'm speaking in N.C. so I'll get to eat some of that Spanish food that now, as an adult, I crave. My Granny's been a good grandmother to me. She's encouraging, she prays for me and she loves me unconditionally. I can do no wrong in her eyes.

They say you never love a child like your grandchildren. I believe that. I hear it from all my friend's who are grandparent's. "Oh, Vic, I know how much you love your girls, but just wait. When you have grandchildren, you'll experience a love that you can't explain. There's nothing like it."

Well, soon, I'm going to find out exactly what they're talking about! My daughter Teryn and her husband Chad, gave us the most extraordinary news! We're having a baby! Yes, I said it, WE'RE having a baby! This is not just happening to Teryn and Chad. In our family, what happens to one of us is shared by all of us!

It's all so amazing and surreal. I already love this baby that's not any bigger than a grain of rice. I'm already imagining holding her/him, buying gifts and spoiling, oh the spoiling!

So, I want to say, thanks Granny! You've been a great teacher. Now, it's my turn. I will make you proud.

Congratulations Teryn and Chad!! We are so excited we can hardly stand it! And now with the purchase of our new computer and webcam (thanks to my husband!), I'm able to watch my grandchild grow in my daughter's belly every day! Life is good.

Tawni's Poem To Teryn (I hope you don't mind Bear!)

mi hermana
Yesterday we were just little girls, Today we are married and considered adults
We used to vote who got to pick what game we played, Now we are old enough to vote in the election
The highlight of our life was playing "Mickey Mouse Club"
Now we are old enough to have kids who want to watch that show
Life used to be nothing but school and games
I may be working at a school next year
You were always admirable and so gorgeous to me
Now to this to day....nothing has changed
I always wanted your curly hair, Now I have learned how to mimic it
We had that stupid Elephant in our shower
To this day, I have never seen another one
The days of bunk beds
Pretty soon, we will tuck our own kids to bed
I never cared what we played as long as I played with you
you seemed to always have the great ideas!
I always thought we would stay kids
Now, we are old enough to buy alcohol and drink!
We have had good times and bad
We have gone through close times and not so close
As we get older, I start to feel closer
Even though I thought we would always be kids
I had buck teeth, you had a gap
I cut my bangs too short, You cut my eyebrow OFF!
You wanted a jeep...you got a Cressida
I wanted a Honda...I got a Dodge Spirit
We sang Vanilla Ice
Probably made up the greatest dance of all times
But I seriously never thought those days were going to end
New Year's last year we belted "PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!"
So those days are not too long
We are older now and continuing to grow up
And again...I ALWAYS thought we would be kids
But we are kids no more, we are women
We are wives, we are friends, we were always sisters
And I knew we always would be

And we are....i love you ter

Why Men Are NEVER Depressed

Could these be some of the reasons?!

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park or NO shirt at all. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$ 100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes in one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes!

And, PLEASE, let's not forget, you aren't visited by "Aunt Flow" once a month!

And, be sure to read my sister Brenda's (pilotswife) comment! Cause she's right on! It's great to be a woman and I wouldn't have it any other way! Aunt Flow or not!

CLAY AIKEN IS GAY!?!?

Who Knew?!

Politics, Smalitics!

So, the race is on. What is it, six more weeks or so? I'm not, nor have I ever been, big on politics. Don't even pretend to know a whole lot about it either, shame on me.

What I am is a woman, whose post-abortive and a Christian. Not a perfect one, sometimes probably not even a good one. I'm also a huge supporter of Crisis Pregnancy Centers. Some people may think I'm so pro-life that they'd find me picketing in front of abortion clinics screaming, "Murderer!" Well, you don't know me at all. I'm completely disgusted by those radicals who stand with their signs of aborted babies, judging a young girl or woman whose feeling bad enough and doesn't need their help. Look, if a woman chooses abortion, who am I to judge her?! I've been there.

But, here's what I do know. One candidate is pro-choice, who believes its a mother's right to choose. He believes if a baby happens to be born alive during a botched abortion, that child should be killed to adhere to its mother wishes.

And, that, my friend's, is all I need to know.

Stop and Smell The..........??? Coffee???

So, I just flew to Orlando last weekend to speak at a Crisis Center Banquet. These are one of my favorite venues to speak at. Most of you aleady know how important these center's are to me. It was fantastic!

Even better than that, the trip allowed me to spend time with my mother and sister. Mom was gracious enough to pick me up at the airport at 1am on Friday morning and then brought me to her house to stay the night. When we walked in, the odor in her place made my eyes water!

I asked my mother, "What is that smell?" She proceeded to tell me that she had made coffee right before leaving for the airport to pick me up. "Coffee?", I thought. Where the heck did that coffee come from? Anyway, too tired to inquire further, I went to bed.

The next morning my sister, Brenda, comes to mom's house so we could begin our day together. I said, "Brenda, do you smell that?" She said, "Yes, you should have been here two weeks ago! It was worse!" I told her that mom had said it was from coffee she'd made. My sister said, "Coffee! No, it isn't. We've been telling mom there's something dead under her house and she needs to get it out!"

Coffee, Mom? Really! Bury the damn thing already!

I"M BACK!!!

Hello Everyone! Thanks so much for your patience. I wanted to write to let everyone know a little about what's going on. Ok, first of all, I'm alive! Yes, it's true. George hasn't killed me (yet!), nor have we killed eachother! We are settling into our beautiful new home and enjoying every minute of it. The girl's are doing so great! Kendra made cheerleading, Kolby's first dance is Friday and me, well, I'm on my last few boxes! George couldn't be happier coming home everyday to a family and let's us know frequently how happy he is.

I have to send out a word of thanks to some special people who helped us move. You really do find out who your friend's are when they do or don't show up on moving day! Here goes: Special thanks to Alan, Ann and Ryan, Jeff and Jan, Michael and Sarah, Jeff and Robin and my Granny! They were real troopers! They showed up at 9am and worked til it was done. I am a blessed woman. I had so many more friend's who truly wanted to help, but other obligations kept them away.

Thanks to all the friend's who stopped by just to say good-bye and wish us well! After the truck was loaded, it was time to head out. I think we finally pulled out of Laurel Park Neighborhood around 4pm! George, me and Gabby! Kendra and Kolby had already left with Teryn for Nashville! Thanks, Teryn! That saved me a lot of anguish. They would have been going crazy around the house all day wondering "how much longer!"

Anyway, George and I headed out, said our good-byes and were on the road to Tucson! First stop, Nashville, TN. We spent a couple days in Nashville hanging out with Teryn, Tawni, Trudy, Terry, Donnie and Cody. Trudy and Tawni put together a beautiful surprise party for George and I. Trudy even made her first wedding cake, it was beautiful (and delicious!).

George and I left Monday morning and there were tears all around. This was taken the morning we left from Nashville to Tucson. I'll write more later, but check out the baby on the hood of my car! We duck taped it to the hood! Did it make it the whole way?

Hmmm. More to come.

We're Home!

We're home! Each day, as I unpack another box, it starts feeling more like home.

Forgive me, but I'm still not in the "blogging" mood, as I have just unpacked my 437th box (ok, maybe a little exaggeration!) but, I had to let each of you know that we are happy, healthy and adjusting well. Our home is beautiful, our family is settling in and the girl's are adjusting well in their new schools. Kolby actually LOVES her new school and Kendra, well, she's a teenager. She doesn't love anything! Seriuosly, she's actually been great! We all miss our friends and our "old" life at times, but we really are excited about this new one.

I have so much to say and more to tell, but to be honest, today is our day "off". We are grilling out with the new neighbors from our cul-de-sac and we are just relaxing. Well, after we put up Kolby's ceiling fan (correction: after George (he's such a handyman!) puts up her ceiling fan!) and unpack the stereo!

You will hear more later from me, I promise! For now, please know that things are going extremely well and I'm feeling blessed everyday. God is good.

Thanks for your patience! I love you all.

Vic

One More Robinson Is On The Way!

The news is in! My mom called to let us know that my brother and his wife saw one healthy heartbeat at the doctor's office! This is exciting, great news! Another Robinson is on the way! Congratulations Robbie, Adrien and Baby Robbie! We are very happy for you!

Thank You Robbie and Adrien! And Congratulations on the "Babies!"

So, not only is our family gaining another member with George being added to the mix, but my brother and his wife Adrienne are adding some to our family as well!

With the excitement of getting engaged, I apologize to my brother and his wife for not mentioning the fact that they are pregnant! Possibly with twins or even triplets! We won't know for a few weeks yet. But, it definitely looks like more than one!

So, again I'm sorry Robbie and Adrienne if I hurt your feelings in any way. Thanks so much for your generosity with the beach house, the jet skis, the food, the fun! If I've left anything out, please accept my apology for that too! I can sometimes be forgetful, so I ask for forgiveness in advance.

Everyone is so happy for you guys. You're going to be great parent's to your new babies, just like you are to little Robbie. Lots of exciting things happening in our family!

AND THANK YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN FOR YOUR GENEROSITY!! The house you rented for us, yet again exceeded all of our expectations! Even with an elevator! You outdid yourselves for your families another year and we are so incredibly blessed that you continue to share your good fortune with us! Thanks again. I know we thanked you over and over at the beach, but I don't know if it's ever really enough, you know what I mean? So, thank you again, Robbie and Adrien. It really is very generous that year after year, you decide to include all of us in your vacation plans! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

God has been good to all of us.

BEACH TIME!

It's 6:45am and I'm the only one in a good mood! Noone appreciated my singing through the house waking them up! Everybody's dragging! Jeez, don't they know "the big boat's leaving in 10 minutes?" The rental vehicle is packed (and I mean packed!) and we're ready (well I am!).

We're off to Florida! No blogs for at least a week and then I may have to recover from being back in reality! Then again, I may just post one from the sand! Ya never know!

Time to go spend $1,200 for gas! What a country!

Have a great week, my faithful readers! Happy 4th of July!

Family Beach Vacation 2008

Oh my gosh! I can't believe it! Yes, it's almost here! All the months and months of planning, waiting, anticipating are about to pay off! Thanks to Robbie and Adrienne, we get to stay in this beautiful house by the sea! Every year, they graciously extend invitations to all the family to be together! It's awesome!

Beach week is right over the horizon, just around the corner, a stones throw away (ok, you get it)! On Friday morning, we (myself, my girls, George, and his daughter Kelsey), will be headed to Florida for a week long vacation together with my family! Twenty four hours a day for seven days (not to mention car time!), we'll be together.

We are meeting up with everyone in Tallahassee for 4th of July Fireworks and then it's on the road Saturday morning caravan style to the beach house! Yes, the songs have been chosen for Karaoke! The bathing suits, boogie boards, pails, shovels and sunblock have been bought! We are ready!

We talk about this trip everyday. I do mean EVERYDAY. This morning, I found myself pondering this question, "What are we going to talk about after the beach trip?" Then, I answered it myself!

Why, next years trip, of course!

"Mingoitis"

I've got this uncle. His name is Mingo. That's short for Domingo. He's my moms brother and Grannys oldest son. He's like 60 something years old. Mingo moved in with Granny several years ago. It was supposed to be for a couple of months, but has turned into several years! I don't think Granny minded too much, even though they don't get along all that well. I guess it beats being alone.

Anyway, Mingo is an "entrepreneur" of sorts. He sells things. You name it, he sells it. If he doesn't have it and you want it, he'll find it. Once, Granny asked if I wanted to go with her to the flea market. She said Mingo would be there too. Joy. Well, we find him and there he is, pushing DVD's. Hundreds of them. Only problem was they were all copies, no originals. He had copied them on the VHS/DVD (also for sale) and was selling them for $5 bucks a piece! I guess Mingo's never paid attention to the piracy warnings threatening jail time and fines for doing this very thing! This is so illegal!

Anyway, so that's Mingo. When you visit Granny, you can expect an "MSP" (mingo sales pitch)". I am convinced the most exciting part of his life is when he hears the front door open and company has arrived! I believe this because it's the only time he comes out of his bedroom! Without fail, he enters Granny's living room, never empty handed, with his "latest" video camera or some other electronic device. Promising to "give jew a good deal"! Goes something like this: "Hey, Bikki, jew ever seen one of dees before?" "Not sure, Mingo." He goes on: "Well, I'm gonna give jew a good deal. Jew need one of dees. I'm gonna give it to jew for just $200." I find myself almost saying yes just to help the poor guy out. Problem is, the items usually not worth more than $25 bucks! Then there's my mom, Mingo's sister. She's the yard sale queen. She lives for Saturday mornings to either have one or shop them! Just a few weeks ago, Brenda had a yard sale. Mom was her best customer!

And this week, Brenda listed some items from her house on craigslist.com. She heard about it from a friend. When she called to tell me about her new "business", she was pretty excited! She sold everything within 48 hours! With her profits, she was able to fund a new screen for her pool!
It got me thinking. Is there an incurable disease known as "Mingoitis" making its way through my family? Is it hereditary or contagious?!

I'm keeping my eye on this. If it gets worse, I want a vaccination.

Then again, maybe it's time to clean out my attic!

Sometimes Little Sister Does Know Best!

I had to take Kendra to an urgent care yesterday. After a fever, sore throat and throwing up for 2 days (and our vacation coming up next week!), I am determined to get this kid well! So, Kendra, Kolby and I made the trip to the doctor.

As we waited in the examing room for the doctor to give us the "verdict", Kolby, enthusiastically, said to Kendra, "You know what you need are popsicles! They helped me when I was sick, Kendra! They will make your throat feel better, I promise! You won't get dehydrated and you won't throw them up. I'm telling you, Kendra. That's exactly what you need!" Kendra screamed, "SHUT UP, KOLBY! I don't feel good and you don't know what you're talking about! So, just SHUT UP!"

Kolby looked over at me and rolled her eyes. Not two seconds later, the doctor walked in. Kendra has an infection, tonsilitis. She said to Kendra, "We'll start you on an antibiotic right away. You should start eating popsicles too. They'll help make your throat feel better. They'll also keep you from getting dehydrated. OK?" Kendra thanked the doctor and shook her head in agreement, never looking in her little sister's direction.

Kolby? Well, she just smiled.

"Life For Sale"

I read recently about a guy who's selling his life. Literally. Yeah, that's what I said. He's selling his life! I mean the guy is selling everything! His house, clothes, furniture, car, job, even his friends! Apparently, he was blindsided when the love of his life, after 12 years, asked for a divorce. Now, he says he wants everything from their past erased because the memories are too painful. He hates living in their house, sleeping on their bed, using the same dishes, etc. and he wants it all gone! To the highest bidder, that is. So, it got me thinking. (shut up Brenda!)

Seriously, are there people in the world that would like to sell their life and start over? Apparently. Hmmmm. How would my ad read?

For Sale: Single, mother of four, selling her life to highest bidder. Included, but not limited to: Four daughters, along with two son-in-laws, boyfriend, a Granny, great family, loads of friends, a housetrained Maltipoo (daughters, son-in-laws, boyfriend also housetrained), tastefully decorated home with 4BR, 31/2Baths, high end furniture, Lexus, Playstation (rarely used) Wii, closet filled with stylish clothes (shut up Kendra!), fulfilling job, TimeLife 70's collection of CD's (now THIS will be hard to part with), four televisions, piano, over 100 movies (including "A Star is Born", "Grease", "The Notebook" and "The Goonies!") and more "good stuff"! (My brother says my life should come with a discount!) Seriously, shut up Brenda!

According to this dude, it'll work like this. You buy my life. I walk out the front door with my purse and the clothes on my back and start over somewhere. Ok, I admit, it sounds a little appealing. Maybe to some of you, a lot! But, come on, does this guy really think it's that easy? Does he seriously believe you can just walk out, leave memories behind, (good or bad), never to think of them again? He's nuts! Our past helps mold us into who we become. Hopefully, we learn from mistakes and do better next time. But, nevertheless, it does follow. So, maybe what this guy should do is raise money for the counseling and medication he needs to help deal with reality.

After reading my own ad and considering my life, I've decided, good or bad, I'm keeping it! It's not for sale. Not at any price!

Happy Birthday "Sweet Sixteen"

This is the last of them. The May/June Birthdays! I will now have another year to relax before the next swarm of daughter's birthdays begins! This time it's my third daughter I'll be celebrating. Or as we sometimes call her, Sweet Pea. It was work getting this one! Her father and I tried desperately for close to 2 years to get pregnant. We had succeeded once, but suffered a miscarriage.

After trying so long, without success, we decided to see a specialist. I was getting scared something was wrong and I needed reassurances. We had a morning appointment with the doctor and he decided to perform a laparoscopy that afternoon to "explore" my insides. They had a cancellation and would be able to get me in that afternoon!

After some pre-op (blood tests, etc.) during the morning visit, we went home and were told to be back at 1pm. I made the necessary arrangements for Teryn and Tawni to have a sitter and everything was set in motion. But, sometime after lunch, I got a call from the nurse. She said, "Victoria, you aren't going to need to come in today for your laparoscopy." I asked, "Why not? Are you re-scheduling?" She said, "No, sweetie, you don't need to come in. You're already pregnant!" I said, "What!? I was just there this morning!" The nurse replied, "I know. Your blood test just came back. It's positive. You're pregnant." I screamed, "DAMN, you guys really are good!" We were thrilled. We couldn't believe it.

Teryn and Tawni were equally as happy about the new addition on the way. And on June 23, 1992, weighing in at 7lbs 9ozs, at approximately 2:55 a.m., Kendra Taylor was born. She had a head full of black hair (she literally looked like she was wearing a wig!) and little beedy dark eyes. She was absolutely stunning. We couldn't have been happier!

We brought her home and our lives were never the same. She's a wonderful daughter. Kendra is bright, independent, intelligent, funny, witty and a daughter any mother would be proud of. (At her age, I was married! Goes to show how much smarter she is at 16 than I was!)

Look out drivers cause in two weeks, she'll have her license! Happy Birthday, my Sweet Sixteen! My little Sweet Pea. My Kendra Taylor. I love you like crazy!

Four daughter's. Four birthdays. Jeez! Yikes! Whew! I'm tired.

"Operation Save Mary Fika"

A "friend" of mine's daughter was recently "abducted" and taken to a camp far away in the mountains by her ex-husband. This girl's father told her he was taking her to the NC Mountains for a week of father-daughter time. He lied. Typical for him.

The reality was that he took her to the camp, dropped her off with strangers, gave her a speech about her "attitude" determining the kind of week she'd have and then, he was gone. She was quite confused. He left, never telling her the truth that he would not be spending the week with her. She found that out from a camp counselor when she inquired as to where he was. She said, "Oh, your Dad left. He was never intending on staying. He said he was bringing you. He asked us to take your cell phone away, but as long as you won't use it, we'll let you keep it." How nice.

Immediately, she wanted to call her mother. She had to sneak away because she couldn't get caught using it! Since the cell reception was almost non-existent, this proved to be very difficult, but she finally found a spot and got through. Her text messages read like this, "Please come and get me out of here! My dad's not even with me!" This went on until 5am!

The mother wouldn't be able to get to her for two days. This was excruciating for both mother and daughter, but finally, "Operation Save Mary Fika" was underway! Now, she's home with Mom. All is well. And Dad still doesn't know.

When our babies need us, no mountain's big enough to stop us from getting there! Don't mess with Mommies!

Legacy

Legacy. Big word. There's even a song by that name. I sang it at my father's memorial service. The chorus says, "I want to leave a legacy. How will they remember me? Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough to make a mark on things? I want to leave an offering. A child of mercy and grace, who blessed Your name, unapologetically. I want to leave a legacy." I love that song. I've been thinking a lot about the legacy I want to leave lately for those that are important to me.

I don't know about you, but I've royally screwed up enough in my 44 years to last a lifetime, but it's good to know that until I stop breathing, I can continue towards the goal of making a difference in my life, as well as one on other's. I'm blessed that the work I do has filled me with a sense of great accomplishment. In the nine years being associated with the Crisis Center, I'd like to think I've made a difference in someone's life. I'd like to believe that the tens of thousands of teenagers that I've spoken in front of over the years have made better choices because of something I may have said.

Just this week, I was an integral part of making history at the center. A few months ago, I presented a program to the Board, believed in it wholeheartedly and "sold" it with passion. And last week, I was given approval to implement it. It is a program that will bring help to homeless families for years to come. This has been a humbling and incredibly fulfilling outcome professionally, but more so, personally.

Yes, these things are truly satisfying, but, in all honesty, the greatest legacy I want to leave is to my children. I long for them to be proud of me. I want to know they're happy with God's decision in allowing me the priviledge of being their mommy. I've let them down many times, but always tried to do my best. By no means have I been perfect. My four daughters are my greatest accomplishments.

Hmmm. Funny. I just realized if I died today, I've already left a great legacy through four of the most amazing females I've ever known. If I do say so myself.

Legacy. Big word.

My First Born

Today is my oldest daughter, Teryn's, birthday. She is 26 years old. Yes, that makes me. Oh, never mind.

Finding out you're pregnant for the first time is one of the most amazing experiences of your life. I'll NEVER forget that day. I had gone to the doctor because my boobs hurt so bad, I couldn't wear a bra! (Sorry to be graphic, but this is the truth!).

I thought, in my young 17 year old mind, that something was terribly wrong with me. The last thing that her father and I thought was that I was pregnant. I came home from the doctor's office and looked at her father. I said, "Hi, Daddy"! It took him a minute, but when he realized what I was saying, he jumped off the couch and hugged me. We were ectastic!

After the 8th day in a row of puking my guts out, I won't lie. I was miserable. We had literally just bought a new car. EVERYTIME, and I mean EVERYTIME, I opened the car door and sat in the car, I threw up. After 6 weeks, I begged her dad to sell the car. He did. No lie.

Teryn decided to wait until the last minute to enter the world. She was 17 days late! Finally, after three trips to the hospital that sent me back home from false labor, my doctor decided to induce me. She still took 3 days to come. Even though I was in active labor, my problem was, I wasn't dilating past 2 centimenters. It was the hardest labor of all my girls. The doctor finally threatened to perform a C-Section and within 1 hour, my body cooperated and I dilated to 10.

It took me 1 1/2 hours to push her out. When she was born, I cried like a baby. I couldn't believe what I'd done. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. My mother, sisters and brother, Aunt and Granny were all in the waiting room. They were thrilled to hear she was a girl. It was one of the happiest days of my life.

I am proud to be the mother of Teryn Brittany. I can't believe she's 26 years old. She has an accomplished career, a healthy marriage to Chad and she's a wonderful sister. I am a blessed that she allows me to be part of her life.

I love you, Teryn, my little T.T. Forever and always

Bodhi Anderson - 8.8.07-6.7.08

I have some very sad news. My daughter and son-in-law, Tawni and Thad, lost their teacup yorkie last night. He'd been sick for a week. He seemed to be getting better, but then last night, took a turn for the worse.

They may never know what happened. Did he eat something outside? Did he hit his head? Was this just a fluke? Who knows.

But I know this. Tawni and Thad are hurting. They loved their little guy. So, say a prayer for them and give your four legged family member an extra treat today. Maybe to some people, it's silly to grieve the loss of a dog or think you're crazy to cry over one. But, Bodhi brought joy to a lot of people and he'll be missed. We love you Tawni and Thad and we're thinking about you.

Bye little Bodhi Boy.

My Birthday Is Redeemed!

Last year, I spent my birthday alone. This year was 180 degrees different! I wanted to brag about it a little bit. Although, in my book, it's still my birthday until this month is over! (In "The World According to Vik", anyway!) So, if you haven't called or sent your gift yet, don't feel bad, there's still time!

To be honest, thanks to yours truly, my birthday celebration started a week prior. I call this "pre-birthday week"! I don't think a day went by that someone didn't hear about my birthday coming up! Each day, I was determined to make sure someone knew my special day was upon us! Let's see. I told the cashier at Food Lion, the gas station attendant, the postman, everyone at my pool, the guy at the red light and the homeless man on the corner (who didn't seem to give a crap! Jeez, some people!).

The night before, we went to a Japanese restaurant with my Uncle Alan, his wife Anne, their son, Ryan, my great friend Craig, his sister Angi, George, Kendra, Kolby and me, (that would be the "birthday girl"!). We had a great time. While the chef was entertaining us with his tricks, I had to tell him! (OK, so I told the waitress, hostess, manager and the people at the next table too....get over it!).

The day was finally here! It was 12:01! My first birthday wish came from George and then 5 minutes after midnight, I received my first text (thanks Tawni Bear!)! I did have to go into the office (it is my opinion that birthdays should be a paid holiday), but even that was ok because when I arrived, Sarah had brought me Birthday Breakfast and Karen made me Birthday Chocolate Muffins (delicious!). The birthday wishes just kept a comin all day long!

I came home that afternoon to a basket of delivered chocolates (thanks Tawni and Thad!) and then was immediately ushered out the door by George and the girls. They ordered me to relax by the pool for a couple of hours! That was a birthday present all in itself! When I returned to the house, they had decorated with streamers, laid presents out and yelled, "Happy Birthday!" It was awesome! I felt very loved. Kolby made me a beautiful birthday cake!

I opened my presents. A Guess halter dress (beach baby!), a white Guess jacket (beautiful!) and a pair of Maui Jim sunglasses. I want to say thanks everybody! This birthday will go down as one of the best I've ever had.

It sure beat the hell out of last year!

IT'S ALMOST HERE!!!!!

We've finally done it! We've hit the "30 day mark" til our beach vacation! We are so excited that we can hardly contain ourselves! This is what we look forward to all year! Spending a week with my family is a highlight of my summer! Thank you Robbie and Adrienne! They spend a lot of moula for this trip. All we do is bring ourselves and buy the food! Not a bad deal!

And this year, I'm bringing someone with me! I've NEVER done that before! Even when I was married, my ex-husband NEVER wanted to do things with my family. Not once did he attend our annual beach trips! I finally caught on that anytime my family was coming for a visit or it was time for vacations together, he had to go on a business trip! (How convenient!) Well, he missed out because we have the most amazing times together!

This bears repeating! I'm bringing someone with me! And not just anyone. I'm so excited to share George with my entire family. I'm convinced that if he can make it through "hell" week, pardon me, I mean, beach week, he's in! If he can handle my mother, brother and sister, the kids and all the jabbing that takes place and let's not forget our loud conversations (where we constantly compete for control!), he can make it through anything! Yikes! I'm taking a big risk bringing George. I'm braver than I thought. But, I fugure if he wants me, he has to take the whole package. And that includes my crazy family!

Every morning for weeks now, Robbie, Brenda and I are on a three-way phone call talking about our trip! This has become a tradition for us! We go over and over the same stuff. We talk about what we're going to do, what kind of food we want to eat, where we're going to go, what songs we're singing at Karaoke (Robbie is a little irritated (LOL!) because George announced his decision to sing "Brandy, You're a Fine Girl". Knowing this was Robbie's favorite, Brenda and I loved sharing this news with him! He said, "George is not singing "Brandy", that's MY song!"). This just made George more determined!

Finally, I have someone in my life who fits right in with us crazy Robinsons! George made sure his schedule was clear! He knew how important this was to me and he wasn't going to miss it for anything! I could swear the guy's as excited as I am! Jeez, I love that man!

Oh, George, my darling, you have no idea!!!

My 5th Daughter

She'll never meet her parent's. We don't even know where they are. Heck, I don't even know where her parent's came from! We just adopted her and made her part of our family. She thinks of me as her mommy, even though I didn't give birth to her. She's very aware that she has four sisters who love her, (although since Kendra became a teenager, she doesn't love anyone anymore)! Sometimes she can be a real pain, but all in all, I know she belongs with us.

And, it doesn't matter if I get mad, yell or even force her to eat her own food, she still loves me. In her eyes, I can do no wrong. She's loyal to the end. She's non-judgmental and always happy to see me. It doesn't matter if I'm in a good or bad mood, she doesn't care. She just wants to be in the same room with me, enjoying the view and knowing I'm close by. It doesn't matter to her if I'm skinny or fat, bloated, pretty, ugly or rich, she adores me. To her, I'm the bomb!

And, she's there. No matter what, she's always right there. I can get irritated with her, tell her to get away from me, ignore her or even forget to feed or water her, but she loves me anyway.

I should be so lucky to get the same treatment from my four biological daughters! I can always hope! (Actually, most of the time, they're pretty amazing to me!)

My fifth daughter's name is Gabby. She's our Maltipoo. I found out about her from a Food Lion Manager 5 years ago in Nashville, TN. I went to the store for milk and came home with 4 dogs to choose from! The girl's wanted her brother, but something about her stood out. I'm so glad we chose her. She's been the perfect dog for our family. She just fits. And she loves each and every one of us. No matter what we've ever done or said to her, she loves us unconditionally.

Family pets are loyal, non-judgmental, dedicated, they love unconditionally and never hold grudges. Wow. We could learn a few things from them, don't you think?

Come on, I'm not asking for my girl's to wag their tails everytime they see me, but a lick on the face would be nice once in awhile!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO..............Well, ME!!!!

A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, something wonderful took place. It was of great magnitude. So great that stars shone bright from the sky, flowers bloomed, birds sang endlessly and the sun beamed like never before. This was a day that would prove to be one of the most magnificient of its kind!

It was June 2, 1964 around 2pm. What, you might ask? Why, that was the day of a most lovely occasion......my birth! That's right, people!! Today is my birthday, nanananananana!!! I'm gonna have a good time!!! nanananananana! Cause today is my birthday!

Happy Birthday to me! Thanks Mom for squeezing me out! This day is for you too!!

If you've never commented before, today would be the day to do it!!!

So, yes, it's my birthday! That's right, today is my birthday! Just in case anyone's interested!

It's Baaaaaaaaaaack!!!!!!!!

Well, ladies, I hate to be the bearer of bad news. But, "it" has finally come. The season that the majority of us dread all year long. The season when you have to suck it up and just go for it! The time when we can no longer hide behind those winter clothes! This change of year can cause heart palpitations, stomach aches, anxiety attacks, headaches and sometimes breathing difficulties for the female gender. Yes, once again, it's here. And it's called summer!

It's not so bad to pull those shorts and tank tops out once again, but it's that damn bathing suit that sends us in a tailspin! Well, today, I took one for the team! Yes, I ventured out into the abyss! I went to the "scary" place! (And in front of my boyfriend, no less!) I actually left the safety of my bathroom mirror and walked (well, tiptoed) through the pearly gates of my neighborhood pool!

Still able to wear a bikini (or so I think!), I took the risk of a lifetime. I not only went to the water filled cement hole, I actually took my cover-up off! There I was. Half naked in front of total strangers, in all my glory! (Well, I don't know if I'd call it glory!)

And, guess what? I survived! (despite 3rd degree burns!) And, you can too! Just go for it! Come on, every woman at the pool or on the beach feels the same way! Be the brave one! Be that first one in and the rest will follow! We girls gotta stick together!

Oh yeah, and do you think men will ever understand the anxiety we feel about wearing bathing suits in public? It blows my mind that they seem to care less about what they look like! They just let it all "hang out" for all to see and it doesn't bother them in the least! But, if we're carrying an extra 5-10 lbs, we freak out! And dare we show ourselves on those "bloated" days?!

Oh, for the record, George (my BF) did tell me I was the best looking woman there and even said I looked "hot"! Not sure if he was referring to the sweat all over my body (it was 85 degrees!), but God love him! And, please, let's not mention the fact that he does wear glasses and he's just a little, teeny bit prejudiced! No, that's just a technicality!

I must admit, it wasn't as bad as I built it up to be. Look, I don't kid myself. I'll be 44 in a couple of days! I know I'm not 20 anymore, but I must say, not too bad for a gal my age (and whose given birth 4 times, too!)! Seriously, though, noone laughed at me, pointed at me or even stared (except for those two guys!)! Hmmmm? I think I'm going back tomorrow. And maybe even the day after that.

Hey, ya think summer's not so bad after all?...........Nah! I'm already watching the calendar for October! I miss my sweaters!

What's Your Excuse?!

The next time you feel like GOD can't use you,
just remember...

Noah was a drunk

Abraham was too old

Isaac was a daydreamer

Jacob was a liar

Leah was ugly

Joseph was abused

Moses had a stuttering problem

Gideon was afraid

Samson had long hair and was a womanizer

Rahab was a prostitute

Jeremiah and Timothy were too young

David had an affair and was a murderer

Elijah was suicidal

Isaiah preached naked

Jonah ran from God

Naomi was a widow

Job went bankrupt

Peter denied Christ

The Disciples fell asleep while praying

Martha worried about everything

The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once

Zaccheus was too small

Paul was too religious

Timothy had an ulcer... AND Lazarus was dead!

So, now, what's your excuse?
And you might want to be careful who you judge!

15 Words Of Wisdom

1. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

2. Dear God, I have a problem, it' s Me.

3. Growing old is inevitable ... growing UP is optional.

4. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.

5. Silence is often misinterpreted but never misquoted.

6. Do the math .... count your blessings.

7. Faith is the ability to not panic.

8. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.

9. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you pray, don't worry.

10. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home everyday.

11. Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.

12. The most important things in your house are the people.

13. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.

14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.

15 . He who dies with the most toys is still dead.

Calling All Cowardly Teenage Boys!

The crisis center was vandalized last night. I got a phonecall this morning at 7am from a cop telling me that some teenagers "hit" us with some graffiti. So, because of these punks, not only was I awakened from a deep sleep, I've now got to add to my never ending list of things to do this week, "paint front door".

When you work with women everyday, it's not like you've got a man to call and ask, "can you mow the grass" or "change the a/c filter" or "paint the door". So, we girls have to take care of it! No worries, though. For the past three weeks, the guy who usually takes care of our lawn hasn't shown up. The yard was starting to look like a jungle! Sarah (my valuable assistant!) took it upon herself and came in on her day off (Friday) to mow. After two hours (she still wasn't done!), some guy drove by, felt sorry for her and came back with his own mower to finish the job!

Anyway, when I got to the center this morning to assess the damage, I quickly figured out why the cop didn't want to tell me what was written on our door. It was profanity, of course. I won't tell you exactly what it said, only that it was ordering us to do something.

I was on the phone with my brother, telling him about it. He startd laughing hysterically and said, "I'll tell you exactly what's going on here! A group of teenage boys are coming after you, Vik, for telling their girlfriends not to have sex with them!" He went on. "If I was a teenager and you were coming to my school teaching abstinence, I'd form a group of my own and make sure you knew how unhappy you were making us! I can picture it now. Some girl you spoke to went home, told her boyfriend, "I'm not having sex with you anymore". He said, "Who told you that?!" She gave him your name and where you work and well, you now have graffiti on your door! You don't mess with teen boys and their hormones, sis! When I was a teen, if you convinced my girlfriend to be abstinent, I would have made sure to bust out some windows too!" (lucky me, now, I have two men in my life, my brother and my boyfriend, who think they're comedienes. I hope they don't quit their day jobs!) Yeah, that's my brother, Robbie. He's a real riot. The sad thing is, he's not kidding! And I know he'd be the leader of the pack!

It's unfortunate, but it goes with the territory. Our center's location isn't the best so these things happen from time to time. But, our work continues. We'll still be open come Monday morning, God willing. We'll still be there for the mom who needs diapers or formula or the teen who thinks she's pregnant.

And, to those teenage boys. It'll take a lot more than graffiti to get me to keep my mouth shut! So, get over your big, bad, horny selves! (and that includes you too, little brother!)

The "List"

Don't throw up, ok?! I'm about to write another blog about George and me. But, this one's different. I'm not going to talk about how in love I am with this man or how wonderful he is. I'm not going to tell you he's perfect, because he's not and neither am I (although I will tell you, he's perfect for me and vice versa!). I'm not going to go on and on about how much I love being with him or bore you with details of how long we talk on the phone, how many text messages we send throughout the day or how many love letters we write. I'm not even going to tell you there's no doubt in our minds that God sent us to one another. Or that we feel like kids in love! No, I'm not going to do that. Honestly, I'm not!! Seriously, I'm really not!

One night while the girls were visiting their father, I was having one of my "sessions" with God. I was experiencing one of those great times of worship and prayer. I began to ask God about my future and many other things. It was a very special time. All of a sudden, the Lord impressed upon me to get out a sheet of paper and make "a list". It would be a list of all the qualities I would want in a man. It came as a surprise to me how easy it was to write. The pen flowed. I asked God to help me. I told Him since He already knew who this man was, I needed Him to inspire me what to write. I wanted to make sure I'd know him when I met him. There is no doubt that God helped me make that list. When I was finished, I realized this was a very detailed list. I even put down his height! Hey, I was detemined to get it right this time!

Anyway, I put the date at the top of the page and put it away in a drawer. I literally forgot about it. One night when George and I were on a date, I mentioned to him that I had to sing at an event coming up. He looked at me and said, "Wait, you sing?" "Yes, why?" His eyes watered. He told me I might think what he was about to say was weird, but that two years earlier he had made a list of what he was looking for in a woman. He said, "I even asked God to let her be a singer". He told me the more time he spent with me, he became more convinced that I was indeed the woman from his list. He said he never knew her name until he met me. Now it was my turn to cry. I was stunned. I could hardly speak. I looked at George and said, "That's not weird at all. I have a list, too. And you're him." Now, we were crying together.

When I got home, I rushed to my bedroom and pulled the list from my drawer. I stared at it in disbelief as I checked everything off. I hadn't realized until I was holding it in my hands that it had been written only two weeks before I met George.

God knew George was on his way to me. And He knew that I needed to know, without a doubt, that he was the "one". That's why He inspired me to write the list.

I feel incredibly blessed to have found George. We've both waited a long time for this! And we're enjoying this journey together, hand in hand, side by side, wherever it takes us. We believe we'll go places that we've only dreamed about!

And, God willing, we'll put our teeth in the same jar one day. And that's alright with me.

Things I Would Love To Say Or Do, But Don't, Inspired by "The Pilot's Wife"

My sister, Brenda, has a great blog right now pertaining to the title of this blog, be sure and check it out at "A pilot's life for me". I hope she doesn't mind, but tries to remember that the greatest form of flattery is duplication or when someone thinks your ideas are so great, they "borrow" them! Cause that's exactly what I did. So, no, I didn't come up with this idea for a blog myself, it was my sister, my incredibly intelligent, creative sister! She has inspired me to write my own list:

1. I would like to say to the person sitting on the plane beside me that I know you farted because it wasn't me.

2. I would like to roll down my window at a stop light and tell the man picking his nose in the car beside me that he's disgusting and find a bathroom already!

3. I would like to be able to tell the woman at the checkout who's over 30 to STOP wearing that blue eyeshadow!

4. I would like to stop being pissed at my father for forgetting to take his $5 antibiotics and dying because of it.

5. I would like to tell my ex-husband that divorcing him was the best thing I've done for myself in a long time and to thank him for continually proving to me over and over again that I did the right thing and was right about him all along.

6. I would also like to tell my ex-husband that he's the biggest asshole I've ever met. Well, wait a minute, I already did that! Never mind.

Thanks, Brenda, this felt really good!

Happy Mother's Day!

It's Mother's Day! I'm excited to say that I decided to take a trip. It's a short one, but hey, you take what you can get! My girls said, "Mommy, can you be on a trip on Mother's Day? Shouldn't you stay home? Are Mom's supposed to be gone on Mother's Day!" Ah, the innocence of children! They just don't quite get it! And they'll never understand until they're mother's themselves!

Don't hear what I'm not saying. I love being a mom. It's the greatest accomplishment of my life. I am Teryn, Tawni, Kendra and Kolby's mother and I couldn't be more blessed. I couldn't be more proud of the daughter's I've raised. I adore my girls. All four of them. (And even my son-in-laws). I love being with all of them, individually or in a group. I enjoy our holidays together, family vacations, daily phone calls, e-mails and txt messages, but sometimes, I want to do something for me and only me! And if you think that's selfish, then, apparently, you're not a Mom!

I can remember when I was around 8 years old, my mother was going to see Elvis Presley with my Dad (yes, that's right, the "King"!). I begged her to let me go. I said, "Mommy, you won't have as much fun without me! Please take me with you. I NEED to be with you! Don't leave me here with a babysitter! PLEASE, I'm begging you! You will regret it if you don't take me! How can you leave me?" I literally meant what I said. I was convinced I was not only doing this for my benefit, but my mommy's as well. There was no way she could have as much fun without me! I noticed the guilt look on her face. Hmmm, I was getting somewhere. I kept it up. The crocodile tears, yea, that would do it. My plan was going to work. It had to! Not quite. I was shocked when she walked right out of the door. (good for you Mom!). Seems my Mom needed "me" time too!

So, Happy Mother's Day to all you Mom's, especially mine! Do yourselves a favor. Take a break today. Stay in bed. Go to a spa. Get your nails done. Read a book. Take a long, hot bath without interruptions. Send the children away. Go away yourself. Have a "Sex and the City" Marathon! Do something you've been wanting to do, but haven't gotten around to! Come on, go for it! For those of you who've lost your mother's, my heart goes out to you. For those of you who still have them, call them. Let them know how much they mean to you. Give them a break for the mistakes they've made. Mom's aren't perfect, they're just women who've bore children. You never know if this could be the last Mother's Day that you get to send a card or make that phonecall. Many people I know have lost their mother's. I'm happy to say I still have mine. My daughter's still have theirs. But, one day, the reality is, we won't. They'll be gone. I'll be gone.

Yes,we Mom's need a break sometimes! My trip won't be long and God willing, I'll be back safe and sound, but, by gosh, I'm going!

And I refuse to apologize or feel guilty about it........ok, so, who am I kidding?! Of course I'll feel guilty............I'm a MOM!!! It's in our job description!

Dear Dad:

Hi. I miss you. It's been three years since we've talked. Well, sort of. I still "talk" to you. I wonder, do you hear me calling or crying out to you sometimes? Do you see me when I'm struggling to get through the day because I can't believe you're gone? Brenda and I refer to these as "Bad Dad Days". These are the days when something will remind me of you and I can't stop crying. Sometimes I even get so angry at you for leaving me. I yell at you, "Why didn't you take your antibiotics?!" (We found the prescription, Dad. It was stuck behind your car's ashtray. Did you think you lost them?) You should be here, I have so much I want to tell you. I get angry that I can't call you for advice. I've been desperate for it many times since you left. I've needed you in lots of ways. Yes, at times, I get very angry with you. But then, I apologize and ask you to forgive me.

I relive the night you left me or replay our last conversation over and over in my head. Other times, I just lie on the floor in a puddle of tears screaming for you. Most of the time, I'm alone. Although, there are those days that I'm driving in my car and a song will come on the radio that reminds me of you. The tears flow. I try to keep my head turned so the girl's won't see, but they know. If Kolby's with me, she'll rub my arm and say, "Are you ok, Mommy? Thinking about your Dad again?"

I miss you. I have so many things I want to tell you, questions I need to ask . Sometimes I get so afraid about life,decisions to be made or my girls and I just need to talk to you. You were always so good at giving advice (not always taking it, though!). Remember how you always said that life is about love and relationships? You said that money means nothing in the big picture. "Life is about love. It's about family. Never forget that, Baby Girl". Remember?

You said I deserved to be happy and loved unconditionally. You knew, didn't you Dad? You knew that I was pretending about so many things. It was you who told me to take a long look at my life and make the changes I needed to make. One time, you asked me what I was so afraid of. You said life was too short to be so unhappy. Well, I did it, Dad. I've made huge changes since you left. I know I have you and Mom to thank for the courage I found in myself. When you left, it reminded me how short life really is. And you were right, I had more strength than I thought I had! A chip off the old block, I suppose!

I won't lie, these past three years haven't always been easy. Despite that, I'm happier and more content with myself than I have ever been in my life. Yes, I made some hard decisions, Dad, but they were the right ones. I think you would be really proud of me. In part, I have you to thank. And you thought I wasn't listening?! I was. To every word.

I worry about my girls, Dad. They don't understand so many things about life. I try to tell them, but I just don't know if they're listening. Now I know how frustrated I must have made you! I guess turn about is fair play, huh? I don't want them to live with regret like I do. Like you did. But, I've come to understand that I must allow them to make their own mistakes. I can't protect them from life. It's inevitable. Life brings joy, but also great pain.

And, guess what, Dad? It happened. I met someone. Not just anyone. I think I finally got it right. I wish you could have met him. There's not a doubt in my mind that you would approve. His name is George. He loves me just like you said "he" would. He makes me laugh and he listens to me. He respects me for who I am and appreciates my qualities, while accepting my flaws. For the first time in my life, I'm completely 100% myself with someone and he loves me anyway! You were right, Dad. It really is possible to find true love and know that a person was made specifically for you. I know I inherited your love of romance. That's why I never gave up hope. Thanks for that. George lost his mother eight months after I lost you. We like to say that the two of you collaborated together in Heaven and brought us together. He misses her too.

Three years. Hard to believe. It seems like yesterday. I hope you like the song I sang at your memorial. It was called "Legacy". You left one, Dad. In your children, your grandchildren and the generations to come, you left a legacy. Do you realize not one of us would be here if it wasn't for you? (Of course, you did have some help from Mom!)

I see you in so many places. I don't know if you remember this or not, but when I came for a visit once, you danced with me. Sure, you had danced with me in the past. But, there was something very special about this time. The music was playing, you took me by the hand, walked me out onto your bedroom patio, held me close and overlooking the ocean, you danced with me. It was magical. I will never forget it. I miss you, Dad. I love you. And until the day I see you again, I will take you with me everywhere I go.

And, Dad? I want you to know that I am my father's daughter. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Always,

Your Baby Girl

Are You Looking For A Sign?

Dad was gone. It had been three days now. This was a reality that I would have to face. There was nothing I could say or do that was going to change the fact that he was gone. My father had died. It was a shock. I called his cell phone over and over again just to hear his voice message.

Every emotion I've ever felt in my life and even new ones that I'd never experienced I was now feeling with every breath I took.

It was the last night we would be spending in Dad's house. We were leaving early in the morning to catch our flights back home. So, the taxi was coming at 5:00 am. The next morning, after I was packed and dressed, I walked into Dad's kitchen. I noticed his cell phone sitting on the counter. The light was blinking. Dad had messages. For some reason, I felt compelled to hear them. Something inside me was telling me that I must listen to his messages. I picked the phone up and began entering random numbers hoping one of them would be his password. I kept getting the same voice over and over again saying, "You have entered an incorrect password. Please try again." I was getting pissed.

I started to yell at God (again!). "God, I need my father's password, I need to hear his messages, PLEASE give me his password!" After 15 minutes went by, Brenda walked in. I said, "Do you know Dad's password? I have to hear his messages!" She said, "No, but try this number". I did. The voice changed. "You have 13 new messages." I couldn't believe it! I was in!

I listened to messages from days earlier when we called Dad begging him to call us back. Then I heard a message that changed everything. It said, "Hi Bob. This is Michael. I'm the cab driver who drove you home from the doctor on Friday. I reallly enjoyed our conversation, Bob. I want you to know that I never do this, but I would really like to speak with you again. It's like I told you, Bob, Jesus really is the only answer to all your problems. Call me sometime. Here's my number xxx-xxx-xxxx. I look forward to hearing from you."

I was stunned. I couldn't speak. I began to cry. At that moment, I knew one thing. Michael had just become my new best friend. I wrote his number down and made the decision to wait and call him when I returned to Charlotte.

I did. He didn't answer. I left a message. "Michael, this is Bob's daughter, Vikki, the man you took to the doctor last Friday. Can you please call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx? I MUST talk to you right away!"

An hour later, my phone rang. The voice on the other end said, "Is this Vikki?" "Yes, is this Michael? Please, Michael, tell me everything that was said to my father in your cab Friday night. It's important. Please tell me!"

And then, without hesitation, he said, "Vikki, are you looking for a sign?"

I couldn't control myself. I began to weep. Right on the phone, I wept to a total stranger like a baby. I said, "Why did you say that! Tell me! Why did you ask me if I was looking for a sign?" He said, "I don't know. But, if you are looking for a sign, you should know that your father accepted Jesus in my cab Friday night. And he was very proud of you."

In that moment, I realized something. God hears us and cares about every detail of our lives. He knew I needed to know. He made sure I heard exactly what I needed to hear. I had my answer! I had my sign. And then, I knew. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I knew.

I had my sign. Dad was ok. And one day, I knew I'd hear again, "Hi Baby Girl, it's your Dad!"

I Miss You Dad......Day 4

Three years ago today. It was a Monday. April 25, 2005. The morning started out as the previous one. Dad was getting worse. His organs were beginning to shut down. It was decision time. The doctor asked to meet with us. We knew what was coming.

My father was an energetic man. He ran 10 miles on the beach every morning and he loved life. He lived it to the fullest. He would have never wanted to live the way he had been "living" the past 48 hours. We all knew there wouldn't be much of a discussion. It wasn't a question of "what if", it was a question of "when". We knew what we had to do.

So, the decision was made. In a small, white room, with the door shut. The doctor, my father's wife and my father's four children were all there. The papers were signed and it was done.

We had one more day. Looking back now, I wish I would have insisted that we had more time with him, even though it would have only prolonged the inevitable. I think up until the end, we were still in denial. Every single one of us. This couldnt' be happening. Not to our family, not to our Dad. I kept thinking at any minute Dad would sit up, look at us and say, "What the hell are you looking at? Let's get the hell out of here! I need a drink!" But, he didn't.

We decided to go to dinner. We told the doctor we needed to wait until we were ready. After dinner, around 7pm, we made our way back to the hospital. We made one stop. My brother wanted to pick up a bottle of Dad's favorite, Grey Goose Vodka. When we got back to the hospital, we sat around his bed and each drank a glass in his honor. Then, we took turns and toasted him, sharing stories. My brother placed some drops of Grey Goose on Dad's tongue. We knew he'd appreciate that. We laughed. We cried.

Around 8pm, one of dad's friends showed up. He asked if he could share a funny story with us. He told us about the night he brought my father home from a "guy's night out". Dad was, let's say, feeling pretty good! He said he walked my dad to the front door. When my father put his key in the door, it didn't work. He tried again. Still, no luck. He then started banging on the door screaming, "Open the door! My key doesn't work!" Soon after, a man answered and my father went balistic. He said, "Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my house with my wife?!" The man looked at him and said, "Bob, I'm your next door neighbor. Your house is over there." Then they all laughed.

My father's wife told a story about the time Dad decided to do an experiment. He told her, "If taking one Viagra works for 2 hours, I wonder what taking six would do?" He ended up in the emergency room! This might be too much information for some of you, but that was my Dad. Always looking for the "next big thing"!

Storytelling went on until around 11pm. Then, the nurse came into the room. She asked how we were doing. She asked if we were ready. We knew it was time, but noone wanted to say it. After a long pause, my father's wife spoke up. She said, "It's time." We knew she was right. But, we still didn't want to face it. Was this actually happening?

Silence. The laughter had stopped. We took our turns saying our own personal good-byes. We then gathered around his bed. We watched as the nurse unplugged, one by one, my father's life lines. And at 11:25 p.m., 20 minutes later, it was over. He was gone. I was there to witness the last breath of the man who witnessed my first.

It was at that moment that I realized I'd never gotten my sign! I was screaming at God to wait! I said, "You can't take him yet, I don't have my sign! Please give me my sign!" I was livid with God. I yelled at Him again, "I have served You all these years! I've sacrificed my own happiness because I thought that's what you wanted! I've traveled all over the world, leaving my children behind to tell other's about You and You can't give me one little sign!? What kind of God are YOU?!" I was so incredibly angry.

But, no sign came. Now, I was never going to know. My Dad was gone. And I had nothing.

I Miss You Dad......Day 3

Three years ago today. Now it was Sunday. April 24, 2005. This day is a bit of a blur to me. We stayed at the hospital all night in the waiting room, sleeping on couches or chairs. By this point, the doctor's have now told us how bad Dad's condition is. I kept asking why? How did this happen? My father was one of the healthiest people I'd ever known! He ran 10 miles a day. He'd just had a complete physical and passed with flying colors just two months before! It was determined that when Dad went for a root canal a week earlier, he hadn't pre-medicated before his surgery. Since he had an artifical valve from 15 years ago, pre-medicating was critical to keeping an infection from developing in his body that could become septic. A $5.00 bottle of antibiotics and my father may still be alive today! This was crazy! They told us they saw little hope. They're now asking us about organ donation. They're inquiring as to the length of time we would want to keep him alive artifically. It was surreal.

Because Dad was in I.C.U., we were only allowed 15 minute visits with him every hour. We didn't miss one. Every time I entered Dad's room, I would kiss his cheek, stroke his hair and whisper in his ear. I told him I loved him. I told him to hang on. I told him I missed him. I told him to come back to us. I told him I needed him. And I told him to please say yes to God. I begged him not to reject God's love for him. Not again. Not now.

In the past, when I brought God or Jesus into our conversations, Dad would say things like, "I don't need religion, Vikki. I'm proud of you for what you do, but I don't believe in that stuff." Dad had seen first hand what "Christians" were like and he wanted nothing to do with them. I tried to explain to him that I didn't need religion either, but that a relationship with Christ was completely different. He wasn't interested.

But, I didn't give up. I wasn't ever going to give up. I continued to tell Dad, "Please, don't say no to Jesus, Dad. Please let Him help you. He loves you. If this is your time, I need to know you're going to be in Heaven so I will see you again. Please don't say no to Him. Don't reject Him again."

If my father was about to leave this earth, I was determined to do whatever I could to help him experience "the peace that passes all understanding" while he was still here, even for a day. I knew that this kind of peace had eluded him all his life. His childhood was filled with turmoil and tragedy. I don't think he ever got over it. Dad never felt he was "good enough" to be loved. He was always surprised at how much his children loved him. Many of our conversations over the years went something like this: "I love you so much, Dad." He would respond with, "Really?! You really do love me?! Wow. That's pretty neat, Baby Girl."

Each time I left Dad's hospital room, I went off alone to pray. I asked God to "show me a sign" that Dad could hear me. I begged God to save my father and pleaded with Him to give me some kind of sign, so I'd know he had accepted Jesus. I told God that if He was about to take my father's life that I needed reassurances that my Dad would be OK. So, I waited. And waited.

Then, I waited some more. But, I didn't get my sign.

I Miss You Dad.....Day 2

Three years ago today. The next day. Saturday morning. April 23, 2005. I was awakened by my mother at 7am. She called to tell me something had happened to my father. She said he'd collapsed in his house and the paramedics were there "working on him". I hung up and immediately called his house. His wife answered. I asked her if it was true. She was screaming. She said they were trying to revive him to transfer him to the hospital. Then she said, "I HAVE TO GO!" and she hung up.

I was frantic. I called my brother, Robbie and my sister, Brenda. We all made plans to get to San Francisco as soon as possible. It just so happened that three of us would arrive after midnight, with my brother getting in late afternoon. I would be traveling from N.C., Brenda from Florida, my brother from Seattle and my other sister from Colorado.

Since Robbie would get there first, he would pick the three of us up when we arrived. My friend, Stephanie, drove me to the airport and then took care of Kendra and Kolby until their father got back in town. (Thanks, Stef!) On the plane, I could think of little else except my father and what his condition would be when I arrived. I couldn't stop crying. I was stared at by other passengers, but I gave no explanation. I was terrified. How bad was it? Would I make it on time? It was the longest flight of my life.

When we all met up at the airport, Robbie told us we needed to be prepared. He'd already seen Dad and said it was bad. Real bad. I think we were still in denial. We kept saying, "Oh, my gosh, Robbie, he's going to be fine."

Finally, we were at the hospital. We rushed to his room. We walked in. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. There he was. My father. My Daddy. So helpless and fragile. He was unconscious and hooked up to all kinds of machines. I ran to him. The first thing I noticed was his eye. It was glazed over and looked so incredibly painful. I replayed our conversation over and over from the day before. Then, I lost it.

For the first time since this nightmare began, I was really scared. And, this was just the beginning.

I Miss You Dad.....Day 1

Three years ago today. It was a Friday. April 22, 2005. My day started out with a call from my Dad, just like so many mornings before. "Hey, Baby Girl, it's your Dad!" (I always knew it was him!) To this day, I can still hear his voice. We then proceeded to have our morning talk and catch up. We talked about our plans for the day, the weekend. I talked about my girls and how proud of them I was. I told him that I wished he knew them better. He said he did too.

Dad hadn't been feeling well. He had gotten dizzy earlier in the week and had fallen and hit his eye on the corner of his marble coffee table. Ouch! He told me he had an appointment to see his eye doctor that afternoon because it was looking really bad and seemed to be getting worse. I agreed that was probably a good idea. He promised he'd call as soon as he got back from the doctor. And he did.

When he called, he said, "Baby Girl, the doctor says I may never be able to see out of that eye again! Isn't that some shit?!" I could tell he was trying hard to be upbeat about it. I said, "Dad, I'm so sorry, but it'll be ok. I'd rather have you with one eye than not have you at all!" I was trying to cheer him up and I meant it! He said, "Good point, Baby Girl! Good point!"

He went on to tell me that he was still feeling pretty bad and thought he might go to the emergency room later in the day if he didn't start to feel better. I urged him to go. Again, I reminded him to be sure and call me afterwards. Again, he promised he would. But, that call never came. If only I'd known that would be our last conversation, the last time I'd hear his voice. If only I'd known. I wonder often, what would I have said?

Would I have told him how much I loved him? Would I have let him know that I was proud to be his daughter, in spite of all the heartaches we'd endured throughout the years? Would I have thanked him for all the times he made me feel better about myself? Would I have made sure he knew how much it meant to me that he could make me laugh when I was sad? Would I have let him know that even though our relationship had been strained at times over the years, I was so thankful that we'd grown closer the last 10? Would I have told him that I still remembered the "Oh, Mr. Lightning" Song he made up when I was 8 during a thunderstorm? Would I have let him know that I eat chocolate pudding in a cup (to this day) because it reminds me of him? Would I have thanked him for the gift he gave me to think positive? Would I have told him that it was because of him that I never wanted to stop learning? So many questions.

If only I'd known.

A Priest, a Music Minister, Church Ladies and a Funeral

If you read my last blog, you know that I attended a funeral this past weekend. You also know that I was asked by my brother and his wife to sing "Amazing Grace".

The funeral was held at an Episcopalian Church. Adrienne's father was Episcopalian, but from what I understand, left many years ago. I am not going to pretend to know a lot about the Episcopalian faith, but what I do know about is people. And I've never been one to care what a marquee on the outside of a church says. I've always been interested in the people on the inside and how they treat others. Because Adrienne's father had left the church, it took a "special" phone call from one of his closest friends to the Bishop to ask for permission to have his memorial there.

When we arrived at the church, the Priest met us in the reception area. This was the same area where they would hold a gathering after the service to receive family and friends. I was taken aback at how cold this Priest was to the family. They had just suffered a great loss, yet he showed no compassion towards them. I never once heard him extend his condolences to Adrienne's mother or the rest of the family. He was more concerned about how many people were coming, who would sit where, how long I was singing and making it clear to Adrienne that her father's picture would not be allowed in the lobby of the church for guests to view. I was stunned.

When he realized I was the one singing, he instructed me to go into the church to meet with the music minister, who would give me my instructions. I did as I was told. Upon entering the church, I introduced myself. I told him that Adrienne's mother had asked me to sing all 6 verses of the song and that I would be singing acapello. He told me, "No, you will sing the first verse alone and then we will invite the congregation to sing along."

He then motioned for me to follow him towards the organ. He began to play. I stopped him. "I'm sorry to interupt you, but I can't sing the song in that key. That's way too high for me. Can you please play it in a lower key?" He looked at me and said, "This is the key the song is written in and I'm sure if you stand up straight, keep your head up and project, you will do just fine." Oh yeah? I took a deep breath and said, "With all due respect, sir, God gifted me with an alto voice, not a soprano voice. How about if I sing it in my key and you pick it up or I will just sing without accompaniment." I didn't wait for his answer, I just began to sing. It didn't take him long to play in my key. He then told me I was to sit next to him throughout the service so I wouldn't be a "distraction" when it came time for me to sing. OK, I can do that.

Meanwhile, in the reception room, Adrienne's brother asked the ladies, who were setting up the refreshments, if he could put flowers on each table. They said, "We'd rather you didn't". The tables were covered with plastic tablecloths! Plastic! How were flowers going to hurt plastic?!

Then, Adrienne was told the church would only supply a certain amount of cookies and punch. They told her if more than 20-30 people showed up, they would have to "share each other's cookies!" This is an actual quote. Adrienne scrambled together and had a friend bring extra food for everyone. Good thing, cause over 100 people attended! In spite of the demeanor of these people, I believe Adrienne and her family had the closure they needed. Her brother blessed me after the service by telling me that the most "spiritual" part of the service was when I sang the first verse of the song. I'm thankful that God chose to use me.

I must say that as a Christian, I was embarassed at how these people treated this family. Where was the love? Where was the compassion? I mean, they had just lost their husband, father, grandfather and friend! I've said it before and I'll say it again. People don't go to church anymore cause they've already been. I'm not knocking Episcopalians. These kinds of people are in every church building, no matter the denomination. What I am knocking are so called Christians. What have we come to when you can't even feel love and compassion from a Priest when attending your own loved one's funeral? Jeez.

No wonder Adrienne's dad left.

For Adrienne

It is with great sadness that I write this morning's blog. My sister-in-law Adrienne lost her father two days ago. They had a very close, special relationship. She's having an incredibly hard time. I don't think that anyone who hasn't experienced the loss of a parent can fully understand the pain and agony that a child feels when Mom or Dad have left them. It doesn't matter how old you are, losing a parent is excruciatingly painful.

Losing my own father almost three years ago was one of the hardest things I've ever been through in my life, so I both empathize and sympathize with what she's going through.

It's times like these that we need to take a long, hard look at what life is really about. We need to realize how short it can be. So, stop and take stock today. Have you let those in your life know how much they mean to you? Are you still holding grudges or unforgiveness towards someone? Have you said words you regret that you need to apologize for? Is there someone you need to make something right with? Come on, pick up the phone, write that letter, swallow your pride. Because in the big picture, it's really not worth it.

I wanted to ask each of you to pray for Adrienne, my brother Robbie and their family. This has been very hard for all of them. I was so honored yesterday when my brother called to ask if I could sing at the funeral tomorrow. My prayer is that I will be able to bless this family in their time of grief by singing their father's favorite song:

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I am found, was blind, but now I see."

God bless you Adrienne. We love you.

This Is For You Girls.....I Love you......Forever

Just for today, I am going to step over the laundry and just be with you. I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you show me your new dance. I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off and we can do whatever you want. I will listen intently to all the drama that happened in your life and keep my opinion to myself.

I will not yell once, not even if you have an attitude with me. I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up. I will not second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned. I will let you cook dinner and I won't stand over you trying to fix it. I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you. I will let you stay up late to watch Top Model and not get angry at you in the morning if you're in a bad mood for lack of sleep. I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss any plans I've made. I won't tell you one of my jokes! I will not embarass you at your games or in front of your friends. I won't make you listen to my 70's music in the car! I will not be busy with something while we're talking on the phone. I will give you my undivided attention.

Just for today when I run my finger through your hair as we pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given. I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.

And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will just thank God for all four of you, and ask Him for nothing.

And tomorrow? I will do my best to do a "repeat". I love you.

New Blog Coming Soon!

So many of you inspire me to keep writing. Thank you for that. I won't pretend. There are times when I just want to shut the blog down and say good-bye to everyone because of the time restraints it can bring. But, then, I'll receive a message from those of you asking about the next blog. You tell me that you enjoy reading them while you have your morning coffee or a few minutes to yourself. That blesses me.

So, I ask that you please be patient with me, as I've had a lot going on in my life, both personally and professionally. Just last week, I was in Wisconsin to fulfill eight speaking engagements. This weekend has been almost as busy. I spoke Friday night, Saturday morning and evening and then again this morning. It's all good, though. I am always humbled and priviledged at the opportunities that God gives me. It still amazes me that anyone wants to hear anything I have to say, but the invitations continue and I'm grateful. My voice has been somewhat strained the past days, but I can still talk (I'm sure my daughter's are thrilled!).

I will try my best to write another blog this week. I appreciate your patience. Thank you again. I do love to write and I enjoy that there are people who enjoy reading what I have to say. It's a wonderful way to express myself and to get things off my chest when I feel the need to.

So, for as long as you want to keep reading, well, then, I'll keep writing.