"I'm Your Mom"

I'm not getting any younger.  Each year seems to pass by more quickly than the one before.  At times, I still find myself looking in the mirror asking, "Who are you and what have you done with me?" Hmmm, sounds like the title of my next book.  I may see a 52 year old woman staring back at me, but inside, I'm 25.

Sure, I can't do some of the same things I used to as a younger woman, but honest to God, I still think and feel young.  I take good care of myself and try to look my best, but, let's face it, no one is going to escape the aging process or death.  No one.  This is the one thing we all have in common, no matter our race, gender, political affiliation or sexual preference.  Guys date younger women to make them feel younger and some women do the same.  Personally, I could never date someone young enough to be my child, but to each their own.  And, it would be very difficult to date a guy who enjoys dating women my daughter's ages.

The days of being able to eat whatever I choose, without gaining a pound, are gone too.  Although I still do it, those times riding roller coasters for hours are a distant memory.  One time around and I'm nauseous.  Sometimes I can't even remember what I ate the day before, let alone what I was wearing!

Am I the best version of the "me" I could be?  Assuredly not.  When I was married, was I the best wife I could have been?  Nope, I'm sure I could have done better.  Was I the perfect mother?  I would say I tried my heart out, but even though I did my very best, I still wish I'd done more.  There are things I'd change, but I can't do anything about that now.  And, I choose not to dwell on it.

So, I've been thinking.  God willing, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, but who ever thinks the next minute or day could be their last?  This is why I'm convinced we need to make each day count. It's been said before this isn't a dress rehearsal.  I don't believe in reincarnation, which means I won't get a "do-over".  So, before I go anywhere, I want to make sure I explain a few things to some of the most important people in my life.  I would also like to say, before I go any further, to those of you who've sadly already lost your Mom, I would almost guarantee she'd say the following same things to you if she were able.  And, I'm truly sorry for your loss.

It's so hard to believe this year my girls will be 35, 32, 25 and 21.  I have a 35 year old!!  It really does feel like yesterday they were living in my home, fighting over shampoo, clothes and, sometimes, me.  My beautiful daughters.

Teryn, Tawni, Kendra and Kolby,

I've said this before and I'd say it a million more times.  You girls are four of the best things I've ever done in my life.  It's been my greatest joy being your Mother.  I pray I'm around for many years to come.  I love watching your lives unfold, seeing you become wives and mothers.  When I'm in my last days, my prayer is each one of you will be fighting over who takes care of me!  The days I became your mother were the most exquisite, exciting and beautiful I've ever experienced.  As I held each one of you in my arms, I was in awe.  You were so beautiful, perfect and mine.  I vowed to be the best mother I could be.  I promised each of you to put your needs before my own.  How could it be any other way?  "I'm your Mom."

Trust me, I don't need to be reminded of the mistakes I've made along the way, some of which still haunt me to this day.  But, the majority of every decision I've ever made, I made because I felt they were in the best interest of each one of you.  Even the decisions you didn't understand, including ending my marriage to your father.  Now, granted, had I known then what I know now, I would have waited until the last one of you graduated and left home before I ended my marriage.  But, at the time, I truly felt it was the best decision for not only me, but you girls as well.  That may sound a little crazy, but in the midst of all that was going on, I truly believed that.  Looking back now, I realize it was selfish.  I failed all of you.   I will go on record and admit this decision is my greatest regret, as I've seen the pain and anguish its caused each one of you.  And, even though, through it all, you survived and became well adjusted, incredible human beings, for the pain I caused, I apologize. With all my heart.  The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you.  How could I want to do that? "I'm your Mom."

Too many times, I've put my foot in my mouth and said the wrong thing or communicated the wrong way, but my heart was always in the right place, never malicious.  I've always been on your teams. I meant it when I said I'd lay my life down for each one of you.  I still mean it.  Those aren't just words. You girls are the air I breathe.  You're my greatest accomplishments.  How could I not feel this way about you?  "I'm your Mom."

I know you thought I was butting in your business when I'd force my opinions upon you, disagreed with some of your choices, made you change those shorts or fought to keep you away from a guy I knew was wrong for you.  I know your value.  I knew the men who made you their wives would be the luckiest men on the planet.  You deserved the best and I wasn't going to sit by and allow you to settle for less than that.  How could I do such a thing? "I'm your Mom."

Plenty of times, I'm sure you'd wished you could come home from school to a Mom wearing an apron, baking cookies, smiling and keeping her mouth shut and opinions to herself.   Well, sorry, but you got me. "I'm your Mom."

I want you girls to know I knew you never meant it when you slammed the occasional door in my face screaming "I hate you".  So, remember that when I'm gone.  Please don't let that memory torture you.  Do I know how much you love me?  Of course, I do!  "I'm your Mom."

For the times you didn't like me very much, I get it.  Sometimes, I don't like myself very much either. But, I just keep trying to do better.  Why?  Because "I'm your Mom."

I want each one of you to know how much I love you.  No other mother could be as proud of her daughters as I am of each one of you.  I literally hit the jackpot when God chose me, of all people, to be your Mom.  I truly did.  Do you understand what that means to me?!  How could I not feel this way?!  "I'm your Mom."

There are times when you're not looking when I find myself staring at you.  I take a deep breath, pinch myself and thank God once again for the incredible blessings you've been to my life.  You may not know how much God outdid Himself when He created you girls.  Well, I do.  "I'm your Mom."

In closing, I know there were times I failed, hurt, embarrassed, disappointed or shocked you, but you can each rest assured.  I've always loved you.  Every single day of your lives.  Even on those days I didn't like you or your choices, I never stopped loving you.  You girls are my heart walking around. You've taught me so many valuable lessons in life, including the most important.  You've taught me how to love unconditionally.  And, nothing brings me more joy to say, "I'm your Mom."

"High as the sky, deep as the sea and all the air that's in between."

I love it. I hate it. Social Media.

I have a "love-hate" relationship with Social Media.  I feel the same way about all the technology we've come to know over the last 10+ years.

Someone once said,

 "I fear for the day that technology will surpass our human interaction.  The world will have a generation of idiots."

My fear is that day has arrived or it's just around the corner.  I'm not here to bash an outlet of communicating with the masses because that would be stupid, being I use it daily myself.  But, this doesn't mean I can't or don't recognize the dangers of it.

It's absolutely astonishing to me how people put everything and anything "out there" for all the world to read, hear or see.  And, I mean everything.  

Because of my platform on radio, television and the non-profit world, I have over 5000 "friends" and over 2000 followers on my Facebook Page; over 20,000 followers on Instragram; and over 12,000 on Twitter.   Of course, I don't personally know 98% of these people, but they're my "friends" nonetheless.  I lose and gain followers daily.  Mostly I lose them after making a controversial statement or have an opinion someone finds opposite of their own.  I'm OK with and respect that.

It's humbling anyone cares what I have to say anyway, nor do I take that lightly.   At times, I've even heard from them through a comment or an email from something I say or post.  Trust me.  My friends and followers have no problem thanking, praising my opinion or even voicing their disdain when they feel it necessary to do so! I don't expect everyone to agree with me either, nor do I always agree with my own friends on social media. Opinions on politics, social issues, etc. cause stirred, passionate emotions.  I get it.  

But, it's astonishing to me when, on any given day, you can read a post on social media bashing parents, siblings, cousins, friends or even spouses.  You'll read about specifics of someone cheating, not paying child support, a fight that just happened, a cursing rage towards someone, etc. etc. Many of these posts are shocking and my mouth has dropped several times in disbelief from the shear lack of class, decency or empathy for others.  Does anyone keep things private anymore?  Nope.  After the shock wears off, I find myself feeling pity for the one posting.  Don't they realize the post says much more about themselves than the person they're trying to vilify?  Come on, posting about poor customer service is one thing, but posting by name about a person in your life, is something else altogether.

And, what about the selfies?  Personally, I find myself dreading taking the required profile or promotional selfie, so I've never been able to understand those who are so comfortable posting so many.  So, to clarify, I'm not speaking of the required "selfie" for those reasons, I'm talking about the continual influx of the "selfie" on a daily basis.  I see many negative, nasty comments towards those who post selfies up on a daily basis.  I get it, I have some of the same thoughts.  I just don't write them.  

But, I'm going to ask you to shift your paradigm for a moment on this subject.  Try considering a different view pertaining to the "selfie craze".  Don't get me wrong.  They annoy me as well.  I know how you feel, I used to feel the same way, but what I found out is most of these young people are in need of more compassion than criticism.   

Many, if not the majority, of these young people posting daily selfies are just dying to be noticed. They're screaming "Look at me!", "Tell me I'm beautiful!", "Please like my picture!"  This makes me sad.  They're somehow convinced their worth is measured by how many "likes" or comments they receive.  To me, this is incredibly heartbreaking and tragic.  We have a generation of young people who truly believe my "like" or comment dictates who she/he is as a person or determines their value. These people break my heart.  If they'd spend just a fraction of the time on themselves and building their self esteem, maybe they wouldn't need those endless clicks to get the "perfect selfie". Sometimes they hide behind "do you like this lipstick? my new hair? does this outfit look ok"?, etc. etc., just to get the desperate click of a button from a friend, or even sometimes, a stranger.  It doesn't seem to matter who or where the attention comes from, as long as it comes.  This is the society we live in today.  The society we've created?

In the next 5-10 years, I am of the belief we will see more ramifications from the high-tech society we live in and it won't be something to brag about.  Social skills are suffering, families are losing precious time together, children are starving for their parents undivided attention.  The consequences we face in the near future will not be worth the price we are paying today.  

When you have some time, go to the mall, take a seat in the food court and observe.   Next time you're at a restaurant, look around.  Take a long, hard look.  You'll witness it for yourself.  People sitting across from one another, never saying a word because they're too busy on their phones checking Facebook.  Your sons or daughters on snapchat, taking selfies to post on Instragram. 

What I've noticed time and again is that it's not only the younger generation finding themselves lost for hours at a time on social media, it's all of us.  Life is passing by so quickly, yet millions are strolling along living on their phones, without ever noticing the beauty of the very people or beautiful nature standing right in front of them.

We are missing important moments because of a small device that fits in the palm of our hands. We take pictures instead of enjoying the event and creating a memory!  I've been guilty of looking at pictures on my own phone wondering, "When did I go there?"

What can be done about it?  Probably not much.  It's here and it's here to stay.  Social media is only going to grow larger by the day.  Can we make adjustments?  Sure, but it will take as much, or more, discipline as a new, healthy way of eating or an exercise program.

Unless or until parents stop using television, IPads, IPhones or Computers as their babysitters, there's not much hope at all, is there?  These children are the future leaders, after all.  

Unless or until adults make a conscience effort to limit their own time on social media, nothing will change.  Our society started on this track since Fast Food was introduced to us.  We've become spoiled to living a life of convenience.  We want the quick fix.  We want what we want when we want it, no matter the cost.  And, trust me, friends, it's costing us.

Relationships have been replaced by superficial, fake interactions with people we don't even know.  

Yes, social media, computers and the like have their place.  The problem is they've taken the place of everything.

 "I fear for the day that technology will surpass our human interaction.  The world will have a generation of idiots."