"Am I Dreaming?"

The day is here. It's finally here and I find myself speechless. It's surreal. I have prayed continually for 3 years for this day to come and wondered if it ever would. So many of my precious family and friends have believed and prayed right along with me. I can't thank them enough (you know who you are). I daydreamed about how I would feel, how it would look and how I would act. I don't think it will hit me until we are driving on I-10 and looking back and waving good-bye.

Today, I'm moving "home" to Tennessee and I'm just completely speechless. I think I'm afraid I'll wake up. Teryn says it will hit her when I call her from the truck. Tawni seemed shocked yesterday that we are actually coming!

I wasn't born in Tennessee and only lived there for a few years. But it's home to me. It's the place where Tawni, Teryn, Chad and Salem live. Where my incredible, lifelong friends, Val and Trudy, live (and their amazing families!). It's only a 6 hour drive to where my daughter Kendra attends college and where I can begin my visits again with my Granny, Uncle Alan, Ann and friends in North Carolina.

Is this really happening? Am I dreaming? As I sit here staring outside the window, there it is. The moving truck loaded to the brim. There was no room for all our stuff, so I had to leave some of it behind. It bothered me a lot and then I thought "Stop caring about this stuff, you're going home to what really matters!"

Our Arizona home is now empty. All that fills the walls now are the memories we created over the past 3 years. I admit, this never felt like home to me, only a stop-over. These last 3 years have dragged by for me. Being away has been one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life, although I know the Lord did not bring me here in vain. I've learned so much about myself, my family and what is really important.

Yes, "Home" is where the people you love the most are and that's where I'm going today. Home. Home. There's no place like home.

I'm coming girls. Mommy's coming.

Happy 15th Birthday Kolby Girl!

Today I celebrate the birth of my youngest daughter, who was my pleasant surprise. One morning while driving to visit my Mom and Granny, I had this strange sensation to stop at a drug store and pick up a pregnancy test. I wasn't late, but somehow, I just KNEW. I didn't say anything to Mom or Granny, I walked in Mom's house, said hi to them and announced, "I've got to pee."

I went into the bathroom, took the test and walked out with it, looked at the two of them, held it up and said, "Guess what?" They were very happy. I, on the other hand, was shocked.

This was totally unexpected. I thought I was done. My youngest, at the time, was Kendra, who was 3. Tawni and Kendra had been hoping for another baby. So, I knew when I told her and Tawni that I was pregnant, they would be thrilled. I also knew telling Teryn would be a different story, so I needed to pick just the right time. I decided when I picked her up from school, I would tell her. She was in the back seat with her best friend, Lacey. Maybe she wouldn't react so badly in front of her friend. I was wrong. She was not happy and she made sure I knew it! But since the day of Kolby's birth, Teryn has treated her as her own! She adores her. I know that Teryn couldn't imagine her life without Kolby, like all of us, but I will never forget that day! I'm sure Teryn remembers it too!

Kendra decided that I was having twins. She'd walk around the house singing, "Mommie's having two babies, Mommie's having two babies! There are two babies in your belly!" I kept saying, "Stop saying that!" She wouldn't. One night, I started bleeding. I was terrified. I called the doctor. He told me to stay in bed and come to his office first thing in the morning. When we arrived, he took us back and did an ultrasound (Kendra was with us, listening to every word the doctor said). I cried, "I lost the baby, didn't I?" He said, "Yes, you did lose one. But, this one is doing just fine." I said, "This one?!?" Once again, I was shocked.

When we got to the parking lot, Kendra stopped. She threw her hands out and said, "Wait a minute! You mean there were two babies in your belly and now there's just one?" "Yes, Kendra", I answered. "Are you sad, Mommy?" "Yes, sweetie, but I'm happy too, cause Mommy is still having a baby!" She looked at me, put her hands on her hips and said, "SEE!! I told you there were two babies in your belly! You didn't believe me! My baby brother is in Heaven and my baby sister is in your belly!" I was speechless. And I wasn't about to argue with her.

Seven months later, on May 14, 1996, Kendra's prophetic word came true! With Teryn and Tawni beside me, encouraging me to push, I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy 7lb baby girl. We had been taking bets all day about what time she'd be born. Tawni won! She said 10:38 p.m. and that's when Kolby made her entrance into the world! My little baby girl laid in the hospital nursery for two days while we decided what to name her. We were fighting over Kelsey or Kolby. Obviously, we chose Kolby and I'm glad we did. It fits her. Kolby Alexandra. She's been a blessing in our lives ever since. What can I say about the "Kolby Girl"? She's genuine, compassionate, caring, hilarious, sensitive, smart, organized (her clothes are color coordinated!) and even a talented chef! She made me Chicken Alfredo for Mother's Day and it was delicious! She plays sports and dress up. She says she likes to play sports for her twin brother and dress up cause she's still a girly girl! The kid is talented! We all love and spoil her like crazy and she's a joy to everyone who meets her. Fifteen! You'll be driving next year! May the Lord God help me! May the Lord help us all!! I love you!

All I can say now is, thank God for His little surprises!

Happy Birthday Tawni "Bear"!

Twenty five years ago, I was working at a hospital emergency room when I realized I was a little "late". I asked one of the doctors (one of the perks working at a hospital!) if he would order a pregnancy blood test. I knew this was the quickest, surest way to know for sure. I went to the lab, had a vial of blood drawn and then all I could do was wait for the results. It didn't come before my shift was over so I would have to continue my wait at home. It was the longest 2 hours of my life!

The phone rang. I grabbed it before the second ring! "Congratulations, you're pregnant!" This was definitely a surprise, but a pleasant one. I was shocked, but smiling at the same time. I was going to have a baby! This baby would be joining her sister in about 7 months.

Without going into a lot of details, her arrival didn't come without some challenges. I almost lost her several times throughout my pregnancy.

But, we made it. And, fifteen hours into labor, the nurse checked me and said, "You have several more hours to go, so just try to relax. It's going to be awhile." Literally, within minutes after she left my hospital room (I'm not kidding, it was minutes!), I looked over at her father (who was sitting in a chair reading a magazine!) and said, "Something's happened. This baby is ready!" He said, "No, it's not. The nurse said it would be awhile. You're wrong." He went back to his magazine! I screamed, "Go and get her!" He still didn't move. I pressed my nurse call button. She came back and checked me. And, guess what, there she was, my baby girl, ready to make her entrance into the world!

On that momentus day, 26 years ago, May 5, 1985 at 3:26 p.m., I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy, 7lb 9oz baby girl named Tawni Blair.

And she has been one of the greatest joys of my life. Tawni is beautiful, gifted, talented, free spirited, genuine, funny, compassionate and has a heart like no one I've ever known. I am blessed that God chose my womb to carry her for 9 months (more like 10 since the little brat was late!).

Twenty six years! Tawni, you are not only my daughter or your sister's sister, you are a woman and now a Nurse! It blows my mind. My gosh, time flies. Seems like yesterday you were getting stuck in the dryer, picking your nose, making family videos or sneaking out of the house! Oh wait, it was just yesterday! LOL! Just look at you! You are a beautiful, wonderful human being who travels to places where you see a need. You just returned from your 3rd trip from Haiti doing what you do best, helping and serving others. And, despite the challenges you've faced over the past 2 years, perservered through nursing school. You are truly an inspiration to me and so many others!

So, Happy Birthday, my Tawni "Bear". You truly are one of the greatest accomplishments in my life and one of the best things I've ever done. I could not be more proud to be called your mommy. I don't deserve you, but, like it or not, you're stuck with me. I am your mother and you are my daughter. I've got the stretch marks to prove it! (I'm sure you miss hearing that, huh?!) I am blessed to be your mother.

I love you. High as the sky, deep as the sea and all the air that's in between.