Merry Christmas!

Christmas Eve is tomorrow.  It's hard to believe another year has passed.  So much happens in a year. 

If you had told me what was going to happen in my personal life during 2012, I don't think I would have believed you.  But, it's true.  My life is not as I knew it just 12 short months ago.   Some of the memories of 2012 have not been pleasant.   Even though I can honestly say I wish some of the happenings of 2012 had had different outcomes, still I feel blessed.

I made a decision just 4 days ago to sell my bedroom suit.  And today, it's gone.  I was ready for change.  The empty room has already taken on a better look than it did just an hour ago.  The plans have already been laid out for what's going in there.  It's going to be beautiful, comfortable and all me:).

I'm very excited about 2013.  So much is just around the corner for me and my family.  We're working on projects together and my work in the non-profit world continues to thrive and grow.  My daughters, son-in-law and granddaughter live close by and now my brother and his family will be living near us within the month!  It's just beyond words how the Lord is bringing our extended families within driving distance of one another.  This is truly an answer to prayer.

This time of year, there is nothing like being surrounded by family.  These are the people I would rather spend time with than anyone in the world.

I am anticipating wonderful things happening in my professional and personal life in 2013.  Pretty exciting stuff.  I am faithful to those in my life and my God is faithful to me.  And when we choose to do the right things, there's no telling what's coming!  May this season and everyday of the year, I never forget how good my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, has been to me.   Without Him, I would not be smiling today.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

My Daughter's First

My 16 year old daughter found out yesterday that one of her close friends was killed in a car accident.  To say she is totally inconsolable is an understatement.  He was only 16 years old.  A star football quarterback, wrestler, very well liked and such a good friend to her.

How do you comfort your teenager when they can't comprehend that this person is gone forever?  It's quite difficult.  So, I just listen.  I listen to her tell me their stories, I look at their pictures, hold and comfort her and reassure her that I'm here when she needs me.

I give her the space she asks for.  I don't take it personal when she says, "I want to be alone" or "please don't hug me right now."  She's hurting.  I'm hurting for her. 

Life is so fragile.  My 16 year old is experiencing a close death for the first time in her young life.  I don't have the heart to tell her that as the years go by, she'll have to face this again and again.  For now, I'm just going to love her through it.

RIP Grayson Weeks and thank you for being a good friend to my daughter.

America in Mourning

Why?  We'll probably never know, but continue to ask.  These things never make sense.  God bless the families in Newtown, Connecticut. 

I have no words.

I LOVE this town!

For many months now, I've been content staying home.  I love my house, my comfortable bed, my new movie theatre room and just snuggling with my Maltipoo or my daughter.  I truly enjoy being home.  I love to have fun and go out too, but I've just been happy staying in.  But, at the urging of my friends and family, I've decided it's time to explore new things.

So, tonight, I took up an invitation to a couple of events and I'm so glad that I did!  My night started at the SIR Studios (one of the largest and most successful in the country, where anybody who's anybody rehearses and records!).  I was invited by a friend to come out and hear the showcase of an impressive, up and coming new young artist, who was fantastic!

Then, I was off to the birthday party of one of the most successful men in the music business.  It was held at the historic RCA Studio A on Music Row.  This studio is currently owned by the one and only Ben Folds.  It's also the studio that Chet Atkins built in 1962.  The invitation only event attendees had access to the entire studio and heard incredible stories about its history.  Quite surreal to be in a studio where the Greats themselves have recorded (and still do, to this day.)

In one room, I was surrounded by some of the most influential people in the music industry.  It didn't matter who they were.  Everyone was just enjoying themselves and having a great time.  The band played long into the night my favorites from the 70's and 80's!  Dancing, great food, open bar and lots of great company and conversation.  "Oh, what a night!".

I've been receiving invitations lately to some pretty amazing events!  And I'm not planning on declining any of them.  I'm so enjoying the new friends coming into my life and all that's coming.  So much ahead in 2013.  Thank you Doug, Steve, Allison and Lani!   This has been a tough year for me, so it's nice to enjoy new experiences and opportunities. 

Yes, I LOVE this town!

Mr. Zig Ziglar, One of a Kind

I loved listening to Zig Ziglar.  I first learned about him from my dad.  My father loved him.  Being in the sales profession until the day he died, my dad loved Zig Ziglar all of his personal and professional life and quoted him often!  He didn't just believe that the words of Zig Ziglar were beneficial for a sales career, but also for life in general.  My Dad was from the "old school" days of sales, the door-to-door knocking kind and he loved the concept of straight commission.  It drove him crazy when people complained about it.  His motto was, "I get paid exactly what I've earned" and he liked it that way.  People these days could learn a thing or two about the work ethic of those before us.  Today we live in a society that wants something for nothing.  It's pathetic.  But, hey, that's another blog.

Traveling with my dad on Saturday mornings knocking on hundreds of doors demonstrating and selling Electrolux vacuum cleaners, I was sure of three things.  #1) We'd sell vaccuums, #2) We'd be listening to Zig Ziglar cassettes!  And always, without fail, #3) I could count on Dad to quote Zig Ziglar throughout the day.

Here are some of my favorite Zig Ziglar quotes used by my own father.  And he always started them with this, "Baby Girl..............

"If you think you can or you think you can't, you're right."
“Remember that failure is an event, not a person.”
"You will get all you want in life, if you help enough other people get what they want.”
“People often say motivation doesn’t last. Neither does bathing—that’s why we recommend it daily.”
“There has never been a statue erected to honor a critic.”
“People don’t buy for logical reasons. They buy for emotional reasons.”
“Expect the best. Prepare for the worst. Capitalize on what comes.”
“If you go looking for a friend, you’re going to find they’re scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere.”
“A goal properly set is halfway reached.”
“Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.”
“If you can dream it, you can achieve it."

As far as I know, my Dad never got to meet Zig Ziglar in person, but just last month, I had the honor of meeting his daughter, Julie, at an event we were both speaking at.  I was beyond excited and thrilled to meet her.  I told her how much my father admired her father.  We had our picture made together, along with another friend, and I'll cherish it and my time with Julie for the rest of my life.  I know my father would have been beyond ectastic that I'd met one of his heroes daughter.  I'm looking forward to seeing her again in the near future as we continue working together fighting for the causes we both believe in.  We were blessed.  Our father's weren't perfect, but I can safely say that both of us would credit our father's for instilling our drive for success and being the best we can be.

Like I had to do seven years ago, I'm thinking about Julie today as she bids farewell to her own father, the greatest motivational speaker of all time, Mr. Zig Ziglar. 

I have a strong feeling my Dad and Zig have already met by now and they're having a blast:).

                                            Victoria, Linda Cochrane and Julie Ziglar

Happy Birthday Dad

Happy Birthday, Dad. I still can't believe you're gone. There's so much I wish I could tell you. For now, I'll say I love you. Enjoy Heaven and the peace that you so desperately longed for and finally have:)

A Curveball

If you haven't already guessed by now, my relationship status has changed.  There are certain things this girl is not willing to compromise, hence my new relationship status of single.

It's been quite a journey this past year.  Some very good changes have taken place, while others have been quite painful, yet necessary. 

Slowly but surely, I've begun to enjoy my newfound status, although at times, I won't lie, it's a bit much to take in.  Word has begun to get out and already well meaning friends or colleagues are calling to tell me about "someone you've GOT to meet!" 

For now, I've decided to "date" myself and regroup.  This coming year, 2013, is going to be life changing for me and my family.  Much is coming and I'll be giving more details as I'm able:). 

My wounds have been licked, my pride and humiliation are on the mend, and I'm working on my convictions.   That inner voice inside tried desperately to warn me, but I didn't listen and brushed it away.  It's time for me to figure out how I let that happen.

Then do my best to make sure it doesn't ever happen again. 

 

.

Bittersweet

Some songs just get to me.  This is one of them.  Beautiful, yet painful.  I miss my best friend Trudy and still can't believe she's been gone over a year now.  I miss my Dad, who left this earth seven years ago.  I miss others who've touched my life in some way, even though they aren't part of it today.

And maybe one day when and if couples stop taking eachother for granted and start cherishing and protecting what God has given them, then and only then will songs like this one fail to exist.  Like that'll ever happen.

This song says so much.  Have you ever awakened from a deep sleep and let out a huge sigh of relief when you realized what you were just dreaming was just a dream?  Well, I have.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMN8tyLK8ZU

Again?

"Sometimes "I'm sorry" just isn't good enough anymore."

When someone continues to repeat the same inappropriate behaviors over and over again, it's time to realize there's a pretty good chance they most likely aren't going to stop.  That's when, for some, it becomes decision time.  Keep putting up with it, accept it or move on. 

People, we can try and twist facts to make it the truth to fit what we need it to be all day long, but it still doesn't make it the truth.  Think about this.  In this day and time, anything and everything we do or say is documented and recorded.  This is why I beg teenagers, especially my own daughters, to be careful what they put on Facebook, Twitter or any other social media outlet. 

I'm sure the head of the CIA and his mistress thought their initial "innocent" emails and flirting couldn't get them into trouble.  It did!  Then, they thought their correspondence wouldn't be discovered.  It was.   When you play with fire, you will get burned.  

People like to flirt with eachother around the workplace, convincing themselves it's innocent or maybe they'll dabble in pornography, etc, believing noone is going to get hurt.  Those behaviors may feed a need for attention or an inflated ego, but I wonder how those same people would act if they were aware their significant others were watching or had access to those email conversations.  Hmmmm?

Think about it.  If even the head of the CIA gets caught having an affair, do we actually believe we're capable of getting away with anything these days?  Nope, I think not.

So, why not come clean and stay clean.  Then, there's nothing to worry about.  Wow, sounds like a concept and integrity to me!

And the truth shall set you free:).

Good-Bye Bradley

You were buried today.  I didn't attend your funeral because I wasn't sure I should.  However, that didn't change the fact that you've been on my mind since I heard the news last Thursday.  There are moments when I can't stop crying and those times I can't stop smiling thinking about the love we shared and all the fun we had together.   

Losing two people over the past 18 months that meant so much to me is indescribable.  I can't explain my emotions from one hour to the next.  Your death reminds me of hers last July.  A reminder of how short life is, that we're not promised tomorrow.  Both of you dying unexpectedly.  It's just too much.

Many people are hurting from your passing.  I've been praying for your parents, your brothers, your friends, your wife and especially your daughter.  People have been honoring you with their blogs and memories.  It's quite beautiful.

I realized something today.  You died exactly 26 years to the day that we had our first date.  You hounded me at that Halloween Party until I agreed to go out with you the next day!  I remember it like it was yesterday.  You were a man with a beautiful heart and I was blessed to have shared part of your life with you. 

Although some of our time together may have been painful, today, I want to remember those that were wonderful, as there were many.  Because of you, I believe in true love and discovered what it meant to truly love a man.  My love for you may have changed over the years, but I never stopped.  And even though we'd gone our separate ways, so many times, I was reminded of you.  Whether it was a song I'd hear, a movie, a book I was reading, there you were.  It always made me smile.  You were infectious.  You were the kind of man that touched people's lives so as they'd never forget you.  Not to mention that to this day, you were one of the funniest guys I've ever known!  You had a way to make me smile, even on a bad day.

You will forever be missed by all who knew you and your memory resides in a place of my heart that will always belong to you and you alone.  I have no regrets.  Because "It is better to have loved deeply and lost, than never to have loved at all."  Thank you for that.

Good-bye for now.  Until we meet again.   

Highs and Lows

Today started as a great day.  We celebrated the Open House for our new Pregnancy Center!  This has been a dream of mine for 10+ years and it came true today.  Watching this goal come to fruition has been so inspiring to me.  When you dream and believe, you really can make things happen.  Once again, I am humbled and blessed to have been used by God to make a difference in the lives of others and my community. 

There was a huge turn out of people showing their support.  I gave a short speech to the large crowd and had the privilege of cutting the ceremonious ribbon to mark our first day in business.  It was such a proud moment for me, my staff, our board members and volunteers.

Unfortunately, a couple hours later, I received a telephone call from my best friend, Terry.  He shared some very sad news with me.  Someone that had been a huge part of my life 25 years ago passed away this morning. 

I was stunned, shocked and dismayed.  I think I will be for a long time.  After Terry gave me the news, I held the phone and just cried.  I haven't spoken to this person in years, but there were many times I thought of him and hoped he was happy.  It's been a surreal day full of highs and lows.

Rest in peace, Brad.  You will forever be missed by anyone who ever met you.  Including me.  I'd always hoped to speak to you just once more.

Patience is a Virtue

It's almost over.

A Real Ninja!

What a great show on "Real Talk" with Victoria today!  I had the pleasure of interviewing Travis Rosen, an American Ninja Warrior Competitor from the NBC Show of the same name.  What a fantastic guy with a great story.  At 38, he's the oldest competitor to make it as far as he has on three seasons.

I get to interview some really interesting people on my radio show.  It's a great gig that I enjoy every week.  This was just another one to add to the many I've already done.  More great guests coming in the future too!

Travis is training once again for the next competition and I'll definitely be watching and cheering him on!

Happy Halloween!

My granddaugher, Salem, and I recently visited a costume shop in Nashville.  We had a blast!  Our family is pretty excited about this year's Halloween fun and all the plans we've made!  The entire family will be in costume this year!

I tried on various outfits and Salem loved telling me what she thought of each one.  When I put the red time period dress on, she said, I looked like a "princess" then reminded me that "I'm the only one that can be a Princess, Mimi, so you can't wear that one!"

Needless to say, we made more memories today and I'm blessed for every moment I spend with her.  She is going as "Tinkerbell", with pink wings and all.

As you can tell, I grew attached to the white GoGo Boots, so I decided to mix and match.  My nurse costume will be hip.  No nurse shoes for me:)

Halloween, we're ready!  Neighbors, get those candy bars out, because Salem and I are coming!

Happy Halloween!

New Blogs Coming Soon!

I haven't forgotten about my blog or my faithful readers.  I've just been a busy lady lately.  It's all good:).  I'll do my best to write a new one this week!  My best doesn't always mean I'll succeed, so please be patient!

Looking forward to writing about my recent trip to the dentist with my 27 year old daughter.  I love that no matter how old they get, my girls still want their Mommy! 

Also, I'll be writing about my visit to Wyoming, the Devil's Tower, seeing black bears, wolves, mountain lions, buffalo and viewing Mt. Rushmore.  Great time with even better company. 

God is good.

A Meeting With a Congressman

To say I'm excited about the many exciting things going on in my life right now would be an understatement!  God is so good to me, in spite of me.  I'm so grateful for that.

Today was another exceptional day in my life.  I was able to spend some time with Congressman Marsha Blackburn, who generously took time out of her incredibly busy day, to spend some time with me at our pregnancy center.

I was proud to show her around and describe the many wonderful things going on at our center.  My work is humbling and incredibly fulfilling.  I truly have a job that isn't one.  It's been said, "Find something you love to do, and you'll never work a day in your life."  That's how I feel about my work. 

I personally want to thank Congressman Blackburn for another day in my life that I can be proud of.  You have my vote any day of the week.  By the way, you might think I should refer to her as a congresswoman?  No, thank you.  She prefers congressman and I'm just fine with that.

Congressman Blackburn is a public servant that the entire State of Tennessee should be proud to support.

New Beginnings!

New beginnings can be scary and exciting at the same time!  I'm in the middle of new beginnings right now.  Some haven't been easy, but definitely necessary and even more so, worth it:).

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."  So I've heard and even tend to believe.  But, I'm starting to wonder?  Don't you think the bad choices we make eventually lead to good ones and those good ones lead to a better, stronger, healthier and even more wiser you?  I hope that makes sense to someone other than me!  This I know for sure.  I am who I am today because of where I've been.  And although I'd love to be able to change a few things from my past, I like who I've become.

In life, there are no guarantees.  Unless you count dying and paying taxes!  People make promises they don't keep, they let us down, lie, and so on and so on.  Of course, we're only human, which makes us prone to these behaviors.  So, there are times, we can't be sure about people. 

But, there is one thing I've always been sure of.  It's an absolute.  And that's Gods undying, undeniable, unconditional love for me.  It's amazing how crazy He is about me!  The good, bad, crazy, imperfect (and all the other adjectives that go here) me.  He's madly in love with me!  He's not ashamed to call me His own.  He's never lied, humiliated or failed me, even in the midst of my most darkest or challenging of times, He's right there.

God's never disappointed me, but on many ocasions, I've disappointed Him.  But, even so, He's ready and willing to pick up the pieces of our shattered lives and put them back together.  No matter what we've done, mistakes we've made or the disobedience we've shown, without hesitation, God will be there waiting with outstretched arms to mend our broken hearts.

There are too many times in my life that I've been absolutely sure I've heard His leading and made decisions accordingly, only to find out I was way wrong.   Through my failures, He loves me anyway and holds nothing against me.  He's taken my mistakes and made something beautiful from them.  Yes, I'm on a road to new beginnings!  What a great comfort to know, He's walking right beside me.

Because when I mess up again, and I will, it's good to know He's not too far behind:).

Always Their Mommy

So many great things going on in my life right now.   Professionally, my work is thriving.  Our pregnancy center is getting ready to open a second office, which will enable us to expand our services to many more families in need.  This is a dream come true!  I give all the credit to God and the abilities He's given me to make things happen.  I'm blessed.

Personally, I'm in a really good place.   My family is amazing.  My friends are fantastic, some of which span 20 years and I'm still making new ones:).

As a mother of four girls, there's rarely a dull moment!  My youngest daughter, Kolby, is a junior in high school.  It's hard to believe that in less than two years, she'll be off to college and I'll be home alone.  I miss those days of my girls running around the house fighting over shampoo, lipstick and clothes!

Growing up, Kolby mentioned many times that she looked forward to the day her sisters moved out so she'd be the only one home with me.  Her wish came true two years ago when her older sister, Kendra, went off to college.  Spending time with Kolby and creating memories with her has been priceless.  It's so hard to believe that she's halfway through her junior year in high school.  I'm determined to savor every moment I can while she's still home.  We're doing more together now than we ever have and I love it!  She sleeps with me, works out with me, dances with me, and we love our Lifetime Movie Weekends, where we veg in my bed, snuggle and just be.  

The other day, I overheard her on the phone telling someone how special our relationship is and how much it meant to her.  It put a smile on my face.  She'll always be my Kolby Girl. 

When I look at each one of my beautiful girls, Teryn, Tawni, Kendra and Kolby, I'm reminded that they've grown into the women I'd hoped and prayed for the day I gave birth to them.  Life is flying by.  As I sit back and watch my oldest, Teryn, raising her own daughter now, it's surreal. 

My days of raising daughters may be coming to an end soon, but I'll always be their Mommy. 

Who Are You?

Well, I'm Victoria. I'm a woman.  I'm a follower of Jesus Christ.  I'm a woman after God's heart.  I'm a mother. I'm a grandmother.  I'm a sister. I'm a daughter. I AM Granny's favorite! I'm a niece and a cousin. I'm an aunt. I'm a sister-in-law. I'm a loyal friend.  I'm forever Trudy's best friend. I'm a non-profit executive.  I'm a boss.  I'm an author.  I'm a public speaker.  I'm a radio talk show host.  I'm a part-time comedienne.

I can sing. I love to dance. I tell jokes. I laugh at myself. I like to decorate. I enjoy cooking, but like it even better when someone cooks for me:). I like running, ok, make that walking! I like just a little make-up. I like the smell of Johnson's Baby Lotion. I love 70's music. I'm passionate. I'm self-motivated. I'm genuine. I'm real. I travel. I'm flexible. I'm eclectric. I read. I go to movies. I'm dedicated to my work. I like white or dessert wine. I go to concerts. I attend plays. I'm a nurturer. I'm forgiving, but not forgetful or stupid.  I protect those I love. I still believe in romance. And I wholeheartedly, unequivacably, believe in love.....still. 

I could write about attributes I'm not proud of or still working on, but for what? Today, I'm focusing on some of the positives about myself, instead of the negatives. I'm a work in progress. Each day, life brings with it new challenges, but also new beginnings. Thank God, His mercies are new every morning.  Freshly each day, like a blank sheet of paper in hand, we are the authors and decide what is penned.

I try to do my best to make the most of each day that I'm privileged to be here. So, today, I've decided to give myself a break. A pat on the back, if you will! I haven't always done things perfectly or even close, but no one can accuse me of not giving it my best shot.

I've learned in life that I have control over one person and that's me. And I'm all this girl can handle! Wow. Much less pressure!  I've said it once and I'll say it again, I'm not where I need to be, but thank God, I'm not where I used to be either, personally, professionally or even geographically!

And, I'm all about that!

Pregnancy Center Banquet

Last night we celebrated our annual fundraising banquet to raise funds for the Pregnancy Center's of Middle TN.  What a night!  Other than having some issues with microphones, the evening went without a hitch.

Congressman Marsha Blackburn, TN State Rep Sheila Butt, the Maury County Commissioner representing Spring Hill, Scott Cepicky and former State Rep, now Executive Director of F.A.C.T., David Fowler also attended our event.  

Our speaker, Ron Gleaves, was outstanding!  His story was inspirational and powerful.  Ron spoke of the impact on being one of the 54 million+ post abortive men living in this country since Roe v. Wade.   At 19, Ron drove his girlfriend to Planned Parenthood for an abortion.  He couldn't contain his emotion, as he relived that experience with us tonight.  Ron stated, "I can't remember what I wore yesterday, but I remember that day like it was yesterday."

Over 230+ guests were blessed by his message and the testimonies.  This was, by far, one of the best banquets I've ever been a part of.  I was very proud of my staff, our board and the entire crew that made this event possible.

The venue, Westbury House on the Square, downtown Columbia, was superb.  The food was delicious (from what I heard), as I had no time to eat!

The music provided by my own daughter, Tawni, and her guitarist, Daniel, was beautiful and appropriate.  And the best part is that we raised more support for our pregnancy center.

I am so blessed to be a part of such a fantastic organization.  The banquet is now over.  Now, I can take a breather.  But only for a moment.  Preparations will begin soon for our next banquet in March!

So much to do...........but so willing to do it:)

p.s.  If you or someone you know is a post-abortive man and you'd like to tell your story, please email me at VictoriaKoloff@gmail.com.  I will get back in touch with you right away.  My 2nd book, "They Lied to Us Too", is almost complete.  This book will be filled with stories from men just like Ron, who want to share their stories.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Is It God's Fault or Ours?

The next time someone asks me, "If God is so good, why do bad things happen?"  I'm going to answer, "I think the real question is, why aren't we more surprised when something good happens?"

Chew on that for a minute.  Although our country, no question, is still the greatest place to live in the world, we haven't taken the best care of it.  Sin abounds.   Let's see, we've kicked God out of our schools, father/daughter dances are getting banned, 3700 unborn babies are killed everyday, kids are killing kids, parents are murdering their children, pornography is a multi-billion dollar business, people (even the married ones!) are soliciting for casual sex on websites!  I could go on, but you get the picture.

We've become desensitized to what's on television, the internet or even the radio and we aren't doing much to change the fact that our kids can view someone having sex at 4 in the afternoon on television or online!

I run two pregnancy centers.  Parent's come to me and want to know "Victoria, how did this happen?!"  Hello?!  When you let your kids start dating at 12, leave them alone in your home or spend every waking moment together, what do you expect is going to happen?!  I've given many pregnancy tests to the "good kids."  It's not just the troubled kids who are getting pregnant, it's also those with opportunity.

We need to accept responsibility for the crap we create in our own lives.  I've messed up, you've messed up.  We have free will to choose whatever we wish to do, good, bad or ugly.  It's up to us to decide to change for the good or stay the same.  We make those choices, not God.

I pray and ask for guidance about most, if not all, the decisions I make in my life.  But, that doesn't always mean I choose what He is leading me to choose.  I've married men I should have never married because I didn't want to see the signs He put right in front of me!  Yes, He helps us with making those decisions, but He doesn't force us to make them.  We weren't created to live as robots.  God gave us the privilege of free will and we fully exercise those rights every day.

Still want to blame God for all the bad that takes place?! Seriously?!  I say it again, we truly are blessed that ANYTHING good ever happens in the world. 

Instead of blaming all the bad on God, maybe we should start thanking Him for sending us "kisses" from Heaven every now and then. 

God onlys knows, we sure don't deserve them.

Dreams

"I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past."
Thomas Jefferson

I love this quote!  As I thought about what Thomas Jefferson's saying, I reflected on the history of my own past.  Some of it is quite embarassing and humiliating.  I'd love to undo a lot of it, but that's just not possible.

My history is sprinkled with many colorful things like divorce, poor decisions, stupid choices and a lot of other crap I'm sure we can all relate to.  

I'd absolutely change some of my past if I could.  Seriously, who wouldn't love to have at least a dozen "do overs"?!   

But, isn't there something to be said about continuing to dream even in the midst of watching other dreams die?  Sure, I may have dreams that didn't turn out the way I'd hoped, but that's not going to stop me from believing in new ones.  I've got some big dreams that I'm pretty excited about and I refuse to give up on.  Some are beginning to come to fruition, while others could be right around the corner.  True, some of my dreams have died or got squashed, but I must give myself credit.  At least I'm still dreaming. 

And because of that, I'd say my future's looking pretty good:)

Life Must Go On Without Her

It's been months since I wrote a blog about my precious Trudy.  I felt like it was time.  She's been gone now for 14 months, even though it seems like yesterday we were decorating my place in TN.

I miss her so much.  Her husband, Terry, and the boys, Donnie and Cody miss her too.  They've done much better than I would have ever expected.  I know she'd be proud.

Trudy left a legacy through her family and will forever hold a special place in the hearts of all who knew her.  So many times since she's been gone, I've desperately needed her, especially these last several months.  I miss her wisdom, discernment, encouragement, her wonderful hugs and I just loved the way she scratched my head.  We shared a friendship that comes along once in a lifetime. 

Trudy and I drove each other crazy too! It made me crazy how insecure she could be because she never saw what I and everyone around her did.  It made me sad.  Here was this amazing human being with a heart for people and gifts and talents I envyed, yet she struggled about whether she was making a difference in the world.  This girl could take a swatch of fabric and sew a dress, apron and curtains for her entire house!  She took yard sale finds and turned them into treasures.  And her cooking?!  Exquisite.

I still talk to her and play our song regularly.  Donna Summer's "Last Dance" can be heard throughout my house on a regular basis.  It makes for a great "cleaning" day song or just when I'm in the mood to dance!  I visit her grave, wear her clothes, jewelry, carry her purses and even own a couple of her bra's!  These items help me feel a little bit closer to her.  Not a day goes by that I don't think of her.  Driving into work was "our" time to catch up or just complain.  I miss those mornings.

Terry and I have definitely gotten closer.  He's become another brother to me.  We're able to share memories and talk about Trudy in a way others may not understand.  The boys are doing exceptionally well.  They miss her so much.  The times I've visited their house, Cody just sits and stares at me.  We resembled eachother so I think my presence reminds him of her.  I'm ok with that.

Life does go on, but it's never the same after you lose someone.  Her picture sits in my office to encourage me.  When I'm having a bad day, I can look at her face and hear her sweet voice cheering me on, telling me everything's going to be alright.  Fifteen months later and I still can't believe she's not a phone call away.

I am blessed to have wonderful friends in my life, a fantastic family and work that I'm proud of.  Only one thing missing.

My best friend, my Trudy. 

It Can Be Too Late

This story sucks.  Back in December of 2011, at 10:37 a.m., I received a message on my Facebook page.  It said simply, "call me lady" followed by a phone number.  It was from a friend I've known since 8th grade at Grandview Jr. High.  His name was Mitch Huggins.

Mitch and I became friends when I was "going with" his brother, Mark, in middle school. When Mark and I broke up, Mitch and I remained friends.  Twenty years later, Mark and I ran into eachother.  That meant I would see my sweet friend, Mitch, again.  Mark and I dated for a few months, but once again, our relationship ended.  My friendship with Mitch however, continued.

Although we didn't speak regularly, we began to communicate more often when he found me on Facebook.  Good ole' facebook!  He always had nice things to say and complimented my non-profit work.  Mitch always had a sweet comment on my pictures and stopped by to say "hello" regularly.

Mitch was a patriotic man who served in the Navy, he loved the Clemson Tigers and adored his family.  He was a great guy with a huge heart.  Through emails I received through Facebook, I could tell he was struggling.  One of his messages read "trying to get a grip on things".  I asked if he was getting help, but he never answered.  Time would go by and I'd hear from him again, "hi beautiful! how are you!?"  

Mitch was the kind of guy who made you laugh.   He didn't think twice about saying something positive to make you feel better, even if he felt like crap.  He was a sweet, thoughtful guy. 

I never made that call.  I thought about it several times that day, but life's busyness kept me from it.  Two days later, through Facebook, I learned Mitch passed away.  He died the same night he reached out to me.  That was tough.  I cried all day.

I made the trip to Hickory, NC for his funeral.  I felt like it was the least I could do and he was worth the six hour drive.  I don't have the kind of ego that causes me to believe I could have saved him, but I don't deny that I wish I'd called. 

I'll always wonder what he wanted to say to me and now I'll never know.  Good-bye old friend.

Beauty's From the Outside?

They say 40 is the new 30 and 30 the new 20?  Whatever the heck that means.  You can't watch television, go online or even stand in line at the grocery store without hearing or reading about the newest and latest product guaranteed to take 10 years off your face!

There's no question.  We live in a culture obsessed with sex and looks.  The young want to look sexy and older.  The older want to look sexy and younger.  It's insane!

I'm a grandmother.  I know I don't look like a grandmother and I LOVE that I don't look like a grandmother.  So, please don't hear what I'm not saying.  I take no issue with looking our best and taking care of ourselves. I'm a witness!  But, when our appearance becomes more important to us than who we are as a human being?  Well, that's just tragic.

A birth certificate doesn't lie.  You may look younger when you look in a mirror, but don't let that piece of glass fool you.  Your body is changing with each day.  And it's aging.

I'll say it again.  There's nothing wrong with looking your best.  These days, some 40 year old men  and women have better bodies than 20 year old's and Mom's look like their daughter's sister, rather than the women who birthed them!  Personally, I admit, I get that alot.  I savor the moments when people tell my girls "your mom looks like she's your sister!"  I smile and enjoy those comments because I know it won't always be that way.   I take pride in the fact that I do my best to look my best, but, I'm not obsessed.  There's a difference.

In my work, I travel the country speaking to literally thousands of women at conferences, I do book signings, speak at fundraisers and in churches.  I've met these people.  They believe if they were skinnier, prettier, or more talented, they'd be happier.  It's just not true.  There are drop dead beautiful women all over the world, who are some are the most miserable people I've ever met!  Obsessing with looks is not the answer to happiness, but I guarantee that feeling good about who you are is a great beginning!  No amount of make-up or the newest shade of pink lipstick is going to change how you feel about yourself by looking great on the outside if you're dying on the inside. 

Some people are convinced it's that next procedure that will finally make them feel worthy and good about the person they see in the mirror.  They tell themselves, "when I have this or that done" or "if I could just lose 10 lbs" or "if I could afford yoga classes" or "if I had money for a personal trainer", I would feel better about who I am.  NO!  You won't.  That revelation comes from within!  There are no short cuts! 

Be honest with yourself.  How do you see you?  What kinds of things do you say to yourself?  Who do you really believe you are?

If your answers aren't positive, what are you willing to do to change that?  Do not be mistaken.  Eventually, time will catch up to you.  You won't be able to stop gravity or that thinning hairline, no matter how much money you spend.  The affects of age will catch up to all of us.  Then, what are we left with? 

Seriously you guys. I have nothing against looking your best, but how about feeling your best too? Why not have both?!  There are some very beautiful women who walk around with no self-confidence and it takes away from their beauty. I just want to slap them!

Insecurity is ugly. If we would spend as much time working on ourselves than in a mirror, at the gym or under the knife, we'd be more beautiful than we've ever imagined. 

So, how about it?  Do you want to look and feel your best?  From the inside out?  Then, try reading a book once in a while or try writing one (I'm almost done with my second).  See a therapist if you have issues to deal with (I did and still do once in awhile).  Develop a spiritual life (I have).  Forgive others (not easy, but well worth it).  Get rid of toxic people that are in your life (I did).  Be single than wish you were (one of the best things I did!).  Say something nice to yourself (daily).  Pick up good habits (a daily goal).

Look, I haven't arrived by any means, but here's what I do know.  I may not be where I need to be, but thank God, I'm not where I used to be either.

Yes, it takes work, but the rewards are worth it.  What if you really are as amazing as those who love you say you are?

Wow.  Sounds pretty beautiful to me:)

  

 

My Bucket List - New & Updated (1st Published 8.12.2011)

1.    Take my kids on a cruise. (check!)
2.    Stay at the Biltmore Estate Hotel for a Long Weekend.
3.    Write another book. (Literally writing it now!)
4.    Own rental property. (Check!)
5.    Volunteer abroad for a month.
6.    Cross a country using public transportation.
7.    Smoke a cigar (only the good kind!).
8.    Find Mrs. Jack, my 5th grade teacher at St. Stephens Elementary and thank her. (Check!)
9.    Truly forgive my ex-husbands. (Check! So freeing!)
10.  See Barry Manilow in concert. (Check!)
11.  Go to an Eagles Concert.
12.  Attend a Chicago Concert.
13.  Try a Piece of Fruit.
14.  Learn how to Tango.
15.  Camping, the Real Kind!
16.  Perform Stand-Up Comedy. (Check!)
17.  Host Saturday Night Live.
18.  A Bike Tour Through Wine Country.
19.  Fish in the Florida Keys.
20.  Go on a Week Long Fishing Trip.
21.  Take a Basic Self-Defense Class.
22.  Perform as a Street Musician.
23.  Complete My Family Tree.
24.  Role in Local Theatre. (Check!)
25.  Eat a Vegetable. (Even though it was broccoli smothered in cheese, it still counts! Check!)
26.  Dive in the Chattanooga Aquarium.
27.  Do a Polar Bear Swim.
28.  Hot Yoga. (Check!)
29.  Ride on the Orient Express.
30.  Drive down Route 66.
31.  Walk through a Corn Maze.
32.  Visit the Galapagos Islands.
33.  Meet someone special atop the Statue of Liberty.
34.  Buy a Vacation Home on the Beach.
35.  Attend a Japanese Tea Ceremony.
36.  Visit Coney Island Boardwalk.
37.  Solve a Mystery. (Check!)
38.  Ride a Steamboat down the Mississippi River.
39.  Stay with an Amish Family.
40.  Make a friend on Martha's Vineyard.
41.  Start a Food Fight.
42.  Own a Moped.
43.  Learn to play Poker.
44.  Learn to say "No" without feeling guilty. (Check!)
45.  Allow myself to make Mistakes.
46.  Learn How to Take Compliments.
47.  Forgive Myself.
48.  Run 5K (Check! Check!)
More to come :) 
"Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing at all."  Helen Keller

Growth

Growth can be scary and rather intimidating.  Most of us, if we're honest, would admit that we don't like change.  We'd rather things stay the way they are.  It's a small percentage of people who will actually venture out into the "unknown".  I find that really sad too.  Do you think reality television, movies and documentaries are so incredibly popular these days because so many people live their lives vicariously through others?

There have been few instances where I can recall being afraid of venturing out of my comfort zone.  Well, there was that time when my sister-in-law wanted me to jump out of a plane with her!  I didn't do it, by the way.

My father was no stranger to challenges.  He was an adventurer, who enjoyed traveling, he never met a stranger, had many careers (successful in ALL of them, I might add), he loved trying new things, read a new book every week, loved the NY Times crossword puzzle, was the greatest salesman that ever lived, and if you told him  something couldn't be done, he'd make it his mission to prove you wrong.  There's no doubt that my brother, sister and I inherited this DNA from our father.

I'm asked all the time how do I keep up my pace.  I heard the other day that the #1 fear of American's is public speaking.  This blew me away, as I speak publically more than 3 times a week.  It's interesting, because for me, wearing numerous hats at onces comes natural.  I don't know any other way.   

In no way am I saying everything I touch or do "turns to gold".  I've failed many times, but I can say with conviction that I'm not afraid to try.  It's in the failures that I'm motivated to do better next time.  I refuse to allow fear to dictate the decisions I make.

The great faith in the God I serve comforts me when I'm faced with a fork in the road.  Not only believing, but knowing, He has my back, no matter what my failures, brings me great comfort.  When I mess up (and this happens often!), He still loves and accepts me.  People may not come through, but, without fail, He does.  Although I've learned many lessons the hard way, God has continually turned "what the enemy meant for evil into good".

Change can be challenging at times, but it's also exciting and exhilarating.  For months, I've been searching for a 2nd location for our pregnancy center.  We've finally found one.  This venture will be one of the biggest steps of faith our center's ever taken.  It will cause us to wholeheartedly depend on God (nothing new in my line of work), the community and our abilities.  Am I a little intimidated?  Sure, a little.  But, I'm also tremendously enthusiastic about what's next.  When I think about how our center will positively impact this city and change lives, that's all the motivation I need. 

Growth can be scary, true.  But, it's worth it in the long run.  Besides, life is too short to sit around and watch others do what you're dying to try.  Get up.  Get off the couch.  Go for it.  This isn't a dress rehearsal.

I don't want to be that person who says "I wish I had", I want to be the one who says, "I'm glad I did."

St. George Island, 2012! It Rocked Baby!

Our 2012 St. George Family Beach Trip is over once again. I just arrived home and will write a blog soon about our many adventures! It was the BEST trip yet.

Until then, here are a few of the hundreds of great pictures from the most amazing week I've had this year!

Let the Vacation Begin!

As of 5:00 p.m. today, following my radio show, I was officially on vacation.  This makes me very happy and puts me in an especially good mood.

My guest today was a comediene named Josh Belcher.  I've known Josh for over a year now and he's a fantastic guy and pretty funny too.  He's actually responsible for giving me my first "break" in stand-up comedy.  Not that I needed one, as I'm not pursuing that career, but it was an event for charity and he knew I'd do it. 

Josh recently had his own radio talk show, so it was no surprise that he'd "take over", turn the tables on me and I would end up being the one being interviewed, which is exactly what happened.  I was fine with that, because I trust Josh.  I knew we'd have a blast and we did.

One particular question that he asked caught me off guard.  It was one I hadn't thought about before.  He said, "Victoria, you're always helping everybody else. You've been a great support to me this year when I've gone through some tough stuff.  You're my hero, Victoria (he said that, I didn't). So, my question to you is this, WHO takes care of Victoria?"  After the words left his mouth, luckily for me, I had to take a commercial break.  Perfect timing.  I hoped he'd forget.  He didn't.  He asked again.

I thought about my answer for a minute.  Since I'm single, I couldn't give the simple, "Oh, my husband/boyfriend does." (Please don't hear what I'm NOT saying.  I'm ok with being single,  My identity is not found in a guy, it's found in who God says I am.  And, for the record, I absolutely believe in and one day desire a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship.  But, these days it seems if you won't compromise on things like faithfulness, respect, trust and loyalty (just to name a few), you may have to wait a little longer and that's ok with me.  I'm worth it.  Frankly, I'd rather be single, than wish I was:). 

So, I simply said, "God does, Josh. He's the One constant I've always been able to depend on.  Hands down.  I trust my life to Him completely.  He's the One who takes care of me."  I was quite satisfied with my answer because it's the undeniable truth.  I was confident that it wasn't some "made up" answer to sound good.  I have peace in that.  I'm truly blessed to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.  Throughout my day, I reflect on all the blessings and people in my life that are so important to me.  I have some of the best friends and family anyone could ask for. 

I'm leaving for vacation tomorrow, where I'll begin a week of festivities and build more memories with my brother, sister and our families.  For eight years, this has been one of the events we look forward to all year.  It's an understatement to say we're deliriously happy about being together for the next week.  For the past two months, we've talked daily counting down the days, planning activities, menus and fighting over who sings what song on karaoke night!

My brother, sister and I will take long walks on the beach together, re-connect, talk about our father and how we miss him, sing karaoke at Harry A's most every night, eat burgers at the Blue Parrott and talk about the good and bad times from our childhood.  I'm sure we'll cry together and laugh even more.

Yea, it's true, God has my back, no question about it, but I'm incredibly grateful that He also blessed me with an amazing family that do a pretty darn good job of it too. 

With God and my family, I believe I can get through anything.

My Potty Break

Yesterday, I made the beautiful drive from Nashville to Chattanooga.  Not to visit the Chattanooga Choo Choo Hotel or the Acquarium, but to meet my daughters.   

Kolby, who's 16, had been visiting her father in NC and Kendra, 20, a student at UNC-Charlotte, was also coming home in preparation for our beach vacation next week.  We were to meet at 2, but since they were running an hour behind, I had to keep busy in downtown Chattanooga until they arrived.  I didn't mind.  We agreed to meet at the downtown Starbuck's, which is connected to the beautiful, historic hotel, now called the Sheraton.  I thought I'd enjoy a tall, white chocolate mocha, with raspberry, stirred, 3 pumps each, with whip cream (in other words, my diabetic coffee!), as I waited for them.

It was relaxing to sit and enjoy my coffee, while reading the local Chattanooga magazines.  I realized I needed a potty break, so I strolled into the Sheraton and found the proper accomodations. 
As I walked into the restroom, I noticed right away it was rather noisy.  There were two women with 3 young children in tow.  I'd guess the children ranged in age from 4, 2 and maybe 10 months old.  They smiled at me.  I smiled back.

As I came out of the stall and began washing my hands, out of the blue, one of the women proceeded to start slapping the older child who was washing his hands beside me.  I wasn't sure what he'd done, but all of a sudden, she went after him.  Over and over again, she slapped this poor, little boy on his back, his arms, his back again, then his head.  The whole time yelling at him, "I TOLD YOU not to do that!  YOU KNOW better! You are an idiot, a stupid *&$^%@#& idiot!"  It happened so fast.  I was stunned.  From around the corner, the 2 year old appeared and the woman continued her tirade on her.   I made eye contact with the children and glared at the woman.  The kids seemed helpless and humiliated, yet accustomed to this punishment.  I couldn't stand it any longer.

Now, I'm not one to keep my mouth shut in situations like this.  But for a few brief moments, I couldn't speak.  I was completely dumbfounded.   I noticed the older child didn't cry and the younger one let out a faint whimper.  The woman seemed to grow more agitated.  Maybe she wasn't receiving the "fix" she craved?  I, frankly, was growing more and more pissed off.

I finally spoke up,  "EXCUSE ME, but, don't you think that's a little bit extreme?! Seriously, are you friggin kidding me?!"  She said nothing.  I seriously wanted to take this woman and go ninja on her!

Right away, the other woman who was with her quickly exited the stall as she heard my question.   She looked at the other woman as if to say "let's get out of here!".  They grabbed the children, stared at me in an attempt to intimidate me, sneared and walked out.  My heart was racing.  Just what I needed, a brawl in the ladies room! 

Unfortunately, this isn't the first time I've seen situations like this and feel confident it won't be the last.  I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down.  After drying my hands off, I searched for them.  I don't know what I'd have done, if anything, if I'd found them, but they were gone. 

I will never understand how anyone can believe that practically beating a child and talking to them as if they don't matter, instills confidence or even positive behavioral changes.  How in the hell can anyone believe this kind of treatment is acceptable?  You may get your child to stop doing something, but what you're doing to their spirit isn't as easily remedied.

My youngest daughter is 16, so I don't have younger children at home anymore.  I know raising toddler's isn't easy.  I raised 4 of them, but I was not a parent who spanked.  Don't get me wrong, I believe in discipline, but I decided spanking would not be my discipline of choice.  I know I made the right decision for me.  My girls' are amazing people.   

Maybe you believe that it depends on the child?  So, what does that mean?  That some kids deserve to be slapped, beaten, humiliated and some don't?  That's crap.  I don't believe ANY child deserves it.  If you're a parent whose decided to spank as your discipline of choice, that's your God given right.  But, I hope you never hit your child in anger.  If you do, shame on you. 

God help us when these children grow up.  They're going to be some pretty angry adults.

Speak Up!

Have a question you'd like me to read on my show?  Need to get in touch with me?  Or maybe you want to let me know that you disagree with something I said?

Maybe you have a show idea?  Whatever the case, I welcome your thoughts, comments, ideas and even your constructive criticism!

You can email me at VictoriaKoloff@gmail.com

I look forward to hearing from you!

My Little Brother's "brush with death"!

Two weeks ago, I received a text from my brother's wife, Adrien, as I was sitting in my office preparing for my radio show.  It said, "Taking your brother to the emergency room. Accident.  Cut the back of his leg. Very bad.  Will let you know."  I was freaked out!  My little brother (ok, he's 43, but he's still my baby brother!) was hurt!  Oh, no!  He's a runner!  We are running a 5K at the beach in a couple of weeks in honor of my dad, what is he going to do?  Will he be able to walk?  Is he going to be in a wheelchair for our family beach trip!?  All kinds of thoughts were running through my head.

I wrote Adrien back and said, "Please let me know as soon as you know something!"  A little while later, I received another text.  It was a picture.  It said "the scene of the crime."  I studied it and noticed some blood, a white trash bag, a sock and an ugly, green, tennis shoe.  I thought, "OK, is that it?  Is another picture coming?"  Trust me, it was.

I asked her, "What happened?!"  She proceeded to tell me that she heard my brother screaming in the garage, ran out to find him on the ground screaming and writhing in pain, "We need to get to the hospital, I think I've cut an artery!"  She rushed back into the house, grabbed my niece and nephew, piled them in their car seats and began the drive to the emergency room.  On the way, my emotionally charged brother told her and the kids how much he loved them and that he'd had a great life.  He gave my sister-in-law instructions if he didn't make it.  Basically, he practically administered his "Last Will & Testament". 

When they pulled up to the emergency room door, they screamed for help.  An orderly came running out with a wheelchair.  My brother said, "I've cut my leg! I can't walk!"  In a flash, the orderly rushed my brother to the examing room and called for a doctor.

Adrien felt helpless.  All she could do was wait now.  She parked the car, collected the kids and sat in the waiting room for some news.  Was her husband going to be able to walk again?  Would he come out with a bandage, a cast or a wheelchair?  What if he didn't come out at all?!  She hadn't been able to see how bad the cut was because my brother had wrapped it in a towel.  Maybe that was for the best.

All I could do was wait.  My show was about to start and I was anxious to hear something!  Finally, I received some news.  It was another picture text.  This time it was of my brother's ankle.  And there was no large bandage, no cast or I.V., no surgery or anything close.  His ankle sported a Garfield band-aid.  A band-aid!  Yes, he was safe and being released from the hospital.  They did give him a tetnus shot, just in case.  Not sure what they gave him, if anything, for his bruised and battered ego!  My daughter, Tawni, is a nurse.  She told me there's no doubt in her mind the E.R. nurse purposely used that Garfield band-aid on his ankle (she said she'd have done the same thing!).  After all, Garfield is a pussy cat.  Hmmmm?

You can just imagine the great time that Chuck and I had on the radio discussing my brother's boo-boo and brush with death?

911 Robbie? Seriously?  This one will be told for generations to come in our family!

More Than I Could Have Imagined!

There are no words, but I'll give it my best shot.  The day started with a fundraising event for the pregnancy center.  Three bands put on a show to raise money for our cause.  It was a wonderful, admiral thing for these guys and gals to do for us.  The event started at 4, Barry's show at 7:30, so I made sure to let them know that I needed to take the stage by 5 to speak, as I didn't want to be rushed getting to Nashville.

They obliged my request and I was able to share my heart with the crowd about what we're about and how our non-profit organization has helped thousands of people in our community and God willing, will continue to do so.  I talked fast and said good-bye to everyone.

Then, Joanne (my nurse manager) and I hit the road.  We blasted the CD player with Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits, sang every song in preparation and made our way down Hwy 65 to the Bridgestone Arena!  After all, Barry was there! 

We ate dinner at Rippy's (probably won't go there again) and made our way across the street to the arena.  We were anxious to find out where we'd be sitting.  I made my way up to will call, presented my name (took a deep breath that they were really there) and waited for her to hand me the envelope with my name on it.

We made our way through the crowd and found our seats.  And they were AMAZING!  The excitement we both felt was beyond words!  Joanne and I were feeling truly blessed.  Scott, you outdid yourself with this one.  I promise the dinner I prepare for you will be mouth watering!

The lights went down, the music began and the curtains opened.  I took a deep breath, my heart was racing.  Then it happened.  He appeared.  Mr. Manilow himself!  I felt my eyes well up, but was determined to not be "one of those people" and contained myself.  He sounded and looked incredible!  I can not believe this man is 69 years old.

The two hour show passed too quickly.  It was disappointing when he said good night.  Throughout the evening, I found myself tearing up, breathing heavy, reminiscing about my childhood, past loves and felt deliriously happy being in the same room with him.  I know that may be silly to you, but not to me.  This experience was one I will never forget.  I want to do it again.

So, until next time, Barry, I will miss you.  Until then, there's always the music.

Twenty Four Hours Away!

Twenty four hours separates me from seeing him.  In the flesh.  I have dreamed of this moment since I was a young girl. Did I ever believe that I could actually be in the same room with him?  Not in a million years.

If you listen to my radio show, you've heard me talking about this event for the past 3 months now.  And now the moment I've been waiting for is just hours away!  People continually ask me why this obsession with Barry Manilow?  I'm going to try to explain it......again.

My childhood, like so many of us, left a lot to be desired.  When chaos surrounded my home, whether it was my father in a drunkage rage, physically abusing my mother, or wondering where our next meal was going to come from or praying we wouldn't get kicked out of our latest home, things were pretty tumultuous at best.

But, there was one thing I could do that helped me through it all.  And that was my music.  It was my refuge from all the tragedy going on around me.  I could retreat to my bedroom, play my records and drown out all the pain.  Even if it was for just a little while.  My music muffled the screaming,  the noise and the hurt.  Just a small turn brought up the volume and I was free to sing my heart out while I held my hairbrush in one hand, as I escaped to another world.  I played The Carpenter's, Eagles, Chicago and of course, my one and only, my favorite, Barry Manilow.

To this day, music comforts me.  As an adult, I've faced many trials and struggles. Yet, each time my world seems to be falling apart, or I just want to cry my heart out, I can pop in a CD (Barry, of course!), turn up the stereo on every tv or put on my headphones.  There's always been my music.  Whether I'm singing in the shower, my car, in front of thousands of people at an event or a church, it brings me a sense of peace.  It's just magical.  (I'm no Mariah Carey, but that's not the point!).

No, friends, this isn't just a concert to me.  It's so much more.  I'm confident tomorrow night will be emotional and I'm prepared for that.  I look forward to singing along with Barry and thousands of others.  Who knows?  Maybe he and I will have a Bruce Springstein/Courtney Cox moment and he'll bring me up on stage with him.  Ok, I can dream people!  I will be surrounded by other Barry Manilow fanatics or who I lovingly refer to as my "peeps"!  They get it.  This time there will be no drowning out of any noise and the tears I shed will be tears of joy.

Now, the only question is:  What'll I wear!?!?!

Religion or Relationship? There's a difference.

So what does a great  and awesome welcome message look like in a church bulletin?  In my opinon, it looks exactly like what the church “Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic Community” has in theirs. 
I am the Executive Director of a Crisis Pregnancy Center.  I've written a book about the effects abortion has on women and I'm in the process of writing my 2nd book about the effects abortion has on men.  I speak all over the country bringing a message of faith called, "Getting Free From Your Past and Getting Real With God", I wrote a message to middle and high school students called, "Real Love Waits, I don't Until I Do", I speak in prisons, to women's groups, civic organizations, wherever I'm invited.  I have a radio show that reaches people all over the world called "Real Talk" with Victoria on FOXSports Radio, I counsel men, women and young girls in crisis situations.  So, I guess you could say I'm in full-time ministry.  I'm blessed and privileged that God chooses to use someone like me.  I am a worm who deserves to die, but He sees me differently and continues to use me to make a difference in the lives of others.  I don't take that lightly.  That's who I am.

Here's who I'm not.  I'm not religious.  It's offensive to me when someone says I am because of my involvement in churches.  I have a relationship with Jesus Christ.  And there's a huge difference between a relationship with Him and religion.  Going to church every week won't make you a Christian just as much as sitting in a garage all day won't make you a car.  Being a Christian and having a relationship with Christ doesn't mean I'm perfect, infallible or without flaws (trust me!).  It also doesn't mean that Jesus is some guy I ignore.  He has a significance in my life that I can't explain to you if you don't know Him or have it.

Please don't misunderstand my position.  In no way, am I stating that as Christians, we should not hold one another accountable for our actions.  Nor does my stand mean that I condone certain behaviors of others, even myself, for that matter.  What I am saying is that Jesus came to heal the sick, He came to set the captive free, He came to make a difference by loving us and firmly calling us out of sin. 
In my opinion, this bulletin is a great example of what I Jesus has tried for centuries to teach us.  As I've already said, this doesn't mean we don't hold eachother accountable, but it does mean that He loves ALL of us, no matter where we are in life.  And I truly believe Jesus doesn't care where we've been or what we've done, He cares about where we're going.  Thank God He loves me just the way I am, but too much to leave me this way.

So, enjoy excerpt from the church bulletin.  I sure did. 

We extend a special welcome to those who are single, married, divorced, gay, filthy rich, dirt poor, yo no habla Ingles. We extend a special welcome to those who are crying new-borns, skinny as a rail or could afford to lose a few pounds.
We welcome you if you can sing like Andrea Bocelli or like our pastor who can’t carry a note in a bucket. You’re welcome here if you’re “just browsing,” just woke up or just got out of jail. We don’t care if you’re more Catholic than the Pope, or haven’t been in church since little Joey’s Baptism.
We extend a special welcome to those who are over 60 but not grown up yet, and to teenagers who are growing up too fast. We welcome soccer moms, NASCAR dads, starving artists, tree-huggers, latte-sippers, vegetarians, junk-food eaters. We welcome those who are in recovery or still addicted. We welcome you if you’re having problems or you’re down in the dumps or if you don’t like “organized religion,” we’ve been there too.
If you blew all your offering money at the dog track, you’re welcome here. We offer a special welcome to those who think the earth is flat, work too hard, don’t work, can’t spell, or because grandma is in town and wanted to go to church.
We welcome those who are inked, pierced or both. We offer a special welcome to those who could use a prayer right now, had religion shoved down your throat as a kid or got lost in traffic and wound up here by mistake. We welcome tourists, seekers and doubters, bleeding hearts … and you!

Bravo to this church!  This should be made into a poster and hung in church offices around the world!

Maybe our own homes?

My Chateau Elan Weekend

Well, I did it.  I just returned home from my weekend with the Chateau Elan - Atlanta.   I knew this trip would be difficult and take a lot of strength to go it alone because this time, I was making the trip without my beloved, best friend of 25 years, Trudy.  This was "our girls' getaway" trip for 9 years straight until she got sick.  Yes, I knew it would be hard, but I am one determined woman.

As soon as I realized the exit was approaching, I was filled with emotion.  When Trudy and I saw Exit 126, we knew we were close and would begin screaming, "CHATEAU ELLLLAAAANNN!  We're here!"

This time was different.  There was no celebratory scream, just silence.   As I took the exit and made a left, I knew within seconds, I would see it.  The beautiful Chateau.  I was quite anxious wondering how I was going to handle this.  I could feel my heart beating out of my chest.  The long, deep breaths helped to calm myself.

Trudy and I created years of amazing memories at the Chateau, not only because it's a spectacularly beautiful place, but because we were together.  And when we were together, it was always an event!  As I pulled up to the hotel, I was immediately taken back to the last time we'd arrived there.  It was surreal.  It was painful.  It was just damn hard.

After checking in, I took the elevator to the 5th floor, where I found "our" room.  As expected, it was beautifully decorated, inviting and perfect.  I had requested two queen beds.  I mean, she is with me after all.  I decided to try and relax, so I scheduled a visit to the spa.  Trudy and I loved hanging out for hours in the Spa, enjoying the sauna, pool and hot tub.  This place is first class.  I booked a massage and waited in a comfortable, over sized chair.  When my name was called, I was surprised to see that my massage therapist was a male.  This was not ok with me.  I politely asked if there was a female available.  A massage is all about relaxing and how can I relax with some guy I've never met touching my body.  No thank you, not for me.  He understood and introduced me to Tracy.  She was amazing.  Her massage was so good I passed out!  She gently awakened me to whisper, "your session is over, Victoria."

She asked about my visit and who I was with.  Was I here with a special someone?  Friends?  I started to cry.  I explained my whole "Trudy" story.  She hugged me and told me how sorry she was.  This would be the first of many times that I would be telling my "Trudy" story.

After I came back to my room, I decided to lay in bed, watch some t.v. and wait for the lounge to open.  I couldn't wait to see Mel, the lounge DJ.  He welcomed Trudy and I every year.  Finally, it was 9pm and I made my way down to the lounge.  I walked up to the stage and found Mel setting up.  He turned around and was excited to see me.  Then, I noticed him looking around.  He'd never seen me there alone before.  He asked where she was.  I started to cry.  He came off the stage and hugged me.  He told me how sorry he was and that she'd want me to have a great time.  He took the mic and dedicated the entire weekend to Trudy.  Everyone cheered.  It was awesome.  I felt Trudy with me and know she was partying right along with everyone.  Then the music began and the night was the most fun I've had in a very long time.

I ended up meeting new friends, including three women on their girls' getaway, who are from Nashville!  We've already made plans to get together again.  Mel brought me up to the stage, as tradition would have it, and I sang, "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt.  Then when it was last call, he brought me back to sing "Last Dance" by Donna Summer.  It was one of the best nights of my life!  I laughed, cried, laughed some more and just had a blast.  Man, I needed it for so many reasons.

The next day, Saturday, I had a great day and met my new friends for dinner.  I enjoyed broiled scallops and they were incredible.  Then off to the lounge for more dance time!  By now, most of my new friends knew about Trudy and went out of their way to make sure I was having a great time. And that, I did!

Once again sweet Mel brought me on stage to sing.  It was awesome.  Trudy loved it when I sang. She was the reason I started singing with Mel in the first place.  It was Trudy who told Mel that I could sing and asked him to surprise me by inviting me to sing with him.  Was that really over 10 years ago?!  Mel told me that Trudy was my biggest fan and he remembered how she went on and on about me and how proud she was that I was her friend.  It was nice of him to tell me that.

After closing the lounge down for the second night in a row, I was invited to go with a group of new friends to the home of a very nice couple who vowed to "keep the party going!"   They live in a very large, beautiful home on the Chateau Elan Property right beside the resort.  I ended up hanging out at their house til 4am!  We talked about God, my life, their lives, Trudy and anything else we felt like talking about.  I had a great conversation with their babysitter, who told me about her decision to remain abstinent til marriage.  She was pleasantly surprised to hear about my work and we had a great conversation about choices.  As they drove me back to the hotel, we made promises to stay in touch.

I woke up this morning anxious to get on the road.  It was time and I was ready to leave.  The weekend had been as perfect as it could be without her, filled with tears, laughter and new experiences, but I jumped out of bed and just felt the need to get out of there.  It was a strange feeling I can't explain.  I'd made plans to meet some of my new friends for breakfast, but ended up meeting them only to say good-bye and begin the drive back to Tennessee.

I'm home now.  The weekend went by fast, just as it always did.  I've committed to making this trip every year on the anniversary of Trudy's death.  To not only honor and celebrate her, but to help me as I continue my road to healing from the loss of my precious friend.  Terry, Trudy's husband, called tonight to let me know he'd visited her grave today.  He said, "I told the Queen that you went to Chateau and what a great time you had.  I know she'd be so happy you went."  I know he's right.

Until next year :)