I've been on Christmas vacation the past week, which constitutes lots of lying around the house doing absolutely, positively nothing. Seriously, nothing, and it rocks! My best friend, Val, got me this amazing blanket for Christmas that's half sheep on one side and half wool on the other. Wait, isn't that the same thing? Anyway, I don't know exactly what it is, but I love it. It's become attached to me these past few days. Sitting on my couch in the same pj's, no make-up, my hair in a bun, with remote in hand! It's been relaxing and educational.
I've watched 47 1/2 movies, 62 shows and 17 documentaries. Netflix rules. My favorite movies are the "Indie" ones. They aren't as full of the Hollywood b.s., I mean hype, that you find at the box office or that "let me insult your intelligence" crap on other networks. They're just full of real people, in real situations dealing with real life stuff. One was incredibly disturbing and a true story, "The Girl Next Door". You'll just have to watch, but viewer discretion is advised. Another favorite that was fantastic is "Punching the Clown." I laughed out loud more times than I can count. But, once again, use caution if children are around.
I've seen my share of cable too. Take "Strange Addictions" for instance. Have you seen this? It's about people admitting to strange addictions, hence the name. Like this lady who lives with 47 hairless rats, a guy who gets off by pulling hair out of shower drains (gross), or the 27 year old who likes to eat drywall! She says, "I've been eating drywall for 7 years now. I think I have a problem and need help." You think? I had to ask myself, how does it take 7 years to figure that out? Seriously, I'd hope that after the first time I had the urge to rip drywall from my kitchen wall (instead of making a ham sandwich) place it in my mouth, followed by chewing it up, swallowing it and going back for seconds, I'd be picking up the phone calling 911.
This chick is literally eating her own house! I'm not trying to make fun, ok. I have some bad addictions too. I religiously record "The Real Housewives" and I bite my nails too much, but eating drywall, living with rats (although I admit I was married to one once), or playing with wet, slimy hair from a drain? This stuff is disgusting, frustrating and makes my skin crawl. My DVR is already set up to record next week's episode!
Yes, it's been an interesting couple of days. Well, gotta go, "Cheaters" is about to start!
Happy New Year.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Wishes of the Past
How many people do you think you've hurt in your life? Seriously and unfortunately, I don't think I could count the number of people I've hurt. Ask me how many have hurt me and I could probably tell you an exact number. That seems much easier, doesn't it?
My mother is 67 years old. Divorced now for over 20 years, she lives alone with her thoughts and loneliness. She makes me sad. I've heard her comment many times that her mind often wanders to her past. Daydreaming about the mother she failed to be, the wife she longed to be, her regrets and so on and so on. I've tried my best to help her move forward, but she's just stuck. Sure, she made choices as a mother that I don't agree with and my brother, sisters and I paid a price for those decision. But, who am I to judge? Who among us is free from that kind of guilt?
I've royally screwed up throughout my 47 years. Royally. Each day, I'm doing my best to be better than the day before. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I dont. I want to make right choices, even though some are rather difficult. Like my mother, I daydream too. I find myself remembering times from my past that were good and satisfying and long to relive those experiences again. Some more than once.
But, I can't. The past is gone. It's over. It never comes back. I suppose that's a blessing, isn't it? Some parts belong in the past. They're better to be left there because of the pain. It's the good memories that are the hardest to forget. The longing for that part of our past that was happy and so satisfying. I could live those all over again if I could. I do sometimes when I'm sleeping through my dreams.
Life is so hard. I don't understand it all the time. Sometimes it makes me cry. I miss the innocence of being a child. I think about those I've loved before that I can no longer see or talk to. So many people in my life that I miss so much. I miss friendships that I treasured. But, this is now and that was then. Doesn't seem fair if you ask me.
I guess I get it. My mom, that is and why she sits in her lonely house all alone dwelling. I get it, but I don't want that for me. If the only chance I have of not thinking about past regrets in my old age is avoiding them, I'm out of luck. I'll make more tomorrow and the next day after that. Just another hurdle to accept in our old age.
Yes, life is so hard. But, God is still good.
My mother is 67 years old. Divorced now for over 20 years, she lives alone with her thoughts and loneliness. She makes me sad. I've heard her comment many times that her mind often wanders to her past. Daydreaming about the mother she failed to be, the wife she longed to be, her regrets and so on and so on. I've tried my best to help her move forward, but she's just stuck. Sure, she made choices as a mother that I don't agree with and my brother, sisters and I paid a price for those decision. But, who am I to judge? Who among us is free from that kind of guilt?
I've royally screwed up throughout my 47 years. Royally. Each day, I'm doing my best to be better than the day before. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I dont. I want to make right choices, even though some are rather difficult. Like my mother, I daydream too. I find myself remembering times from my past that were good and satisfying and long to relive those experiences again. Some more than once.
But, I can't. The past is gone. It's over. It never comes back. I suppose that's a blessing, isn't it? Some parts belong in the past. They're better to be left there because of the pain. It's the good memories that are the hardest to forget. The longing for that part of our past that was happy and so satisfying. I could live those all over again if I could. I do sometimes when I'm sleeping through my dreams.
Life is so hard. I don't understand it all the time. Sometimes it makes me cry. I miss the innocence of being a child. I think about those I've loved before that I can no longer see or talk to. So many people in my life that I miss so much. I miss friendships that I treasured. But, this is now and that was then. Doesn't seem fair if you ask me.
I guess I get it. My mom, that is and why she sits in her lonely house all alone dwelling. I get it, but I don't want that for me. If the only chance I have of not thinking about past regrets in my old age is avoiding them, I'm out of luck. I'll make more tomorrow and the next day after that. Just another hurdle to accept in our old age.
Yes, life is so hard. But, God is still good.
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