Beauty's From the Outside?

They say 40 is the new 30 and 30 the new 20?  Whatever the heck that means.  You can't watch television, go online or even stand in line at the grocery store without hearing or reading about the newest and latest product guaranteed to take 10 years off your face!

There's no question.  We live in a culture obsessed with sex and looks.  The young want to look sexy and older.  The older want to look sexy and younger.  It's insane!

I'm a grandmother.  I know I don't look like a grandmother and I LOVE that I don't look like a grandmother.  So, please don't hear what I'm not saying.  I take no issue with looking our best and taking care of ourselves. I'm a witness!  But, when our appearance becomes more important to us than who we are as a human being?  Well, that's just tragic.

A birth certificate doesn't lie.  You may look younger when you look in a mirror, but don't let that piece of glass fool you.  Your body is changing with each day.  And it's aging.

I'll say it again.  There's nothing wrong with looking your best.  These days, some 40 year old men  and women have better bodies than 20 year old's and Mom's look like their daughter's sister, rather than the women who birthed them!  Personally, I admit, I get that alot.  I savor the moments when people tell my girls "your mom looks like she's your sister!"  I smile and enjoy those comments because I know it won't always be that way.   I take pride in the fact that I do my best to look my best, but, I'm not obsessed.  There's a difference.

In my work, I travel the country speaking to literally thousands of women at conferences, I do book signings, speak at fundraisers and in churches.  I've met these people.  They believe if they were skinnier, prettier, or more talented, they'd be happier.  It's just not true.  There are drop dead beautiful women all over the world, who are some are the most miserable people I've ever met!  Obsessing with looks is not the answer to happiness, but I guarantee that feeling good about who you are is a great beginning!  No amount of make-up or the newest shade of pink lipstick is going to change how you feel about yourself by looking great on the outside if you're dying on the inside. 

Some people are convinced it's that next procedure that will finally make them feel worthy and good about the person they see in the mirror.  They tell themselves, "when I have this or that done" or "if I could just lose 10 lbs" or "if I could afford yoga classes" or "if I had money for a personal trainer", I would feel better about who I am.  NO!  You won't.  That revelation comes from within!  There are no short cuts! 

Be honest with yourself.  How do you see you?  What kinds of things do you say to yourself?  Who do you really believe you are?

If your answers aren't positive, what are you willing to do to change that?  Do not be mistaken.  Eventually, time will catch up to you.  You won't be able to stop gravity or that thinning hairline, no matter how much money you spend.  The affects of age will catch up to all of us.  Then, what are we left with? 

Seriously you guys. I have nothing against looking your best, but how about feeling your best too? Why not have both?!  There are some very beautiful women who walk around with no self-confidence and it takes away from their beauty. I just want to slap them!

Insecurity is ugly. If we would spend as much time working on ourselves than in a mirror, at the gym or under the knife, we'd be more beautiful than we've ever imagined. 

So, how about it?  Do you want to look and feel your best?  From the inside out?  Then, try reading a book once in a while or try writing one (I'm almost done with my second).  See a therapist if you have issues to deal with (I did and still do once in awhile).  Develop a spiritual life (I have).  Forgive others (not easy, but well worth it).  Get rid of toxic people that are in your life (I did).  Be single than wish you were (one of the best things I did!).  Say something nice to yourself (daily).  Pick up good habits (a daily goal).

Look, I haven't arrived by any means, but here's what I do know.  I may not be where I need to be, but thank God, I'm not where I used to be either.

Yes, it takes work, but the rewards are worth it.  What if you really are as amazing as those who love you say you are?

Wow.  Sounds pretty beautiful to me:)

  

 

My Bucket List - New & Updated (1st Published 8.12.2011)

1.    Take my kids on a cruise. (check!)
2.    Stay at the Biltmore Estate Hotel for a Long Weekend.
3.    Write another book. (Literally writing it now!)
4.    Own rental property. (Check!)
5.    Volunteer abroad for a month.
6.    Cross a country using public transportation.
7.    Smoke a cigar (only the good kind!).
8.    Find Mrs. Jack, my 5th grade teacher at St. Stephens Elementary and thank her. (Check!)
9.    Truly forgive my ex-husbands. (Check! So freeing!)
10.  See Barry Manilow in concert. (Check!)
11.  Go to an Eagles Concert.
12.  Attend a Chicago Concert.
13.  Try a Piece of Fruit.
14.  Learn how to Tango.
15.  Camping, the Real Kind!
16.  Perform Stand-Up Comedy. (Check!)
17.  Host Saturday Night Live.
18.  A Bike Tour Through Wine Country.
19.  Fish in the Florida Keys.
20.  Go on a Week Long Fishing Trip.
21.  Take a Basic Self-Defense Class.
22.  Perform as a Street Musician.
23.  Complete My Family Tree.
24.  Role in Local Theatre. (Check!)
25.  Eat a Vegetable. (Even though it was broccoli smothered in cheese, it still counts! Check!)
26.  Dive in the Chattanooga Aquarium.
27.  Do a Polar Bear Swim.
28.  Hot Yoga. (Check!)
29.  Ride on the Orient Express.
30.  Drive down Route 66.
31.  Walk through a Corn Maze.
32.  Visit the Galapagos Islands.
33.  Meet someone special atop the Statue of Liberty.
34.  Buy a Vacation Home on the Beach.
35.  Attend a Japanese Tea Ceremony.
36.  Visit Coney Island Boardwalk.
37.  Solve a Mystery. (Check!)
38.  Ride a Steamboat down the Mississippi River.
39.  Stay with an Amish Family.
40.  Make a friend on Martha's Vineyard.
41.  Start a Food Fight.
42.  Own a Moped.
43.  Learn to play Poker.
44.  Learn to say "No" without feeling guilty. (Check!)
45.  Allow myself to make Mistakes.
46.  Learn How to Take Compliments.
47.  Forgive Myself.
48.  Run 5K (Check! Check!)
More to come :) 
"Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing at all."  Helen Keller

Growth

Growth can be scary and rather intimidating.  Most of us, if we're honest, would admit that we don't like change.  We'd rather things stay the way they are.  It's a small percentage of people who will actually venture out into the "unknown".  I find that really sad too.  Do you think reality television, movies and documentaries are so incredibly popular these days because so many people live their lives vicariously through others?

There have been few instances where I can recall being afraid of venturing out of my comfort zone.  Well, there was that time when my sister-in-law wanted me to jump out of a plane with her!  I didn't do it, by the way.

My father was no stranger to challenges.  He was an adventurer, who enjoyed traveling, he never met a stranger, had many careers (successful in ALL of them, I might add), he loved trying new things, read a new book every week, loved the NY Times crossword puzzle, was the greatest salesman that ever lived, and if you told him  something couldn't be done, he'd make it his mission to prove you wrong.  There's no doubt that my brother, sister and I inherited this DNA from our father.

I'm asked all the time how do I keep up my pace.  I heard the other day that the #1 fear of American's is public speaking.  This blew me away, as I speak publically more than 3 times a week.  It's interesting, because for me, wearing numerous hats at onces comes natural.  I don't know any other way.   

In no way am I saying everything I touch or do "turns to gold".  I've failed many times, but I can say with conviction that I'm not afraid to try.  It's in the failures that I'm motivated to do better next time.  I refuse to allow fear to dictate the decisions I make.

The great faith in the God I serve comforts me when I'm faced with a fork in the road.  Not only believing, but knowing, He has my back, no matter what my failures, brings me great comfort.  When I mess up (and this happens often!), He still loves and accepts me.  People may not come through, but, without fail, He does.  Although I've learned many lessons the hard way, God has continually turned "what the enemy meant for evil into good".

Change can be challenging at times, but it's also exciting and exhilarating.  For months, I've been searching for a 2nd location for our pregnancy center.  We've finally found one.  This venture will be one of the biggest steps of faith our center's ever taken.  It will cause us to wholeheartedly depend on God (nothing new in my line of work), the community and our abilities.  Am I a little intimidated?  Sure, a little.  But, I'm also tremendously enthusiastic about what's next.  When I think about how our center will positively impact this city and change lives, that's all the motivation I need. 

Growth can be scary, true.  But, it's worth it in the long run.  Besides, life is too short to sit around and watch others do what you're dying to try.  Get up.  Get off the couch.  Go for it.  This isn't a dress rehearsal.

I don't want to be that person who says "I wish I had", I want to be the one who says, "I'm glad I did."

St. George Island, 2012! It Rocked Baby!

Our 2012 St. George Family Beach Trip is over once again. I just arrived home and will write a blog soon about our many adventures! It was the BEST trip yet.

Until then, here are a few of the hundreds of great pictures from the most amazing week I've had this year!

Let the Vacation Begin!

As of 5:00 p.m. today, following my radio show, I was officially on vacation.  This makes me very happy and puts me in an especially good mood.

My guest today was a comediene named Josh Belcher.  I've known Josh for over a year now and he's a fantastic guy and pretty funny too.  He's actually responsible for giving me my first "break" in stand-up comedy.  Not that I needed one, as I'm not pursuing that career, but it was an event for charity and he knew I'd do it. 

Josh recently had his own radio talk show, so it was no surprise that he'd "take over", turn the tables on me and I would end up being the one being interviewed, which is exactly what happened.  I was fine with that, because I trust Josh.  I knew we'd have a blast and we did.

One particular question that he asked caught me off guard.  It was one I hadn't thought about before.  He said, "Victoria, you're always helping everybody else. You've been a great support to me this year when I've gone through some tough stuff.  You're my hero, Victoria (he said that, I didn't). So, my question to you is this, WHO takes care of Victoria?"  After the words left his mouth, luckily for me, I had to take a commercial break.  Perfect timing.  I hoped he'd forget.  He didn't.  He asked again.

I thought about my answer for a minute.  Since I'm single, I couldn't give the simple, "Oh, my husband/boyfriend does." (Please don't hear what I'm NOT saying.  I'm ok with being single,  My identity is not found in a guy, it's found in who God says I am.  And, for the record, I absolutely believe in and one day desire a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship.  But, these days it seems if you won't compromise on things like faithfulness, respect, trust and loyalty (just to name a few), you may have to wait a little longer and that's ok with me.  I'm worth it.  Frankly, I'd rather be single, than wish I was:). 

So, I simply said, "God does, Josh. He's the One constant I've always been able to depend on.  Hands down.  I trust my life to Him completely.  He's the One who takes care of me."  I was quite satisfied with my answer because it's the undeniable truth.  I was confident that it wasn't some "made up" answer to sound good.  I have peace in that.  I'm truly blessed to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.  Throughout my day, I reflect on all the blessings and people in my life that are so important to me.  I have some of the best friends and family anyone could ask for. 

I'm leaving for vacation tomorrow, where I'll begin a week of festivities and build more memories with my brother, sister and our families.  For eight years, this has been one of the events we look forward to all year.  It's an understatement to say we're deliriously happy about being together for the next week.  For the past two months, we've talked daily counting down the days, planning activities, menus and fighting over who sings what song on karaoke night!

My brother, sister and I will take long walks on the beach together, re-connect, talk about our father and how we miss him, sing karaoke at Harry A's most every night, eat burgers at the Blue Parrott and talk about the good and bad times from our childhood.  I'm sure we'll cry together and laugh even more.

Yea, it's true, God has my back, no question about it, but I'm incredibly grateful that He also blessed me with an amazing family that do a pretty darn good job of it too. 

With God and my family, I believe I can get through anything.

My Potty Break

Yesterday, I made the beautiful drive from Nashville to Chattanooga.  Not to visit the Chattanooga Choo Choo Hotel or the Acquarium, but to meet my daughters.   

Kolby, who's 16, had been visiting her father in NC and Kendra, 20, a student at UNC-Charlotte, was also coming home in preparation for our beach vacation next week.  We were to meet at 2, but since they were running an hour behind, I had to keep busy in downtown Chattanooga until they arrived.  I didn't mind.  We agreed to meet at the downtown Starbuck's, which is connected to the beautiful, historic hotel, now called the Sheraton.  I thought I'd enjoy a tall, white chocolate mocha, with raspberry, stirred, 3 pumps each, with whip cream (in other words, my diabetic coffee!), as I waited for them.

It was relaxing to sit and enjoy my coffee, while reading the local Chattanooga magazines.  I realized I needed a potty break, so I strolled into the Sheraton and found the proper accomodations. 
As I walked into the restroom, I noticed right away it was rather noisy.  There were two women with 3 young children in tow.  I'd guess the children ranged in age from 4, 2 and maybe 10 months old.  They smiled at me.  I smiled back.

As I came out of the stall and began washing my hands, out of the blue, one of the women proceeded to start slapping the older child who was washing his hands beside me.  I wasn't sure what he'd done, but all of a sudden, she went after him.  Over and over again, she slapped this poor, little boy on his back, his arms, his back again, then his head.  The whole time yelling at him, "I TOLD YOU not to do that!  YOU KNOW better! You are an idiot, a stupid *&$^%@#& idiot!"  It happened so fast.  I was stunned.  From around the corner, the 2 year old appeared and the woman continued her tirade on her.   I made eye contact with the children and glared at the woman.  The kids seemed helpless and humiliated, yet accustomed to this punishment.  I couldn't stand it any longer.

Now, I'm not one to keep my mouth shut in situations like this.  But for a few brief moments, I couldn't speak.  I was completely dumbfounded.   I noticed the older child didn't cry and the younger one let out a faint whimper.  The woman seemed to grow more agitated.  Maybe she wasn't receiving the "fix" she craved?  I, frankly, was growing more and more pissed off.

I finally spoke up,  "EXCUSE ME, but, don't you think that's a little bit extreme?! Seriously, are you friggin kidding me?!"  She said nothing.  I seriously wanted to take this woman and go ninja on her!

Right away, the other woman who was with her quickly exited the stall as she heard my question.   She looked at the other woman as if to say "let's get out of here!".  They grabbed the children, stared at me in an attempt to intimidate me, sneared and walked out.  My heart was racing.  Just what I needed, a brawl in the ladies room! 

Unfortunately, this isn't the first time I've seen situations like this and feel confident it won't be the last.  I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down.  After drying my hands off, I searched for them.  I don't know what I'd have done, if anything, if I'd found them, but they were gone. 

I will never understand how anyone can believe that practically beating a child and talking to them as if they don't matter, instills confidence or even positive behavioral changes.  How in the hell can anyone believe this kind of treatment is acceptable?  You may get your child to stop doing something, but what you're doing to their spirit isn't as easily remedied.

My youngest daughter is 16, so I don't have younger children at home anymore.  I know raising toddler's isn't easy.  I raised 4 of them, but I was not a parent who spanked.  Don't get me wrong, I believe in discipline, but I decided spanking would not be my discipline of choice.  I know I made the right decision for me.  My girls' are amazing people.   

Maybe you believe that it depends on the child?  So, what does that mean?  That some kids deserve to be slapped, beaten, humiliated and some don't?  That's crap.  I don't believe ANY child deserves it.  If you're a parent whose decided to spank as your discipline of choice, that's your God given right.  But, I hope you never hit your child in anger.  If you do, shame on you. 

God help us when these children grow up.  They're going to be some pretty angry adults.

Speak Up!

Have a question you'd like me to read on my show?  Need to get in touch with me?  Or maybe you want to let me know that you disagree with something I said?

Maybe you have a show idea?  Whatever the case, I welcome your thoughts, comments, ideas and even your constructive criticism!

You can email me at VictoriaKoloff@gmail.com

I look forward to hearing from you!