Always Their Mommy

So many great things going on in my life right now.   Professionally, my work is thriving.  Our pregnancy center is getting ready to open a second office, which will enable us to expand our services to many more families in need.  This is a dream come true!  I give all the credit to God and the abilities He's given me to make things happen.  I'm blessed.

Personally, I'm in a really good place.   My family is amazing.  My friends are fantastic, some of which span 20 years and I'm still making new ones:).

As a mother of four girls, there's rarely a dull moment!  My youngest daughter, Kolby, is a junior in high school.  It's hard to believe that in less than two years, she'll be off to college and I'll be home alone.  I miss those days of my girls running around the house fighting over shampoo, lipstick and clothes!

Growing up, Kolby mentioned many times that she looked forward to the day her sisters moved out so she'd be the only one home with me.  Her wish came true two years ago when her older sister, Kendra, went off to college.  Spending time with Kolby and creating memories with her has been priceless.  It's so hard to believe that she's halfway through her junior year in high school.  I'm determined to savor every moment I can while she's still home.  We're doing more together now than we ever have and I love it!  She sleeps with me, works out with me, dances with me, and we love our Lifetime Movie Weekends, where we veg in my bed, snuggle and just be.  

The other day, I overheard her on the phone telling someone how special our relationship is and how much it meant to her.  It put a smile on my face.  She'll always be my Kolby Girl. 

When I look at each one of my beautiful girls, Teryn, Tawni, Kendra and Kolby, I'm reminded that they've grown into the women I'd hoped and prayed for the day I gave birth to them.  Life is flying by.  As I sit back and watch my oldest, Teryn, raising her own daughter now, it's surreal. 

My days of raising daughters may be coming to an end soon, but I'll always be their Mommy. 

Who Are You?

Well, I'm Victoria. I'm a woman.  I'm a follower of Jesus Christ.  I'm a woman after God's heart.  I'm a mother. I'm a grandmother.  I'm a sister. I'm a daughter. I AM Granny's favorite! I'm a niece and a cousin. I'm an aunt. I'm a sister-in-law. I'm a loyal friend.  I'm forever Trudy's best friend. I'm a non-profit executive.  I'm a boss.  I'm an author.  I'm a public speaker.  I'm a radio talk show host.  I'm a part-time comedienne.

I can sing. I love to dance. I tell jokes. I laugh at myself. I like to decorate. I enjoy cooking, but like it even better when someone cooks for me:). I like running, ok, make that walking! I like just a little make-up. I like the smell of Johnson's Baby Lotion. I love 70's music. I'm passionate. I'm self-motivated. I'm genuine. I'm real. I travel. I'm flexible. I'm eclectric. I read. I go to movies. I'm dedicated to my work. I like white or dessert wine. I go to concerts. I attend plays. I'm a nurturer. I'm forgiving, but not forgetful or stupid.  I protect those I love. I still believe in romance. And I wholeheartedly, unequivacably, believe in love.....still. 

I could write about attributes I'm not proud of or still working on, but for what? Today, I'm focusing on some of the positives about myself, instead of the negatives. I'm a work in progress. Each day, life brings with it new challenges, but also new beginnings. Thank God, His mercies are new every morning.  Freshly each day, like a blank sheet of paper in hand, we are the authors and decide what is penned.

I try to do my best to make the most of each day that I'm privileged to be here. So, today, I've decided to give myself a break. A pat on the back, if you will! I haven't always done things perfectly or even close, but no one can accuse me of not giving it my best shot.

I've learned in life that I have control over one person and that's me. And I'm all this girl can handle! Wow. Much less pressure!  I've said it once and I'll say it again, I'm not where I need to be, but thank God, I'm not where I used to be either, personally, professionally or even geographically!

And, I'm all about that!

Pregnancy Center Banquet

Last night we celebrated our annual fundraising banquet to raise funds for the Pregnancy Center's of Middle TN.  What a night!  Other than having some issues with microphones, the evening went without a hitch.

Congressman Marsha Blackburn, TN State Rep Sheila Butt, the Maury County Commissioner representing Spring Hill, Scott Cepicky and former State Rep, now Executive Director of F.A.C.T., David Fowler also attended our event.  

Our speaker, Ron Gleaves, was outstanding!  His story was inspirational and powerful.  Ron spoke of the impact on being one of the 54 million+ post abortive men living in this country since Roe v. Wade.   At 19, Ron drove his girlfriend to Planned Parenthood for an abortion.  He couldn't contain his emotion, as he relived that experience with us tonight.  Ron stated, "I can't remember what I wore yesterday, but I remember that day like it was yesterday."

Over 230+ guests were blessed by his message and the testimonies.  This was, by far, one of the best banquets I've ever been a part of.  I was very proud of my staff, our board and the entire crew that made this event possible.

The venue, Westbury House on the Square, downtown Columbia, was superb.  The food was delicious (from what I heard), as I had no time to eat!

The music provided by my own daughter, Tawni, and her guitarist, Daniel, was beautiful and appropriate.  And the best part is that we raised more support for our pregnancy center.

I am so blessed to be a part of such a fantastic organization.  The banquet is now over.  Now, I can take a breather.  But only for a moment.  Preparations will begin soon for our next banquet in March!

So much to do...........but so willing to do it:)

p.s.  If you or someone you know is a post-abortive man and you'd like to tell your story, please email me at VictoriaKoloff@gmail.com.  I will get back in touch with you right away.  My 2nd book, "They Lied to Us Too", is almost complete.  This book will be filled with stories from men just like Ron, who want to share their stories.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Is It God's Fault or Ours?

The next time someone asks me, "If God is so good, why do bad things happen?"  I'm going to answer, "I think the real question is, why aren't we more surprised when something good happens?"

Chew on that for a minute.  Although our country, no question, is still the greatest place to live in the world, we haven't taken the best care of it.  Sin abounds.   Let's see, we've kicked God out of our schools, father/daughter dances are getting banned, 3700 unborn babies are killed everyday, kids are killing kids, parents are murdering their children, pornography is a multi-billion dollar business, people (even the married ones!) are soliciting for casual sex on websites!  I could go on, but you get the picture.

We've become desensitized to what's on television, the internet or even the radio and we aren't doing much to change the fact that our kids can view someone having sex at 4 in the afternoon on television or online!

I run two pregnancy centers.  Parent's come to me and want to know "Victoria, how did this happen?!"  Hello?!  When you let your kids start dating at 12, leave them alone in your home or spend every waking moment together, what do you expect is going to happen?!  I've given many pregnancy tests to the "good kids."  It's not just the troubled kids who are getting pregnant, it's also those with opportunity.

We need to accept responsibility for the crap we create in our own lives.  I've messed up, you've messed up.  We have free will to choose whatever we wish to do, good, bad or ugly.  It's up to us to decide to change for the good or stay the same.  We make those choices, not God.

I pray and ask for guidance about most, if not all, the decisions I make in my life.  But, that doesn't always mean I choose what He is leading me to choose.  I've married men I should have never married because I didn't want to see the signs He put right in front of me!  Yes, He helps us with making those decisions, but He doesn't force us to make them.  We weren't created to live as robots.  God gave us the privilege of free will and we fully exercise those rights every day.

Still want to blame God for all the bad that takes place?! Seriously?!  I say it again, we truly are blessed that ANYTHING good ever happens in the world. 

Instead of blaming all the bad on God, maybe we should start thanking Him for sending us "kisses" from Heaven every now and then. 

God onlys knows, we sure don't deserve them.

Dreams

"I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past."
Thomas Jefferson

I love this quote!  As I thought about what Thomas Jefferson's saying, I reflected on the history of my own past.  Some of it is quite embarassing and humiliating.  I'd love to undo a lot of it, but that's just not possible.

My history is sprinkled with many colorful things like divorce, poor decisions, stupid choices and a lot of other crap I'm sure we can all relate to.  

I'd absolutely change some of my past if I could.  Seriously, who wouldn't love to have at least a dozen "do overs"?!   

But, isn't there something to be said about continuing to dream even in the midst of watching other dreams die?  Sure, I may have dreams that didn't turn out the way I'd hoped, but that's not going to stop me from believing in new ones.  I've got some big dreams that I'm pretty excited about and I refuse to give up on.  Some are beginning to come to fruition, while others could be right around the corner.  True, some of my dreams have died or got squashed, but I must give myself credit.  At least I'm still dreaming. 

And because of that, I'd say my future's looking pretty good:)

Life Must Go On Without Her

It's been months since I wrote a blog about my precious Trudy.  I felt like it was time.  She's been gone now for 14 months, even though it seems like yesterday we were decorating my place in TN.

I miss her so much.  Her husband, Terry, and the boys, Donnie and Cody miss her too.  They've done much better than I would have ever expected.  I know she'd be proud.

Trudy left a legacy through her family and will forever hold a special place in the hearts of all who knew her.  So many times since she's been gone, I've desperately needed her, especially these last several months.  I miss her wisdom, discernment, encouragement, her wonderful hugs and I just loved the way she scratched my head.  We shared a friendship that comes along once in a lifetime. 

Trudy and I drove each other crazy too! It made me crazy how insecure she could be because she never saw what I and everyone around her did.  It made me sad.  Here was this amazing human being with a heart for people and gifts and talents I envyed, yet she struggled about whether she was making a difference in the world.  This girl could take a swatch of fabric and sew a dress, apron and curtains for her entire house!  She took yard sale finds and turned them into treasures.  And her cooking?!  Exquisite.

I still talk to her and play our song regularly.  Donna Summer's "Last Dance" can be heard throughout my house on a regular basis.  It makes for a great "cleaning" day song or just when I'm in the mood to dance!  I visit her grave, wear her clothes, jewelry, carry her purses and even own a couple of her bra's!  These items help me feel a little bit closer to her.  Not a day goes by that I don't think of her.  Driving into work was "our" time to catch up or just complain.  I miss those mornings.

Terry and I have definitely gotten closer.  He's become another brother to me.  We're able to share memories and talk about Trudy in a way others may not understand.  The boys are doing exceptionally well.  They miss her so much.  The times I've visited their house, Cody just sits and stares at me.  We resembled eachother so I think my presence reminds him of her.  I'm ok with that.

Life does go on, but it's never the same after you lose someone.  Her picture sits in my office to encourage me.  When I'm having a bad day, I can look at her face and hear her sweet voice cheering me on, telling me everything's going to be alright.  Fifteen months later and I still can't believe she's not a phone call away.

I am blessed to have wonderful friends in my life, a fantastic family and work that I'm proud of.  Only one thing missing.

My best friend, my Trudy. 

It Can Be Too Late

This story sucks.  Back in December of 2011, at 10:37 a.m., I received a message on my Facebook page.  It said simply, "call me lady" followed by a phone number.  It was from a friend I've known since 8th grade at Grandview Jr. High.  His name was Mitch Huggins.

Mitch and I became friends when I was "going with" his brother, Mark, in middle school. When Mark and I broke up, Mitch and I remained friends.  Twenty years later, Mark and I ran into eachother.  That meant I would see my sweet friend, Mitch, again.  Mark and I dated for a few months, but once again, our relationship ended.  My friendship with Mitch however, continued.

Although we didn't speak regularly, we began to communicate more often when he found me on Facebook.  Good ole' facebook!  He always had nice things to say and complimented my non-profit work.  Mitch always had a sweet comment on my pictures and stopped by to say "hello" regularly.

Mitch was a patriotic man who served in the Navy, he loved the Clemson Tigers and adored his family.  He was a great guy with a huge heart.  Through emails I received through Facebook, I could tell he was struggling.  One of his messages read "trying to get a grip on things".  I asked if he was getting help, but he never answered.  Time would go by and I'd hear from him again, "hi beautiful! how are you!?"  

Mitch was the kind of guy who made you laugh.   He didn't think twice about saying something positive to make you feel better, even if he felt like crap.  He was a sweet, thoughtful guy. 

I never made that call.  I thought about it several times that day, but life's busyness kept me from it.  Two days later, through Facebook, I learned Mitch passed away.  He died the same night he reached out to me.  That was tough.  I cried all day.

I made the trip to Hickory, NC for his funeral.  I felt like it was the least I could do and he was worth the six hour drive.  I don't have the kind of ego that causes me to believe I could have saved him, but I don't deny that I wish I'd called. 

I'll always wonder what he wanted to say to me and now I'll never know.  Good-bye old friend.