My Little Brother's "brush with death"!

Two weeks ago, I received a text from my brother's wife, Adrien, as I was sitting in my office preparing for my radio show.  It said, "Taking your brother to the emergency room. Accident.  Cut the back of his leg. Very bad.  Will let you know."  I was freaked out!  My little brother (ok, he's 43, but he's still my baby brother!) was hurt!  Oh, no!  He's a runner!  We are running a 5K at the beach in a couple of weeks in honor of my dad, what is he going to do?  Will he be able to walk?  Is he going to be in a wheelchair for our family beach trip!?  All kinds of thoughts were running through my head.

I wrote Adrien back and said, "Please let me know as soon as you know something!"  A little while later, I received another text.  It was a picture.  It said "the scene of the crime."  I studied it and noticed some blood, a white trash bag, a sock and an ugly, green, tennis shoe.  I thought, "OK, is that it?  Is another picture coming?"  Trust me, it was.

I asked her, "What happened?!"  She proceeded to tell me that she heard my brother screaming in the garage, ran out to find him on the ground screaming and writhing in pain, "We need to get to the hospital, I think I've cut an artery!"  She rushed back into the house, grabbed my niece and nephew, piled them in their car seats and began the drive to the emergency room.  On the way, my emotionally charged brother told her and the kids how much he loved them and that he'd had a great life.  He gave my sister-in-law instructions if he didn't make it.  Basically, he practically administered his "Last Will & Testament". 

When they pulled up to the emergency room door, they screamed for help.  An orderly came running out with a wheelchair.  My brother said, "I've cut my leg! I can't walk!"  In a flash, the orderly rushed my brother to the examing room and called for a doctor.

Adrien felt helpless.  All she could do was wait now.  She parked the car, collected the kids and sat in the waiting room for some news.  Was her husband going to be able to walk again?  Would he come out with a bandage, a cast or a wheelchair?  What if he didn't come out at all?!  She hadn't been able to see how bad the cut was because my brother had wrapped it in a towel.  Maybe that was for the best.

All I could do was wait.  My show was about to start and I was anxious to hear something!  Finally, I received some news.  It was another picture text.  This time it was of my brother's ankle.  And there was no large bandage, no cast or I.V., no surgery or anything close.  His ankle sported a Garfield band-aid.  A band-aid!  Yes, he was safe and being released from the hospital.  They did give him a tetnus shot, just in case.  Not sure what they gave him, if anything, for his bruised and battered ego!  My daughter, Tawni, is a nurse.  She told me there's no doubt in her mind the E.R. nurse purposely used that Garfield band-aid on his ankle (she said she'd have done the same thing!).  After all, Garfield is a pussy cat.  Hmmmm?

You can just imagine the great time that Chuck and I had on the radio discussing my brother's boo-boo and brush with death?

911 Robbie? Seriously?  This one will be told for generations to come in our family!

More Than I Could Have Imagined!

There are no words, but I'll give it my best shot.  The day started with a fundraising event for the pregnancy center.  Three bands put on a show to raise money for our cause.  It was a wonderful, admiral thing for these guys and gals to do for us.  The event started at 4, Barry's show at 7:30, so I made sure to let them know that I needed to take the stage by 5 to speak, as I didn't want to be rushed getting to Nashville.

They obliged my request and I was able to share my heart with the crowd about what we're about and how our non-profit organization has helped thousands of people in our community and God willing, will continue to do so.  I talked fast and said good-bye to everyone.

Then, Joanne (my nurse manager) and I hit the road.  We blasted the CD player with Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits, sang every song in preparation and made our way down Hwy 65 to the Bridgestone Arena!  After all, Barry was there! 

We ate dinner at Rippy's (probably won't go there again) and made our way across the street to the arena.  We were anxious to find out where we'd be sitting.  I made my way up to will call, presented my name (took a deep breath that they were really there) and waited for her to hand me the envelope with my name on it.

We made our way through the crowd and found our seats.  And they were AMAZING!  The excitement we both felt was beyond words!  Joanne and I were feeling truly blessed.  Scott, you outdid yourself with this one.  I promise the dinner I prepare for you will be mouth watering!

The lights went down, the music began and the curtains opened.  I took a deep breath, my heart was racing.  Then it happened.  He appeared.  Mr. Manilow himself!  I felt my eyes well up, but was determined to not be "one of those people" and contained myself.  He sounded and looked incredible!  I can not believe this man is 69 years old.

The two hour show passed too quickly.  It was disappointing when he said good night.  Throughout the evening, I found myself tearing up, breathing heavy, reminiscing about my childhood, past loves and felt deliriously happy being in the same room with him.  I know that may be silly to you, but not to me.  This experience was one I will never forget.  I want to do it again.

So, until next time, Barry, I will miss you.  Until then, there's always the music.

Twenty Four Hours Away!

Twenty four hours separates me from seeing him.  In the flesh.  I have dreamed of this moment since I was a young girl. Did I ever believe that I could actually be in the same room with him?  Not in a million years.

If you listen to my radio show, you've heard me talking about this event for the past 3 months now.  And now the moment I've been waiting for is just hours away!  People continually ask me why this obsession with Barry Manilow?  I'm going to try to explain it......again.

My childhood, like so many of us, left a lot to be desired.  When chaos surrounded my home, whether it was my father in a drunkage rage, physically abusing my mother, or wondering where our next meal was going to come from or praying we wouldn't get kicked out of our latest home, things were pretty tumultuous at best.

But, there was one thing I could do that helped me through it all.  And that was my music.  It was my refuge from all the tragedy going on around me.  I could retreat to my bedroom, play my records and drown out all the pain.  Even if it was for just a little while.  My music muffled the screaming,  the noise and the hurt.  Just a small turn brought up the volume and I was free to sing my heart out while I held my hairbrush in one hand, as I escaped to another world.  I played The Carpenter's, Eagles, Chicago and of course, my one and only, my favorite, Barry Manilow.

To this day, music comforts me.  As an adult, I've faced many trials and struggles. Yet, each time my world seems to be falling apart, or I just want to cry my heart out, I can pop in a CD (Barry, of course!), turn up the stereo on every tv or put on my headphones.  There's always been my music.  Whether I'm singing in the shower, my car, in front of thousands of people at an event or a church, it brings me a sense of peace.  It's just magical.  (I'm no Mariah Carey, but that's not the point!).

No, friends, this isn't just a concert to me.  It's so much more.  I'm confident tomorrow night will be emotional and I'm prepared for that.  I look forward to singing along with Barry and thousands of others.  Who knows?  Maybe he and I will have a Bruce Springstein/Courtney Cox moment and he'll bring me up on stage with him.  Ok, I can dream people!  I will be surrounded by other Barry Manilow fanatics or who I lovingly refer to as my "peeps"!  They get it.  This time there will be no drowning out of any noise and the tears I shed will be tears of joy.

Now, the only question is:  What'll I wear!?!?!

Religion or Relationship? There's a difference.

So what does a great  and awesome welcome message look like in a church bulletin?  In my opinon, it looks exactly like what the church “Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic Community” has in theirs. 
I am the Executive Director of a Crisis Pregnancy Center.  I've written a book about the effects abortion has on women and I'm in the process of writing my 2nd book about the effects abortion has on men.  I speak all over the country bringing a message of faith called, "Getting Free From Your Past and Getting Real With God", I wrote a message to middle and high school students called, "Real Love Waits, I don't Until I Do", I speak in prisons, to women's groups, civic organizations, wherever I'm invited.  I have a radio show that reaches people all over the world called "Real Talk" with Victoria on FOXSports Radio, I counsel men, women and young girls in crisis situations.  So, I guess you could say I'm in full-time ministry.  I'm blessed and privileged that God chooses to use someone like me.  I am a worm who deserves to die, but He sees me differently and continues to use me to make a difference in the lives of others.  I don't take that lightly.  That's who I am.

Here's who I'm not.  I'm not religious.  It's offensive to me when someone says I am because of my involvement in churches.  I have a relationship with Jesus Christ.  And there's a huge difference between a relationship with Him and religion.  Going to church every week won't make you a Christian just as much as sitting in a garage all day won't make you a car.  Being a Christian and having a relationship with Christ doesn't mean I'm perfect, infallible or without flaws (trust me!).  It also doesn't mean that Jesus is some guy I ignore.  He has a significance in my life that I can't explain to you if you don't know Him or have it.

Please don't misunderstand my position.  In no way, am I stating that as Christians, we should not hold one another accountable for our actions.  Nor does my stand mean that I condone certain behaviors of others, even myself, for that matter.  What I am saying is that Jesus came to heal the sick, He came to set the captive free, He came to make a difference by loving us and firmly calling us out of sin. 
In my opinion, this bulletin is a great example of what I Jesus has tried for centuries to teach us.  As I've already said, this doesn't mean we don't hold eachother accountable, but it does mean that He loves ALL of us, no matter where we are in life.  And I truly believe Jesus doesn't care where we've been or what we've done, He cares about where we're going.  Thank God He loves me just the way I am, but too much to leave me this way.

So, enjoy excerpt from the church bulletin.  I sure did. 

We extend a special welcome to those who are single, married, divorced, gay, filthy rich, dirt poor, yo no habla Ingles. We extend a special welcome to those who are crying new-borns, skinny as a rail or could afford to lose a few pounds.
We welcome you if you can sing like Andrea Bocelli or like our pastor who can’t carry a note in a bucket. You’re welcome here if you’re “just browsing,” just woke up or just got out of jail. We don’t care if you’re more Catholic than the Pope, or haven’t been in church since little Joey’s Baptism.
We extend a special welcome to those who are over 60 but not grown up yet, and to teenagers who are growing up too fast. We welcome soccer moms, NASCAR dads, starving artists, tree-huggers, latte-sippers, vegetarians, junk-food eaters. We welcome those who are in recovery or still addicted. We welcome you if you’re having problems or you’re down in the dumps or if you don’t like “organized religion,” we’ve been there too.
If you blew all your offering money at the dog track, you’re welcome here. We offer a special welcome to those who think the earth is flat, work too hard, don’t work, can’t spell, or because grandma is in town and wanted to go to church.
We welcome those who are inked, pierced or both. We offer a special welcome to those who could use a prayer right now, had religion shoved down your throat as a kid or got lost in traffic and wound up here by mistake. We welcome tourists, seekers and doubters, bleeding hearts … and you!

Bravo to this church!  This should be made into a poster and hung in church offices around the world!

Maybe our own homes?

My Chateau Elan Weekend

Well, I did it.  I just returned home from my weekend with the Chateau Elan - Atlanta.   I knew this trip would be difficult and take a lot of strength to go it alone because this time, I was making the trip without my beloved, best friend of 25 years, Trudy.  This was "our girls' getaway" trip for 9 years straight until she got sick.  Yes, I knew it would be hard, but I am one determined woman.

As soon as I realized the exit was approaching, I was filled with emotion.  When Trudy and I saw Exit 126, we knew we were close and would begin screaming, "CHATEAU ELLLLAAAANNN!  We're here!"

This time was different.  There was no celebratory scream, just silence.   As I took the exit and made a left, I knew within seconds, I would see it.  The beautiful Chateau.  I was quite anxious wondering how I was going to handle this.  I could feel my heart beating out of my chest.  The long, deep breaths helped to calm myself.

Trudy and I created years of amazing memories at the Chateau, not only because it's a spectacularly beautiful place, but because we were together.  And when we were together, it was always an event!  As I pulled up to the hotel, I was immediately taken back to the last time we'd arrived there.  It was surreal.  It was painful.  It was just damn hard.

After checking in, I took the elevator to the 5th floor, where I found "our" room.  As expected, it was beautifully decorated, inviting and perfect.  I had requested two queen beds.  I mean, she is with me after all.  I decided to try and relax, so I scheduled a visit to the spa.  Trudy and I loved hanging out for hours in the Spa, enjoying the sauna, pool and hot tub.  This place is first class.  I booked a massage and waited in a comfortable, over sized chair.  When my name was called, I was surprised to see that my massage therapist was a male.  This was not ok with me.  I politely asked if there was a female available.  A massage is all about relaxing and how can I relax with some guy I've never met touching my body.  No thank you, not for me.  He understood and introduced me to Tracy.  She was amazing.  Her massage was so good I passed out!  She gently awakened me to whisper, "your session is over, Victoria."

She asked about my visit and who I was with.  Was I here with a special someone?  Friends?  I started to cry.  I explained my whole "Trudy" story.  She hugged me and told me how sorry she was.  This would be the first of many times that I would be telling my "Trudy" story.

After I came back to my room, I decided to lay in bed, watch some t.v. and wait for the lounge to open.  I couldn't wait to see Mel, the lounge DJ.  He welcomed Trudy and I every year.  Finally, it was 9pm and I made my way down to the lounge.  I walked up to the stage and found Mel setting up.  He turned around and was excited to see me.  Then, I noticed him looking around.  He'd never seen me there alone before.  He asked where she was.  I started to cry.  He came off the stage and hugged me.  He told me how sorry he was and that she'd want me to have a great time.  He took the mic and dedicated the entire weekend to Trudy.  Everyone cheered.  It was awesome.  I felt Trudy with me and know she was partying right along with everyone.  Then the music began and the night was the most fun I've had in a very long time.

I ended up meeting new friends, including three women on their girls' getaway, who are from Nashville!  We've already made plans to get together again.  Mel brought me up to the stage, as tradition would have it, and I sang, "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt.  Then when it was last call, he brought me back to sing "Last Dance" by Donna Summer.  It was one of the best nights of my life!  I laughed, cried, laughed some more and just had a blast.  Man, I needed it for so many reasons.

The next day, Saturday, I had a great day and met my new friends for dinner.  I enjoyed broiled scallops and they were incredible.  Then off to the lounge for more dance time!  By now, most of my new friends knew about Trudy and went out of their way to make sure I was having a great time. And that, I did!

Once again sweet Mel brought me on stage to sing.  It was awesome.  Trudy loved it when I sang. She was the reason I started singing with Mel in the first place.  It was Trudy who told Mel that I could sing and asked him to surprise me by inviting me to sing with him.  Was that really over 10 years ago?!  Mel told me that Trudy was my biggest fan and he remembered how she went on and on about me and how proud she was that I was her friend.  It was nice of him to tell me that.

After closing the lounge down for the second night in a row, I was invited to go with a group of new friends to the home of a very nice couple who vowed to "keep the party going!"   They live in a very large, beautiful home on the Chateau Elan Property right beside the resort.  I ended up hanging out at their house til 4am!  We talked about God, my life, their lives, Trudy and anything else we felt like talking about.  I had a great conversation with their babysitter, who told me about her decision to remain abstinent til marriage.  She was pleasantly surprised to hear about my work and we had a great conversation about choices.  As they drove me back to the hotel, we made promises to stay in touch.

I woke up this morning anxious to get on the road.  It was time and I was ready to leave.  The weekend had been as perfect as it could be without her, filled with tears, laughter and new experiences, but I jumped out of bed and just felt the need to get out of there.  It was a strange feeling I can't explain.  I'd made plans to meet some of my new friends for breakfast, but ended up meeting them only to say good-bye and begin the drive back to Tennessee.

I'm home now.  The weekend went by fast, just as it always did.  I've committed to making this trip every year on the anniversary of Trudy's death.  To not only honor and celebrate her, but to help me as I continue my road to healing from the loss of my precious friend.  Terry, Trudy's husband, called tonight to let me know he'd visited her grave today.  He said, "I told the Queen that you went to Chateau and what a great time you had.  I know she'd be so happy you went."  I know he's right.

Until next year :)  

Who Do You Hate?

We've all had people in our life that didn't like us, right?  Or is it just me?  There have been people in my life who didn't like me and some who might say they've even hated me.

Sometimes I get it, but sometimes I don't.  There's a story I heard once about two sisters.  The younger sister tried all of her life to get the older sister to like her.  At the older sister's death bed, the younger sister said, "Please tell me before you draw your last breath, what did I ever do to you that made you hate me so much?  I tried all of my life to get you to love me, but you never did.  I tried things you liked just so you'd like me.  You never did.  Why, sister, please tell me why?"  The older sister looked over at her right before she died and said, "You were born."

Seriously?!  That's intense.  I've asked myself this question, is there anyone on this earth that I hate?  Actually hate.  I hope not.  I do hate things that happen.  I do hate the behaviors of certain people.  I do hate how people treat others.  I do hate disappointing others.  I do hate pedofiles or those that hurt innocent children or people.  I do hate that so many men in this country are addicted to porn and view online sex sites.  I do hate that 3500 babies are killed in this country every day.  Yes, I do hate those things.  But, actually hate someone I know?  No, I don't think so.   

Don't get me wrong. There are several people I dislike very, very, I mean very, much!  But, hate?   That's a lot of energy to waste on another person who must be pretty horrible in the first place.  I don't think anyone's worth that much of my time and emotion.  I can definitely hate someone in the moment when a wrong has or is being done to me, but once I calm down, I feel more sorry for them than anything else. 

There are some people I can spend two minutes with, but not two hours.  Two days with, but not two weeks.  You know? 

Makes me wonder?  Maybe I can't think of someone I actually hate, but is there someone out there who can say they hate me? 

If so, I hope they realize that I'm not worth that much effort. 

My Time with The Queen

Tawni Bear and I had breakfast with Terry and the boys yesterday morning to celebrate your life and mark the 1st anniversary of your death.  We met at the Waffle House!  I had two eggs over easy.  I couldn't eat.  No appetite.

The morning started out with Donna Summer blasting through my IPod and thinking about you the whole time.  I relived that day one year ago when I arrived at the hospital minutes after you drew your last breath.  I'm so sorry I wasn't there sooner to usher you out of here.  Thanks for forgiving me.

After breakfast, we drove to your final resting place.  Terry bought you some beautiful flowers.  You would have liked them.  The rain was coming down so hard, but we dredged through the grass to stand beside you under our umbrellas.  Terry asked Cody, "Is your Mom in there, Cody?"  He said, "No, that's a shell, she's in Heaven."  It was precious.  After a few minutes, Tawni and the boys walked to the car and left me alone with you for a few minutes.  I shared some of the crap going on in my life right now and you listened.  As always.  Tawni had to leave for work, but I rode back to your house with your boys. We had a great visit. 

Terry agreed to let me take your car home so I can drive it to our getaway place next weekend.  Yes, my Love, I finally did it!  I reserved two nights stay at our favorite girls' getaway!  Just like old times, I'm going for a relaxing weekend at our Chateau!  It won't be the same without you and it's going to be excruciatingly hard, but it's time.  I need to do this.

I'll be listening and singing to our favorite tunes during the 4 hour drive and you'll be right beside me the whole way.  Melvin, our DJ, is still there too!  He'll be playing our songs and I'll have to tell him you're gone.  I know he'll be shocked, sad and miss seeing your beautiful face.  And don't worry, I'll make sure he lets me sing "I Can't Make You Love Me" and that he plays "Last Dance" at midnight!  Just like the 9 years before everytime we were there.  Traditions can't be broken. 

You'd be so proud of Bear Bear, Trud.  She blessed me by paying for this weekend getaway.  She knows I need it and insisted.  She said this was her gift to us.

After I left your house, on my way home, I decided to go and "see" you again.  I just wanted more time with you.  The rain was still coming down hard, but I had my umbrella.  When I pulled up to your resting place, I sat in your car trying to pull up "Last Dance" on my phone.  (I finally figured out what PANDORA is!).  Anyway, it took a few minutes, but soon Donna was coming through my speaker!  I grabbed my umbrella and began to run so fast to your gravesite.  Then, I noticed something.  The rain stopped as soon as I reached you.  It literally stopped.  I knelt down as my IPhone played "Last Dance".  I wanted to make sure you could hear it!  I was laughing and crying at the same time.  As soon as the song was over, I stood up, said good-bye to you and began my walk back to your car.  As I did, the rain started again.  It made me smile. 

I miss you, my Love.  The friendship we shared was once in a lifetime.  I'm thankful for the 25 years we had together and trying to find joy in that instead of anger that you're gone.

By the time I reached your car, the next song started belting out of my phone.  It was "Celebrate" by Kool & The Gang!  I couldn't believe it!  I knew you were letting me know you were ok as I heard the lyrics "there's a party going on right here, a celebration to last throughout the year".  Thank you for that. 

I smiled again.

Could It Be A Year Already?

A year ago today.  That's the day that my best friend, Trudy, went into the hospital for surgery.  A surgery that was supposed to take a few hours, with a week of recovery and then a trip home, good as new.  I remember the day well.  During our phone conversation the night before, she told me she was afraid, but she said she also had a peace and was excited and anticipating a good outcome.  The cancer was on her right lung and the doctor was going to do his best to extract it, without taking the entire lung out.  The picture above was taken by Terry, Trudy's husband, when we all arrived at the hospital just 2 hours before her surgery.  From left to right, my daughter, Tawni, Trudy and me.  Does she look sick to you?!  Me either.  Although she was scared, she was also at peace with her decision to have the surgery.  The doctor had said there was a less than 1% chance she wouldn't survive, so the odds were definitely in her favor.

She called me at 5:00 am as she drove to the hospital.  We had a great talk.  My daughter, Tawni, and I were going to meet her there and we were on our way also.  She told me, "Vic, I'm scared."  I said, "Just look at it this way.  If all goes well, as we anticipate it will, you win.  You're healthy again!  And, if it doesn't, you're going to be with Jesus.  You win again!  So, it's a win-win for you!"  That made her laugh and feel better.  Of course, I was partly lying about my excitement at the latter outcome, but I said what I felt needed to be said.

When we arrived at the hospital, it was the same joking around, laughing and carrying on.  Her surgery was postponed a little bit, so we had more time together in the waiting room than we originally thought we would.  That was ok with us because, as usual, we were having a blast together.
She was scared, I knew that, but she didn't want to show it.  I was scared too, but there was no way I was going to let her sense anything in me other than confidence.  Terry, her husband, was being the amazing, supportive husband he always was, telling her how proud he was of her courage and continually touching her and reminding her how much he loved her.  She knew that she was surrounded by 3 people who adored her.  Me, Tawni and Terry.

Little did we know that when they wheeled her away for surgery, she would never be the same.  And that she wasn't coming home.  Ever.  She spoke to me after the surgery and could barely breathe.  That was the last time I'd hear her voice.  She died 3 days later.
I miss you Trudy Taylor.  More today than ever and I will love you forever.

I'm Coming Barry!

I have to send a shout out to one of my favorite men of all time! Scott, you said you'd make it happen for me and you have. It's been a very hard, emotional few days and weeks for me. I needed this pick me up today more than I can explain in a blog. that blog will come soon, but not today. Through a great guy, God blessed me today. A couple of hours ago, I received a message that I have a ticket to see Barry! I will be so close to him that he may just spit on me while he's belting out "Copacabana"! Or it could happen when I run up on stage to make my attempt to touch him! Either way, I will be there and I'm beside myself about it. This will be my first and could possibly be the last time I have the opportunity of seeing Barry and hearing him live in person, rather than in my car, my IPod or on my stereo. I can't contain my excitement!

I got the news while I was at Target. I'm sure people were bewildered to see a grown woman crying in the middle of the diaper aisle! But, I make no apologies. I have no shame, people! So on Saturday, July 28th at the Bridgestone Arena in Nashville, I will be spending two of the most unforgettable hours of my life with a man I've loved since I was a little girl.

I'm coming, Barry. I told you I would.