Comprehensive Sex Education

When parent's want to challenge me on how much better Comprehensive Sex Education (CSE) vs. Abstinence-Til-Marriage (ATM) Education is, I get excited. This gives me a great opportunity to educate them. Because in their ignorance, they know not what they say and usually not what they're talking about.

My next question is, "So, tell me what you know about "Comprehensive Sex Ed" (CSE)?" Without fail, the answer is the same. "Well, that's when you teach teens about condoms. Teens need to know about condoms, and how to use them, so they know how to prevent pregnancy and STD's. Abstinence-Til-Marriage (ATM) Programs just want to tell them not to have sex and guilt them into not doing it! ATM Programs don't work!" Well, bring it on, Mr. and Mrs. KIA (Know It All's!).

After 10 minutes with me, parent's get an ear full and I can't deny I've probably pissed off more than a few of them. You see, until parents wake up and do the research I've done, they shouldn't pretend to be experts. Don't tell me my business when you don't know what you're talking about. That's like me giving directions to a brain surgeon while he/she's performing brain surgery. That patient would be better off taking cyanide. The end result would be the same.

Groups like Planned Parenthood have been trying to "sneak" CSE Programs into our schools for years. They do it under the guise that "we teach abstinence education" too. It looks like, (thanks again to Barrack Husseim Obama), that they're closer to winning than ever before. Our current President has very close ties to Planned Parenthood. He's in bed with them, if you will. He knew all along that once he reached the White House, one of the first things he'd take care of was ATM Education. And he did it. This administration wasted no time in taking funding away from Abstinence-Til-Marriage Education and handing the funds ($125 million) to CSE Programs.

So, here's another question I have for parents. What do you really know about CSE? Do you think because the CSE Programs tell you "we teach abstinence", that it's true? Sure, they'll spend as long as it takes to say "sure, abstinence is best", but 99% of their teaching is on everything else but waiting to have sex. You see, it's big business. Planned Parenthood doesn't make money unless teenage girls need abortions. They despise ATM Programs. It sounds sick, doesn't it? Too bad it's true. Our government would never allow this? Oh, really? Get a clue.

Are you OK with your kindergartner learning about pleasuring themselves? Are you OK with your pre-teens showering together? Is mutual masturbation between two teenagers acceptable to you? Especially if it's your teenager doing the pleasuring of another? Because that's part of the teachings of CSE.

ATM Education has always taught teenagers both the pros and cons of condoms, while CSE Programs just hand them out and give them the false security of the "safe sex" b.s. ATM Education teaches kids to value themselves and that it's OK to wait. ATM teaches the truth that waiting is the safest form of sex in every way, physically, mentally, spiritually and psychologically. ATM Education doesn't judge and helps those kids who've already gone too far realize that it's never too late to change, no matter how far they've gone. ATM teaches teenagers what a healthy relationship looks like.

Mr. and Mrs. KIA, until you've done the research, or been on the front lines for 15 years like I have, looked into the thousands of faces of pre-teens/teens that I've met, who feel used, dirty, guilty and ashamed because of a decision to engage in sexual activity, keep your mouth shut. And, don't, I say don't, tell me my business when you don't know what you're talking about.

So, make sure and do your research Mom and Dad. Find out what's being taught in your schools. Ask to see copies of the curriculum, sit in on their sex education classes. Get involved. It's only your kids lives we're talking about here.

Cause, you can't plead ignorance anymore.

"LAYAWAY"

Something on television the other night brought back a childhood memory of mine. Not a good one, mind you, but if you lived my childhood, there weren't a lot of good ones. With summer coming to an end, at every mall you see kids are scrambling to get their school supplies and of course, the most exciting thing on their list are their new wardrobes, affectionately referred to as "new school clothes". This was always one of my girls' favorite times when they were in school. If I'm being honest, it was one of mine too. I felt so blessed that I had the luxury of taking them school shopping for new stuff. They were like kids in a candy store, running around picking out different outfits, trying them on and imagining being the best dressed in their class! When we got home, they proudly carried in their bags of goodies, ran to their rooms and modeled their outfits for the family to enjoy. They were jumping up and down with excitement when they discovered the "one". That special, perfect outfit for the first day of school! Yes, I loved those days, that was until I got the bill! Reflecting on these times with my girls, I was reminded of my own childhood and how different it was when I was a kid.

I can remember begging my Mom weeks before school started, "when do we get to go school shopping?", "so and so already has all their stuff!", "i need this, i need that!","MOM, we have to go, everything's going to be gone!". It seemed in our family, it would be days before school started before we finally heard Mom say, "OK, fine, we're going tomorrow". "YES!"

But, before my mom put us in the car, she would go through our drawers and closets meticulously. She would pass down whatever she could to each of us kids and say, "No, that still fits, you can still wear those jeans". "Mom, are you kidding me? These are too short and too tight!" "They are fine! You can wear them for another year." Oh, how the kids teased. Highwaters, yeah, I think that's what they called it. Kids can be so mean.

Finally, after the hand-me-downs were passed out, we would pile in the car and be on our way. Our first and only stop? K-Mart. We'd get the cart and start shopping. I remember I couldn't believe how much stuff she was letting us get! The cart was packed! I can remember feeling so happy and excited and felt my self-esteem rising by the minute! When we were finished shopping, we didn't go to the check-out. Mom started walking towards the back of the store. "Where are we going, Mom?" I'll never forget the word that came out of her mouth next. Never. "We're going to layaway." "Layaway? What's layaway?" My mom was quick to answer. "It's where they hold the clothes for us, and then I'll come back and pick them up." I said, "But, we need our new school clothes! When are you going to pick them up?" She said, "Soon, you'll be fine. I'll get it out next month." She may have well said in forever, because a month was forever to me!

Every night, I dreamed about those clothes. I dreamed about how good I would look, how the other kids would look at me with envy at my new blue cordoroy jeans and new ruffled, white blouse. Each week that went by, I inquired about this thing called "layaway". And each week, I heard the same thing, "soon, Vicky, soon".

What is the statute of limitations on layaway anyway? Because each year that we practiced this phenomenon, I was never to see those clothes again.

I wonder if they're still waiting for me.

Graduation Week

I can't believe it. It's surreal. It's unbelievable. My two youngest daughters, Kendra and Kolby are graduating this week. On the same day, this Thursday. Kolby from 8th grade at 1:00 pm and Kendra from high school at 7:00 pm.

I am so filled with emotion. When I start to think about the days I would sit in front of the television with Kendra, who as an 8 month old, had to watch Barney for 8 hours straight, I get very melancholy. She just LOVED that purple dinosaur. She owned everything Barney. Her sheets, blankets, pillow, pj's, toothbrush, hairbrush, hairbows, you name it, she owned it. Now, she's interested in Ed Hardy clothes, a laptop, moving out as soon as she can and college!

Then there's my Kolby Girl. The youngest of the four. The little girl with four mothers. Our baby. She'll be a freshman next year. A freshman! She continues to convince me everyday that she's as excited about Kendra moving out and going away to college as she is about beginning high school!

As my life continues to change, with daughters getting married, having children of their own, graduating middle school, graduating high school and preparing for college and all the other "changes" I'm experiencing, I'm reminded of one thing.

Time is but a fleeting moment and we need to savor every one.

Trudy

It was twenty four years ago. I was living in Charlotte, married to Teryn and Tawni's father, when I met her. Due to some family issues, my little sister Brenda, who was a teenager at the time was also living with us. I first saw her when I was working for a fitness center. She and her husband were visiting the tanning salon across from my place of work. I don't remember exactly, but I think they came over to check out our memberships and we struck up a conversation. From that day on, each day she came to the salon, we would talk. During one of our conversations, she mentioned she needed a sitter. I told her about Brenda. We came to find out that we lived in apartment complexes next to eachother. We exchanged numbers and before long, I was introducing her to my little sister, who became the regular babysitter to her son, Donnie.

Our friendship was instant. Trudy and I felt like we'd known eachother for years. We could talk about anything. Believe me, we did then and today, we still do. That was the beginning of our lifelong friendship. Trudy has been through all of the challenges's life has brought my way and I've been there for hers. The divorces, kid issues, deaths in the family, personal issues, my destructive habits, etc. etc. I swear this woman knows me better than anyone.

Three years ago, she called to let me know that her doctor needed to perform an emergency hysterectomy. That was how it started. That ugly word came not long after. Cancer. Chemotherapy came next. She handled it all with class. After chemotherapy treatments, she had to have full body scans every few months to make sure the cancer hadn't returned. Each evening before her scan, and the next morning during the ride into the hospital, we'd pray together. Like so many times she'd done for me, it was my turn to encourage and support her. And each time, the scans were clear and we would rejoice together and plan our next yearly weekend Chateau Elan trip. This is something we've done every year for 8 years. Away from husbands, kids, worries and it's our time. Noone's ever been invited on these trips. And we've made a pact that we will never take anyone else there, not even our husbands.

Three weeks ago, the call was quite different. The doctor's found something. There were spots on her lungs that needed to be biopsied. And a few days later, the results were in. The cancer was back and this time had metastized to her lungs. I was shocked. I got angry, I cried and then I got a grip.

This past Tuesday, Trudy started chemotherapy again. This time, it will be much more aggressive. She will have treatments for 9 hours a day, 3 days straight, with a three week break followed by another round. Then the waiting will begin. She will have another full body scan. The goal: to shrink the tumors so they can be removed surgically.

This cancer is called leiomyosarcoma. It's a rare, soft tissue cancer that attacks the soft tissue, i.e. lungs, liver, uterus. Only 10,000 people get it each year.

Trudy and I have long had a dream since we became friends. We've layed on our beds at Chateau Elan during our weekend trips and talked and imagined one day living as roommates when we're 80 to live out the last days of our lives together. (Sorry, George and Terry, but stats show that women outlive men, so this is why we started making these plans years ago!).

Trudy and I still have lots we want to do. When Trudy is well again, Chateau Elan, here we come!

And when we're 80, we'll take a 2 bedroom, 2 bath, please.

Family Beach Trip!

© hotelscombined.com

Amazing Love

I wasn't alive 2000 years ago. I didn't exist. Not on this earth anyway. But, He knew. He knew that I would be born on June 2, 1964. He knew the time. He knew the place. He knew the parents He would choose to conceive me. He knew everything about me and He loved me anyway. He loved me long before I ever knew or loved Him.

He was full aware of the sins I would commit. He knew the mistakes I would make. He even knew about the times I would turn my back on Him or forget Him altogether. He knew all of these things, yet He did it anyway.

He suffered a severe beating. He carried a cross. He allowed nails to be driven into His hands and feet. He wept for me. At the end, He asked His Father to "forgive them, for they know not what they do" and then He drew his last breath. It was finished.

Three days later, gloriously, He rose again. And one day soon, He will come back. And, I will be ready.

Yes, 2000 years ago, He died for me. He died for you. The gospel is simple, yet we are the ones who make it complicated. It's simply His amazing love. And I thank God for it.

Happy Easter.

God Help Us and Wake Up People!

CHILLING LETTER TO OBAMA
Subject: A LETTER FROM A PROCTER AND GAMBLE EXECUTIVE TO THE PRESIDENT
THE LAST SENTENCE IS THE MOST CHILLING

Lou Pritchett is one of corporate America 's true living legends- an acclaimed author, dynamic teacher and one of the world's highest rated speakers. Successful corporate executives everywhere recognize him as the foremost leader in change management.. Lou changed the way America does business by creating an audacious concept that came to be known as "partnering." Pritchett rose from soap salesman to Vice-President, Sales and Customer Development for Procter and Gamble and over the course of 36 years, made corporate history.

AN OPEN LETTER TO PRESIDENT OBAMA

Dear President Obama:
You are the thirteenth President under whom I have lived and unlike any of the others, you truly scare me.
You scare me because after months of exposure, I know nothing about you.
You scare me because I do not know how you paid for your expensive Ivy League education and your upscale lifestyle and housing with no visible signs of support.
You scare me because you did not spend the formative years of youth growing up in America and culturally you are not an American.
You scare me because you have never run a company or met a payroll.
You scare me because you have never had military experience, thus don't understand it at its core.
You scare me because you lack humility and "class", always blaming others.
You scare me because for over half your life you have aligned yourself with radical extremists who hate America and you refuse to publicly denounce these radicals who wish to see America fail.
You scare me because you are a cheerleader for the "blame America"' crowd and deliver this message abroad.
You scare me because you want to change America to a European style country where the government sector dominates instead of the private sector.
You scare me because you want to replace our health care system with a government controlled one.
You scare me because you prefer "wind mills" to responsibly capitalizing on our own vast oil, coal and shale reserves.
You scare me because you want to kill the American capitalist goose that lays the golden egg which provides the highest standard of living in the world.
You scare me because you have begun to use 'extortion' tactics against certain banks and corporations.
You scare me because your own political party shrinks from challenging you on your wild and irresponsible spending proposals.
You scare me because you will not openly listen to or even consider opposing points of view from intelligent people.
You scare me because you falsely believe that you are both omnipotent and omniscient.
You scare me because the media gives you a free pass on everything you do.
You scare me because you demonize and want to silence the Limbaugh's, Hannitys, O'Reillys and Becks who offer opposing, conservative points of view.
You scare me because you prefer controlling over governing.

Finally, you scare me because if you serve a second term I will probably not feel safe in writing a similar letter in 8 years.

Lou Pritchett

*This letter was sent to the NY Times but they never acknowledged it. Big surprise. Since it hit the internet, however, it has had over 500,000 hits. Keep it going. All that is necessary for evil to succeed is that good men do nothing. It's happening right now.

In 8 years, Lou may be right and I may not be able to even post this. God help us and wake up people!

Granny's Prank Call

Last week when I was hanging out with Kendra's cheer squad, the girl's were placing prank calls to their friends and family. This one particular girl, Taylor, could do a great Chinese impersonation. She was calling people in a strong Chinese accent saying, "Hello, vuuuu like cheeeken? You want me bring you some cheeeeken?" It was hilarious. I listened to a few of her phone calls and then, had an idea. :)

So, I approached this girl and said, "Hey, let's call my Granny." And we did. This is what happened.

The phone rang three times before I heard that familiar, sweet voice, "Allo?" (remember Granny has a strong, spanish accent). Taylor began, "Uuuu vant cheeeken?" My grandmother said, "Who dis?" She said, "Tis da cheeeken laaaady!, Uuuuu vant some cheeeeken?" Granny spoke up, "WHO DIS? DIS BIKKI?" Taylor said, "Noooooo! I told u, I CHEEEEKEN LADY!, Uuuuu vant cheeeeken?" Granny said, "No, I no want cheeeken. I tink jew have wrong number?" I quickly whispered in Taylor's ear and told her my grandmother's name. So, she went on. "Uuuuu name Esperanza? I hear u make gooooood cheeeeken, so, uuuuuu vant cheeeeeken or not?" My grandmother was insistent. "WHO DIS?!"

This girl was good. "I tell u already, I cheeeeeken lady!! I have lots cheeeeken, teriyaki cheeeeken, bar-b-que cheeeeken, all kinds cheeeekken, u want cheeeken?!!?!?!?

What happened next was priceless. My sweet, precious, little Granny lost her patience and in her most stern voice spoke loud and clear as she responded,

"NO, I TELL YOU ALREADY, I NO WANT CHEEEEKEN!!! I GONNA MAKE FISH!"

And with that, she hung up.

*&$% Happens!

What a great, fun day at Disneyland with Kendra, Kolby, lots of friends and Kendra's cheer squad! We had a blast all day. We rode every ride, saw an Elvis Show and laughed our heads off together.

Kolby had a riding buddy and was having the time of her life. This was the first time since she was 6 that she's been to Disney, so it would be the first time she'd remember it all. I was so thrilled to see Kolby having such a great time! She even danced on the streets during the parade, as one of the dancers picked her out of the crowd to be his partner!

But, then tragedy hit. During the last ride of the night on Splash Mountain, Kolby lost $51 bucks of her own money (it must have fallen out of her pocket) and the battery to her brand new Canon digital camera. She was crushed. She tried her best not to cry, but not hard enough. I held her and tried my best to comfort her, but she was not buying it. Here she'd had this great day at Disney, only for it to be ruined in the last hour! She said, "Disney HATES me!!!"

So, I decided to try and use it as a lesson. I said, "Kolby, let's look at it this way. Let's imagine a family spending the day at Disney, who shouldn't have even been there because they couldn't afford it, were praying all day for God to help them somehow. Maybe they didn't even know how they were going to feed their kids dinner. They kept smiling because they didn't want their kids to know how worried they were." I went on. "Just imagine, what if they were praying and asking God to help them find a way to either eat or buy a small souvenir to remember the day, but had NO money to do it. They knew they shouldn't have been at Disney, but they were tired of telling their kids no, we can't afford this or that and decided to just do it. Think about that! What if that were true? Just think about how God used you to bless them. Sometimes we have to sacrifice for others to be blessed. Try to think about your money being in the hands of someone who really needed it, found it and cried knowing God heard their prayer."

She looked at me in tears and said, "OK, Mommy. I can see that, but what about my camera battery? Was someone praying for a specific Canon Digital Camera Battery?! What about that?" I looked at my baby and said, "Don't have a good explanation for that one, baby, but all I can say, Kolb, is *&$% happens."

We both laughed so hard and then all was good.

Kendra's On Her Way

Kendra is a senior this year and will be graduating on May 27th. I still can't believe it. There once were four, but soon, there will be one living at home. Kendra has been accepted to the U of A and we received word last week from her school that she'll be graduating with Honors. She has always been a great student, never likes to be late for class and has rarely missed school throughout her high school career. In other words, I'm a very proud mother and she's a great kid.

Kendra's last cheerleading competition was held last weekend in Hollywood, CA. Because of our busy schedules, we made a decision not to go. She didn't seem to mind. However, at the last minute, literally the last minute, I decided Kolby and I should make the trip. I knew that George couldn't go because of responsibilities at work, but didn't have a good reason for the two of us not to attend. I decided to surprise her. We were able to travel with her boyfriend, Gabriel and his family (their daughter is also a cheerleader), which was great for me. They were fun traveling companions and I didn't have to drive! When we showed up at Disneyland on Friday, she was surprised. Well, a little. She said she "had a feeling" we were coming.

It was a great day being with my two youngest daughters and riding Space Mountain together! And on Saturday, watching her last cheer competition was well worth the trip. As I sat in the audience of the Gibson Theatre, watching my baby on stage, I realized this could be the last time I'd see my Little Sweet Pea cheer. After so many years of supporting her sport, this moment brought tears to my eyes. It was surreal. They really do grow up fast. My daughter has grown into a beautiful, young woman and sharing this moment with her was amazing. I thank God for the decision I made to go.

It definitely was the right one.

Home

You know that feeling you get sometimes when you know something's coming, but aren't quite sure what it is. Lately, I've been having a lot of those moments. It's scary, yet exciting at the same time. I can't say for sure what mine or my families' future holds, only God knows that, but I'm hopeful it's going to be amazing. Sometimes changes are met with acceptance and other times they're not. I've gone through so many over the past several years, it's hard to keep count.
We've been living in Arizona for almost two years now. It's no secret to anyone who knows me that I hate it here. I find myself telling strangers on the street, the grocery checker and anyone else that will listen, that I can't wait to leave. Don't get me wrong. It's beautiful here and the people are friendly, I love my job and I've grown to care deeply for some wonderful people that I work with and met here. So, it's not that.

It's the geographical location. I absolutely loathe being so far away from my friends, but especially my family. I have so much family back east. My mom, my sister, my Granny, two of my daughters, and of course, my granddaughter, are all on the east coast and I feel such a sense of helplessness that I can't get in my car and drive a few hours to be with them when or if they need me or vice versa! My Granny is, well, I better not say, but she's getting older. I want to spend her last years living close enough that I can visit her often. I know we're not promised tomorrow so I could leave this earth before her and then what? I would have spent my last years away from family? That would really suck.

A house is a building that you live in. It's a place where you keep your stuff. My house feels like I'm living in a 3200 sq. ft hotel room. It just doesn't feel permanent to me, it never has. We've had plenty of great parties, game nights and cookouts and every window has gorgeous views of the mountains and we've loved our "fire pit" nights, but its always felt like something's missing. I can't really explain it. Yes, the Lord has truly blessed us with a beautiful, comfortable house to live in and we are truly grateful to Him for that. But a home really is where your heart is and mine has never been in Arizona. I've learned a lot in two years of living this far away from my family. As I've grown older (and I keep doing that everyday!), I understand more and more how important family is and how truly short life is. I've learned that there truly is a difference between living in a house and living in a home.

I don't know what's coming, but without a doubt, I know this......I want to go home.

Sheeeeee's Baaaaaaack!

Tawni arrived home today, safe and sound. Thank God. I'm sure she'll have lots to share in the near future. For now, I think she's exhausted, both emotionally and physically.

So, just wanted to update my loyal readers and let you know that she's back on U.S. soil. I thank you and appreciate your prayers so very much. I felt them, as I know Tawni did too.

This is one relieved mom.

Haiti Called

My daughter, Tawni, is in Haiti. She's at an orphanage with children who are hurt or sick. Although, I'm incredibly proud of her, I won't lie. As her mother, I don't want her there and I wish she wasn't there. Because, frankly, it scares the hell out of me. I watch the news. I've heard about what's happened to some people who've gone there to help the Haitians, only to be shot or arrested.

When I first heard about the earthquake, I had this sick feeling in my stomach that Tawni would be going. I don't know how to explain it, call it mother's intuition, but I just knew. I knew she'd want to use her new nursing degree to help others. For those of you who know her, I'm sure you're not surprised. Tawni has an amazing heart and would do anything to help anyone in need. When I heard the news that she was raising money for her expenses, I somehow knew the finances would come. From what I understand, the financial support came quickly. You can imagine how my heart sunk when I realized she was really doing this. I knew she was going to a place where people are starving for food and water and using desperate measures to get it, even if it means hurting or killing the people bringing it.

I was told that she was going with a whole group of people from a church and staying in the Dominican Republic. I was told that they would be driving each day to Haiti and then back to the Domincan Republic at night to sleep. Now, I find out that she was dropped off at this orphanage because that's where she was needed. Alone. There's no group! She tells me there are guards out front and that she feels safe. She tells me that only a few of the older orphans speak english. She tells me that the children are hurt, sick and some can't see because of the infection in their eyes. She tells me it's hot and she's very sweaty and the conditions are horrible. She's alone there for a week and she tells me not to worry! It's very hard being a mother. Sometimes, honest to God, I wonder if I was cut out for it.

At this point, I can pray. Pray to a God that I trust to protect and keep her safe from bad people, harm or illness. And in reality, she doesn't belong to me anyway. Don't get me wrong. I'm sorry for the people of Haiti and what they're going through. I'm proud that our country and others are helping them in their time of need. And, as I've said, I'm incredibly proud of my own daughter for wanting to use her nursing skills to help. Yes, I'm bursting with pride. But, she's my daughter. My Tawni Bear. And, I want her safe. Safe from criminals, desperate people, disease or harm. I don't want a martyred daughter.

I want a safe, happy and healthy one.

Motherhood is a Love/Hate Relationship

Here's a revelation for some of you. I fight with my daughter's. All of them. I'm a mother to four very independent minded, opinionated, sassy, think for themselves, stubborn, beautiful daughters. Some more than the other one, but still the truth all the same. They are each unbelievably different, yet share some of the same qualities. And sometimes, frankly, we just don't like eachother.

One of the mistakes that I think many mom's make these days is trying to be friend's with their kids. I've tried, sometimes unsuccessfully to keep this at bay. My parenting skills have not always made me popular with my girls, but I've made decisions based on what I thought was best. Sometimes I was right on, and sometimes I just wasn't.

So, I'm guilty of a lot of things and I'm sure each of my four girls could produce a healthy list! So, I decided to make one of my own. A list of things that no one, not even the girls, can argue.

1. I've loved them with all my heart since the day they were born.
2. My love is unconditional (whether they believe that or not!).
3. I'm incredibly proud of each one.
4. Sometimes I don't like them, but always I love them.
5. They are four of the best things I've ever accomplished in my life.
6. I will forever be their mother, even after I'm gone.
7. They are stubborn, but overall, they are very good people.
8. They fight with eachother, but if you hurt one of them, they will defend to the death.
9. They say and do stupid things.
10. I will continue to forgive them for hurting me with their words or actions and lastly,

Without hesitation, I would die for any one of them.

Liam Eric Gary

I'm so happy to announce that I have become an Aunt once again! Congratulations to my sister Brenda, her husband Bob and to Regan (11) and Nolan (7)! My newest nephew was born on Sunday, January 24, 2010 weighing in at 7lb. 12 oz. Everyone is happy and healthy!

Our entire family are thrilled at the newest addition. I can't wait to hold, kiss and squeeze him! It's surreal that babies are still coming, but it's awesome. I'll post a picture soon.

God continues to bless our family.

Dying

My Mom's birthday was yesterday. She's getting older, I'm getting older, my kids are getting older. I think at 45 years old, I'm starting to realize that we actually can't do anything about it. We really do grow older, we really do die someday. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but it's like a revelation for me. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not afraid of dying, I'm just not ready. Still too much I want to do.

I've been thinking about my dad a lot lately. I wonder about how cool it would be if I could just call him on the phone , tell him about all the crap going on at work, or the fight I just had with one of the girls, or how deliriously in love I am with my granddaughter. I know he would have liked my new husband. And there's no doubt in my mind, he would have been thrilled that I finally got it right.

I saw this movie today called "Everything's Fine". It tells the story of a family that lies to eachother about what's really going on in their lives. We do that, don't we? We ask those questions, How are you? How are your kids? How's your job? And we answer, "Oh, everything's fine." When a lot of the time, it's just crap. Why do we do that? Are we programmed to "fake" everybody out?

Come on, seriously, is everything ever really fine? I'm not saying that life is just one big mess all of the time. But, usually when one thing is going just right, something else is out of whack. What is it about just being honest? Why is it that so many people play these stupid games with eachother. Does anyone actually believe that their neighbor, family member or co-worker ever really have their crap together all the time? I say, Hell to the no.

We're all living on this planet, one day at a time. No doubt, some people have it harder than others, this is true, but nobody's living a perfect life. No matter how it looks to the observer. When I was younger, I envied so many of my friends and truly believed I was the less fortunate of the group. Years later, thanks to facebook and re-connecting with those same friends, I've come to realize, their "perfect" lives weren't so perfect.

So, let's all get over ourselves and face reality. Life is hard sometimes. People don't get along all of the time, families sometimes loathe one another and eventually, sadly enough, does it matter anyway? In the long run, what a waste of time, because eventually,

We all die.

Life is Hard, God is Good

Life can be very sad sometimes. I thank God that He sustains us through all things. God really meant it when He said, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you."

It makes me sad to see the state of our world these days. The addictions, disrespect, disregard for life. It makes me miss my childhood. Even with all of its challenges, the poverty and times of sadness, I miss it so much. I'm not naive to believe that there weren't problems in the world when I was younger. The difference is, I didn't notice. As a child, I viewed the world through child's eyes, which is much different than seeing life through my now adult ones.

Life is hard, this is true. But God is good. And faithful. And kind. And all knowing. I set my heart and eyes on Him, for I know He has plans for me, my family and for our future.

No matter what life brings in the day to day, how bad it looks, or how much I hurt, He holds me close. And that, my friends, brings me peace.