Happy Birthday Tawni Bear!

Thirty two years ago, I was working at a hospital emergency room when I realized I was a little "late". I asked one of the doctors (one of the perks working at a hospital!) if he would order a pregnancy blood test. I knew this was the quickest, surest way to know for sure. I went to the lab, had a vial of blood drawn and then all I could do was wait for the results. It didn't come before my shift was over so I would have to continue my wait at home. It was the longest 2 hours of my life!

The phone rang. I grabbed it before the second ring! "Congratulations, you're pregnant!" This was definitely a surprise, but a pleasant one. I was shocked, but smiling at the same time. I was going to have a baby! This baby would be joining her sister in about 7 months.

Without going into a lot of details, her arrival didn't come without some challenges. I almost lost her several times throughout my pregnancy.

But, we made it. And, fifteen hours into labor, the nurse checked me and said, "You have several more hours to go, so just try to relax. It's going to be awhile." Literally, within minutes after she left my hospital room (I'm not kidding, it was minutes!), I looked over at her biological father (who was sitting in a chair reading a magazine!) and said, "Something's happened. This baby is ready!" He said, "No, it's not. The nurse said it would be awhile. You're wrong." He went back to his magazine! I screamed, "Go and get her!" He still didn't move. I pressed my nurse call button. (FYI, we were separated by the time this baby girl was 8 months old, go figure!).  Finally, the Nurse came and checked me. And, guess what, there she was, my baby girl, ready to make her entrance into the world!

On that momentus day, 32 years ago, May 5, 1985 at 3:26 p.m., I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy, 7lb 9oz baby girl I named Tawni Blair.

And she has been one of the greatest joys of my life. Tawni is beautiful, gifted, talented, free spirited, genuine, funny, compassionate and has a heart like no one I've ever known. I am blessed that God chose my womb to carry her for 9 months (more like 10 since the little brat was late!).

Tawni, you are not only my daughter, a sister, an amazing wife to Matt, incredible nurse and wonderful human being, but you're now a Mother-to-Be yourself!  Your Baby Bear is due any day now and I can't wait to hold this child in my arms.  You're going to be an amazing Mother!

My gosh, time flies. Seems like yesterday you were getting stuck in the dryer, picking your nose, making family videos or sneaking out of the house! Oh wait, it was just yesterday! LOL! Just look at you!  Your heart for others is an inspiration to me and so many others!

So, Happy Birthday, my Tawni "Bear". You truly are one of the greatest accomplishments in my life and one of the best things I've ever done. I could not be more proud to be called your mommy. I don't deserve you, but, like it or not, you're stuck with me. I am your mother and you are my daughter. I've got the stretch marks to prove it! (I'm sure you miss hearing that, huh?!) I am blessed to be your mother.

I love you. High as the sky, deep as the sea and all the air that's in between.

There is Healing in the Waiting

My last serious relationship ended five years ago.  I believed he was "the one", my "person".  With 100% certainty, I was so sure I'd heard God confirm this was it.  I was the woman who spoke at women's conferences warning women to choose wisely their partner, look for the warning signs, etc. etc., yet I fell prey myself.  It was a huge blow to my ego and an earth shattering event for me, when a few years into the relationship, things began to unravel.  I was devastated.  I began to question everything I taught, knew and believed.  It was one of the hardest, most brutally painful things I've ever gone through in my life and took a few years to recover.

When others found out I was single again, I began receiving invitations to dinner, concerts, etc. Some of these invites came from amazing, wonderful, great guys, of which some are still friends today. But, I wasn't ready then, nor even considering bringing another man into my life during this much needed process of taking care of myself.  I was wise enough to recognize my heart and head needed complete healing before I should consider entering into another relationship.  Determined to figure out what happened, how I'd allowed it to happen, my part in all of it and lastly, why I saw the signs so clearly in front of me, yet ignored them.  I had my own work cut out for me.

During this time of reflection, it would have been incredibly selfish to expect someone else to deal with my broken, wounded heart and fragile ego.  I was fully aware the Only One who could bring the healing I needed was God. And, I was dead set on allowing Him to do what He needed within me for the restoration I so desperately longed for.  Today, several years later, I can say with complete conviction, He did not let me down.  He never has.  He is the One Constant in my life.

I will be forever grateful for the time I've taken for myself, rather than rushing into another relationship. On those days I was feeling lonely or undesirable, it would've been easy to rush into something, but it would have been disastrous. I'm convinced making the conscious choice to be alone was much braver than rushing into the arms of someone else.  I didn't want to use a man's attention as a distraction to help me forget.  The pain I needed to work through was a pain I had to feel and learn from.  Most of us tend to fill our lives with busyness to bury the hard stuff, but we're only prolonging the inevitable.  If you think you won't take your same crap into the next relationship, you are sadly mistaken.  If you don't deal with it, it will come back to bite you later.  We must deal with our crap. There's no getting around it.  Period.  

Too many people think jumping into another relationship after a life-altering break-up is the best way to "move on".  I must disagree.  Of course, I suppose, there are exceptions to the rule, but I'm a firm believer a healed mind and heart prove a better gift to offer someone else, rather than a broken or confused one.

I'd heard many times, "When you can be content with yourself by being alone, you'll make a better partner".  To be honest, I thought it was crap, the stupidest thing I'd ever heard.  I was wrong.  I get it. These past several years, I can attest being alone was the best gift I've ever given myself.  It will be a gift my future partner will be forever thankful for as well.  Healing is an ongoing process, but if you'll allow Him, He will replace your gaping wound with a scar.

Because of my childhood and growing up with a father who needed constant rescuing, I fell into the trap, as so many do, of falling for the guy I needed to "help" or "fix".   This is a recipe for disaster. What I've learned the hard way is I can't "fix" or "save" anyone.  That's not my job.  That position belongs to God and Him alone.  And, it only works when that person is ready, willing and able to allow Him to do so.

Although, it would be nice for all of us to go through life without a broken heart, it's impossible.  Life is hard, but never forget, God is Good.  We must come to the realization where we've come from, what we've gone through or where we've been contributes to who we become.  Whatever your past or circumstance, you can choose better over bitter.  We can choose to learn from or ignore mistakes.  It's our choice.  But, don't fool yourselves.  The choice you make will determine the life you have.

It wasn't an easy path choosing to take a long, hard look at myself, investing the time, energy and hard work to allow God to "fix" and heal me.  But, I knew I had no choice if I wanted my life to be filled with more joy than sorrow.  

During these past couple years, as I've taken baby steps to "put myself out there", I've had plenty of opportunities for dating.  But, what's been different this time is I pay attention.  I notice the "red flags".  Some of the same issues I ignored in the past, I now take serious.  I take them as God's message to me "This isn't him".

It's taken me years to understand who I am and what I want.  And, it's been quite a liberating experience!  Of course, I'm still open to surprises, but I've a very good idea of the kind of man who's a right fit for me.  Have you ever taken the time to ask yourself the same question?  It matters.

One of the most important decisions we'll ever make is who we spend our lives with, yet too many of us make these decisions hastily or without serious thought.   Remember, it is better to be single than wish you were.

I still believe in marriage and have the utmost respect for this sacred covenant.  No one will ever convince me marriages can't work.  I know many happily, married couples.  Some just need to be more patient than others, rather than rushing or choosing the wrong person.

I hope this encourages those of you hurting or just recovering from a break-up or divorce. Take the time to heal.  It's hard to hear that, I understand, but you and your future partner will be better for it. Enjoy being alone.  Get to know yourself.  Take care of you before trying to take care of someone else.  Seek help if you need it.  Don't walk this lonely path alone.  Trust God in the process.  If the desire of your heart is to be married for the first time, or again, He is Faithful.  But, be patient and make the most of your time in the waiting. 

I decided to write this blog to encourage others, but also because of something I was asked just a couple days ago.  A dear friend pulled me aside, "Victoria, do you pray for the man who will one day be your husband?"  To be honest, I was a little taken aback by her question.  I answered yes.  She said, "What do you pray?"  I told her I prayed wherever he is for God to keep him safe, guard his heart, prosper him, take care of him and help him to find me when we're both ready.    

She then said something to me I'd never considered and caught me by surprise. "Did you know he prays the same things for you everyday?  Do you realize and understand how much he wants to find you?  He's asking God, "Where is she?  Please lead me to her." She said, "Vic, your future husband is longing to love and honor you for the rest of his life.  He can't wait to hold and kiss you.  He is anticipating an amazing life with you. He's refusing to settle until he finds you and you shouldn't either. You're going to make him the happiest man in the world and he will do the same for you."

Wow. For whatever reason, this blew my mind.  At that moment, I envisioned a man praying, believing and waiting patiently for me.  It made my heart smile.   I got kind of excited, if I'm being honest.  

This had never crossed my mind.  Maybe I wasn't ready to hear it before, I don't know, but it struck me.  It's endearing to think about a man praying for me too, when we possibly haven't even met yet. I felt like he was already honoring, protecting and valuing me.  In that moment, I also felt safe and loved. Yes, it's true.  I'm waiting for him and it's pretty amazing to know somewhere out there, he's waiting for me too.

And, I'm looking forward to the day he finds me.  :)

May I Introduce Myself?

I've been Victoria Koloff for over 27 years.  I inherited the name when I married my daughters' father. We're not married anymore, nor have been for over a decade.

Since three of my daughters' are now married and I suspect my youngest, who turns 21 next month, will be married one day as well, I've decided I no longer need or want to use the last name, "Koloff". After our divorce, I kept it for my girls' sake, but they're women now and it's time.  I've looked forward to this for a long time.   

Even though it's going to be a pain in the butt to change documents, business cards and social media accounts, the decision is made and I'm convinced the hassle will be well worth it.

I was born in Hickory, N.C. on June 2.   My parent's named me Robin Victoria Robinson.  Although, I'll continue using my middle name Victoria, I will immediately begin using my maiden name Robinson.  I understand it will take some time getting used to, but I feel strongly it's the right thing to do. Little by little, I'll be making the changes necessary on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram.  My name may not be available on some sites, so I'll take my time deciding how to proceed when faced with those challenges.  I hope you'll be patient and I won't confuse you too much!

The reason I felt the need to explain?  Because I knew I'd be bombarded with well meaning messages of "Did you get married?" "Congratulations!"  "Who's the lucky guy?"  "When did you meet him?"  etc., etc.  

Nope.  I'm not getting married.  Nope.  My lucky guy hasn't shown up yet.  Nope.  I'm not hiding or running from someone!  It's pretty simple.  I just want my name back.  Same woman. Same work. Same passions.  Rest assured, the next, very last time, I ever change my name again will be when I have a really good reason to do so.

Until then........

Hello!  May I introduce myself!?  I'm Victoria Robinson.  

It's nice to meet you :)

The Big V-Day

Today is Valentine's Day! The day of romance, chocolates, flowers and love! For some of you singles, it's your worst nightmare and the most dreaded day of your life, causing you to break out in sweat, hyperventilate, or even cry, while in the fetal position, watching movies like "The Notebook" all day! (Big mistake, by the way).  I've had single friends ask me not to call on Valentine's Day because they just need to be alone. Seriously?!

If you're like me, you live by the motto "it's better to be single, than wish you were!"  If you're consumed with thoughts of "where is she/he?", then may I encourage you to look at the positives of your singleness in the waiting period?  Don't hear what I'm not saying.  I'm not downplaying how hard the single life can be.  I get it.  But, I'm asking you to stop wasting your life away in self-pity just because you don't have to share the bathroom with someone!

Here's my first piece of advice. Stop feeling sorry for yourself! Not only is it sad and pathetic, it's very unattractive. There are worse things than being single.  Why not embrace this time and make the most of it? Get to know yourself, figure out who you are, what you like, don't like or even what you are or aren't willing to compromise. This way, as you're meeting potential partners, you'll know if he/she is a good match for you and you'll recognize the "red flags", which saves you both time, disappointment and heartache.

Some of us are happier single! Maybe we were in marriages which were painful or miserable and now we can finally breathe.  Sure, there are those lonely times, but being part of a "couple" doesn't mean you'll never be lonely, nor is it a guarantee your life will be "complete".  You can't look for someone else to make you whole no matter what Tom Cruise says! Besides, another person will only "complete" you for a time.  Once the Oxytocin and initial "love" hormones wear off, you'll need more substance for the long haul, hence why it's so critical to know yourself and the other person well, long before committing to a lifetime together.  You've got to have things in common with one another, but this doesn't mean you need to be exactly alike.  I don't want someone who is a male version of me!  Sure, we need commonalities, but I want him to bring something different to our relationship, as I will as well. Opposites may attract at first, but eventually, they may repel!  If you're willing to marry someone you barely know, you have only yourself to blame if and when it doesn't work out.  Sure, some of those relationships have survived the long run, but they are quite rare.  Stop being in such a hurry or believing the lie "this could be the best I'm ever going to get so why not?"  There are plenty of reasons for "why not"!

A life partner should bring out the best in you, encourage, support and love you unconditionally, despite your flaws, imperfection or even your past. They should be someone you trust explicitly with your thoughts, feelings and even when they're away from you.  A person you share some of the same interests, morals and values.  These things are very important.  But, demanding another human being "complete" you is way too much pressure and frankly, impossible to achieve.  That kind of security comes from within. You've got to love yourself before you can love someone else.  When you're filled with a sense of self-worth and your identity doesn't come from a person, you're much better off, more desirable and more fulfilled.  People will always let you down, even in the best relationships, but when you're sure of who you are, your world won't end when it happens.  And it will happen.  Others will disappoint you, just as you will disappoint others. This is why you must find a sense of contentment in other places, besides a partner.

For me, it starts with my faith.  I find my strength from God's opinion of me, not other people.  There are those people who have high opinions of me and those who don't.  For that reason, I choose to believe who God says I am, that I can do what God says I can and I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. You'll have so much more to offer someone when you truly have the security of knowing you're enough. Confidence is sexy!  If you're constantly telling yourself, "when I'm a couple, then I'll do this or that" or "when I meet him/her, I'll be fulfilled" "when I lose 10 lbs., then I'll be good", or the greatest lie of all, "if I just had a husband/wife, then I'd be happy"!  You're only kidding and torturing yourself!  The good news is you don't have to wait to be a couple to enjoy your life!

Make the best out of your single life while you're in it.  Granted, my life doesn't resemble anything out of "Sex and the City" (nor would I want it to, although I do love Carrie Bradshaw's wardrobe!), but I've learned so much about myself and frankly, it's been quite liberating.  Stop waiting till you're in a relationship to enjoy all that life has to offer! Get out and live!  Go to the concert, movie, play or take that trip!  Treat yourself.  Your future partner will appreciate you're secure in who you are.  I was in a relationship with an insecure man before, who was jealous of my success, my relationships, my personality and incredibly needy.  He looked for me to make him whole.  I couldn't do it and it was not fun.

Yes, I'm excited about being in love again, being in a healthy relationship and sharing my life with someone and I'm ready for when that day comes.  I know he's out there, but I'm not constantly looking for him.  Besides, I want him to find and pursue me!  In the meantime, I refuse to wallow in self pity or believe I'm missing out simply because I'm single. 

I put together a list of some of the things I've discovered living this single life.  Get out a pen and paper and start your list today.  You'll be pleasantly surprised by what you find:).

Here's my very Partial List:

#1: I've learned that I like being with me. How about that? Most people can't stand to be alone with themselves longer than 30 minutes. I, on the other hand, enjoy my "me" time. My friends ask me to go out with them lots of times and even have set me up on dates, but honestly, sometimes I just want to be home with a good book, a cup of french vanilla coffee or watch a movie in bed with a bowl of buttery popcorn by my side.

#2: I've learned how to change an AC Filter! (Did you know these need changing periodically?)

#3: I've learned how to use a plunger!

#4: I can actually change a ceiling light fixture!

#5: I get to choose whether I want to cook or go out to eat!

#6: I can clean out a garage all by myself!

#7: I can start a push lawnmower and use it!

#8: I can carry a live Christmas tree out to the curb for trash pick up!

#9: I can use a ladder!

#10: I can change the battery on a smoke detector!

#11: I can make investing decisions (with the help of my financial planner)!

#12: I can use a grill!

I know one day I'll be writing a different kind of "Love" Blog and I can't wait!  But, until that glorious day arrives, I'm enjoying my life and the many relationships I'm thankful for, which are so important to me.  I encourage you to search for the blessings in your life.  They're there.  I promise!

And, lastly! Until my Valentine shows up to shower me with love, respect and his undying affections, if I want a box of candy, flowers, balloons or a Valentine's Card, I can go out and BUY them myself!!

Happy Valentine's Day!

What's On Your List?

When I speak at youth conferences, women's events, organizations, churches or schools, I ask singles to make a list of the characteristics they'd want in their future spouse. It never fails. Both genders invariably want the same thing and are very surprised to hear this from one another. The girls/women thought guys just wanted "big boobs" (and some shallow ones do) and the guys/men thought girls just wanted guys with tons of money and muscle (and some shallow ones do).

But, for the majority, it's just not true. This is literally what I hear all across the Country, no matter the age of the audience. Their "want list" consists of a person of integrity, honesty, faithfulness, loyalty, dependability; someone generous, kind, a good communicator, trustworthy, fun, positive, a person they can laugh with, someone who knows the "real" them and loves unconditionally. These are just a few answers I receive.

I remind them if this is the kind of person they want to marry one day, they too need to work on becoming that same kind of person. Singles, you can't expect someone with these kinds of qualities to want anything less than someone with these same kinds of qualities. No one expects perfect. We're all a "work in progress", but these are good goals. Something each of us should strive for. Yup. These kinds of people take patience and prayer to find. But, when you know you're a "good catch", you'll wait for another "good catch".

Happy Saturday! :)

#itsbettertobesinglethanwishyouwere

"I'm Your Mom"

I'm not getting any younger.  Each year seems to pass by more quickly than the one before.  At times, I still find myself looking in the mirror asking, "Who are you and what have you done with me?" Hmmm, sounds like the title of my next book.  I may see a 52 year old woman staring back at me, but inside, I'm 25.

Sure, I can't do some of the same things I used to as a younger woman, but honest to God, I still think and feel young.  I take good care of myself and try to look my best, but, let's face it, no one is going to escape the aging process or death.  No one.  This is the one thing we all have in common, no matter our race, gender, political affiliation or sexual preference.  Guys date younger women to make them feel younger and some women do the same.  Personally, I could never date someone young enough to be my child, but to each their own.  And, it would be very difficult to date a guy who enjoys dating women my daughter's ages.

The days of being able to eat whatever I choose, without gaining a pound, are gone too.  Although I still do it, those times riding roller coasters for hours are a distant memory.  One time around and I'm nauseous.  Sometimes I can't even remember what I ate the day before, let alone what I was wearing!

Am I the best version of the "me" I could be?  Assuredly not.  When I was married, was I the best wife I could have been?  Nope, I'm sure I could have done better.  Was I the perfect mother?  I would say I tried my heart out, but even though I did my very best, I still wish I'd done more.  There are things I'd change, but I can't do anything about that now.  And, I choose not to dwell on it.

So, I've been thinking.  God willing, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, but who ever thinks the next minute or day could be their last?  This is why I'm convinced we need to make each day count. It's been said before this isn't a dress rehearsal.  I don't believe in reincarnation, which means I won't get a "do-over".  So, before I go anywhere, I want to make sure I explain a few things to some of the most important people in my life.  I would also like to say, before I go any further, to those of you who've sadly already lost your Mom, I would almost guarantee she'd say the following same things to you if she were able.  And, I'm truly sorry for your loss.

It's so hard to believe this year my girls will be 35, 32, 25 and 21.  I have a 35 year old!!  It really does feel like yesterday they were living in my home, fighting over shampoo, clothes and, sometimes, me.  My beautiful daughters.

Teryn, Tawni, Kendra and Kolby,

I've said this before and I'd say it a million more times.  You girls are four of the best things I've ever done in my life.  It's been my greatest joy being your Mother.  I pray I'm around for many years to come.  I love watching your lives unfold, seeing you become wives and mothers.  When I'm in my last days, my prayer is each one of you will be fighting over who takes care of me!  The days I became your mother were the most exquisite, exciting and beautiful I've ever experienced.  As I held each one of you in my arms, I was in awe.  You were so beautiful, perfect and mine.  I vowed to be the best mother I could be.  I promised each of you to put your needs before my own.  How could it be any other way?  "I'm your Mom."

Trust me, I don't need to be reminded of the mistakes I've made along the way, some of which still haunt me to this day.  But, the majority of every decision I've ever made, I made because I felt they were in the best interest of each one of you.  Even the decisions you didn't understand, including ending my marriage to your father.  Now, granted, had I known then what I know now, I would have waited until the last one of you graduated and left home before I ended my marriage.  But, at the time, I truly felt it was the best decision for not only me, but you girls as well.  That may sound a little crazy, but in the midst of all that was going on, I truly believed that.  Looking back now, I realize it was selfish.  I failed all of you.   I will go on record and admit this decision is my greatest regret, as I've seen the pain and anguish its caused each one of you.  And, even though, through it all, you survived and became well adjusted, incredible human beings, for the pain I caused, I apologize. With all my heart.  The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you.  How could I want to do that? "I'm your Mom."

Too many times, I've put my foot in my mouth and said the wrong thing or communicated the wrong way, but my heart was always in the right place, never malicious.  I've always been on your teams. I meant it when I said I'd lay my life down for each one of you.  I still mean it.  Those aren't just words. You girls are the air I breathe.  You're my greatest accomplishments.  How could I not feel this way about you?  "I'm your Mom."

I know you thought I was butting in your business when I'd force my opinions upon you, disagreed with some of your choices, made you change those shorts or fought to keep you away from a guy I knew was wrong for you.  I know your value.  I knew the men who made you their wives would be the luckiest men on the planet.  You deserved the best and I wasn't going to sit by and allow you to settle for less than that.  How could I do such a thing? "I'm your Mom."

Plenty of times, I'm sure you'd wished you could come home from school to a Mom wearing an apron, baking cookies, smiling and keeping her mouth shut and opinions to herself.   Well, sorry, but you got me. "I'm your Mom."

I want you girls to know I knew you never meant it when you slammed the occasional door in my face screaming "I hate you".  So, remember that when I'm gone.  Please don't let that memory torture you.  Do I know how much you love me?  Of course, I do!  "I'm your Mom."

For the times you didn't like me very much, I get it.  Sometimes, I don't like myself very much either. But, I just keep trying to do better.  Why?  Because "I'm your Mom."

I want each one of you to know how much I love you.  No other mother could be as proud of her daughters as I am of each one of you.  I literally hit the jackpot when God chose me, of all people, to be your Mom.  I truly did.  Do you understand what that means to me?!  How could I not feel this way?!  "I'm your Mom."

There are times when you're not looking when I find myself staring at you.  I take a deep breath, pinch myself and thank God once again for the incredible blessings you've been to my life.  You may not know how much God outdid Himself when He created you girls.  Well, I do.  "I'm your Mom."

In closing, I know there were times I failed, hurt, embarrassed, disappointed or shocked you, but you can each rest assured.  I've always loved you.  Every single day of your lives.  Even on those days I didn't like you or your choices, I never stopped loving you.  You girls are my heart walking around. You've taught me so many valuable lessons in life, including the most important.  You've taught me how to love unconditionally.  And, nothing brings me more joy to say, "I'm your Mom."

"High as the sky, deep as the sea and all the air that's in between."

I love it. I hate it. Social Media.

I have a "love-hate" relationship with Social Media.  I feel the same way about all the technology we've come to know over the last 10+ years.

Someone once said,

 "I fear for the day that technology will surpass our human interaction.  The world will have a generation of idiots."

My fear is that day has arrived or it's just around the corner.  I'm not here to bash an outlet of communicating with the masses because that would be stupid, being I use it daily myself.  But, this doesn't mean I can't or don't recognize the dangers of it.

It's absolutely astonishing to me how people put everything and anything "out there" for all the world to read, hear or see.  And, I mean everything.  

Because of my platform on radio, television and the non-profit world, I have over 5000 "friends" and over 2000 followers on my Facebook Page; over 20,000 followers on Instragram; and over 12,000 on Twitter.   Of course, I don't personally know 98% of these people, but they're my "friends" nonetheless.  I lose and gain followers daily.  Mostly I lose them after making a controversial statement or have an opinion someone finds opposite of their own.  I'm OK with and respect that.

It's humbling anyone cares what I have to say anyway, nor do I take that lightly.   At times, I've even heard from them through a comment or an email from something I say or post.  Trust me.  My friends and followers have no problem thanking, praising my opinion or even voicing their disdain when they feel it necessary to do so! I don't expect everyone to agree with me either, nor do I always agree with my own friends on social media. Opinions on politics, social issues, etc. cause stirred, passionate emotions.  I get it.  

But, it's astonishing to me when, on any given day, you can read a post on social media bashing parents, siblings, cousins, friends or even spouses.  You'll read about specifics of someone cheating, not paying child support, a fight that just happened, a cursing rage towards someone, etc. etc. Many of these posts are shocking and my mouth has dropped several times in disbelief from the shear lack of class, decency or empathy for others.  Does anyone keep things private anymore?  Nope.  After the shock wears off, I find myself feeling pity for the one posting.  Don't they realize the post says much more about themselves than the person they're trying to vilify?  Come on, posting about poor customer service is one thing, but posting by name about a person in your life, is something else altogether.

And, what about the selfies?  Personally, I find myself dreading taking the required profile or promotional selfie, so I've never been able to understand those who are so comfortable posting so many.  So, to clarify, I'm not speaking of the required "selfie" for those reasons, I'm talking about the continual influx of the "selfie" on a daily basis.  I see many negative, nasty comments towards those who post selfies up on a daily basis.  I get it, I have some of the same thoughts.  I just don't write them.  

But, I'm going to ask you to shift your paradigm for a moment on this subject.  Try considering a different view pertaining to the "selfie craze".  Don't get me wrong.  They annoy me as well.  I know how you feel, I used to feel the same way, but what I found out is most of these young people are in need of more compassion than criticism.   

Many, if not the majority, of these young people posting daily selfies are just dying to be noticed. They're screaming "Look at me!", "Tell me I'm beautiful!", "Please like my picture!"  This makes me sad.  They're somehow convinced their worth is measured by how many "likes" or comments they receive.  To me, this is incredibly heartbreaking and tragic.  We have a generation of young people who truly believe my "like" or comment dictates who she/he is as a person or determines their value. These people break my heart.  If they'd spend just a fraction of the time on themselves and building their self esteem, maybe they wouldn't need those endless clicks to get the "perfect selfie". Sometimes they hide behind "do you like this lipstick? my new hair? does this outfit look ok"?, etc. etc., just to get the desperate click of a button from a friend, or even sometimes, a stranger.  It doesn't seem to matter who or where the attention comes from, as long as it comes.  This is the society we live in today.  The society we've created?

In the next 5-10 years, I am of the belief we will see more ramifications from the high-tech society we live in and it won't be something to brag about.  Social skills are suffering, families are losing precious time together, children are starving for their parents undivided attention.  The consequences we face in the near future will not be worth the price we are paying today.  

When you have some time, go to the mall, take a seat in the food court and observe.   Next time you're at a restaurant, look around.  Take a long, hard look.  You'll witness it for yourself.  People sitting across from one another, never saying a word because they're too busy on their phones checking Facebook.  Your sons or daughters on snapchat, taking selfies to post on Instragram. 

What I've noticed time and again is that it's not only the younger generation finding themselves lost for hours at a time on social media, it's all of us.  Life is passing by so quickly, yet millions are strolling along living on their phones, without ever noticing the beauty of the very people or beautiful nature standing right in front of them.

We are missing important moments because of a small device that fits in the palm of our hands. We take pictures instead of enjoying the event and creating a memory!  I've been guilty of looking at pictures on my own phone wondering, "When did I go there?"

What can be done about it?  Probably not much.  It's here and it's here to stay.  Social media is only going to grow larger by the day.  Can we make adjustments?  Sure, but it will take as much, or more, discipline as a new, healthy way of eating or an exercise program.

Unless or until parents stop using television, IPads, IPhones or Computers as their babysitters, there's not much hope at all, is there?  These children are the future leaders, after all.  

Unless or until adults make a conscience effort to limit their own time on social media, nothing will change.  Our society started on this track since Fast Food was introduced to us.  We've become spoiled to living a life of convenience.  We want the quick fix.  We want what we want when we want it, no matter the cost.  And, trust me, friends, it's costing us.

Relationships have been replaced by superficial, fake interactions with people we don't even know.  

Yes, social media, computers and the like have their place.  The problem is they've taken the place of everything.

 "I fear for the day that technology will surpass our human interaction.  The world will have a generation of idiots."