Dear Dad:

Hi. I miss you. It's been three years since we've talked. Well, sort of. I still "talk" to you. I wonder, do you hear me calling or crying out to you sometimes? Do you see me when I'm struggling to get through the day because I can't believe you're gone? Brenda and I refer to these as "Bad Dad Days". These are the days when something will remind me of you and I can't stop crying. Sometimes I even get so angry at you for leaving me. I yell at you, "Why didn't you take your antibiotics?!" (We found the prescription, Dad. It was stuck behind your car's ashtray. Did you think you lost them?) You should be here, I have so much I want to tell you. I get angry that I can't call you for advice. I've been desperate for it many times since you left. I've needed you in lots of ways. Yes, at times, I get very angry with you. But then, I apologize and ask you to forgive me.

I relive the night you left me or replay our last conversation over and over in my head. Other times, I just lie on the floor in a puddle of tears screaming for you. Most of the time, I'm alone. Although, there are those days that I'm driving in my car and a song will come on the radio that reminds me of you. The tears flow. I try to keep my head turned so the girl's won't see, but they know. If Kolby's with me, she'll rub my arm and say, "Are you ok, Mommy? Thinking about your Dad again?"

I miss you. I have so many things I want to tell you, questions I need to ask . Sometimes I get so afraid about life,decisions to be made or my girls and I just need to talk to you. You were always so good at giving advice (not always taking it, though!). Remember how you always said that life is about love and relationships? You said that money means nothing in the big picture. "Life is about love. It's about family. Never forget that, Baby Girl". Remember?

You said I deserved to be happy and loved unconditionally. You knew, didn't you Dad? You knew that I was pretending about so many things. It was you who told me to take a long look at my life and make the changes I needed to make. One time, you asked me what I was so afraid of. You said life was too short to be so unhappy. Well, I did it, Dad. I've made huge changes since you left. I know I have you and Mom to thank for the courage I found in myself. When you left, it reminded me how short life really is. And you were right, I had more strength than I thought I had! A chip off the old block, I suppose!

I won't lie, these past three years haven't always been easy. Despite that, I'm happier and more content with myself than I have ever been in my life. Yes, I made some hard decisions, Dad, but they were the right ones. I think you would be really proud of me. In part, I have you to thank. And you thought I wasn't listening?! I was. To every word.

I worry about my girls, Dad. They don't understand so many things about life. I try to tell them, but I just don't know if they're listening. Now I know how frustrated I must have made you! I guess turn about is fair play, huh? I don't want them to live with regret like I do. Like you did. But, I've come to understand that I must allow them to make their own mistakes. I can't protect them from life. It's inevitable. Life brings joy, but also great pain.

And, guess what, Dad? It happened. I met someone. Not just anyone. I think I finally got it right. I wish you could have met him. There's not a doubt in my mind that you would approve. His name is George. He loves me just like you said "he" would. He makes me laugh and he listens to me. He respects me for who I am and appreciates my qualities, while accepting my flaws. For the first time in my life, I'm completely 100% myself with someone and he loves me anyway! You were right, Dad. It really is possible to find true love and know that a person was made specifically for you. I know I inherited your love of romance. That's why I never gave up hope. Thanks for that. George lost his mother eight months after I lost you. We like to say that the two of you collaborated together in Heaven and brought us together. He misses her too.

Three years. Hard to believe. It seems like yesterday. I hope you like the song I sang at your memorial. It was called "Legacy". You left one, Dad. In your children, your grandchildren and the generations to come, you left a legacy. Do you realize not one of us would be here if it wasn't for you? (Of course, you did have some help from Mom!)

I see you in so many places. I don't know if you remember this or not, but when I came for a visit once, you danced with me. Sure, you had danced with me in the past. But, there was something very special about this time. The music was playing, you took me by the hand, walked me out onto your bedroom patio, held me close and overlooking the ocean, you danced with me. It was magical. I will never forget it. I miss you, Dad. I love you. And until the day I see you again, I will take you with me everywhere I go.

And, Dad? I want you to know that I am my father's daughter. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Always,

Your Baby Girl