Single Again

Two years. That's almost how long that I've been single now. Sometimes it's surreal. I never thought I'd be single again at 43, but here I am. Since it's better to be single than to wish you were, you'd think we'd want to be very selective when choosing a mate for life. You'd think.

The divorce rate in our country is tragic. One out of two marriages end in divorce. That's 50%! It would probably be higher if the married couples that I meet everywhere I go, did what they say they wanted to do. Constantly, men and women confess to me how unhappy and unsatisfied their marriages have become, but because of children, finances or the fear of being alone, they stay. I'm not advocating that married people who aren't happy should leave their marriages! But, it does seem that there are fewer and fewer happily married couples than unhappy ones. This is not how it should be! I'm convinced that one of the reasons is our lack of patience in waiting for the one whom God specifically designed for each of us. Sometimes He'll show us clearly that we are with the wrong person, but we refuse to listen. We marry them anyway and then blame Him for our mistake.

We are a people who long to be with others. We were designed that way. We all want to feel loved and accepted. There's nothing wrong with that. But, we can't look to another person to make us feel complete. If our identity is wrapped around who we're with or in someone else's opinion of us and not in who God says we are, we're going to be a very dissatisfied people. If we don't start to understand this, we'll continue making bad choices in our lives and I'm not just talking about who we spend our time or life with. This bears repeating, our identity must be found in who God says we are and not in another person. It's not fair to expect someone else to make us feel content, happy or good about who we are. That's way too much pressure to put on anyone.

My sister has an incredible marriage. She met her husband in college and they dated for several years before going down the altar. They are two of the lucky ones. They didn't just marry eachother's best friend, but there is no doubt in my mind that God created Bob just for Brenda and vice versa. They fit like two pieces in a puzzle. I envy them. If you knew them, you would too. They've been together for over 16 years now and are more in love with one another than when they first met. Brenda told me recently that she would still rather spend her time with Bob than any other person. I am so proud of them. They make me hopeful about the future.

Yes, I still believe in "happily ever after". Not like the fairy tales, I'm not that naive. But I know in my heart that marriage can and should look the way God designed it. And I think that's worth waiting for. I've learned a lot about myself these past two years. Some lessons have been harder than others, but it's been a time of healing and growing. And, no, I'm not done yet. I may not be where I need to be, but I'm far from where I used to be. I call that progress.

I'm very excited about this new life of mine and what God has planned for me. Whether I'm single the rest of my life or I ever meet "the one", I am content with knowing that I'm never really alone.

And that's ok with me.