Motherhood is a Love/Hate Relationship

Here's a revelation for some of you. I fight with my daughter's. All of them. I'm a mother to four very independent minded, opinionated, sassy, think for themselves, stubborn, beautiful daughters. Some more than the other one, but still the truth all the same. They are each unbelievably different, yet share some of the same qualities. And sometimes, frankly, we just don't like eachother.

One of the mistakes that I think many mom's make these days is trying to be friend's with their kids. I've tried, sometimes unsuccessfully to keep this at bay. My parenting skills have not always made me popular with my girls, but I've made decisions based on what I thought was best. Sometimes I was right on, and sometimes I just wasn't.

So, I'm guilty of a lot of things and I'm sure each of my four girls could produce a healthy list! So, I decided to make one of my own. A list of things that no one, not even the girls, can argue.

1. I've loved them with all my heart since the day they were born.
2. My love is unconditional (whether they believe that or not!).
3. I'm incredibly proud of each one.
4. Sometimes I don't like them, but always I love them.
5. They are four of the best things I've ever accomplished in my life.
6. I will forever be their mother, even after I'm gone.
7. They are stubborn, but overall, they are very good people.
8. They fight with eachother, but if you hurt one of them, they will defend to the death.
9. They say and do stupid things.
10. I will continue to forgive them for hurting me with their words or actions and lastly,

Without hesitation, I would die for any one of them.

Liam Eric Gary

I'm so happy to announce that I have become an Aunt once again! Congratulations to my sister Brenda, her husband Bob and to Regan (11) and Nolan (7)! My newest nephew was born on Sunday, January 24, 2010 weighing in at 7lb. 12 oz. Everyone is happy and healthy!

Our entire family are thrilled at the newest addition. I can't wait to hold, kiss and squeeze him! It's surreal that babies are still coming, but it's awesome. I'll post a picture soon.

God continues to bless our family.

Dying

My Mom's birthday was yesterday. She's getting older, I'm getting older, my kids are getting older. I think at 45 years old, I'm starting to realize that we actually can't do anything about it. We really do grow older, we really do die someday. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but it's like a revelation for me. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not afraid of dying, I'm just not ready. Still too much I want to do.

I've been thinking about my dad a lot lately. I wonder about how cool it would be if I could just call him on the phone , tell him about all the crap going on at work, or the fight I just had with one of the girls, or how deliriously in love I am with my granddaughter. I know he would have liked my new husband. And there's no doubt in my mind, he would have been thrilled that I finally got it right.

I saw this movie today called "Everything's Fine". It tells the story of a family that lies to eachother about what's really going on in their lives. We do that, don't we? We ask those questions, How are you? How are your kids? How's your job? And we answer, "Oh, everything's fine." When a lot of the time, it's just crap. Why do we do that? Are we programmed to "fake" everybody out?

Come on, seriously, is everything ever really fine? I'm not saying that life is just one big mess all of the time. But, usually when one thing is going just right, something else is out of whack. What is it about just being honest? Why is it that so many people play these stupid games with eachother. Does anyone actually believe that their neighbor, family member or co-worker ever really have their crap together all the time? I say, Hell to the no.

We're all living on this planet, one day at a time. No doubt, some people have it harder than others, this is true, but nobody's living a perfect life. No matter how it looks to the observer. When I was younger, I envied so many of my friends and truly believed I was the less fortunate of the group. Years later, thanks to facebook and re-connecting with those same friends, I've come to realize, their "perfect" lives weren't so perfect.

So, let's all get over ourselves and face reality. Life is hard sometimes. People don't get along all of the time, families sometimes loathe one another and eventually, sadly enough, does it matter anyway? In the long run, what a waste of time, because eventually,

We all die.

Life is Hard, God is Good

Life can be very sad sometimes. I thank God that He sustains us through all things. God really meant it when He said, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you."

It makes me sad to see the state of our world these days. The addictions, disrespect, disregard for life. It makes me miss my childhood. Even with all of its challenges, the poverty and times of sadness, I miss it so much. I'm not naive to believe that there weren't problems in the world when I was younger. The difference is, I didn't notice. As a child, I viewed the world through child's eyes, which is much different than seeing life through my now adult ones.

Life is hard, this is true. But God is good. And faithful. And kind. And all knowing. I set my heart and eyes on Him, for I know He has plans for me, my family and for our future.

No matter what life brings in the day to day, how bad it looks, or how much I hurt, He holds me close. And that, my friends, brings me peace.

Bad Luck Hair Day

So I've worn my hair long for most of my life. Little by little each year, I've cut it shorter than my norm. I won't lie. I miss my long, silky black hair. When I was younger, my hair was so shiny, silky and healthy that everyone thought my hair was blue. I guess you could have called it "blue black". But, as I've grown more mature, well, let's just say that my hair is just not what it used to be.

I've been trying out new styles for the past couple of years. My hair is still its natural color (black), but I do have to color the gray every four to six weeks. I've heard as you get older, you should go lighter with hair color. So, I decided if I was going to go lighter, I wasn't messing around. I only wanted a salon that specialized in color. I'm glad I didn't ask how much it would cost beforehand, because I probably would have backed out.

Anyway, 4 hours and $225 bucks later, I had this fabulous hair cut and beautiful, new caramel highlights. I watched my stylist style my hair. It looked easy enough. When I came home, my family loved my new look, but made comments like, "Well, I'm sure it'll never look this way again." or "You'll never make it look this good yourself." Well, I was determined. I memorized how she took a round brush to my bangs. I didn't even own a round brush, but rushed out to get one. There were so many to choose from. I finally decided on a small, metal one. After the necessary 2 days, I could finally wash my hair. My family was going to be so proud of me when I presented my new do all by myself! I took the round brush and wrapped my bangs in it. I let them sit for a few minutes and then decided it was long enough so I began to take the brush out. It wasn't budging. I tried again. Nothing. After 10 minutes, I called for Kendra. There was no way I was going to let George see me like this. When she came into my bathroom, she laughed at me and said, "What did you do?!" I told her to shut up and google how to get a metal brush out of your hair. She ran away laughing and came back with a fork.

Downstairs, George and Kolby could hear me crying from the bathroom. The next thing I knew, my entire family was gathered around to see what Mommy had down to herself and laughed at my misfortune. George took the fork from Kendra, got the vaseline and conditioner out and went to work.

And, this video, my friends explains what happened and why I'll stick to the simple look.

A Christmas Memory

When I was 10 years old, my parent's divorced. I was devastated. The first Christmas after the divorce would be our first without Dad. My brother, two sisters, Mom and I had moved to another state to live with our grandmother, so we were far away from Dad. We weren't able to see him for months. Because we didn't have any money, we wouldn't be able to see Dad or vice versa.

On Christmas Eve, there was a knock on the door at my Granny's house. I ran to the door and answered it. I was shocked. I couldn't believe my eyes. There was my father, standing before me. I opened the screen door and jumped in his arms. He twirled me around as I sobbed in his arms.

The toys I asked for? I don't remember one of them. But, this was one Christmas gift I've never forgotten.

I miss you, Dad.

Follow Up From The "Twilight Zone"

I thought I should let my faithful readers in on what happened since seeing the "doctor" I wrote about in my previous blog. My phone rang the other night. I didn't recognize the number, but answered anyway, which is out of character for me.

It was her. I took the call in my bedroom, so as not to startle my family. Yes, people, she actually called me. She told me how disaappointed she was that I had called her office to inform them that I wouldn't be returning. She said she felt such a "connection" with me. She went on and on until she was called away by someone in her office. She said, "Can I call you back so we can talk about this more?" I said, "No, what's the point?" She called back anyway about 30 minutes later. Ok, this was starting to piss me off.

She starts again. She brings up the "connection" we made again. She says she'd really hoped we could become friends. She seems annoyed when I tell her that's not going to happen.

She goes on to plead with me to give her another chance. She says, "Ok, if you don't want to be friends, can I at least be your doctor?" WHAT?! I again told her it wasn't going to happen. I wished her well and reminded her that she'd known me all of 10 minutes before telling me some very personal, intimate details about her life.

I said, "Let me give you a piece of advice. Next time you feel a "connection" with a patient, ask her/him to lunch after the exam. But, hey, what do I know?"

Then she says, "Is there really nothing I can say to change your mind?" I replied. "Nothing comes to mind." and proceeded to hang up the phone.

Thirty minutes later, I received four new text messages. No, I'm not kidding.