Episode 2 - My Recap

This show was intense and at times painful, but, if I'm being honest, I liked this episode much better than last week.  Although, I'm still not crazy about how "crazy" I seem to be coming off, I'm going to continue to trust the producers promises!  Let me make something clear here.  I trust Kolby explicity and I also trust Micah. They are two amazing, God loving teenagers.  Micah's parents have done an outstanding job raising Micah and his brothers.  They are all first class guys.  I hope you realize that you're only seeing "slices" of who we really are and even some of those slices aren't completely accurate.   Keep that in mind and remember, people, it's television!  Ok, on with the recap.

The Coleman Family:  Taylor sneaking out and going to a hotel with kids and lying to her parents?  Oh my.  The dancing bothered me almost as much as the lying!  With that said, I'm very encouraged that Taylor seems remorseful when she realizes the hurt she's caused her parents, especially when she feels bad for disappointing her mother.  But, most of us, Christians or not, have lied to our parents at one time or another when we were kids, teens or even adults!  I know I did.  Come on, don't try to be so self rigteous, you did too!  The time to worry is when we don't care about hurting others by our actions.  Yes, Ken was angry.  I'd say he was justifiably upset and I don't understand how anyone could criticize him for that.  Can you imagine what I would have done?  OK, let's not go there.  I'm rooting for Taylor and I'm confident she's going to understand sooner rather than later that both the Lord and her parents want what's best for her.  I'm praying for Ken and Marie because I can't imagine how hard it must be to watch those scenes.  I have come to care for the Coleman's very much and I know God's got their back.

The Perry Family:  Teenage pregnancy is something most of us have probably dealt with at one time or another.  I see it everyday at the pregnancy centers.  It always break my heart to witness the pain of a young girl/guy and their families when a pregnancy test is positive.  The shock and fear on their faces is heartbreaking.  Tonight, Olivia gets her paternity results.  Olivia's bravery continues to inspire me.  The Perry's love for Christ and eachother shines through during tonight's episode and the grace that Mark and Cheryl show to their children is beyond beautiful.  We could all learn a thing or two about that.  Christians drive me nuts when they judge or show anger towards a teenager who's pregnant or had a child.  What do you want, Christians?!  Granted, pre-marital sex and becoming a teen mom may not have been God's plan for Olivia, but instead of judging her sexual sin, shouldn't we rejoice when teenagers like Olivia choose life?  In this country, she had the right to choose abortion.  I'll be the first to say that kids shouldn't be having kids.  But, I commend those teenagers and their families who ban together when faced with a crisis pregancy and allow God to take something the enemy hopes will destroy a family and turn it into something good?  Look, if one of my girls' ended up pregnant out of wedlock, I would never turn my back on them.  It would grieve me, no doubt, but I would love them through it and love my grandchild too.

Oh, The Koloffs:  Last night's episode was a bit painful for us. Kolby and I cried as we watched feeling a lot of the emotions of that day.  Please don't misunderstand, there may have been pain, shock and disappointment for a moment, but it was incredibly healing also.  I'm hopeful you'll see more of what happened after Teryn's confession in future episodes.  Noone in our family feels or looks at Teryn any differently than before that dinner.  I would go so far and say that we're all incredibly proud of her courage too.

As you know, Teryn's my oldest.  She's been married to Chad for 6 years and they have a beautiful 3 year old, who is wrapped around my finger!  They have a wonderful family.

When we were getting ready for Teryn's party and she explained her feelings about sex growing up, ("I thought if I kissed a guy, I could get pregnant!"), it broke my heart!  I've never wanted Teryn or any of my girls to have a warped sense of sex.  That's never been my intention.  As a mother, it's hard when you must take full responsibility for mistakes you've made and I've made plenty.  One of them being that I instilled this fear of sex or as they like to call it "the one eyed willy!".  God created sex and He doesn't create anything "gross, nasty or bad". (I've already repented, in case you're wondering.)  I want to set the record straight.  In no way do I think sex is bad, but sex is not something to take lightly.  It's a powerful act and kids shouldn't be doing it!  Let's take that a step further, although this statement will definitely not be received well by many, especially adults.  Biblically speaking, noone that isn't married, no matter how old we are, should be having sex!  In this day and time, noone wants to go there, but it's true.  You can't argue Scripture, people!  Well, you can, but as a Christian, I'd say you're wrong:).

I admit that I've chilled a lot more since Teryn and Tawni were teenagers.  Remember, she's 30 years old!  I've probably lightened up alot when it comes to dating and other things since they were younger, but one thing I am sure of.  Teryn and Tawni were allowed to date at 16, as long as it was in groups.  They did go to proms, but I can't remember a guy they liked enough to want to date.  Not that I know of anyway.  Unless it was behind my back?!  Hmmmm.

I was so proud of Chad and how he supported Teryn telling us her "secret".  I'm glad she made the decision to tell us too.  She shouldn't have to carry anything that is bothering her that much.  And, she didn't have to tell us, it really wasn't any of our business (or yours for that matter!), but I believe she was incredibly brave in doing so.  I'm sure there were lots of you watching who could relate. 

During the "reveal" dinner, I admit it, I was shocked when I heard Teryn's confession.  Just a few months prior, I'd had a conversation with Teryn and Chad about this very subject.  Let me explain.   Teryn, Chad and I were sitting around talking about life after dinner one night.  I remember joking around with them saying, "you guys don't have to pretend you were virgins when you got married anymore if you weren't.  I'm really ok with it".  Chad looked at me and said, "Mom, I swear to you, on my daughter's life, we did not have sex till we were married."  So, when Teryn made her confession, I immediately thought back to that conversation. I felt lied to.  In all honestly, at that moment, all I could think about was Chad's declaration on my granddaughter's life more than what Teryn had just said!  But, Chad hadn't lied.  He and Teryn hadn't had sex before they were married. It wasn't with Chad.  She had had sex with someone else.  Teryn had been so adamant about being a virgin on her wedding night for so long that her confession caught all of us by surprise. I was never angry with Teryn.  Never.  Nor did I feel any differently towards her.  I knew how hard it was for her to tell us and as her mother, well, you can imagine.

Kolby and Kendra were shocked and hurt by Teryn's confession.  It broke my heart to see them cry.  The girls' have always looked up to their big sisters.  My girls have been taught good morals and values (doesn't mean we've all lived up to them all the time), but we've taught this nevertheless.  I would hope that those of you watching would see that the reason Kolby was so emotional was because she knows what God says about sex and it's very important to her.  That's a good thing, in my opinion, not a bad thing!  Instead of saying something like, "so what?", Kolby and Kendra reacted in pain because that's not what they wanted for their sister.  I thought it was beautiful and next week Teryn and Kolby have a conversation to clarify some questions that Kolby has.

Once I realized Teryn wasn't kidding, I knew exactly who the guy was.  He was someone she'd dated 8 years ago.  I didn't like him very much because I hated how he treated her.  I can remember vividly how slowly Teryn changed from the confident, young woman she'd always been into an insecure, angry and sometimes depressed person I didn't recognize.  Because of this drastic change in her, there were several times I asked, "are you having sex with him?"  She would always get angry and say no.   I've seen how sex changes teenagers and how they view themselves afterwards.  It's not pretty.  I deal with it in my work everyday.  Because of this, I had my doubts that Teryn was telling me the truth, but I made the decision to believe her.   Deep down, I knew she must be having sex with him.  What other reason could she be allowing this guy to treat her so badly?  I believe because of the guilt she felt, she allowed him to abuse her and stayed with him longer than she ever should have.  For this, I'm so angry with myself as a mother.  Maybe had I not been so overboard about the whole sex thing, she would have felt safe to have been more honest with me and what she was going through.  It breaks my heart right now just thinking about it. 

There is nothing my girls' could ever do that would change how I look at them.  Absolutely nothing.  My love for them has always been unconditional.  I may not like them sometimes, but I never stop loving them.  I truly hope that as more episodes unfold, our family, as well as the Perry's and Coleman's, will bring something positive to your life, help you to reflect on your own and teach values you can live with.  All of our families may parent differently, but that doesn't make one or the other wrong.  I don't expect all of you to understand me, but I hope, in time, you will see my heart.

My prayer is that the show will continue going in the direction as it began tonight.  And instead of my family's focus being around sex (which we don't talk about ALL the time, by the way, even though it may seem that way right now!), it will focus on our love for eachother, the grace and compassion we share and our undying love for Jesus Christ.  That's why the girls' and I signed up for this.  It wasn't for money (I find that offensive) or fame (this is NOT fun), but to share our faith, struggles and how, without the Lord, we would be lost.

I have excellent communication with Kolby and her sisters.  For this, I'm incredibly grateful.  You haven't seen that much to date, but I  believe you will as the weeks pass.  We talk about everything together (duh!), not just sex.  We discuss people they're interested in, life, my past mistakes, theirs, everything.  I love that my girls know that I only have their best interest at heart.  Sure, we have our moments, but at the end of the day, we're family.

Hope you keep watching along with us and that we all learn something together.