Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Episode 4 - Recap

This show just keeps getting better and better!  I'm so proud of tonight's episode.  Finally, you don't hear me saying anything about sex! What a relief!  I told you I was more than a teenage sex educator!  And here's the great news!  I'm receiving letters everyday from teenagers who want to know God, are rethinking their bad choices and want to change, finding out that even if they've messed up, it's NEVER too late to change, divorced parents realizing how damaging their hatred for eachother has on their children, Christians realizing they don't have to be perfect for God to love them!  And on and on and on.  God is, does and can use media to reach those who are hurting!  On with the recap. 

The Coleman Family:  Taylor, Taylor, Taylor.  I love her spirit.  She is a typical, young teenager who wants to have fun.  But, at what cost?  I was so happy to see Marie more in this episode.  I absolutely loved the dinner with Demotious(?).  It was classic Pastor Ken and he doesn't believe in kissing before marriage?!  He's even more strict than I am!  I loved his questions, "Are you ready to be celibate?"  I fell off my chair laughing.  And a word of advice to the "Demon" boy, when Pastor Ken asks you a question, you need to answer, "Yes Sir or No Sir", not "uh huh" or "yeah"!  Taylor thinks she knows what she wants, but I believe when she's a little older, she's going to realize her Mom and Dad just want what's best for her. It made me so sad when Taylor took off her purity ring and snuck out the window.  I was so very proud of her though for not going with him to the party and only kissing him on the cheek!  You go girl!  Right now, Marie and Ken are making sure this guy is one that deserves to date their daughter and I highly respect that!  Love me some Coleman's!

The Perry Family:  I say this every week, but I love this family too.  There's such a difference among all three families, but the Perry's are just so gentle, kind and quiet. I would say they are the most different compared to my family and the Coleman's when it comes to mannerisms and personalities.    We can be loud, sometimes obnoxious and very opinionated.  The Perry's are just so meek and mild.  I think I enjoy them so much because I'm taking notes!  I love that Mark and Cheryl are checking out this Frankie dude.  Being that he's an old partying buddy would make me nervous too, so I think they are very wise in getting to know him better and confirming his motives are pure.  God can change anyone's heart and behaviors, so I'm not saying Frankie isn't a different guy than the one Olivia knew before at all, but what I am saying is that Mark and Cheryl are being good parents by making sure he's not going to pull Olivia back into her old lifestyle.  Loved the Microchurch tonight.  So of my most amazing times in prayer have been in my home with friends like the Perry's do on Monday nights.  I was very encouraged when Frankie asked if he could come back.  That was precious!  I liked getting to know the other daughters more tonight too.  Look forward to seeing them more.  Love me some Perry's!

And us, The Koloffs:  I loved this episode.  I am so thankful that the viewers are getting to know my awesome family better.  I love mine and Kolby's time together and since Kolby is my last daughter at home, we have a lot of it and we love it!  I love that I'm still the first person she wants to talk to for advice.  For the record, I love Micah!  He is exactly the type of young man that I would hand pick to date Kolby.  His parents have done an outstanding job raising him and his three brothers!  Kolby's even accused me before of liking Micah better than her!  I was heartbroken tonight that Kolby was so confused about dating, but proud that she's praying and asking questions.  She really does want to do what's right.  I haven't been a great example to her and her sisters when it comes to relationships with men.  On top of that, she's witnessed her sisters make mistakes of their own, so I'm not surprised she's being cautious.  I am thankful for that!  If my past mistakes can teach my girls' to do their lives differently than I have, all the pain and heartache I've gone through won't have been in vain.  I've made very wrong, stupid decisions in regards to men and they know it.  I've been honest with them about my mistakes.  I am truly blessed to have great relationships with all my girls.  It's too bad you weren't able to see more of the conversation that took place between Kolby and I or the girl's conversations at Teryn's house.  But, it's TV and we only have an hour!  On top of that, we have to split that time with three families.  I would bet the Perry's and Coleman's feel the same way.

In this episode, you get to know my 27 year old daughter Tawni a little better and hear about her divorce.  Tawni got married when she was 21 years old.  I fought this every step of the way as I'm sure some of you can imagine!  When she called to tell me she'd eloped, I was heartbroken.  I hung up the phone and cried.  I knew he wasn't the man God had for Tawni.  To this day, I regret how much I fought against this relationship.  I'll never know had I kept my mouth shut and taken a step back maybe she would have realized for herself how wrong he was for her and she'd made a different choice.  But, I didn't and she did marry him.  Now, I'll never know.  From the moment I met this guy, I knew he was wrong for her.  He didn't treat her with the respect she deserved and he definitely didn't treat her family with respect either.  When I say he hated me that's an understatement.  He despised me and our entire family.  I think he was threatened by the closeness we shared.  I believe he felt we were an intrusion.  When a guy is trying to ostracize you from your family, that's a pretty good indication of the kind of man he is.  It's been years since they divorced, so I don't wish this guy any ill will and I hope he's changed, but I'm sure glad he's not in our family anymore.  He did not deserve her.  Anyway, Tawni went through a rough time in that marriage, of which it is her place to talk about if she ever chooses to.  It's not my story to tell.    I'm just glad it's over and that no children came from it.  I never said "I told you so" because she didn't need to hear that.  She knew she made a mistake and I believe it's made her much more in tune with what her family has to say about a guy she's interested in.  Noone knows you better than your family, so take heed to their advice.  Had I listened to my girls, I wouldn't have been involved in my last relationship, so it goes both ways.  Tawni's allowed God to heal her heart from her marriage and divorce and she's now in a great place!  I'm so proud of her! 

Divorce doesn't define who Tawni is.  It doesn't define any of us.  Our idenity is in who Christ says we are.  I loved that you were able to see our divorce group meeting in this episode.  Thank you to Teasi and Michelle for being so honest and willing to share their private lives with the world!  Although you weren't able to see much of our group talk, I think you get the idea.  It is my opinion that divorce groups are a great way for men and women to have a safe place to share their struggles and support one another.  Unfortunately for me, I've been divorced 3 times!  I'm more ashamed of those failures than even going through with an abortion.  Divorce sucks.  As Tawni said, it's like a death and you must grieve the loss.  It leaves you scarred, but thank God, His healing is for divorced people too!  At this point in my life, I would be content being single the rest of my life if that's God's plan for me.  Honestly, for the first time in my life, I'm not looking, hoping or dreaming about my Prince Charming!  Please don't misunderstand.  I do believe there are amazing, Godly, wonderful men out there because some of my friends and my own sister are married to them, but so far, I've never found mine.  So, for now, my Prince Charming is Jesus.  He's the only man whose never hurt or betrayed me.  I'm in a better place today than I've ever been and I've placed my future in His hands and in trusting Him completely.  There's such freedom in this!  In time, I trust He'll lead my path, so we'll see what He has in mind for me:).

Every parent must realize that children of divorce dream of reuniting their parents again.  It makes holidays, birthdays, graduations, etc, etc, much easier on everybody, so I'm not surprised the girls would want to pull a "parent trap" trick on me!  Teryn and Tawni did a good job of pretending we were having a girls' night out (you didn't see much of that, but trust me, they did!), but I have to admit I have pretty good instincts.  I started feeling something was up because I know my girls well.  They were acting so, well, sneaky!  So, when the doorbell rang, I had this sense of  "Oh, no, they didn't!"  So many of you are asking what happened, but you'll have to wait til next week to find out.  Honestly, I was so nervous and uncomfortable that I don't even remember much about that night, so I'm looking forward to watching too!

I want to give a shout out to our producers at Thinkfactory Media and to Lifetime for allowing our families to share our faith with you.  Not a day has gone by that I haven't received incredibly inspiring and encouraging emails from viewers!  They bless me beyond words

Please try and remember that the Perry's, Coleman's or the Koloff's are in no way perfect families.  We are finding our way with God's love and help.  You can do the same!  God bless you. 

Preacher's Daughters airs each Tuesday at 10/9c on Lifetime TV

8 comments:

Unknown said...

I just had a question and its merely curiosity! I was wondering if Nikita was all the girls' father? They all look alike and they all refer to him as "daddy". If you don't want to answer, you don't have to. I am just curious! I love you guys! #favfam

Victoria said...

Francesca,
Thank you for your question. Nikita is not Teryn and Tawni's biological father, but has raised them since they were toddlers and HE'S the only father they've ever known. But, if anyone ever tells the girls they aren't "real" blood sisters, they would probably bite that person! They are real sisters in every way. The girls' all look alike because I have very strong genes:) Thanks for reading!

Anonymous said...

Victoria,

I am a former preacher's kid, and you are doing a great job! I just suggest that you tone your rhetoric down some towards your daughters. I have two daughters of my own in their late 30's and two young, gorgeous grandsons (you can tell I am totally biased!); one daughter has gone through her life making many mistakes and then learning from them, while the other daughter thinks everything through before making any (and always the right) decisions. Now that they are adults (with children), I see them as always being totally different souls on different paths from mine, and that my job is/was to give them love and guide them as best I could. Today, they are both very successful people in every aspect of their lives. By the way, I suggest you and Nikita together spend family time at regular intervals with the girls without thinking about your relationship - just enjoy watching (all) your wonderful daughters together! It will bless you and them in many ways! Carrie

Victoria said...

Carrie,
Thanks for watching and blessed you're enjoying the show. I appreciate your feedback. I can tell you that we spend lots of family time together! There is no way viewers will ever see our entire lives in 42 minutes a week. Your concern to tone down my rhetoric is precious, but rest assured that my relationship with my girls is healthy, respectful and strong. God bless you and thanks again!

Shauna said...

Why is there so much criticism about Preachers Daughters'? There is a show on Lifetime called The Sisterhood and it's about christian families too. People need to stop because this show is really educating others. I want to thank the 3 families for putting their lives out in the public for the rest of us to see. Thank you and may God continue to use you all for his glory!

Victoria said...

Shauna,
Amen Sister! We don't get it either. The only explanation I've come up with is this. Jealousy, mean spirited and afraid we may "expose" Christians for not being perfect! Well, guess what? We're not! Thanks for the support and for your prayers. God bless:)

Ophelia said...

Hi Victoria. While I admire your relationship with your girls I am confused by your stance on premarital sex. Maybe I should say, the degree of its importance. I am a mother of 3 (two girls) and of course it would break my heart to hear that they were sexually active before marriage but I would much rather drill into their hearts "don't jump ship just because it looks like its sinking" in your marriage rather than "don't have sex before marriage." I think the sacrifice of keeping the covenant we make to God and to our spouse far outweighs the sacrifice of staying pure for marriage. Especially if divorce is a likely option. I totally understand that you feel its a must but is that more important to you, or just as important, or not as important as staying in the marriage and finding a solution instead of calling it quits all the time. I believe that as parents we must teach our children to obey God because they love Him and because they want to. I don't think we get much credit because we make them obey. What are your thoughts on that? By the way, my husband and I love the show because of how real it is. :)

Victoria said...

Ophelia,
Thank you for your question. I absolutely believe that fighting for your marriage is just as important as purity. I have always taught my girls this. They watched me fight for 15 of the 18 year marriage to Nikita, so they know their Mom believes in marriage. But, divorce does happen. My prayer has always been that my daughter's, whether virgins or not, would marry one partner for life. This was always what I'd hoped for me. I would never want to see them go through the hurt, heartache, prejudice, judgement and feelings of failure that divorce brings. I couldn't save Tawni from making the mistake of marrying the wrong man, it was a decision she made and then had to live with. But, she means no less to God because she's divorced, just as I don't. And He still uses divorced people, as He's proven over and over again in my own life, Tawni's life and even Nikita's. If the show paints a picture that I push my girls to believe a certain way, I assure you that's not the case. I've raised 4 very strong, God loving young women who think for themselves and love God because they choose to. They don't want to make the same mistakes I've made, nor would I want them to. This is why I've always been determined to have very open and honest communication with them. I never had that. I haven't done a lot of things right in my life, but when I look at each of my daughters, and the way they love God and eachother, I'm proud that by the Grace of God, I've done at least four things right!