"Sound Therapy and The Like"

This past Friday, my youngest daughter flew to NC for her spring break visit. This meant that George and I would have a week without children. Although we both love our kids, we also cherish our "alone" time.

I asked George what he thought about going up to Bisbee for the day. It's one of our favorite places to visit, which is surprising since you wouldn't consider us as the "Bisbee Kind". He agreed it was a great idea, so we made the necessary arrangements. The next morning, we were on our way. Traveling to Bisbee is a short, hour and a half drive for us, a great time for conversation and beautiful scenery.

Before we'd headed out, I'd checked the happenings going on in Bisbee for the weekend. My husband (an ex-hippy) was thrilled when I told him there was a tribute concert to Bob Dylan and Pink Floyd that night (which was fantastic, by the way!). I also told him about a clinic I'd read about offering free massages! He was happy for me, knowing how much I love a good massage.

When we arrived in Bisbee, we parked, checked into our hotel room and began exploring the town, searching for the clinic. The steep hill we climbed to reach it only motivated us more. When we arrved, the "therapists" looked thrilled to see us! Seemed they hadn't had much traffic that day. We were thrilled too, as George and I were more than ready for our free massages!

We filled out some paperwork and then I was escorted by a gentlemen for my "sound therapy", (sound what?!) while my husband was taken for his Reiki Treatment (Reiki Who?!). OK, this was not what we were expecting. No offense to anyone who gets something out of these types of treatments, but the sound treatment was a wasted 20 minutes of my life and the Reiki Treatment was, let's just say interesting. Well, what did I expect? After all, we were in Bisbee, AZ, a town filled with new age religion, psychics, card readings and other alternative lifestyles.

Needless to say, upon our departure from the "clinic", my neck still hurt and I think my husband wanted to strangle it, but we laughed all the way back to our hotel.

It was a great way to start the weekend!

"GOOD INTENTIONS"

Mine was "Tommy Dog", hers was "Bandit". It started out as a great idea. A mother/daughter event that we would cherish forever, an event that would help us to bond and appreciate our surroundings. The mountains are beautiful here in Arizona. The wildlife everywhere. Sunsets are magnificent and you never know what you'll see. I would consider myself in fairly good shape. I'm an adventurous person, who enjoys spontaneity and trying new things. I'm that person who never backs down from a challenge or believes in that "it can't be done" attitude.

This morning, while my precious daughter was still sleeping, I had an idea. I made the call, booked the appointment. Then, I woke her up to tell her! She was less than enthusiastic, but tried not to let it show. She knew this was a big deal for me. Secretly, she was interested, but she's 15, so she can't show it. It's in the teenage rule book, of which she knows by heart.

We arrived 5 minutes early. I paid the bill. It was time. They asked a few questions and based on our answers, selected the perfect choice for us. We were starting to get nervous. Ok, it's going to be fine. This is safe. A beautiful afternoon, with great scenery and excellent weather. This was going to be great! We are about to create memories that will last a lifetime!

Well, we were right and we were wrong. Our Mommy/Daughter Adventure didn't turn out quite as I'd expected it to. For one thing, I can't walk. My daughter hasn't stopped complaining about how sore she is and has sworn off these kinds of outings forever. She refuses to participate ever again, not just with me, but her future husband, best friend or anybody else who asks. Her exact words, "Mommy, I'm not a country girl, I'm a city girl. Screw that country, cowgirl thing. Never again."

Yes, their names were "Tommy Boy" and "Bandit", or as my daughter affectionately calls them, "Demons".

And, we made a memory alright. We've got the bruises to prove it.

It was a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Zimmerman

By now, you've heard about the horrific events that happened in Tucson. Another unspeakable act that changes the lives of the victims, their families, our city and our country. We first heard the news from our daughter, Kolby. Busy taking down the Christmas decorations, we hadn't even turned the television on. Kolby received a text from her friend Alex telling her that Gabby Giffords, a congresswoman here in AZ, had been shot and killed (as reports first reported). We immediately turned on the news and there it was. Talk of the devastation and carnage. I was glued to the television. The Christmas decorations would have to wait for another day.

All day long, we watched and waited to hear more news. We wondered if anyone we knew had attended the event. I remember thinking and hoping that the congresswoman's aide that I'd met wasn't there. But, then hours later, they began naming some of those who'd died. And then his picture appeared on the screen. I recognized him immediately. When they said his name, I ran upstairs to my office to check the business card. I was hoping it wasn't him, even though I knew.

Gabe Zimmerman, 30 years old and engaged to be married to his girlfriend, Kelly O'Brien in April 2012. I was just shocked. I couldn't believe it.

Gabe came to my office for a 10am meeting to hear all about the work my staff and I were doing regarding abstinence til marriage education and positive youth development. A one hour meeting turned into 5 1/2. He was so inquisitive and wanted to hear every detail about what we were doing. He toured the facilities and asked one question after another. We talked about my home back east. He talked about how much he loved his job and felt privileged to be working in an area where he could make a difference. He was just an overall great guy. Gabe left a huge impression on me. He followed up the next day and thanked me for spending time with him and even took time out of his busy schedule weeks later to sit in on a classroom to hear educators actually teaching the abstinence til marriage message. He was blown away and told me he couldn't wait to tell Ms. Giffords about the work we were doing and the difference it was making. He agreed that we had to do something to keep teenagers from engaging in sexual activity and suffering the consequences of it. And, now, he's gone. In a 10 second shooting spree. It's surreal. I barely knew this guy, but in the short time that I spent with him, everything that I've read or heard his colleagues say about him is true. He loved people, his country, his boss, colleagues and his work.

My heart goes out to his family, friends and his fiance. But, also to this country. He's the kind of guy that you really believe could have made a difference. But, I believe he still left a legacy.

It was a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Zimmerman.

Comprehensive Sex Education

When parent's want to challenge me on how much better Comprehensive Sex Education (CSE) vs. Abstinence-Til-Marriage (ATM) Education is, I get excited. This gives me a great opportunity to educate them. Because in their ignorance, they know not what they say and usually not what they're talking about.

My next question is, "So, tell me what you know about "Comprehensive Sex Ed" (CSE)?" Without fail, the answer is the same. "Well, that's when you teach teens about condoms. Teens need to know about condoms, and how to use them, so they know how to prevent pregnancy and STD's. Abstinence-Til-Marriage (ATM) Programs just want to tell them not to have sex and guilt them into not doing it! ATM Programs don't work!" Well, bring it on, Mr. and Mrs. KIA (Know It All's!).

After 10 minutes with me, parent's get an ear full and I can't deny I've probably pissed off more than a few of them. You see, until parents wake up and do the research I've done, they shouldn't pretend to be experts. Don't tell me my business when you don't know what you're talking about. That's like me giving directions to a brain surgeon while he/she's performing brain surgery. That patient would be better off taking cyanide. The end result would be the same.

Groups like Planned Parenthood have been trying to "sneak" CSE Programs into our schools for years. They do it under the guise that "we teach abstinence education" too. It looks like, (thanks again to Barrack Husseim Obama), that they're closer to winning than ever before. Our current President has very close ties to Planned Parenthood. He's in bed with them, if you will. He knew all along that once he reached the White House, one of the first things he'd take care of was ATM Education. And he did it. This administration wasted no time in taking funding away from Abstinence-Til-Marriage Education and handing the funds ($125 million) to CSE Programs.

So, here's another question I have for parents. What do you really know about CSE? Do you think because the CSE Programs tell you "we teach abstinence", that it's true? Sure, they'll spend as long as it takes to say "sure, abstinence is best", but 99% of their teaching is on everything else but waiting to have sex. You see, it's big business. Planned Parenthood doesn't make money unless teenage girls need abortions. They despise ATM Programs. It sounds sick, doesn't it? Too bad it's true. Our government would never allow this? Oh, really? Get a clue.

Are you OK with your kindergartner learning about pleasuring themselves? Are you OK with your pre-teens showering together? Is mutual masturbation between two teenagers acceptable to you? Especially if it's your teenager doing the pleasuring of another? Because that's part of the teachings of CSE.

ATM Education has always taught teenagers both the pros and cons of condoms, while CSE Programs just hand them out and give them the false security of the "safe sex" b.s. ATM Education teaches kids to value themselves and that it's OK to wait. ATM teaches the truth that waiting is the safest form of sex in every way, physically, mentally, spiritually and psychologically. ATM Education doesn't judge and helps those kids who've already gone too far realize that it's never too late to change, no matter how far they've gone. ATM teaches teenagers what a healthy relationship looks like.

Mr. and Mrs. KIA, until you've done the research, or been on the front lines for 15 years like I have, looked into the thousands of faces of pre-teens/teens that I've met, who feel used, dirty, guilty and ashamed because of a decision to engage in sexual activity, keep your mouth shut. And, don't, I say don't, tell me my business when you don't know what you're talking about.

So, make sure and do your research Mom and Dad. Find out what's being taught in your schools. Ask to see copies of the curriculum, sit in on their sex education classes. Get involved. It's only your kids lives we're talking about here.

Cause, you can't plead ignorance anymore.

"LAYAWAY"

Something on television the other night brought back a childhood memory of mine. Not a good one, mind you, but if you lived my childhood, there weren't a lot of good ones. With summer coming to an end, at every mall you see kids are scrambling to get their school supplies and of course, the most exciting thing on their list are their new wardrobes, affectionately referred to as "new school clothes". This was always one of my girls' favorite times when they were in school. If I'm being honest, it was one of mine too. I felt so blessed that I had the luxury of taking them school shopping for new stuff. They were like kids in a candy store, running around picking out different outfits, trying them on and imagining being the best dressed in their class! When we got home, they proudly carried in their bags of goodies, ran to their rooms and modeled their outfits for the family to enjoy. They were jumping up and down with excitement when they discovered the "one". That special, perfect outfit for the first day of school! Yes, I loved those days, that was until I got the bill! Reflecting on these times with my girls, I was reminded of my own childhood and how different it was when I was a kid.

I can remember begging my Mom weeks before school started, "when do we get to go school shopping?", "so and so already has all their stuff!", "i need this, i need that!","MOM, we have to go, everything's going to be gone!". It seemed in our family, it would be days before school started before we finally heard Mom say, "OK, fine, we're going tomorrow". "YES!"

But, before my mom put us in the car, she would go through our drawers and closets meticulously. She would pass down whatever she could to each of us kids and say, "No, that still fits, you can still wear those jeans". "Mom, are you kidding me? These are too short and too tight!" "They are fine! You can wear them for another year." Oh, how the kids teased. Highwaters, yeah, I think that's what they called it. Kids can be so mean.

Finally, after the hand-me-downs were passed out, we would pile in the car and be on our way. Our first and only stop? K-Mart. We'd get the cart and start shopping. I remember I couldn't believe how much stuff she was letting us get! The cart was packed! I can remember feeling so happy and excited and felt my self-esteem rising by the minute! When we were finished shopping, we didn't go to the check-out. Mom started walking towards the back of the store. "Where are we going, Mom?" I'll never forget the word that came out of her mouth next. Never. "We're going to layaway." "Layaway? What's layaway?" My mom was quick to answer. "It's where they hold the clothes for us, and then I'll come back and pick them up." I said, "But, we need our new school clothes! When are you going to pick them up?" She said, "Soon, you'll be fine. I'll get it out next month." She may have well said in forever, because a month was forever to me!

Every night, I dreamed about those clothes. I dreamed about how good I would look, how the other kids would look at me with envy at my new blue cordoroy jeans and new ruffled, white blouse. Each week that went by, I inquired about this thing called "layaway". And each week, I heard the same thing, "soon, Vicky, soon".

What is the statute of limitations on layaway anyway? Because each year that we practiced this phenomenon, I was never to see those clothes again.

I wonder if they're still waiting for me.

Graduation Week

I can't believe it. It's surreal. It's unbelievable. My two youngest daughters, Kendra and Kolby are graduating this week. On the same day, this Thursday. Kolby from 8th grade at 1:00 pm and Kendra from high school at 7:00 pm.

I am so filled with emotion. When I start to think about the days I would sit in front of the television with Kendra, who as an 8 month old, had to watch Barney for 8 hours straight, I get very melancholy. She just LOVED that purple dinosaur. She owned everything Barney. Her sheets, blankets, pillow, pj's, toothbrush, hairbrush, hairbows, you name it, she owned it. Now, she's interested in Ed Hardy clothes, a laptop, moving out as soon as she can and college!

Then there's my Kolby Girl. The youngest of the four. The little girl with four mothers. Our baby. She'll be a freshman next year. A freshman! She continues to convince me everyday that she's as excited about Kendra moving out and going away to college as she is about beginning high school!

As my life continues to change, with daughters getting married, having children of their own, graduating middle school, graduating high school and preparing for college and all the other "changes" I'm experiencing, I'm reminded of one thing.

Time is but a fleeting moment and we need to savor every one.

Trudy

It was twenty four years ago. I was living in Charlotte, married to Teryn and Tawni's father, when I met her. Due to some family issues, my little sister Brenda, who was a teenager at the time was also living with us. I first saw her when I was working for a fitness center. She and her husband were visiting the tanning salon across from my place of work. I don't remember exactly, but I think they came over to check out our memberships and we struck up a conversation. From that day on, each day she came to the salon, we would talk. During one of our conversations, she mentioned she needed a sitter. I told her about Brenda. We came to find out that we lived in apartment complexes next to eachother. We exchanged numbers and before long, I was introducing her to my little sister, who became the regular babysitter to her son, Donnie.

Our friendship was instant. Trudy and I felt like we'd known eachother for years. We could talk about anything. Believe me, we did then and today, we still do. That was the beginning of our lifelong friendship. Trudy has been through all of the challenges's life has brought my way and I've been there for hers. The divorces, kid issues, deaths in the family, personal issues, my destructive habits, etc. etc. I swear this woman knows me better than anyone.

Three years ago, she called to let me know that her doctor needed to perform an emergency hysterectomy. That was how it started. That ugly word came not long after. Cancer. Chemotherapy came next. She handled it all with class. After chemotherapy treatments, she had to have full body scans every few months to make sure the cancer hadn't returned. Each evening before her scan, and the next morning during the ride into the hospital, we'd pray together. Like so many times she'd done for me, it was my turn to encourage and support her. And each time, the scans were clear and we would rejoice together and plan our next yearly weekend Chateau Elan trip. This is something we've done every year for 8 years. Away from husbands, kids, worries and it's our time. Noone's ever been invited on these trips. And we've made a pact that we will never take anyone else there, not even our husbands.

Three weeks ago, the call was quite different. The doctor's found something. There were spots on her lungs that needed to be biopsied. And a few days later, the results were in. The cancer was back and this time had metastized to her lungs. I was shocked. I got angry, I cried and then I got a grip.

This past Tuesday, Trudy started chemotherapy again. This time, it will be much more aggressive. She will have treatments for 9 hours a day, 3 days straight, with a three week break followed by another round. Then the waiting will begin. She will have another full body scan. The goal: to shrink the tumors so they can be removed surgically.

This cancer is called leiomyosarcoma. It's a rare, soft tissue cancer that attacks the soft tissue, i.e. lungs, liver, uterus. Only 10,000 people get it each year.

Trudy and I have long had a dream since we became friends. We've layed on our beds at Chateau Elan during our weekend trips and talked and imagined one day living as roommates when we're 80 to live out the last days of our lives together. (Sorry, George and Terry, but stats show that women outlive men, so this is why we started making these plans years ago!).

Trudy and I still have lots we want to do. When Trudy is well again, Chateau Elan, here we come!

And when we're 80, we'll take a 2 bedroom, 2 bath, please.