"Am I Dreaming?"

The day is here. It's finally here and I find myself speechless. It's surreal. I have prayed continually for 3 years for this day to come and wondered if it ever would. So many of my precious family and friends have believed and prayed right along with me. I can't thank them enough (you know who you are). I daydreamed about how I would feel, how it would look and how I would act. I don't think it will hit me until we are driving on I-10 and looking back and waving good-bye.

Today, I'm moving "home" to Tennessee and I'm just completely speechless. I think I'm afraid I'll wake up. Teryn says it will hit her when I call her from the truck. Tawni seemed shocked yesterday that we are actually coming!

I wasn't born in Tennessee and only lived there for a few years. But it's home to me. It's the place where Tawni, Teryn, Chad and Salem live. Where my incredible, lifelong friends, Val and Trudy, live (and their amazing families!). It's only a 6 hour drive to where my daughter Kendra attends college and where I can begin my visits again with my Granny, Uncle Alan, Ann and friends in North Carolina.

Is this really happening? Am I dreaming? As I sit here staring outside the window, there it is. The moving truck loaded to the brim. There was no room for all our stuff, so I had to leave some of it behind. It bothered me a lot and then I thought "Stop caring about this stuff, you're going home to what really matters!"

Our Arizona home is now empty. All that fills the walls now are the memories we created over the past 3 years. I admit, this never felt like home to me, only a stop-over. These last 3 years have dragged by for me. Being away has been one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life, although I know the Lord did not bring me here in vain. I've learned so much about myself, my family and what is really important.

Yes, "Home" is where the people you love the most are and that's where I'm going today. Home. Home. There's no place like home.

I'm coming girls. Mommy's coming.

Happy 15th Birthday Kolby Girl!

Today I celebrate the birth of my youngest daughter, who was my pleasant surprise. One morning while driving to visit my Mom and Granny, I had this strange sensation to stop at a drug store and pick up a pregnancy test. I wasn't late, but somehow, I just KNEW. I didn't say anything to Mom or Granny, I walked in Mom's house, said hi to them and announced, "I've got to pee."

I went into the bathroom, took the test and walked out with it, looked at the two of them, held it up and said, "Guess what?" They were very happy. I, on the other hand, was shocked.

This was totally unexpected. I thought I was done. My youngest, at the time, was Kendra, who was 3. Tawni and Kendra had been hoping for another baby. So, I knew when I told her and Tawni that I was pregnant, they would be thrilled. I also knew telling Teryn would be a different story, so I needed to pick just the right time. I decided when I picked her up from school, I would tell her. She was in the back seat with her best friend, Lacey. Maybe she wouldn't react so badly in front of her friend. I was wrong. She was not happy and she made sure I knew it! But since the day of Kolby's birth, Teryn has treated her as her own! She adores her. I know that Teryn couldn't imagine her life without Kolby, like all of us, but I will never forget that day! I'm sure Teryn remembers it too!

Kendra decided that I was having twins. She'd walk around the house singing, "Mommie's having two babies, Mommie's having two babies! There are two babies in your belly!" I kept saying, "Stop saying that!" She wouldn't. One night, I started bleeding. I was terrified. I called the doctor. He told me to stay in bed and come to his office first thing in the morning. When we arrived, he took us back and did an ultrasound (Kendra was with us, listening to every word the doctor said). I cried, "I lost the baby, didn't I?" He said, "Yes, you did lose one. But, this one is doing just fine." I said, "This one?!?" Once again, I was shocked.

When we got to the parking lot, Kendra stopped. She threw her hands out and said, "Wait a minute! You mean there were two babies in your belly and now there's just one?" "Yes, Kendra", I answered. "Are you sad, Mommy?" "Yes, sweetie, but I'm happy too, cause Mommy is still having a baby!" She looked at me, put her hands on her hips and said, "SEE!! I told you there were two babies in your belly! You didn't believe me! My baby brother is in Heaven and my baby sister is in your belly!" I was speechless. And I wasn't about to argue with her.

Seven months later, on May 14, 1996, Kendra's prophetic word came true! With Teryn and Tawni beside me, encouraging me to push, I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy 7lb baby girl. We had been taking bets all day about what time she'd be born. Tawni won! She said 10:38 p.m. and that's when Kolby made her entrance into the world! My little baby girl laid in the hospital nursery for two days while we decided what to name her. We were fighting over Kelsey or Kolby. Obviously, we chose Kolby and I'm glad we did. It fits her. Kolby Alexandra. She's been a blessing in our lives ever since. What can I say about the "Kolby Girl"? She's genuine, compassionate, caring, hilarious, sensitive, smart, organized (her clothes are color coordinated!) and even a talented chef! She made me Chicken Alfredo for Mother's Day and it was delicious! She plays sports and dress up. She says she likes to play sports for her twin brother and dress up cause she's still a girly girl! The kid is talented! We all love and spoil her like crazy and she's a joy to everyone who meets her. Fifteen! You'll be driving next year! May the Lord God help me! May the Lord help us all!! I love you!

All I can say now is, thank God for His little surprises!

Happy Birthday Tawni "Bear"!

Twenty five years ago, I was working at a hospital emergency room when I realized I was a little "late". I asked one of the doctors (one of the perks working at a hospital!) if he would order a pregnancy blood test. I knew this was the quickest, surest way to know for sure. I went to the lab, had a vial of blood drawn and then all I could do was wait for the results. It didn't come before my shift was over so I would have to continue my wait at home. It was the longest 2 hours of my life!

The phone rang. I grabbed it before the second ring! "Congratulations, you're pregnant!" This was definitely a surprise, but a pleasant one. I was shocked, but smiling at the same time. I was going to have a baby! This baby would be joining her sister in about 7 months.

Without going into a lot of details, her arrival didn't come without some challenges. I almost lost her several times throughout my pregnancy.

But, we made it. And, fifteen hours into labor, the nurse checked me and said, "You have several more hours to go, so just try to relax. It's going to be awhile." Literally, within minutes after she left my hospital room (I'm not kidding, it was minutes!), I looked over at her father (who was sitting in a chair reading a magazine!) and said, "Something's happened. This baby is ready!" He said, "No, it's not. The nurse said it would be awhile. You're wrong." He went back to his magazine! I screamed, "Go and get her!" He still didn't move. I pressed my nurse call button. She came back and checked me. And, guess what, there she was, my baby girl, ready to make her entrance into the world!

On that momentus day, 26 years ago, May 5, 1985 at 3:26 p.m., I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy, 7lb 9oz baby girl named Tawni Blair.

And she has been one of the greatest joys of my life. Tawni is beautiful, gifted, talented, free spirited, genuine, funny, compassionate and has a heart like no one I've ever known. I am blessed that God chose my womb to carry her for 9 months (more like 10 since the little brat was late!).

Twenty six years! Tawni, you are not only my daughter or your sister's sister, you are a woman and now a Nurse! It blows my mind. My gosh, time flies. Seems like yesterday you were getting stuck in the dryer, picking your nose, making family videos or sneaking out of the house! Oh wait, it was just yesterday! LOL! Just look at you! You are a beautiful, wonderful human being who travels to places where you see a need. You just returned from your 3rd trip from Haiti doing what you do best, helping and serving others. And, despite the challenges you've faced over the past 2 years, perservered through nursing school. You are truly an inspiration to me and so many others!

So, Happy Birthday, my Tawni "Bear". You truly are one of the greatest accomplishments in my life and one of the best things I've ever done. I could not be more proud to be called your mommy. I don't deserve you, but, like it or not, you're stuck with me. I am your mother and you are my daughter. I've got the stretch marks to prove it! (I'm sure you miss hearing that, huh?!) I am blessed to be your mother.

I love you. High as the sky, deep as the sea and all the air that's in between.

Salem and Me

I skype with my granddaughter every chance I get, which if I'm lucky, is daily. My goal is at least once a day, but sometimes I beg her Mommy (my daughter) for 2 or 3 skype visits! The love I have for this tiny, 2 ft, 30 lb. little girl can't be described in words. She and I share a special bond that I can't explain. Teryn said when they were at the Mac store the other day, Salem was pointing at the laptops yelling, "Mimi!!!". The sales guys asked Teryn what she was talking about. Teryn replied, "Oh, she thinks her Mimi is in every computer." Sad, isn't it?

During our skyping visit the other day, I "felt" myself being lifted up and taken somewhere. She does this often while we're skyping. She will "carry" me into her playroom, sit the computer on the floor and we "cook" or read a book together. I cherish my times with Salem. Of course, I'd rather be there physically, but for now, I must try and be content with the time I can get with her.

On this day, as she "carried" me away saying "c'mon Mimi!", Teryn watched her to see where she was "taking" me. She struggled with the computer because it's not the lightest thing for a 20 month old to carry! I waited, wondering where I'd end up this time. Then, she did it. She carefully placed me where she wanted me. It broke our hearts. We smiled and cried at the same time. Teryn was able to capture the moment in this picture. Salem's daddy is a musician in Nashville and she loves to listen as he sings and plays his guitar.

Apparently, she loves hanging out in his guitar case too. And this time, she brought Mimi along.

"Sound Therapy and The Like"

This past Friday, my youngest daughter flew to NC for her spring break visit. This meant that George and I would have a week without children. Although we both love our kids, we also cherish our "alone" time.

I asked George what he thought about going up to Bisbee for the day. It's one of our favorite places to visit, which is surprising since you wouldn't consider us as the "Bisbee Kind". He agreed it was a great idea, so we made the necessary arrangements. The next morning, we were on our way. Traveling to Bisbee is a short, hour and a half drive for us, a great time for conversation and beautiful scenery.

Before we'd headed out, I'd checked the happenings going on in Bisbee for the weekend. My husband (an ex-hippy) was thrilled when I told him there was a tribute concert to Bob Dylan and Pink Floyd that night (which was fantastic, by the way!). I also told him about a clinic I'd read about offering free massages! He was happy for me, knowing how much I love a good massage.

When we arrived in Bisbee, we parked, checked into our hotel room and began exploring the town, searching for the clinic. The steep hill we climbed to reach it only motivated us more. When we arrved, the "therapists" looked thrilled to see us! Seemed they hadn't had much traffic that day. We were thrilled too, as George and I were more than ready for our free massages!

We filled out some paperwork and then I was escorted by a gentlemen for my "sound therapy", (sound what?!) while my husband was taken for his Reiki Treatment (Reiki Who?!). OK, this was not what we were expecting. No offense to anyone who gets something out of these types of treatments, but the sound treatment was a wasted 20 minutes of my life and the Reiki Treatment was, let's just say interesting. Well, what did I expect? After all, we were in Bisbee, AZ, a town filled with new age religion, psychics, card readings and other alternative lifestyles.

Needless to say, upon our departure from the "clinic", my neck still hurt and I think my husband wanted to strangle it, but we laughed all the way back to our hotel.

It was a great way to start the weekend!

"GOOD INTENTIONS"

Mine was "Tommy Dog", hers was "Bandit". It started out as a great idea. A mother/daughter event that we would cherish forever, an event that would help us to bond and appreciate our surroundings. The mountains are beautiful here in Arizona. The wildlife everywhere. Sunsets are magnificent and you never know what you'll see. I would consider myself in fairly good shape. I'm an adventurous person, who enjoys spontaneity and trying new things. I'm that person who never backs down from a challenge or believes in that "it can't be done" attitude.

This morning, while my precious daughter was still sleeping, I had an idea. I made the call, booked the appointment. Then, I woke her up to tell her! She was less than enthusiastic, but tried not to let it show. She knew this was a big deal for me. Secretly, she was interested, but she's 15, so she can't show it. It's in the teenage rule book, of which she knows by heart.

We arrived 5 minutes early. I paid the bill. It was time. They asked a few questions and based on our answers, selected the perfect choice for us. We were starting to get nervous. Ok, it's going to be fine. This is safe. A beautiful afternoon, with great scenery and excellent weather. This was going to be great! We are about to create memories that will last a lifetime!

Well, we were right and we were wrong. Our Mommy/Daughter Adventure didn't turn out quite as I'd expected it to. For one thing, I can't walk. My daughter hasn't stopped complaining about how sore she is and has sworn off these kinds of outings forever. She refuses to participate ever again, not just with me, but her future husband, best friend or anybody else who asks. Her exact words, "Mommy, I'm not a country girl, I'm a city girl. Screw that country, cowgirl thing. Never again."

Yes, their names were "Tommy Boy" and "Bandit", or as my daughter affectionately calls them, "Demons".

And, we made a memory alright. We've got the bruises to prove it.

It was a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Zimmerman

By now, you've heard about the horrific events that happened in Tucson. Another unspeakable act that changes the lives of the victims, their families, our city and our country. We first heard the news from our daughter, Kolby. Busy taking down the Christmas decorations, we hadn't even turned the television on. Kolby received a text from her friend Alex telling her that Gabby Giffords, a congresswoman here in AZ, had been shot and killed (as reports first reported). We immediately turned on the news and there it was. Talk of the devastation and carnage. I was glued to the television. The Christmas decorations would have to wait for another day.

All day long, we watched and waited to hear more news. We wondered if anyone we knew had attended the event. I remember thinking and hoping that the congresswoman's aide that I'd met wasn't there. But, then hours later, they began naming some of those who'd died. And then his picture appeared on the screen. I recognized him immediately. When they said his name, I ran upstairs to my office to check the business card. I was hoping it wasn't him, even though I knew.

Gabe Zimmerman, 30 years old and engaged to be married to his girlfriend, Kelly O'Brien in April 2012. I was just shocked. I couldn't believe it.

Gabe came to my office for a 10am meeting to hear all about the work my staff and I were doing regarding abstinence til marriage education and positive youth development. A one hour meeting turned into 5 1/2. He was so inquisitive and wanted to hear every detail about what we were doing. He toured the facilities and asked one question after another. We talked about my home back east. He talked about how much he loved his job and felt privileged to be working in an area where he could make a difference. He was just an overall great guy. Gabe left a huge impression on me. He followed up the next day and thanked me for spending time with him and even took time out of his busy schedule weeks later to sit in on a classroom to hear educators actually teaching the abstinence til marriage message. He was blown away and told me he couldn't wait to tell Ms. Giffords about the work we were doing and the difference it was making. He agreed that we had to do something to keep teenagers from engaging in sexual activity and suffering the consequences of it. And, now, he's gone. In a 10 second shooting spree. It's surreal. I barely knew this guy, but in the short time that I spent with him, everything that I've read or heard his colleagues say about him is true. He loved people, his country, his boss, colleagues and his work.

My heart goes out to his family, friends and his fiance. But, also to this country. He's the kind of guy that you really believe could have made a difference. But, I believe he still left a legacy.

It was a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Zimmerman.