This past Thursday during my radio show, "Real Talk", (airing on FOXSports Radio, 910Theduck.net), my show crashed. That means, the system went down and we were off the air. Twice. Here's why this is fantastic news!
Never in the station's history has this ever happened! The listenership for my show is growing so fast, the system just couldn't handle the overload, hence crashing. Yes, this is a great problem and one we hope to resolve before my next show on Thursday.
I wanted to take this time to personally thank those of you who've become loyal listeners by tuning in each Thursday from 4-5pm (Central) online at http://wmrb.streamon.fm/# .
This "problem" is forcing us to look for solutions. I'm working right now on future possibilities to expand the show. I'll keep you informed on how that progresses!
It's so exciting to witness how the Lord uses media to reach others with messages of hope and redemption. It is even more humbling that He chooses to use me, but He redeemed me and I love sharing that hope with others! Don't know about you, but He still has much more work to do where I'm concerned. We are all works in progress! I may not be who I need to be, but I'm definitely not who I used to be:).
God loves us just the way we are, just too much to leave us that way! Thanks again for tuning in and be sure to mark your calendars for this Thursday at 4pm(c) online at http://wmrb.streamon.fm/# for more "Real Talk!"
Until then, remember to "KEEP IT REAL!"
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Viewer Questions
I've been receiving many questions from viewers everyday through my website, email or on social media.
Two of the questions that have proved to be the most frequently asked, I've decided I'm going to answer through my blog.
#1 - Is Nikita Teryn and Tawni's biological father?
No, Nikita is not their biological father. Teryn and Tawni's biological father abandoned us when Teryn was 3 and Tawni was just 8 months old. He rarely saw them, if at all, throughout their childhood and paid child support for only 1 year after our divorce. Nikita and I were the ones who put food on the table and a roof over their heads. In my opinion, Nikita is the only father they've ever had. They feel the same way. This is why I say "sperm doesn't make you a father." Any man can "make" a baby, it takes a real man to be a father. Their father had every opportunity to be involved in their lives. He chose not to be. It was his loss because they are amazing women.
#2 - Did you give birth to all four of your daughters?
Yes, I gave birth to all four of my girls. I got married the first time when I was 16, I wasn't pregnant, I was just naive and stupid! I was pregnant with my first daughter, Teryn, two years later, at had her when I was 18. I gave birth to Tawni three years later at the age of 21. After their biological father and I divorced, I married Nikita four years later. Two years after Nikita and I were married, we had our first daughter, Kendra, who was born in 1992. Kolby came four years later in 1996.
God bless you and thanks for being so interested in our family!
Two of the questions that have proved to be the most frequently asked, I've decided I'm going to answer through my blog.
#1 - Is Nikita Teryn and Tawni's biological father?
No, Nikita is not their biological father. Teryn and Tawni's biological father abandoned us when Teryn was 3 and Tawni was just 8 months old. He rarely saw them, if at all, throughout their childhood and paid child support for only 1 year after our divorce. Nikita and I were the ones who put food on the table and a roof over their heads. In my opinion, Nikita is the only father they've ever had. They feel the same way. This is why I say "sperm doesn't make you a father." Any man can "make" a baby, it takes a real man to be a father. Their father had every opportunity to be involved in their lives. He chose not to be. It was his loss because they are amazing women.
#2 - Did you give birth to all four of your daughters?
Yes, I gave birth to all four of my girls. I got married the first time when I was 16, I wasn't pregnant, I was just naive and stupid! I was pregnant with my first daughter, Teryn, two years later, at had her when I was 18. I gave birth to Tawni three years later at the age of 21. After their biological father and I divorced, I married Nikita four years later. Two years after Nikita and I were married, we had our first daughter, Kendra, who was born in 1992. Kolby came four years later in 1996.
God bless you and thanks for being so interested in our family!
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
"Preachers Daughters" Season Finale Episode!
First of all, I must say thank you to all the loyal viewers of our show! You have supported, loved and encouraged us with your hundreds of beautiful messages. The testimonies we've received from viewers has been unbelievable! Just what we'd prayed for and we are humbled and forever grateful to all of you. It has been a long ride, but one that we wouldn't have missed for anything! The girls' and I had a blast doing this show! If it's possible, it brought us even closer together. We shared tears, laughter and arguments, but through it all, our love never waned and we are better today because of the experience! Thank you again so much for falling in love with our family and taking this ride with us. I came to love this precious show. My prayer is that it will continue to help others, show the love of Christ and remind people that none of us are perfect, but we are forgiven. I applaud Thinkfactory Media and Lifetime TV for showing bravery in making a show like this one. I believe it's going to pay off in eternal ways. I will always remember Season 1 with fond memories, excluding Ep 1 that is! Ok, now on with the recap!
The Coleman Family: Taylor is 18! It's what she's been looking forward to all season long and now the day is here. It's been precious to watch Taylor grow throughout Season 1 and even more so to witness Ken's grip slowly letting go. When Ken cried during his interview, we cried right along with him. It reminded me that the day of my youngest leaving will be here soon enough and I, well, I can't even go there right now. I'm blessed to call Ken, Marie and Taylor our friends and look forward to hearing about what's coming next for their family. Keep Ken in your prayers as he struggles with his health.
The Perry Family: So proud of Olivia. Her baptism was so moving. Kolby and I cried and celebrated along with the Perry Family as Olivia made this public committment to her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I'm so blessed that this family's story touched the lives of so many young people who are or have been in crisis pregnancies. It's never too late to turn your life around and Olivia proved that to everyone. I love the Perry's and count it a privilege to call them friends.
Oh, the Koloffs: I couldn't be more proud of my family and the people they are. My girls' are unique, wonderful human beings. I'm truly blessed to be their mother. There are times I sit back and just stare at them when they're not looking and wonder how I ever could have been so lucky to have raised such amazing people who turned out so good, in spite of me and my misgivings. But, I did. They are exactly who you've come to know them to be throughout the show. They are passionate, compassionate, loving, God fearing women who are intelligent and giving.
Kolby's date with Micah was precious. I truly love that young man. They are getting along very well and continuing to keep their boundaries in check. I'm so proud of how mature and respectful both of them have been regarding their relationship with eachother and with their parents. They are 1st class teenagers and I'm glad to hear from so many of you that you look up to both of them as a great example of what Christian dating should look like.
Family Dinner? I laughed so hard listening to everyone throwing everything on the table. It was comical. I had forgotten some parts of that night, but watching it on TV reminding me of how intense that night got. But, when all is said and done, we are family. The girls and I mess up and even hurt eachother sometimes, but we forgive and we move on. That's who we are.
Now that Season 1 has ended, I can tell you that I was so disappointed about a couple scenes we shot that didn't make "the cut". The grand opening of our newest pregnancy center and my abortion testimony. This made me incredibly sad and a little angry. I was told it was too controversial and had to be pulled at the last minute. I didn't understand this because I never took a political stand or made a judgement on the abortion issue. I only told my story and how my abortion affected me. I cried when I heard it wouldn't be aired. We filmed the entire grand opening celebration of the center in Spring Hill and you weren't able to see one of the most moving scenes we filmed when I shared my complete abortion testimony with Kolby. It was probably one of the most powerful moments the crew caught on camera, yet noone will get to see it. She was so loving and gracious to me. There's no doubt in my mind that it could have helped so many. I also believe you'd have gotten to know me much better and understood more where I come from in regards to what I teach and believe. I am attaching a shorter version of my testimony to this blog, so feel free to watch it. Maybe some day in the future, Lifetime will decide to air that "lost" episode. A girl can hope and pray!
Season 1 is behind us now. I've been asked this question a hundred times since last night, "Is there going to be a S2?" Well, all I can tell you right now is, we'll just have to wait and see. For now, thank you again on behalf of the girl's and I. Trust me, we are going to miss you too.
Until we meet again, take care and always remember that Jesus loves you and so do we! We are the Koloff Women, one and only:)
Here's the link to my abortion testimony. I hope you take the time to watch it. If you or someone you know has had an abortion, there's help for you! Go to my website, VictoriaKoloff.com or www.ChooseHealing.org to hear more about an upcoming conference I'm involved with in helping men and women receive healing after experiencing an abortion. God bless you!
The Coleman Family: Taylor is 18! It's what she's been looking forward to all season long and now the day is here. It's been precious to watch Taylor grow throughout Season 1 and even more so to witness Ken's grip slowly letting go. When Ken cried during his interview, we cried right along with him. It reminded me that the day of my youngest leaving will be here soon enough and I, well, I can't even go there right now. I'm blessed to call Ken, Marie and Taylor our friends and look forward to hearing about what's coming next for their family. Keep Ken in your prayers as he struggles with his health.
The Perry Family: So proud of Olivia. Her baptism was so moving. Kolby and I cried and celebrated along with the Perry Family as Olivia made this public committment to her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I'm so blessed that this family's story touched the lives of so many young people who are or have been in crisis pregnancies. It's never too late to turn your life around and Olivia proved that to everyone. I love the Perry's and count it a privilege to call them friends.
Oh, the Koloffs: I couldn't be more proud of my family and the people they are. My girls' are unique, wonderful human beings. I'm truly blessed to be their mother. There are times I sit back and just stare at them when they're not looking and wonder how I ever could have been so lucky to have raised such amazing people who turned out so good, in spite of me and my misgivings. But, I did. They are exactly who you've come to know them to be throughout the show. They are passionate, compassionate, loving, God fearing women who are intelligent and giving.
Kolby's date with Micah was precious. I truly love that young man. They are getting along very well and continuing to keep their boundaries in check. I'm so proud of how mature and respectful both of them have been regarding their relationship with eachother and with their parents. They are 1st class teenagers and I'm glad to hear from so many of you that you look up to both of them as a great example of what Christian dating should look like.
Family Dinner? I laughed so hard listening to everyone throwing everything on the table. It was comical. I had forgotten some parts of that night, but watching it on TV reminding me of how intense that night got. But, when all is said and done, we are family. The girls and I mess up and even hurt eachother sometimes, but we forgive and we move on. That's who we are.
Now that Season 1 has ended, I can tell you that I was so disappointed about a couple scenes we shot that didn't make "the cut". The grand opening of our newest pregnancy center and my abortion testimony. This made me incredibly sad and a little angry. I was told it was too controversial and had to be pulled at the last minute. I didn't understand this because I never took a political stand or made a judgement on the abortion issue. I only told my story and how my abortion affected me. I cried when I heard it wouldn't be aired. We filmed the entire grand opening celebration of the center in Spring Hill and you weren't able to see one of the most moving scenes we filmed when I shared my complete abortion testimony with Kolby. It was probably one of the most powerful moments the crew caught on camera, yet noone will get to see it. She was so loving and gracious to me. There's no doubt in my mind that it could have helped so many. I also believe you'd have gotten to know me much better and understood more where I come from in regards to what I teach and believe. I am attaching a shorter version of my testimony to this blog, so feel free to watch it. Maybe some day in the future, Lifetime will decide to air that "lost" episode. A girl can hope and pray!
Season 1 is behind us now. I've been asked this question a hundred times since last night, "Is there going to be a S2?" Well, all I can tell you right now is, we'll just have to wait and see. For now, thank you again on behalf of the girl's and I. Trust me, we are going to miss you too.
Until we meet again, take care and always remember that Jesus loves you and so do we! We are the Koloff Women, one and only:)
Here's the link to my abortion testimony. I hope you take the time to watch it. If you or someone you know has had an abortion, there's help for you! Go to my website, VictoriaKoloff.com or www.ChooseHealing.org to hear more about an upcoming conference I'm involved with in helping men and women receive healing after experiencing an abortion. God bless you!
Friday, April 26, 2013
Episode 7 Recap!
I fall more in love with our little show every week! Our producers at Thinkfactory Media and Lifetime have put together a beautiful show! I'm truly humbled by those of you watching who are feeling the same way. The bible says that God's Word shall not go out in void, so knowing each week millions of people are wanting to learn more about God is so amazing! I know my Father in Heaven will meet you wherever you are. You don't get good to get God, you get God and then become better. He doesn't care how you show up when you find Him, He just wants you to show up! OK, on with the recap.
The Coleman Family - You have NO idea how happy I was that someone, other than me, was delivering a purity message! I must admit though that I thought some of those kids were way too young to have been in that class. And they say mine is graphic?! Wow, this one made even my sex talk seem mild! I'm not saying it wasn't a good "sex" talk, I'm just saying that I can now sympathize a little more with those of you who think mine's a little too much. And this is the reason I always let parents know that my talks are rated PG-13. I leave it up to the parent's to decide if their child is mature enough to hear it. I laughed so hard when Taylor said, "Kissing is cheating on Jesus? I've been cheating on Jesus this whole time and didn't even know it!" Hilarious! I loved the Father/Daughter Dance with Taylor and Pastor Coleman. It was precious. I grow prouder of Taylor every week:).
The Perry Family - The Perry Girls are stunning. I'm not surprised they were asked to model. I can understand that Mark was a little bit taken back by the pictures. He's their Dad. I wouldn't expect anything less. But, I still love how he and Cheryl continue to show grace to their daughters. They are so soft spoken. It would be an interesting evening to have them over for a Koloff Family Dinner. Poor things, they'd never get a word in! We'd scare them to death!
Then, there's The Koloffs - Oh, the dreaded "tattoo episode"! This wasn't the first time I've dealt with Tawni getting a tattoo. Her first one came around six years ago. Several months before Teryn got married, she got a tattoo on her wrist, but hid it from me until Teryn's wedding day. She didn't have a choice of telling me because the Maid of Honor dress was sleeveless! I'll never forget when she brought me into Teryn's bedroom and said, "Mommy, I have something to tell you." That statement brings chills to every mother! She pulled her sleeve up for her big "reveal". It was a tattoo that said "Jesus" on her wrist. Hard to get upset about that, but I did. I cried. Partly because it was a tattoo and partly because it was beautiful. Then, we had a fantastic wedding and all was fine. Not saying I liked it, but she's still my Tawni Bear and I like her...a lot, a lot, a lot!
Then, a couple years ago, she got another one. This time on her shoulder. It's a tattoo of my mom's favorite flower. I cried again.
Now, once again, as you witnessed on tonight's episode, there's a third. What you saw on tonight's episode was as real as it comes. From the tattoo, to my reaction and even the text that I sent. Trust me, I tried my best to wash that thing off!
I wasn't enthused about Kolby being at a tattoo parlor, but I'm glad she experienced her first (and hopefully last!) visit with her sisters. As you could see in the "reveal" scene, I knew something was up. I know my girls well and it's hard for them to keep surprises from me. I cried when Tawni showed me her tattoo because it made me sad that she keeps marking her body with something as permanent as a tattoo. Let me set this straight. Never once, not even once, did I question Tawni's heart or motive for getting this tattoo. It wasn't in any way because I thought she is away from God or backslidden, for gosh sakes!
Being a person with so many regrets in my own life, I just don't want to see her regretting inking her body up and not being able to do anything about it. We are not the same people today we will be 5 years from now. All of us continually evolve and change. Our opinions can change, our style, likes and dislikes. Tattoos are permanent. Sure, you can go through expensive and painful removals, but that's a high price to pay for something you may do "in the moment". There's no way to escape regrets in life, I know that. But, the best thing about mistakes? They make us wiser.
The bottom line for me is that I think covering your body with tattoos is just not a good idea. But, we're all different and just because I couldn't see myself ever getting a tattoo doesn't mean that Tawni's going to feel the same way. I've come to accept that all four of my girls' are unique, just as the Lord made them. They aren't me. They have different opinions about certain things than I do and tthey stand up for those. That's the way I raised them to be, so I can't complain now, nor would I want to.
I'm not too worried about Kolby getting one right now. She can't even handle having her blood drawn! But, like she said, I've got two years to talk her out of it or get used to the idea!
In my Christian walk, I've met lots of Christians. Some of them have been covered in ink from head to toe, yet show more grace, mercy and the love of Christ than others who've never gone "under the needle". Some of you want to start throwing condemnation on Tawni for getting a tattoo and using Scripture to do it. I get that. It's true that there are references about tattoos in the bible. It's in Leviticus. But, there's also Scripture in that same book that tell us not to cut our hair or wear clothing made of two different materials.
What I want to know is this. I'm much more interested in the condition of Tawni's heart than I am with what she puts on her body. And she has a heart that truly loves God. She is one of the most generous, compassionate and giving people I've ever known.
Tawni's tattoo and the meaning behind it are beautiful. It was hard to argue with that? A tattoo expressing her love for God, me and her sisters? Wow. What you weren't able to see on this episode was the moment she and I shared after she explained it. I cried again, but this time because I was so touched by how much we mean to her.
Tawni told me later, off camera, that it broke her heart when she saw my reaction, so she made me a promise. She said she wouldn't get another one until after I'm gone. Hopefully, by the time I leave this earth, she'll be too old to want one! But, if so, I asked her to put an image of my face on her back! I was only kidding though because I wouldn't want her to have my face plastered on her body the rest of her life! Or would I? LOL!
Who knows? Maybe one day, I'll go with her and we can get matching "mother-daughter" tattoos?! Well, probably not!
Until next week.
The Coleman Family - You have NO idea how happy I was that someone, other than me, was delivering a purity message! I must admit though that I thought some of those kids were way too young to have been in that class. And they say mine is graphic?! Wow, this one made even my sex talk seem mild! I'm not saying it wasn't a good "sex" talk, I'm just saying that I can now sympathize a little more with those of you who think mine's a little too much. And this is the reason I always let parents know that my talks are rated PG-13. I leave it up to the parent's to decide if their child is mature enough to hear it. I laughed so hard when Taylor said, "Kissing is cheating on Jesus? I've been cheating on Jesus this whole time and didn't even know it!" Hilarious! I loved the Father/Daughter Dance with Taylor and Pastor Coleman. It was precious. I grow prouder of Taylor every week:).
The Perry Family - The Perry Girls are stunning. I'm not surprised they were asked to model. I can understand that Mark was a little bit taken back by the pictures. He's their Dad. I wouldn't expect anything less. But, I still love how he and Cheryl continue to show grace to their daughters. They are so soft spoken. It would be an interesting evening to have them over for a Koloff Family Dinner. Poor things, they'd never get a word in! We'd scare them to death!
Then, there's The Koloffs - Oh, the dreaded "tattoo episode"! This wasn't the first time I've dealt with Tawni getting a tattoo. Her first one came around six years ago. Several months before Teryn got married, she got a tattoo on her wrist, but hid it from me until Teryn's wedding day. She didn't have a choice of telling me because the Maid of Honor dress was sleeveless! I'll never forget when she brought me into Teryn's bedroom and said, "Mommy, I have something to tell you." That statement brings chills to every mother! She pulled her sleeve up for her big "reveal". It was a tattoo that said "Jesus" on her wrist. Hard to get upset about that, but I did. I cried. Partly because it was a tattoo and partly because it was beautiful. Then, we had a fantastic wedding and all was fine. Not saying I liked it, but she's still my Tawni Bear and I like her...a lot, a lot, a lot!
Then, a couple years ago, she got another one. This time on her shoulder. It's a tattoo of my mom's favorite flower. I cried again.
Now, once again, as you witnessed on tonight's episode, there's a third. What you saw on tonight's episode was as real as it comes. From the tattoo, to my reaction and even the text that I sent. Trust me, I tried my best to wash that thing off!
I wasn't enthused about Kolby being at a tattoo parlor, but I'm glad she experienced her first (and hopefully last!) visit with her sisters. As you could see in the "reveal" scene, I knew something was up. I know my girls well and it's hard for them to keep surprises from me. I cried when Tawni showed me her tattoo because it made me sad that she keeps marking her body with something as permanent as a tattoo. Let me set this straight. Never once, not even once, did I question Tawni's heart or motive for getting this tattoo. It wasn't in any way because I thought she is away from God or backslidden, for gosh sakes!
Being a person with so many regrets in my own life, I just don't want to see her regretting inking her body up and not being able to do anything about it. We are not the same people today we will be 5 years from now. All of us continually evolve and change. Our opinions can change, our style, likes and dislikes. Tattoos are permanent. Sure, you can go through expensive and painful removals, but that's a high price to pay for something you may do "in the moment". There's no way to escape regrets in life, I know that. But, the best thing about mistakes? They make us wiser.
The bottom line for me is that I think covering your body with tattoos is just not a good idea. But, we're all different and just because I couldn't see myself ever getting a tattoo doesn't mean that Tawni's going to feel the same way. I've come to accept that all four of my girls' are unique, just as the Lord made them. They aren't me. They have different opinions about certain things than I do and tthey stand up for those. That's the way I raised them to be, so I can't complain now, nor would I want to.
I'm not too worried about Kolby getting one right now. She can't even handle having her blood drawn! But, like she said, I've got two years to talk her out of it or get used to the idea!
In my Christian walk, I've met lots of Christians. Some of them have been covered in ink from head to toe, yet show more grace, mercy and the love of Christ than others who've never gone "under the needle". Some of you want to start throwing condemnation on Tawni for getting a tattoo and using Scripture to do it. I get that. It's true that there are references about tattoos in the bible. It's in Leviticus. But, there's also Scripture in that same book that tell us not to cut our hair or wear clothing made of two different materials.
What I want to know is this. I'm much more interested in the condition of Tawni's heart than I am with what she puts on her body. And she has a heart that truly loves God. She is one of the most generous, compassionate and giving people I've ever known.
Tawni's tattoo and the meaning behind it are beautiful. It was hard to argue with that? A tattoo expressing her love for God, me and her sisters? Wow. What you weren't able to see on this episode was the moment she and I shared after she explained it. I cried again, but this time because I was so touched by how much we mean to her.
Tawni told me later, off camera, that it broke her heart when she saw my reaction, so she made me a promise. She said she wouldn't get another one until after I'm gone. Hopefully, by the time I leave this earth, she'll be too old to want one! But, if so, I asked her to put an image of my face on her back! I was only kidding though because I wouldn't want her to have my face plastered on her body the rest of her life! Or would I? LOL!
Who knows? Maybe one day, I'll go with her and we can get matching "mother-daughter" tattoos?! Well, probably not!
Until next week.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
I Miss You Everday
Eight years ago today, I lost my father. His death was so unexpected and one of my most painful experiences. I would give so much to be able to pick up the phone and call you, but I cant.
My dad became a Christian literally days before he died, so I know I will see him again. But, I still miss him everyday. Cherish your parents and those you love. You never know when they'll be gone.
To you, Dad, I'll love and miss you forever.
Love,
Your "Baby Girl"
My dad became a Christian literally days before he died, so I know I will see him again. But, I still miss him everyday. Cherish your parents and those you love. You never know when they'll be gone.
To you, Dad, I'll love and miss you forever.
Love,
Your "Baby Girl"
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Episode 6 - Recap
Tonight's episode was a little intense. Between Pastor Coleman's illness, Pastor Mark and Cheryl's convictions about Halloween and our first Halloween Party, it got a little crazy! For us, Halloween just means dressing up, being with family, eating lots of candy and then paying for it the next day while we nurse stomach aches. On with the recap.
The Coleman Family: First of all, thank God that Pastor Ken is out of the hospital and doing well! We are praying and believing God for his complete healing. He's such a wonderful man. I was so impressed and proud of Taylor for the decisions she made on tonight's episode. I've been telling you guys to she was awesome! She's a young woman with a precious, pure heart who loves her family and Jesus. It was so cool to watch her leading worship, what a voice! I believe God is going to do mighty things through Taylor. My heart broke for Marie tonight. I hated seeing her cry. What a strong woman she is. Pastor Ken is blessed. I fall more in love with the Coleman's every week!
The Perry Family: To trick or treat or not to trick of treat? That was the question. I admire this family very much. I highly respect that Mark and Cheryl stick to their convictions, yet they didn't judge Olivia when she decided to take Eden out to trick or treat. Their harvest gathering may have freaked some of you out, but I've been at services like that. They can be very powerful and healing. I learned tonight through this family that we do have to allow our children to make their own decision. Olivia stood her ground and made a decision based on what she thought was best for Eden. Whether others agreed with her decision or not, it was her decision to make. There are times I don't agree with Teryn and Chad about decisions they make pertaining to my granddaughter, but she's their daughter, not mine. It was sweet that Olivia's sister supported her and went with her trick or treating. Sisters are awesome! I'm blessed that my girls have eachother. I fully understand that some things you want to talk about with a sister, not your mother. I'm not offended by that whatsoever. They are blessed to have eachother. This family continues to make me go "ahhh" every week! Love you Perry's!
The Koloffs: When I saw the previews for this episode and the girls trying on costumes, I thought, "Oh, no, what did my girls do?!" But, when I watched it, I couldn't stop laughing! They had such a great time and who doesn't like dressing up for fun? I won't lie, some of those outfits were a little much, but I know my girl's hearts and nobody got hurt. My only complaint was I wished I'd been there with them!
Many years ago, I admit now, that we went a little overboard to "clean" our house out of anything our church deamed evil! I'm not talking just spirits (although we did that too), I'm talking about CD's and Movies! I loved my 70's classics, yet I was encouraged to get rid of anything that wasn't Christian. I think I cried when I had to say good bye to Bread, Eagles and Chicago! Teryn and Tawni had to gather up all their Disney Movies for the bonfire. They never understood why (I didn't either really). It makes me sad to think about it. Looking back, I want to laugh and cry for what we put those girls through.
Here's a little background information.When Nikita and I got saved, which means we accepted Jesus Christ into our hearts as our Savior, the church we attended at the time believed some practices were unacceptable, one being Halloween any movies over PG, any kind of music other than Christian and so on. Although, I rarely agreed, I didn't want to rebel, so I caved to the church and Nikita's ban on Halloween. Honestly, it made me sad, but at the time, I felt it was the right thing to do as a new Christian. I figured these people knew more than I did because they'd been in church a lot longer than me. Since then I've met some really nasty, wicked, judgemental, so called "seasoned" Christians, who know a lot less about God's love, grace and mercy than newer Christians do! I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter how long you've been a Christian, it's what's in your heart that counts. But, that's a whole other message.
I grew up trick or treating. So, before the Halloween Ban, my girl's had always been allowed to participate in Halloween. We'd be so excited hunting for the best costume! Each Halloween, we couldn't wait to get dressed up and visit the neighbors to show off their costumes. For us, it was all about what we wore and the free candy! I loved seeing the faces on the neighborhood kids when they were filled with excitement as they knocked on our door! Halloween never changed who we were or our love for God. As for me, I just wanted the Reese Cup's and a Snickers Bars! But, I want to make something clear, I respect others decisions about Halloween and whether they choose to participate or not. I'm not judging the Perry's or anyone else that chooses not to go trick or treating. And I know that some parts of Halloween have been turned into evil by others. So, don't hear what I'm not saying. This is a family's decision and noone, trick or treaters, or non trick or treaters, should be judged for their decision. If those of us who don't feel conviction about dressing up, having a party or trick or treating are wrong, then we have Someone much bigger and better to answer to than our critics one day. Until then, there's a lot more important things to fight about than Halloween. How about the abortion issue for one? I digressed again. On with the recap!
In the girls' scene at the costume shop, Teryn references the church people coming to "burn our stuff." I remember that day well. So, when Teryn curtsied and said, "Hello, we are here (from the church) to burn your things", I fell on the floor laughing! Dear God, I was so confused back then and I thank you God for Your deliverance! I loved how Kendra looked out for her sisters. Admittedly, I'm so thankful they didn't show up in those outfits.
I'm not a fan of horror movies (although it's weird that I admit loving the Walking Dead Series), so when Kolby asked to go to the haunted house with her friends, I told her I didn't think it was a good idea. Aside from the Lord, I know my daughter better than anyone else on the planet. I knew this was not a good idea. She pressed to go, so I finally decided she was old enough to make her own decision about this. I reminded her how much she hates stuff like that (she doesn't watch horror flicks either), but she insisted she'd be ok. Watching her reaction at the haunted house made me sad for her, but I couldn't help myself. I laughed a few times too! As our kids grow up, I understand that we must let them make their own decisions and pray they'll learn from them. I don't think there's any question that this is one event Kolby won't be repeating anytime in the future, if ever. Kolby suffers from ashthma, so when she started having trouble breathing, that wasn't an act. I'm praising God that she didn't have a full blown attack and make it to the "light" of the fire. I don't understand why people pay other people to scare the crap out of them, but to each their own.
I loved seeing my precious granddaughter Salem on the show tonight. Isn't she adorable?! She's wrapped around my fingers and knows it. Trick or Treating with Nikita was a little uncomfortable at first, but by the time the party rolled around, it was cool. What I didn't realize was how short and risque that nurse outfit was till I saw it on TV! While I was getting ready, I kept asking the girls, "Are you sure this isn't too much?" They were like, "No, Mommy, you look awesome!" Liars:)! If I had it to do over again, I would have NEVER worn the nurse's outfit. It was a little more than I would have liked. But, it's too late now. I'll just have to learn from it. You should have seen the other one! I love the whole nurse idea and giving out the test results, I just wish I would have used better judgement with the outfit. My bad. I can't take all the credit for the STD test prank either. One of my closest frirends, Andrea, helped me come up with that idea. I thought it was hilarious and fun. Kolby's friends loved it, but I didn't mean to embarass her. I need to be a little more careful about my actions in the future. Embarassing Kolby is not something I enjoy, believe it or not. My sense of humor seems to be humor me more than anyone else!
I was genuinely shocked when the guys walked in shirtless with their swim trunks on. Besides the fact that it was freezing outside, I couldn't believe they'd show up at my house like that! It was funny, though. The party was a success and everyone had a great time.
When I walked outside and caught Kolby and her friends TP'ing my house, I wanted to bust out laughing, but I couldn't! I had to seem a little ticked off so they wouldn't think I approved, but I thought it was adorable. And if TP'ing my house is the worst thing Kolby does to prank me, I can live with that! The bigger prank was sticking me with cleaning it up and leaving me alone with Nikita to do it. Seriously?! To this day, every time I mow my grass, I find pieces of toilet paper!
Another great episode! Next week, it's all about the ink. I'm not a fan, never liked them, especially on girls. And even more so on my own daughters. But, as you'll see next week, I had no power to stop it.
See you on Lifetime!
The Coleman Family: First of all, thank God that Pastor Ken is out of the hospital and doing well! We are praying and believing God for his complete healing. He's such a wonderful man. I was so impressed and proud of Taylor for the decisions she made on tonight's episode. I've been telling you guys to she was awesome! She's a young woman with a precious, pure heart who loves her family and Jesus. It was so cool to watch her leading worship, what a voice! I believe God is going to do mighty things through Taylor. My heart broke for Marie tonight. I hated seeing her cry. What a strong woman she is. Pastor Ken is blessed. I fall more in love with the Coleman's every week!
The Perry Family: To trick or treat or not to trick of treat? That was the question. I admire this family very much. I highly respect that Mark and Cheryl stick to their convictions, yet they didn't judge Olivia when she decided to take Eden out to trick or treat. Their harvest gathering may have freaked some of you out, but I've been at services like that. They can be very powerful and healing. I learned tonight through this family that we do have to allow our children to make their own decision. Olivia stood her ground and made a decision based on what she thought was best for Eden. Whether others agreed with her decision or not, it was her decision to make. There are times I don't agree with Teryn and Chad about decisions they make pertaining to my granddaughter, but she's their daughter, not mine. It was sweet that Olivia's sister supported her and went with her trick or treating. Sisters are awesome! I'm blessed that my girls have eachother. I fully understand that some things you want to talk about with a sister, not your mother. I'm not offended by that whatsoever. They are blessed to have eachother. This family continues to make me go "ahhh" every week! Love you Perry's!
The Koloffs: When I saw the previews for this episode and the girls trying on costumes, I thought, "Oh, no, what did my girls do?!" But, when I watched it, I couldn't stop laughing! They had such a great time and who doesn't like dressing up for fun? I won't lie, some of those outfits were a little much, but I know my girl's hearts and nobody got hurt. My only complaint was I wished I'd been there with them!
Many years ago, I admit now, that we went a little overboard to "clean" our house out of anything our church deamed evil! I'm not talking just spirits (although we did that too), I'm talking about CD's and Movies! I loved my 70's classics, yet I was encouraged to get rid of anything that wasn't Christian. I think I cried when I had to say good bye to Bread, Eagles and Chicago! Teryn and Tawni had to gather up all their Disney Movies for the bonfire. They never understood why (I didn't either really). It makes me sad to think about it. Looking back, I want to laugh and cry for what we put those girls through.
Here's a little background information.When Nikita and I got saved, which means we accepted Jesus Christ into our hearts as our Savior, the church we attended at the time believed some practices were unacceptable, one being Halloween any movies over PG, any kind of music other than Christian and so on. Although, I rarely agreed, I didn't want to rebel, so I caved to the church and Nikita's ban on Halloween. Honestly, it made me sad, but at the time, I felt it was the right thing to do as a new Christian. I figured these people knew more than I did because they'd been in church a lot longer than me. Since then I've met some really nasty, wicked, judgemental, so called "seasoned" Christians, who know a lot less about God's love, grace and mercy than newer Christians do! I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter how long you've been a Christian, it's what's in your heart that counts. But, that's a whole other message.
I grew up trick or treating. So, before the Halloween Ban, my girl's had always been allowed to participate in Halloween. We'd be so excited hunting for the best costume! Each Halloween, we couldn't wait to get dressed up and visit the neighbors to show off their costumes. For us, it was all about what we wore and the free candy! I loved seeing the faces on the neighborhood kids when they were filled with excitement as they knocked on our door! Halloween never changed who we were or our love for God. As for me, I just wanted the Reese Cup's and a Snickers Bars! But, I want to make something clear, I respect others decisions about Halloween and whether they choose to participate or not. I'm not judging the Perry's or anyone else that chooses not to go trick or treating. And I know that some parts of Halloween have been turned into evil by others. So, don't hear what I'm not saying. This is a family's decision and noone, trick or treaters, or non trick or treaters, should be judged for their decision. If those of us who don't feel conviction about dressing up, having a party or trick or treating are wrong, then we have Someone much bigger and better to answer to than our critics one day. Until then, there's a lot more important things to fight about than Halloween. How about the abortion issue for one? I digressed again. On with the recap!
In the girls' scene at the costume shop, Teryn references the church people coming to "burn our stuff." I remember that day well. So, when Teryn curtsied and said, "Hello, we are here (from the church) to burn your things", I fell on the floor laughing! Dear God, I was so confused back then and I thank you God for Your deliverance! I loved how Kendra looked out for her sisters. Admittedly, I'm so thankful they didn't show up in those outfits.
I'm not a fan of horror movies (although it's weird that I admit loving the Walking Dead Series), so when Kolby asked to go to the haunted house with her friends, I told her I didn't think it was a good idea. Aside from the Lord, I know my daughter better than anyone else on the planet. I knew this was not a good idea. She pressed to go, so I finally decided she was old enough to make her own decision about this. I reminded her how much she hates stuff like that (she doesn't watch horror flicks either), but she insisted she'd be ok. Watching her reaction at the haunted house made me sad for her, but I couldn't help myself. I laughed a few times too! As our kids grow up, I understand that we must let them make their own decisions and pray they'll learn from them. I don't think there's any question that this is one event Kolby won't be repeating anytime in the future, if ever. Kolby suffers from ashthma, so when she started having trouble breathing, that wasn't an act. I'm praising God that she didn't have a full blown attack and make it to the "light" of the fire. I don't understand why people pay other people to scare the crap out of them, but to each their own.
I loved seeing my precious granddaughter Salem on the show tonight. Isn't she adorable?! She's wrapped around my fingers and knows it. Trick or Treating with Nikita was a little uncomfortable at first, but by the time the party rolled around, it was cool. What I didn't realize was how short and risque that nurse outfit was till I saw it on TV! While I was getting ready, I kept asking the girls, "Are you sure this isn't too much?" They were like, "No, Mommy, you look awesome!" Liars:)! If I had it to do over again, I would have NEVER worn the nurse's outfit. It was a little more than I would have liked. But, it's too late now. I'll just have to learn from it. You should have seen the other one! I love the whole nurse idea and giving out the test results, I just wish I would have used better judgement with the outfit. My bad. I can't take all the credit for the STD test prank either. One of my closest frirends, Andrea, helped me come up with that idea. I thought it was hilarious and fun. Kolby's friends loved it, but I didn't mean to embarass her. I need to be a little more careful about my actions in the future. Embarassing Kolby is not something I enjoy, believe it or not. My sense of humor seems to be humor me more than anyone else!
I was genuinely shocked when the guys walked in shirtless with their swim trunks on. Besides the fact that it was freezing outside, I couldn't believe they'd show up at my house like that! It was funny, though. The party was a success and everyone had a great time.
When I walked outside and caught Kolby and her friends TP'ing my house, I wanted to bust out laughing, but I couldn't! I had to seem a little ticked off so they wouldn't think I approved, but I thought it was adorable. And if TP'ing my house is the worst thing Kolby does to prank me, I can live with that! The bigger prank was sticking me with cleaning it up and leaving me alone with Nikita to do it. Seriously?! To this day, every time I mow my grass, I find pieces of toilet paper!
Another great episode! Next week, it's all about the ink. I'm not a fan, never liked them, especially on girls. And even more so on my own daughters. But, as you'll see next week, I had no power to stop it.
See you on Lifetime!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Episode 5 - Recap
Another great episode! I grow more proud of this show every week. Last night during a Reese Cup run for Kolby and I, the cashier looked at me and said, "Hey, I was watching TV last night and for whatever reason decided to watch this show on Lifetime. As I was watching, I said to my husband, I know her! She shops at our store all the time!" She went on to ask me if I'd lost weight! Apparently, she said I looked heavier on the show than in person! I assured her that I haven't lost weight, but that it must be true the TV adds 10 lbs! Anyway, she went on to tell me that she'd decided not to watch the show based on the previews she'd seen a month earlier. Then she said something I've been hearing a lot lately. "Your show is nothing like I thought it would be! I'm so glad I took the time to watch it. You guys are really teaching something through your show and I loved it! I really really liked it!" That made my night. I have a challenge for those of you who've done the same thing this woman admitted to doing. If you're still judging the show based on something you saw in a preview or heard from someone else who hasn't watched, I dare you to take the time to watch it. You don't have to tell anybody, just wait till noone's home! Go on, I double dare you! On with the recap.
The Coleman Family - Once again, we see Taylor going behind her parent's back when she and her friends decide to participate modeling for Demotious'(?) CD Cover. What would Pastor Ken and Marie say? I know what I'd say, but I'll save that for when I see Taylor in person again. I'll start with this, "Girl, what are you thinking?!" Side note: Girls, be careful what "pictures" you take with any guy! Even though you send in text messages, put on Facebook or any social media. They could come back to haunt you later! I digressed. Ok, so Taylor's sister, Kendra, tries her best to help Taylor listen and explain to her that lying and sneaking behind her parents backs is wrong, but Taylor, like many teenagers, decides to do what she wants, without any regard to anyone else. Typical teenage behavior. It doesn't make it right and I'm not condoning it, I'm just calling it what it is. While Taylor is busy posing, we see her mother, Marie, frantically calling her cell because Pastor Ken has been taken to the hospital. But, like lots of teens, Taylor doesn't answer her phone. I know exactly how that feels! I absolutely hate when Kolby doesn't answer her phone! I don't expect her to stop anything she's doing to answer, but if a parent calls you, you need to answer or call them back! Especially if your parents (like Kolby's) are paying your phone bill! Anyway, when Taylor finally gets word that her father's been taken to the hospital, she's genuinely crushed. It's unfortunate that sometimes it takes a tragedy to get our attention. Taylor showed true remorse tonight for some of her actions. I believe that what's going on with Taylor isn't just a "guilt" trip, but a true change in her heart for what she's put her parents through. It was emotional to witness her transformation before our eyes. I love how Jesus pierces our heart to get our attention! I teared up during Taylors heartfelt, beautiful prayer. Pastor Coleman is dealing with health issues that he will reveal in his time. Please pray for him. My assessment of Taylor is the same. She's a sweet, precious young woman just trying to find her way.
The Perry Family - Frankie? Oh, Frankie? Where for art thou Frankie? I'd like to sit down and have 5 minutes with that guy! Girls these days struggle with self esteem issues everyday. I'm convinced that God is so disappointed in men and the way they've treated women. Believe it or not, God called men to a higher standard than this. Guys like Frankie who tell a girl (woman) who manipulate someone, tell her what he knows she wants to hear, whether it's true or not, only to find out later they were lying snakes (I've had my share too) disgust me. I felt horrible for Olivia. She opened up for the first time since giving birth to Eden, allows herself to become vulnerable, even bringing him into her home to break bread with her family and then he shuts her out of his life! Then, come to find out he's already got a girlfriend!? Olivia, he doesn't deserve you. As Forrest would say, "Run, Olivia, Run!" It may hurt right now, Olivia, but Frankie showing his true colors is a blessing in disguise. And I absolutely loved seeing Cheryl in action tonight (I want to see more of her!). She is the kind, gentle mother everyone dreams of having! Mark is a blessed man and here's the beauty of that statement. He knows it and cherishes the women in his life. It is quite obvious that Mark has his priorities straight. Pastors should take notes!
Now, The Koloff Family - One of the most asked questions this week? Did you know Nikita was at the door? I had a suspicion that he was, but once again, my family did a great job of keeping their little scheme a secret. The viewer literally witnessed one of the first one-on-one conversations we've had in years. Even before our divorce was final and we were living under the same roof, we didn't speak. We slept in separate rooms a year before he actually moved out. We barely spoke even years before that, so it's safe to safe that this time together was the first in easily well over 10 years.
Although I was nervous and it was uncomfortable, I'm very thankful that I decided to go. Nikita has made it perfectly clear that his way of healing from our divorce was not to speak to me all these years. All of us deal with loss in our own way. There were many times I called him over the years to talk about the girls and he'd never call me back. Now, I get it. I'm glad he was able to explain it to me. Communication is my gift (I like to talk, duh!), by his admission, it was never his. I keep hearing that night referred to as a "date". Well, I don't call it that. For me, it was more of a "healing" dinner. That dinner lasted almost 2 hours, yet you only saw a couple of minutes! There were many more heated, awkward moments that you may never see. The girls' and I watch the show together every week. Since it's been several months since that scene was shot, I couldn't possibly remember our entire conversation. As we watched along with you, my heart broke for them as they sat and heard their father stumble through my question about his priorities.
One of the greatest mistakes I've seen men (and women) in ministry make is putting everyone else above their family. This is not God's will! Yes, the girls were hurt by what Nikita couldn't say, but I wouldn't say they were surprised. When Nikita and I were married, sometimes it felt like we were roommates more than husband and wife. It was a very sad, unhappy marriage and we made our family miserable. It's tragic, but too many people in ministry put their families last. I will say this again, this is not God's heart! Throughout our marriage, Nikita traveled extensively preaching the gospel. He is one of the best preachers, to this day, that I've ever heard! But, our marriage and family suffered because of it. I don't believe this was ever God's intention when He called Nikita to preach. He was an excellent financial provider and still is the most discipled man I've ever known. Many times, by Nikita's admission, I had to play dual roles as mother and father. That's not God's design. It's sad to say, but some people in ministry believe they're doing the right thing by putting ministry before family. In my opionion, they're mistaken. I do want to make something clear here. Nikita is not a bad man. He loves his daughters. And he wasn't the only one in this marriage. It took two of us to destroy it.
Some things may never change and there comes a time when you just have to accept that. Even when we're not the priority we should be to someone else, we are a high priority to God.
During that scene Tuesday night, my son-in-law walked out of the room. He was very angry. He called me the next day to tell me how sorry he was for me and the girls. He went on to explain how his own pastor father would cancel speaking/preaching engagements just to be at his baseball games or other events that were important to him. He went on to say that he appreciated his dad so much more for placing his family above his ministry.
Again, let me stress this point. I don't want to sound like I'm trying to throw Nikita under the bus because that is not my intention. Our marriage failed because both of us made mistakes. But, this particular episode is an opportunity for all of us in ministry to realize that God places high priority on our families and we should also. I think if you can't do this, you should stay single. It's my opinion that the correct priorities are God, family, others then self. You may differ in that opinion, but this is my blog so I get to share mine! :)
I've had countless emails since Tuesday night's episode from wives and children who've told me they know exactly how the girl's and I feel. They've told me that they cried through that whole scene because that's how their preacher husband/father treats them. It's heartbreaking. Although to some, it may seem admirable that a man/woman in ministry sells out to God, and it is, but it isn't Godly to put your wife/husband and children last. Chad went on to tell me that when he and Teryn were alone after the show, he told her how sorry he was that she grew up knowing she wasn't her dad's priority (unfortunately for Teryn and Tawni, they weren't a priority to their bio dad either). Chad said he held her and made her a promise. He promised her that she and Salem would always know they came second only to God. That blessed me. Your Dad doesn't have to be a pastor to neglect his family. Lots of fathers neglect their families, so do some mothers. I meant when I told Nikita that "every girl/woman wants to feel she's a priority in her father/husbands life". It's the truth. It's what every girl/woman longs for. That's how God made females. If you don't like it, take it up with Him! Again, I'm very thankful that I went to dinner with him. My goal is that this is the beginning of moving past the hurt we've caused eachother and starting a new relationship that benefits our children. Whatever God's plans for Nikita and I will be in our best interest.
I loved my "tea time" with Kolby and our conversations. I wanted to make something perfectly clear to her. They deserve a man who will love them with a love they've never experienced, a man who will cherish them and place their importance only after God. This is what I believe God's heart is in regards to a man's love for a woman. I pray their future husband would "lay his life down for her." She and her sisters deserve the kind of love I've never had. I truly believe as they continue to seek God's face and His will for their lives, they will one day have that. And that makes this mother very happy! I'm convinced that women like me who've searched and searched for this kind of love have continually gotten involved with the wrong men. When a man pays us the kind of attention we crave, we cling to that man and then pay for it later. I refuse to allow that to happen to me again. And I refuse to sit back and do nothing or watch that happen to one of my girls. I always say, "it is better to be single, than wish you were."
I've come to terms with the fact that I may never find what I've longed for all my life, but here's what's been liberating for me. I'm finally ok with that. I know that I know that I'm all that and more to Jesus Christ and He's more than enough for me.
The Coleman Family - Once again, we see Taylor going behind her parent's back when she and her friends decide to participate modeling for Demotious'(?) CD Cover. What would Pastor Ken and Marie say? I know what I'd say, but I'll save that for when I see Taylor in person again. I'll start with this, "Girl, what are you thinking?!" Side note: Girls, be careful what "pictures" you take with any guy! Even though you send in text messages, put on Facebook or any social media. They could come back to haunt you later! I digressed. Ok, so Taylor's sister, Kendra, tries her best to help Taylor listen and explain to her that lying and sneaking behind her parents backs is wrong, but Taylor, like many teenagers, decides to do what she wants, without any regard to anyone else. Typical teenage behavior. It doesn't make it right and I'm not condoning it, I'm just calling it what it is. While Taylor is busy posing, we see her mother, Marie, frantically calling her cell because Pastor Ken has been taken to the hospital. But, like lots of teens, Taylor doesn't answer her phone. I know exactly how that feels! I absolutely hate when Kolby doesn't answer her phone! I don't expect her to stop anything she's doing to answer, but if a parent calls you, you need to answer or call them back! Especially if your parents (like Kolby's) are paying your phone bill! Anyway, when Taylor finally gets word that her father's been taken to the hospital, she's genuinely crushed. It's unfortunate that sometimes it takes a tragedy to get our attention. Taylor showed true remorse tonight for some of her actions. I believe that what's going on with Taylor isn't just a "guilt" trip, but a true change in her heart for what she's put her parents through. It was emotional to witness her transformation before our eyes. I love how Jesus pierces our heart to get our attention! I teared up during Taylors heartfelt, beautiful prayer. Pastor Coleman is dealing with health issues that he will reveal in his time. Please pray for him. My assessment of Taylor is the same. She's a sweet, precious young woman just trying to find her way.
The Perry Family - Frankie? Oh, Frankie? Where for art thou Frankie? I'd like to sit down and have 5 minutes with that guy! Girls these days struggle with self esteem issues everyday. I'm convinced that God is so disappointed in men and the way they've treated women. Believe it or not, God called men to a higher standard than this. Guys like Frankie who tell a girl (woman) who manipulate someone, tell her what he knows she wants to hear, whether it's true or not, only to find out later they were lying snakes (I've had my share too) disgust me. I felt horrible for Olivia. She opened up for the first time since giving birth to Eden, allows herself to become vulnerable, even bringing him into her home to break bread with her family and then he shuts her out of his life! Then, come to find out he's already got a girlfriend!? Olivia, he doesn't deserve you. As Forrest would say, "Run, Olivia, Run!" It may hurt right now, Olivia, but Frankie showing his true colors is a blessing in disguise. And I absolutely loved seeing Cheryl in action tonight (I want to see more of her!). She is the kind, gentle mother everyone dreams of having! Mark is a blessed man and here's the beauty of that statement. He knows it and cherishes the women in his life. It is quite obvious that Mark has his priorities straight. Pastors should take notes!
Now, The Koloff Family - One of the most asked questions this week? Did you know Nikita was at the door? I had a suspicion that he was, but once again, my family did a great job of keeping their little scheme a secret. The viewer literally witnessed one of the first one-on-one conversations we've had in years. Even before our divorce was final and we were living under the same roof, we didn't speak. We slept in separate rooms a year before he actually moved out. We barely spoke even years before that, so it's safe to safe that this time together was the first in easily well over 10 years.
Although I was nervous and it was uncomfortable, I'm very thankful that I decided to go. Nikita has made it perfectly clear that his way of healing from our divorce was not to speak to me all these years. All of us deal with loss in our own way. There were many times I called him over the years to talk about the girls and he'd never call me back. Now, I get it. I'm glad he was able to explain it to me. Communication is my gift (I like to talk, duh!), by his admission, it was never his. I keep hearing that night referred to as a "date". Well, I don't call it that. For me, it was more of a "healing" dinner. That dinner lasted almost 2 hours, yet you only saw a couple of minutes! There were many more heated, awkward moments that you may never see. The girls' and I watch the show together every week. Since it's been several months since that scene was shot, I couldn't possibly remember our entire conversation. As we watched along with you, my heart broke for them as they sat and heard their father stumble through my question about his priorities.
One of the greatest mistakes I've seen men (and women) in ministry make is putting everyone else above their family. This is not God's will! Yes, the girls were hurt by what Nikita couldn't say, but I wouldn't say they were surprised. When Nikita and I were married, sometimes it felt like we were roommates more than husband and wife. It was a very sad, unhappy marriage and we made our family miserable. It's tragic, but too many people in ministry put their families last. I will say this again, this is not God's heart! Throughout our marriage, Nikita traveled extensively preaching the gospel. He is one of the best preachers, to this day, that I've ever heard! But, our marriage and family suffered because of it. I don't believe this was ever God's intention when He called Nikita to preach. He was an excellent financial provider and still is the most discipled man I've ever known. Many times, by Nikita's admission, I had to play dual roles as mother and father. That's not God's design. It's sad to say, but some people in ministry believe they're doing the right thing by putting ministry before family. In my opionion, they're mistaken. I do want to make something clear here. Nikita is not a bad man. He loves his daughters. And he wasn't the only one in this marriage. It took two of us to destroy it.
Some things may never change and there comes a time when you just have to accept that. Even when we're not the priority we should be to someone else, we are a high priority to God.
During that scene Tuesday night, my son-in-law walked out of the room. He was very angry. He called me the next day to tell me how sorry he was for me and the girls. He went on to explain how his own pastor father would cancel speaking/preaching engagements just to be at his baseball games or other events that were important to him. He went on to say that he appreciated his dad so much more for placing his family above his ministry.
Again, let me stress this point. I don't want to sound like I'm trying to throw Nikita under the bus because that is not my intention. Our marriage failed because both of us made mistakes. But, this particular episode is an opportunity for all of us in ministry to realize that God places high priority on our families and we should also. I think if you can't do this, you should stay single. It's my opinion that the correct priorities are God, family, others then self. You may differ in that opinion, but this is my blog so I get to share mine! :)
I've had countless emails since Tuesday night's episode from wives and children who've told me they know exactly how the girl's and I feel. They've told me that they cried through that whole scene because that's how their preacher husband/father treats them. It's heartbreaking. Although to some, it may seem admirable that a man/woman in ministry sells out to God, and it is, but it isn't Godly to put your wife/husband and children last. Chad went on to tell me that when he and Teryn were alone after the show, he told her how sorry he was that she grew up knowing she wasn't her dad's priority (unfortunately for Teryn and Tawni, they weren't a priority to their bio dad either). Chad said he held her and made her a promise. He promised her that she and Salem would always know they came second only to God. That blessed me. Your Dad doesn't have to be a pastor to neglect his family. Lots of fathers neglect their families, so do some mothers. I meant when I told Nikita that "every girl/woman wants to feel she's a priority in her father/husbands life". It's the truth. It's what every girl/woman longs for. That's how God made females. If you don't like it, take it up with Him! Again, I'm very thankful that I went to dinner with him. My goal is that this is the beginning of moving past the hurt we've caused eachother and starting a new relationship that benefits our children. Whatever God's plans for Nikita and I will be in our best interest.
I loved my "tea time" with Kolby and our conversations. I wanted to make something perfectly clear to her. They deserve a man who will love them with a love they've never experienced, a man who will cherish them and place their importance only after God. This is what I believe God's heart is in regards to a man's love for a woman. I pray their future husband would "lay his life down for her." She and her sisters deserve the kind of love I've never had. I truly believe as they continue to seek God's face and His will for their lives, they will one day have that. And that makes this mother very happy! I'm convinced that women like me who've searched and searched for this kind of love have continually gotten involved with the wrong men. When a man pays us the kind of attention we crave, we cling to that man and then pay for it later. I refuse to allow that to happen to me again. And I refuse to sit back and do nothing or watch that happen to one of my girls. I always say, "it is better to be single, than wish you were."
I've come to terms with the fact that I may never find what I've longed for all my life, but here's what's been liberating for me. I'm finally ok with that. I know that I know that I'm all that and more to Jesus Christ and He's more than enough for me.
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