The morning started out with Donna Summer blasting through my IPod and thinking about you the whole time. I relived that day one year ago when I arrived at the hospital minutes after you drew your last breath. I'm so sorry I wasn't there sooner to usher you out of here. Thanks for forgiving me.
After breakfast, we drove to your final resting place. Terry bought you some beautiful flowers. You would have liked them. The rain was coming down so hard, but we dredged through the grass to stand beside you under our umbrellas. Terry asked Cody, "Is your Mom in there, Cody?" He said, "No, that's a shell, she's in Heaven." It was precious. After a few minutes, Tawni and the boys walked to the car and left me alone with you for a few minutes. I shared some of the crap going on in my life right now and you listened. As always. Tawni had to leave for work, but I rode back to your house with your boys. We had a great visit.
Terry agreed to let me take your car home so I can drive it to our getaway place next weekend. Yes, my Love, I finally did it! I reserved two nights stay at our favorite girls' getaway! Just like old times, I'm going for a relaxing weekend at our Chateau! It won't be the same without you and it's going to be excruciatingly hard, but it's time. I need to do this.
I'll be listening and singing to our favorite tunes during the 4 hour drive and you'll be right beside me the whole way. Melvin, our DJ, is still there too! He'll be playing our songs and I'll have to tell him you're gone. I know he'll be shocked, sad and miss seeing your beautiful face. And don't worry, I'll make sure he lets me sing "I Can't Make You Love Me" and that he plays "Last Dance" at midnight! Just like the 9 years before everytime we were there. Traditions can't be broken.
You'd be so proud of Bear Bear, Trud. She blessed me by paying for this weekend getaway. She knows I need it and insisted. She said this was her gift to us.
After I left your house, on my way home, I decided to go and "see" you again. I just wanted more time with you. The rain was still coming down hard, but I had my umbrella. When I pulled up to your resting place, I sat in your car trying to pull up "Last Dance" on my phone. (I finally figured out what PANDORA is!). Anyway, it took a few minutes, but soon Donna was coming through my speaker! I grabbed my umbrella and began to run so fast to your gravesite. Then, I noticed something. The rain stopped as soon as I reached you. It literally stopped. I knelt down as my IPhone played "Last Dance". I wanted to make sure you could hear it! I was laughing and crying at the same time. As soon as the song was over, I stood up, said good-bye to you and began my walk back to your car. As I did, the rain started again. It made me smile.
I miss you, my Love. The friendship we shared was once in a lifetime. I'm thankful for the 25 years we had together and trying to find joy in that instead of anger that you're gone.
By the time I reached your car, the next song started belting out of my phone. It was "Celebrate" by Kool & The Gang! I couldn't believe it! I knew you were letting me know you were ok as I heard the lyrics "there's a party going on right here, a celebration to last throughout the year". Thank you for that.
I smiled again.
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