Thankful....Yet Pissed

Lately, I've been thinking about Trudy more than usual.  There's just so much going on in my life that I want to tell her about, you know?  I miss our morning phone calls.  I miss our evening phone calls.  Those "throughout the day" phone calls.  Thank God for unlimited minutes.

Noone on this planet knew me as well as Trudy Taylor.  We were as close as two people could be.  When Trudy died, she truly took all my secrets with her.  And she knew ALL of them.  I was told the other day that our friendship was like those once in a lifetime kind and I should be thankful for the 25 years I had with her.  Trust me, I am.  But, I wanted more.  I'm crushed that I won't get them.  She had so much to live for and desperately wanted to.  I know God has a plan in everything He does.  But, I'm human.  I can't help questioning Him sometimes.  It's ok, He gets me. 

I am going to be 48 on June 2nd.  God willing, I should have at minimum 25 or more years left in me.  The thought of living without our friendship causes me to hyperventilate at times.  Seriously.

I see something, I want to call her.  I read something, I want to call her.  I buy a great outfit, I want to call her.  I speak at an event, I want to take her with me.  I'm upset, I want to tell her.  I can't.

Yes, God, I'm thankful for those 25 years, but I wanted 25 more.  I'm pissed that I won't get them.