Home

You know that feeling you get sometimes when you know something's coming, but aren't quite sure what it is. Lately, I've been having a lot of those moments. It's scary, yet exciting at the same time. I can't say for sure what mine or my families' future holds, only God knows that, but I'm hopeful it's going to be amazing. Sometimes changes are met with acceptance and other times they're not. I've gone through so many over the past several years, it's hard to keep count.
We've been living in Arizona for almost two years now. It's no secret to anyone who knows me that I hate it here. I find myself telling strangers on the street, the grocery checker and anyone else that will listen, that I can't wait to leave. Don't get me wrong. It's beautiful here and the people are friendly, I love my job and I've grown to care deeply for some wonderful people that I work with and met here. So, it's not that.

It's the geographical location. I absolutely loathe being so far away from my friends, but especially my family. I have so much family back east. My mom, my sister, my Granny, two of my daughters, and of course, my granddaughter, are all on the east coast and I feel such a sense of helplessness that I can't get in my car and drive a few hours to be with them when or if they need me or vice versa! My Granny is, well, I better not say, but she's getting older. I want to spend her last years living close enough that I can visit her often. I know we're not promised tomorrow so I could leave this earth before her and then what? I would have spent my last years away from family? That would really suck.

A house is a building that you live in. It's a place where you keep your stuff. My house feels like I'm living in a 3200 sq. ft hotel room. It just doesn't feel permanent to me, it never has. We've had plenty of great parties, game nights and cookouts and every window has gorgeous views of the mountains and we've loved our "fire pit" nights, but its always felt like something's missing. I can't really explain it. Yes, the Lord has truly blessed us with a beautiful, comfortable house to live in and we are truly grateful to Him for that. But a home really is where your heart is and mine has never been in Arizona. I've learned a lot in two years of living this far away from my family. As I've grown older (and I keep doing that everyday!), I understand more and more how important family is and how truly short life is. I've learned that there truly is a difference between living in a house and living in a home.

I don't know what's coming, but without a doubt, I know this......I want to go home.