Happy Birthday To Me!

It's my birthday today.  I was born in 1964, so you can do the numbers if it's that big of a deal.  I still feel like I'm in my 20's, some say I look like I'm still in my 30's and I wouldn't trade the wisdom age has brought me for anything (ok, maybe there is something, but I'll keep that to myself).
I look in the mirror at this woman who is definitely changing and I think, "Who are you and what have you done with me?"  I don't feel as "mature" as my body's telling me I am, which causes this conflict within me.  I heard an 80 year old woman say once that on the inside she's in her 20's, it's the outside that's not cooperating.  I so get that!

Yes, today is my birthday. Sadly, it feels like any other day. It's just not that big of a deal anymore when you get to be my age and that kinda, sorta sucks. Sure, I miss the excitement of a huge birthday party and lots of presents. I miss my dad calling me at 12:01 saying "Happy Birthday Baby Girl!" Come to think of it, I miss a lot of things. Not trying to sound like I'm having a pity party over here because I'm not. I have a great life. I have challenges and obstacles to overcome like everyone else, but I'm truly blessed. Most days for me are special. I have a fantastic family, amazing friends, an incredible career, a nice home and I'm a grandmother to a fantastic kid! 

In the 48 years of my life, I've been married (more than once), I've fallen in love (more than once), I've hurt others (more than once), I've disappointed myself (more than once), I've made mistakes (more than once), I've lied (more than once), I've had children (more than once) and I've cried (more than once).

Life experiences make you better or bitter.  I'd like to think, for the most part, I'm better.  It's not that I haven't had experiences that have made me bitter, don't get me wrong, but I've tried my best not to stay there.  I'm a work in progress. I may not be where I need to be, but thank God, I'm not where I used to be either!

So, Happy Birthday to Me.  I've said that before (more than once).

Happy Birthday My Lil Pooks

Three years ago today, the most wonderful thing happened in my life.  My oldest daughter, Teryn and her husband, Chad, blessed me with a granddaughter.  Our lives have never been the same.
This tiny person has made such a huge impact on our family since the day she was born.  She's brought us closer together, given us hope when we had none, made us smile when we didn't feel like it and keeps us laughing all the time.  Some days, I just stare at her and tear up at the happiness she brings to my heart.  When I'm going through something rough, I drive to her house just to play with her.  And I forget my troubles.  She truly is "my heart walking around" and makes me want to live longer.

Being a grandmother is one of the greatest joys and blessings I've ever experienced in my life.  I can't imagine our lives without her.  She's got this amazing personality!  She's so smart, funny, sweet, kind and just an all around amazing, little girl! 

I'm convinced that grandchildren are God's reward and blessing to us for putting up with our own children's crap!  So, hang in there, Mom's and Dad's.  If you're experiencing frustration, pulling your hair out, locking yourself in your room or anything else right at this moment, dealing with a mouthy teenager, a toddler's temper tantrum or a sloppy, lazy kid, be patient, it gets better!

Because one day, the grandchildren will arrive.  You get to spoil them, play with them, feed them sugar, soda, be a hero, never say no and bask in their unconditional love.  You get to have all the fun you want with them and it's a blast!  You can pick them up when you want to and have sleepovers.  It's like this great, fun time that you can have anytime you choose!

Then, you experience a little bit of satisfaction when you send them home filled with sugar to those same kids who are driving you crazy today! :) Grandparenting is a beautiful thing.

Happy Birthday, Salem Sophia!  Mimi loves you "high as the sky, deep as the sea, and all the air that's in between."

Blog Name Change!

Please note that I've changed my blog url name url to www.RobinVictoria.blogpost.com  My given name is Robin Victoria (Robinson).  Professionally, I've decided to use my first and middle names from now on.  I have my reasons, of which you will know soon enough :)  I will also use Robin Victoria for my FOXSports Radio Show, "Real Talk".

Thanks for being faithful readers!  So much more to come, I promise.  You won't want to miss all the good, bad and ugly going on in my family's life or the hard core thouhts and opinions you may or may not disagree with!

Be blessed friends!
Victoria

All Mistakes Are Forgiven.....Every One of Them

I don't think I've ever shared this with my reader's.  So, I thought it was past due.
I hope you'll watch.  God takes anything the enemy meant for harming or destroying us and turns it into good for His purposes.
I'm a living testimony.  Follow the link below.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFYssR4Ypmk

Suicide Sucks

Suicide.  I hate that word.  It's so mysterious and brings feelings that are very uncomfortable.  Yesterday, the cops are saying that one of our friends did it.  I just don't know that I believe that.

The times I was around this person, he was always so upbeat, the "life of the party".   Constantly taking care of his guests, making sure your wine glass was full and you had enough to eat.  It was evident that he wanted you to feel welcome in his home and to have a great time.  You'd never have suspected he was dealing with inner demons or depression.  He had a beautiful wife and two young daughters, who adored him.  This guy absolutely loved entertaining and enjoyed cooking seven course meals for you!   His cook-outs were not your typical hot dog and hamburger's.  He was funny, incredibly friendly, witty, kind, generous, sweet, light-hearted and had a great laugh.  Now, he's dead.  Not because he was sick with cancer or in a car accident, but because a bullet ended his life.

I'm so pissed off!  I've been thinking about him a lot, remembering how infectious his enthusiasm for life was.  Now, I'm picturing his little girl's faces when their mother had to tell them their Daddy was never coming home.  I'm feeling so many emotions.  Sadness, pity, anger!  Did he really do this to his family and if so, how could he do this to them?  You could see when you were around him that he loved his family very much.  So, why in the hell would he leave them this way?!  He couldn't have been in his right mind.  There's no way anyone who kills themselves is thinking clearly.  His body hadn't died, but had his mind?  It had to have been an accident.  There is no way this could have been intentional. 
I'm feeling guilt.  It's deep and puzzling to me because it wasn't like I was one of his closest friends.  But, there's this guilt nevertheless.  Did a disease called depression kill our friend?  If so, maybe I'm angry because noone saw this coming.  But, that's not fair either.  We can't blame ourselves for choices people make.  Can we?  Do we look for something or someone to blame because if we can find it, a tragedy like this is easier to take?  This guy  had a life that was blessed!  His family and friends were robbed.  I'm so friggin' angry about it!
My heart is heavy with sadness.  If he did this deliberately, it's so messed up!  There's no taking it back.  And if he did do this, it's heartbreaking that he was so distressed and convinced this was his only answer.  I know depression is real, an illness.  You can only go to a very dark place to believe your only solution is a premature exit.   
Here are some facts that have come to light recently.  He bought plane tickets for he and his girls to visit family out of the country this week for a 3 week visit!  Right before setting out on his walk, he was bidding on e-bay.  He had camping trips planned.  Does someone really do these things if they're about to kill themselves? I'm more and more convinced that this had to have been a freak, unfortunate accident.

For now, police have ruled his death a suicide.  I'm just not so sure.  An accident makes much more sense. 

So many unanswered questions never to be answered.  No matter what, he's gone and it sucks.

15 Words of Wisdom

1. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

2. Dear God, I have a problem, it' s Me.

3. Growing old is inevitable ... growing UP is optional.

4. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.

5. Silence is often misinterpreted but never misquoted.

6. Do the math .... count your blessings.

7. Faith is the ability to not panic.

8. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.

9. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you pray, don't worry.

10. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home everyday.

11. Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.

12. The most important things in your house are the people.

13. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.

14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.

15 . He who dies with the most toys is still dead.

Big Mouth

I really don't mean to piss people off.  It is not something I set out to do, although some people in my life would probably disagree.  Now, unless you're one of my ex-husbands (of which I have 2 that deserve it), you're wrong.

Yes, I have strong opinions, a big mouth, I'm bold and I have a strong faith.  With that kind of combination, you're bound to piss someone off once in a while.  I get it.  I own the fact that I piss people off, but they piss me off too!  Sometimes, the ignorant things they say piss me off.  Sometimes, the way someone acts will piss me off.  And although I try my best to value each person's right to believe whatever they want to, at times, the more radical and tolerant their beliefs become piss me off too. That doesn't mean I "disown" them.  I have friends and family that don't feel the same as I do on certain issues.  I still love them, we just agree to disagree and drop it.  I don't have to agree with what you say and vice versa.  But, I still have the right to believe you're wrong.

Is my faith stronger than a friendship?  The answer is yes.  If you had a friend or relative that was narcissistic, pressuring you into drinking (when you're sober), setting you up with someone (when you're married), making fun of you all the time, etc. etc., do you wish that person well, love them in spite of it, but move on?  Some people I can spend 1 week with, others a day.  Still, there are some, an hour of my time is plenty.

I love Jesus.  I love His Father too and the Holy Spirit's been really good to me.  But, being a professing Christian in no way means I'm perfect or flawless.  Trust me (or just ask my daughters!).  I'm FAR from anywhere close to the Christian I should be.  I think I relate better with David than any other character in the Bible.  Here's a guy who was after God's heart, yet he was a constant sinner, a murdererer, a liar, and even an adulterer!  Yet, David truly loved God.

There are some people who like to question my Christianity because I dare to question their belief system or where it came from.  They love to quote scripture, "thou shalt not judge."  Yes, you're absolutely right!  That's God's job and He'll perform it to perfection one day for each of us after we draw our last breath.  It's funny that those people who LOVE to quote Scripture only believe the parts of the Bible that are convenient for them at the time.

But, Jesus NEVER said to tolerate sin.  NEVER.  Yes, He said, "love thy neighbor", He said, "love one another as I have loved you".  But, He NEVER said "thou shalt tolerate each other's sins, accept them and let's everybody just get along!"  I don't know what Bible you're reading, if any, but He NEVER said that.  You won't find it in there.

We live in a world today that becomes more tolerant of sin every day.  We have become desensitized to sin that happens right in front of our eyes.  Everywhere you look, even Christians, are settling and becoming more and more complacent to what's going on around us for fear of "offending" someone.  Some are trying to do something about it, while others do nothing.  Show me in Scripture where Jesus calls us to be popular or go along with the crowd for the sake of being uncomfortable.  Show me.


So, if I piss you off, I don't mean to, I really don't! And I thank you in advance for loving me anyway, as I will do my best to love you.

But, I've got a big mouth.  And I can't keep it shut.