We've all done it. Started it. Listened in on it. Spread it or at the very least, participated in it. What I'm referring to is gossip.
What a nasty little word. And deadly. The damage it can cause can be devastating to someone's life. Yet, most people continue to do it. I am convinced that gossip hurts people more than the truth does. I'm a witness.
As you know, I've recently gone through a divorce. I've said in previous blogs that I've learned a lot about myself these past two years and it's true. But, I've also learned even more about other people. I'm not referring to their personal lives, but their character. I've also learned who my true friends are and can tell you that this was one of the hardest lessons of them all.
Have you ever gotten that phone call from a friend or colleague where they just HAVE to tell you something? You know what I mean. They just heard some news and they just had to share it with you. It goes something like this, "Hi. How are you? Good, good. Hey, did you hear about...? I just thought you'd like to know." Or I just love this one, "You know I'm a Christian so I'm not trying to gossip, but I wanted to tell you about what I just heard so you can PRAY about it." I call this one "gossipping in the name of Jesus" gossip. This one is the most disturbing of all. How about next time instead of getting on the "prayer" (gossip) chain and asking for "prayer", you get on your own knees and pray for them yourself! This is one of the reasons that I'm convinced people don't go to church anymore. They witness for themselves how "Christians" judge, treat others and gossip and they want no part of it. Come on, let's not play dumb. We all know what gossip looks, smells and tastes like.
Why is it that so many people get joy out of gossiping about someone's life or misfortune? I have no place for people like this in my life. As a matter of fact, I've lost friends because of it. For whatever reason, there are some who like to gossip about me. I've had to develop thick skin over the years. It hasn't been easy, but with God's help, I've been able to it. He's showed me that it doesn't matter what anyone says or thinks about me, it only matters what He thinks. I love that.
You'd think that people have better things to do than go around talking or worrying about someone else's life? I guess not. Did you know that in the bible, God places a gossiper in the same category as a murderer! Ouch. This would be called a clue as to what He thinks about it.
Yes, we all do it or have done it at one time or another in our lives. No matter how you look at it, it's wrong. So the next time you find yourself eager to hear about someone's life or what so and so says or so and so did, try reading a book, take up a hobby, play a sport, workout or get a job. Obviously, you've got way too much time on your hands.
Or you could just heed this great advice:
"SHUT UP!"
Friday, February 15, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
I've fallen....on purpose!
If you have only been reading my blog and have failed to log onto the "blogs I read daily", you don't know what you're missing! Come on, get with the program. It's not like you have anything better to do than check out 7 blogs a day!! My sister's blog (a pilot's life for me), my daughter's blogs, they're all great!
Ok, so my sister's latest blog is about my nephew Nolan and the things he says. It's hilarious. All true too. And it got me thinking about something that one of my girl's said to me recently.
Since my daughter's were small, I have made a point to let them know how valuable I think they are, to me and to God. I was determined to instill in each of them confidence and high self esteem (not arrogance, but confidence, there's a difference!). One of the ways I did this was by letting them know that God had the very best in mind for their lives. I've always told them that the men that marry them are the four luckiest men on the planet. (just a bonus that they get me as a mother-in-law!)
As parent's, we sometimes make the mistake of believing that our children don't listen to what we say or do, but we're way wrong. At different times in my daughter's lives, there is something that I've always done and always will.
Picture this: One of them walks in the room, I fall on the floor in a faint like way and gasp as I'm looking up at them. They scream, "Mommy, what's the matter?" I say, gasping for air, "Of all the 10 year olds (or 4 year olds, or 18 or 22 year olds, depending on their age at the time) God gave me you and allowed me to be your mommy! I'm the luckiest woman in the world!" My girls (every one of them!) would look at me and say, a bit agitated, I might add, "Oh, Mommy, get up off the floor! Stop doing that! Why do you always have to do that!?"
Yea, it would hurt my feelings sometimes. But, I never let them know it. I didn't want to make them feel bad.
:)Sidenote: Teryn and Tawni are now married women. They've both told me that they loved it when I did that. I guess they just couldn't let me know it at the time. :)
A few months ago, I was having a bad day. A really bad day. I'm talking about one of those crying, don't want to get out of bed bad days, which I rarely have. Kolby, my youngest, was home with me. I tried to hide it, but she knew I was sad about something. I was lying on the couch when I heard Kolby screaming from upstairs, "Mommy, come here! Hurry, Mommy, I need you!"
As any good mother would do, I darted up the stairs to see what had happened to my beautiful, baby girl! Had she hurt herself? Did she burn herself with the curling iron....again? All I knew was I couldn't get to her fast enough.
When I reached her bedroom, Kolby was lying on the floor, gasping for air. I was in a panic! "Baby, what is it, are you alright? What happened?"
She looked up at me with those beautiful, huge brown eyes of hers and said, "Oh Mommy, out of all the Mommies in the world, God gave me you! I get to be your daughter! I am the luckiest girl in the world!"
And right at that moment, in a split second, I didn't even remember what I'd been crying about.
Ok, so my sister's latest blog is about my nephew Nolan and the things he says. It's hilarious. All true too. And it got me thinking about something that one of my girl's said to me recently.
Since my daughter's were small, I have made a point to let them know how valuable I think they are, to me and to God. I was determined to instill in each of them confidence and high self esteem (not arrogance, but confidence, there's a difference!). One of the ways I did this was by letting them know that God had the very best in mind for their lives. I've always told them that the men that marry them are the four luckiest men on the planet. (just a bonus that they get me as a mother-in-law!)
As parent's, we sometimes make the mistake of believing that our children don't listen to what we say or do, but we're way wrong. At different times in my daughter's lives, there is something that I've always done and always will.
Picture this: One of them walks in the room, I fall on the floor in a faint like way and gasp as I'm looking up at them. They scream, "Mommy, what's the matter?" I say, gasping for air, "Of all the 10 year olds (or 4 year olds, or 18 or 22 year olds, depending on their age at the time) God gave me you and allowed me to be your mommy! I'm the luckiest woman in the world!" My girls (every one of them!) would look at me and say, a bit agitated, I might add, "Oh, Mommy, get up off the floor! Stop doing that! Why do you always have to do that!?"
Yea, it would hurt my feelings sometimes. But, I never let them know it. I didn't want to make them feel bad.
:)Sidenote: Teryn and Tawni are now married women. They've both told me that they loved it when I did that. I guess they just couldn't let me know it at the time. :)
A few months ago, I was having a bad day. A really bad day. I'm talking about one of those crying, don't want to get out of bed bad days, which I rarely have. Kolby, my youngest, was home with me. I tried to hide it, but she knew I was sad about something. I was lying on the couch when I heard Kolby screaming from upstairs, "Mommy, come here! Hurry, Mommy, I need you!"
As any good mother would do, I darted up the stairs to see what had happened to my beautiful, baby girl! Had she hurt herself? Did she burn herself with the curling iron....again? All I knew was I couldn't get to her fast enough.
When I reached her bedroom, Kolby was lying on the floor, gasping for air. I was in a panic! "Baby, what is it, are you alright? What happened?"
She looked up at me with those beautiful, huge brown eyes of hers and said, "Oh Mommy, out of all the Mommies in the world, God gave me you! I get to be your daughter! I am the luckiest girl in the world!"
And right at that moment, in a split second, I didn't even remember what I'd been crying about.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Single Again
Two years. That's almost how long that I've been single now. Sometimes it's surreal. I never thought I'd be single again at 43, but here I am. Since it's better to be single than to wish you were, you'd think we'd want to be very selective when choosing a mate for life. You'd think.
The divorce rate in our country is tragic. One out of two marriages end in divorce. That's 50%! It would probably be higher if the married couples that I meet everywhere I go, did what they say they wanted to do. Constantly, men and women confess to me how unhappy and unsatisfied their marriages have become, but because of children, finances or the fear of being alone, they stay. I'm not advocating that married people who aren't happy should leave their marriages! But, it does seem that there are fewer and fewer happily married couples than unhappy ones. This is not how it should be! I'm convinced that one of the reasons is our lack of patience in waiting for the one whom God specifically designed for each of us. Sometimes He'll show us clearly that we are with the wrong person, but we refuse to listen. We marry them anyway and then blame Him for our mistake.
We are a people who long to be with others. We were designed that way. We all want to feel loved and accepted. There's nothing wrong with that. But, we can't look to another person to make us feel complete. If our identity is wrapped around who we're with or in someone else's opinion of us and not in who God says we are, we're going to be a very dissatisfied people. If we don't start to understand this, we'll continue making bad choices in our lives and I'm not just talking about who we spend our time or life with. This bears repeating, our identity must be found in who God says we are and not in another person. It's not fair to expect someone else to make us feel content, happy or good about who we are. That's way too much pressure to put on anyone.
My sister has an incredible marriage. She met her husband in college and they dated for several years before going down the altar. They are two of the lucky ones. They didn't just marry eachother's best friend, but there is no doubt in my mind that God created Bob just for Brenda and vice versa. They fit like two pieces in a puzzle. I envy them. If you knew them, you would too. They've been together for over 16 years now and are more in love with one another than when they first met. Brenda told me recently that she would still rather spend her time with Bob than any other person. I am so proud of them. They make me hopeful about the future.
Yes, I still believe in "happily ever after". Not like the fairy tales, I'm not that naive. But I know in my heart that marriage can and should look the way God designed it. And I think that's worth waiting for. I've learned a lot about myself these past two years. Some lessons have been harder than others, but it's been a time of healing and growing. And, no, I'm not done yet. I may not be where I need to be, but I'm far from where I used to be. I call that progress.
I'm very excited about this new life of mine and what God has planned for me. Whether I'm single the rest of my life or I ever meet "the one", I am content with knowing that I'm never really alone.
And that's ok with me.
The divorce rate in our country is tragic. One out of two marriages end in divorce. That's 50%! It would probably be higher if the married couples that I meet everywhere I go, did what they say they wanted to do. Constantly, men and women confess to me how unhappy and unsatisfied their marriages have become, but because of children, finances or the fear of being alone, they stay. I'm not advocating that married people who aren't happy should leave their marriages! But, it does seem that there are fewer and fewer happily married couples than unhappy ones. This is not how it should be! I'm convinced that one of the reasons is our lack of patience in waiting for the one whom God specifically designed for each of us. Sometimes He'll show us clearly that we are with the wrong person, but we refuse to listen. We marry them anyway and then blame Him for our mistake.
We are a people who long to be with others. We were designed that way. We all want to feel loved and accepted. There's nothing wrong with that. But, we can't look to another person to make us feel complete. If our identity is wrapped around who we're with or in someone else's opinion of us and not in who God says we are, we're going to be a very dissatisfied people. If we don't start to understand this, we'll continue making bad choices in our lives and I'm not just talking about who we spend our time or life with. This bears repeating, our identity must be found in who God says we are and not in another person. It's not fair to expect someone else to make us feel content, happy or good about who we are. That's way too much pressure to put on anyone.
My sister has an incredible marriage. She met her husband in college and they dated for several years before going down the altar. They are two of the lucky ones. They didn't just marry eachother's best friend, but there is no doubt in my mind that God created Bob just for Brenda and vice versa. They fit like two pieces in a puzzle. I envy them. If you knew them, you would too. They've been together for over 16 years now and are more in love with one another than when they first met. Brenda told me recently that she would still rather spend her time with Bob than any other person. I am so proud of them. They make me hopeful about the future.
Yes, I still believe in "happily ever after". Not like the fairy tales, I'm not that naive. But I know in my heart that marriage can and should look the way God designed it. And I think that's worth waiting for. I've learned a lot about myself these past two years. Some lessons have been harder than others, but it's been a time of healing and growing. And, no, I'm not done yet. I may not be where I need to be, but I'm far from where I used to be. I call that progress.
I'm very excited about this new life of mine and what God has planned for me. Whether I'm single the rest of my life or I ever meet "the one", I am content with knowing that I'm never really alone.
And that's ok with me.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Pump & Burn!
Well, I did it again. I attended yet another exercise class, hoping to restore my faith in instructors. Last night, I participated in the "Pump & Burn" class.
First of all, here's a bit of advice. Always keep in mind that in January and February, the gym is going to be packed so get to class early. Everyone is trying to keep their new year's resolutions so membership sales are at record highs. By the end of February, classes will be back to "normal" again. Empty.
There are those who try to stay on a regular workout schedule and those who think that just buying a gym membership will change the way they look and feel. That's like buying a set of weights, staring at them, while willing your body to a size 4. You actually have to pick them up people! Or how about those people who buy an exercise video, watch it from their couch while eating potato chips, then send it back for a full refund because they complain it didn't work!
Ok, so I'm at this class and it's packed. It was a challenge to find a spot for my matt, but I did. I found a little corner in the back of the room. I like my corner. And, don't ever try to take "baby" out of her corner! Noone bothers me in my corner. And noone can see me if (ok when) I mess up.
I was pleasantly surprised to find that the instructor and I knew eachother. (I've spoken to the women's group at her church.) Since she had spotted me, I now had to do well. The pressure was on.
The music began. It was good. Then warm ups. Also good. The class was a combination of weights, cardio, step and bands. It was great! I loved it. I felt like every part of my body got a workout. I kept up and looked like a pro! This was much different than my last experience. I left class promising to return again.
Then, this morning, I receive an e mail from the instructor. She said she saw me in class and was glad to see me. She mentioned my "corner" space and told me she wants me in the front of the class right next to her! She also said she'd been reading my blogs and the blog about the step class made her laugh out loud! I thought only my mom, sister and daughter's read my blogs! It's nice to know others are reading. But then.
Then, it hit me. I realized what she'd said. She had read the blog about the step class! Oh no! She could have thought I was writing about her! I was panicked! I had to make sure she knew!
So, this blog's for you Allison. I think you're an awesome, fun and wickedly talented instructor! Keep up the great work!
And, please don't take Vic out of the corner.
First of all, here's a bit of advice. Always keep in mind that in January and February, the gym is going to be packed so get to class early. Everyone is trying to keep their new year's resolutions so membership sales are at record highs. By the end of February, classes will be back to "normal" again. Empty.
There are those who try to stay on a regular workout schedule and those who think that just buying a gym membership will change the way they look and feel. That's like buying a set of weights, staring at them, while willing your body to a size 4. You actually have to pick them up people! Or how about those people who buy an exercise video, watch it from their couch while eating potato chips, then send it back for a full refund because they complain it didn't work!
Ok, so I'm at this class and it's packed. It was a challenge to find a spot for my matt, but I did. I found a little corner in the back of the room. I like my corner. And, don't ever try to take "baby" out of her corner! Noone bothers me in my corner. And noone can see me if (ok when) I mess up.
I was pleasantly surprised to find that the instructor and I knew eachother. (I've spoken to the women's group at her church.) Since she had spotted me, I now had to do well. The pressure was on.
The music began. It was good. Then warm ups. Also good. The class was a combination of weights, cardio, step and bands. It was great! I loved it. I felt like every part of my body got a workout. I kept up and looked like a pro! This was much different than my last experience. I left class promising to return again.
Then, this morning, I receive an e mail from the instructor. She said she saw me in class and was glad to see me. She mentioned my "corner" space and told me she wants me in the front of the class right next to her! She also said she'd been reading my blogs and the blog about the step class made her laugh out loud! I thought only my mom, sister and daughter's read my blogs! It's nice to know others are reading. But then.
Then, it hit me. I realized what she'd said. She had read the blog about the step class! Oh no! She could have thought I was writing about her! I was panicked! I had to make sure she knew!
So, this blog's for you Allison. I think you're an awesome, fun and wickedly talented instructor! Keep up the great work!
And, please don't take Vic out of the corner.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Oh, Bikki, is dat her name?
One of my most favorite people in the world is my Granny. Her given name is Esperanza. That means Hope in Spanish. My grandmother was born in Panama. She came to the United States after marrying the love of her life, an American man who was stationed there, 45+years ago.
My grandmother is not only the sweetest woman you'll ever meet, she's a walking comedy show. I refer hanging out with her to a Cheech and Chong episode (without the drugs!). She's a riot. I will share many stories in the coming months about my Granny and here's the first one.
Because of my speaking schedule, I travel quite a bit. With two daughter's still at home, I have to juggle sometimes to find places for them to stay when I have to go out of town. On top of that, we have a dog, a maltipoo named Gabby. One particular trip, as I pondered over whether to kennel her or not, I decided to ask my Granny if she'd like to keep her for me. She said yes. This would be the first time Granny had ever met Gabby. She was excited about taking care of her and looked forward to the company.
So, Gabby and I made the 30 minute drive over the river and through the woods to Granny's house! Gabby didn't know what to think, but caught on quickly that she would not be coming back home with me. I made sure I brought everything Gabby would need for her 4 day visit. I had brought a bag with her leash, food, treats and a chewy bone. I gave specific instructions for Granny on how to take care of her.
Granny listen intently to every word. She said, "Oh, Bikki, she be fine." I left confident knowing that my Gabby Girl was in great, safe hands!
Four days later, I made the trip back to Granny's house to pick Gabby up. She was at the door waiting for me. She couldn't stop jumping on me. I was happy to see her too. I kept saying, "Hi Gabby Girl, my Gabby Girl, I missed you too!"
My grandmother stood by and watched our sweet reunion and then out of the blue says, "Oh, Bikki, is dat her name?" (You must remember that my Granny is Panamanian so she speaks with a heavy spanish accent.) I said, "What, Granny?" She said, laughing hysterically, "Oh, Bikki, I forgot her name!" "Are you kidding me, Granny? What have you been calling her for the past four days?" I asked.
And my sweet little Granny looked at me and said as matter of fact as she could, "Well, Bikki, I just say, come here pouppy, come here pouppy and she comes".
God love her.
My grandmother is not only the sweetest woman you'll ever meet, she's a walking comedy show. I refer hanging out with her to a Cheech and Chong episode (without the drugs!). She's a riot. I will share many stories in the coming months about my Granny and here's the first one.
Because of my speaking schedule, I travel quite a bit. With two daughter's still at home, I have to juggle sometimes to find places for them to stay when I have to go out of town. On top of that, we have a dog, a maltipoo named Gabby. One particular trip, as I pondered over whether to kennel her or not, I decided to ask my Granny if she'd like to keep her for me. She said yes. This would be the first time Granny had ever met Gabby. She was excited about taking care of her and looked forward to the company.
So, Gabby and I made the 30 minute drive over the river and through the woods to Granny's house! Gabby didn't know what to think, but caught on quickly that she would not be coming back home with me. I made sure I brought everything Gabby would need for her 4 day visit. I had brought a bag with her leash, food, treats and a chewy bone. I gave specific instructions for Granny on how to take care of her.
Granny listen intently to every word. She said, "Oh, Bikki, she be fine." I left confident knowing that my Gabby Girl was in great, safe hands!
Four days later, I made the trip back to Granny's house to pick Gabby up. She was at the door waiting for me. She couldn't stop jumping on me. I was happy to see her too. I kept saying, "Hi Gabby Girl, my Gabby Girl, I missed you too!"
My grandmother stood by and watched our sweet reunion and then out of the blue says, "Oh, Bikki, is dat her name?" (You must remember that my Granny is Panamanian so she speaks with a heavy spanish accent.) I said, "What, Granny?" She said, laughing hysterically, "Oh, Bikki, I forgot her name!" "Are you kidding me, Granny? What have you been calling her for the past four days?" I asked.
And my sweet little Granny looked at me and said as matter of fact as she could, "Well, Bikki, I just say, come here pouppy, come here pouppy and she comes".
God love her.
Always a Queen to me!
Each one of my girls is unique. Although some of their characteristics are the same. If I were to compare, I would have to say that Teryn and Kendra are as alike as Tawni and Kolby are.
Kendra is the sophisticated, classy, cheerleader type. She's very involved in her school and liked by most of the student body. I am proud of the fact that she's not "clickish" and doesn't leave other's out that wouldn't necessarily be considered in the "popular" crowd.
That's why it came as no surprise to me when she was voted as Homecoming Attendant for the Sophomore Class. This is an honor because the student's actually do the voting. They choose three young ladies from each class and then vote on who will become the winner of Homecoming.
Kendra chose a beautiful, knee-length, red dress to wear and her hair and make-up were perfect. She didn't seem nervous at all when she was getting ready and had a great attitude whatever the outcome would be.
As I sat in the stands during halftime, awaiting the announcement of the winner, I was so proud of the fact that my daughter was among the finalists. She looked so beautiful and poised as she walked onto the field with her father and grandfather.
Then the announcement came. The winner of the Homecoming Attendant for the Sophomore Class of 2008 is ..........................Kendra K-----! Tawni, Kolby and I screamed out loud. I had my oldest daughter, Teryn, listening in on my cell phone when the announcement came so that we could all share the news together as a family. She screamed through the phone as loud as we did!
Kendra looked a little stunned, but was beaming. I am a blessed woman, to say the least. I am amazed that I get to be mommy to this beautiful, special young lady.
Yes, Kendra is special to her friends at school. They recognize the beauty she holds inside and out. She's got a great heart that's as beautiful as she is.
I sit back and watch the young women that are my daughter's and I'm so proud of the people they are becoming. And I admit, I enjoy taking just a little bit of the credit for how wonderful they are. But, just a little.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Score!
I just returned home from my Kolby Girl's basketball game! With 4 minutes left in the game, I looked up and who did I see kneeling down waiting to come into the game? No other than my baby girl, Kolby!! She was ready too! She's so adorable in her basketball uniform and those glasses, you just want to squeeze her!
From the minute she hit the court, my baby was all over it! Up and down and all around. She's not only the cutest basketball player you've ever seen, but she's good.
Within the first few seconds of play, she went for the hoop and was fouled. Now, she had two foul shots. There she stood (as I videotaped) at the line. Bouncing, bouncing, bouncing the ball. Bouncing it some more! And then, when she was ready, she threw the ball up and the shot went in! Not only did the crowd go crazy, Kolby jumped up and down so hard, her glasses flew off! The crowd went wild! They were shouting her name and even the referrees were excited for her! I was jumping up and down too so I'm just hoping I got the shot on film.
After making her shot, the confidence in Kolby was so evident by the way she played the rest of the game. She stole the ball, went for two more shots and assisted two lay ups. That's my girl!
After the game, Pastor Joe asked if he could borrow the videotape of Kolby's shot and her reaction. He said he wanted to use it for a sermon. He commented on how she had motivated the entire crowd because of her own excitement and how contagious it was.
I promised him that if it turned out, I would be more than happy to let him borrow it.
I am one proud mommy tonight. There are days when I pinch myself that I get to be the mother to Teryn, Tawni, Kendra and Kolby. Today was no exception.
You'll notice there's a pretty nice bruise on my arm. And this is one kind of pain I can live with any day of the week!
From the minute she hit the court, my baby was all over it! Up and down and all around. She's not only the cutest basketball player you've ever seen, but she's good.
Within the first few seconds of play, she went for the hoop and was fouled. Now, she had two foul shots. There she stood (as I videotaped) at the line. Bouncing, bouncing, bouncing the ball. Bouncing it some more! And then, when she was ready, she threw the ball up and the shot went in! Not only did the crowd go crazy, Kolby jumped up and down so hard, her glasses flew off! The crowd went wild! They were shouting her name and even the referrees were excited for her! I was jumping up and down too so I'm just hoping I got the shot on film.
After making her shot, the confidence in Kolby was so evident by the way she played the rest of the game. She stole the ball, went for two more shots and assisted two lay ups. That's my girl!
After the game, Pastor Joe asked if he could borrow the videotape of Kolby's shot and her reaction. He said he wanted to use it for a sermon. He commented on how she had motivated the entire crowd because of her own excitement and how contagious it was.
I promised him that if it turned out, I would be more than happy to let him borrow it.
I am one proud mommy tonight. There are days when I pinch myself that I get to be the mother to Teryn, Tawni, Kendra and Kolby. Today was no exception.
You'll notice there's a pretty nice bruise on my arm. And this is one kind of pain I can live with any day of the week!
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